EPISODE 28: “Q & A – What Is The Difference Between Attachment And Commitment?”
Have you ever held on to something too long? A relationship, job, or something you were working on that you ”hoped would work out?” If so, you’re not alone.
In this episode I obviously talk about the difference between being attached to an outcome and committed to an outcome.
Many times people hang on too long to something that they don’t have the skills, abilities, passions or talents to see to fruition, especially related to income-producing opportunities.
In this episode I talk about:
And, much more.
As you may have heard me say before, commitment is the bridge between where you are and where you want to be, it’s vital to your success. And, attachment is literally that, attaching to an outcome, which 99% of the time you can’t control which most times leads to disappointment.
Be strategic in your commitments and do not attach to outcomes.
You're listening to episode number 28 of the transform your life from the inside out podcast. This episode is a Q and A episode and I'm going to answer Nina's question and her question is, What is the difference between Attachment and Commitment? All right, Nina. Great question and everyone else stay tuned. Hi, I'm Jim Fortin and you're about to start transforming your life from the inside out. With this podcast, I'm widely considered the leader in Subconscious Transformation and I've coached Super Achievers all around the world for over 25 years. Here you're going to find no rah-rah motivation and no hype because this podcast is a combination of Brain Science, Transformational Psychology, and Ancient Wisdom all rolled into one to take your life to levels you have never thought possible. If you're wanting a lot more in life to feel better, to heal, to have peace of mind, to feel powerful and alive and to bring more abundance and prosperity into your life, then this podcast is for you because you're going to start learning how to master your mind and evolve your consciousness. And when you do that, anything you want then becomes possible for you. I'm glad you're here.
Get it Done No Matter What it Looks Like
Okay, so what is the difference between Attachment and Commitment? Well, the definition of Commitment is the state or quality of being dedicated to a cause or to an activity. And as far as the definition of Attachment that is pretty plain and simple is that we attach to other people ideas and things both emotionally and physically. Coaching the amount of people that I've coached over the years, entrepreneurs, selling professionals and business professionals. What I find is that a massive, and I do mean a massive cause of suffering for people is where they're committed, which you know, commitment is we have to have commitment to, to get from point a to point being they're committed to an outcome but they're also attached to an outcome. Let me give you a couple of examples here. One would be, let's say for, you know, maybe you're an Internet Marketer and you're going to do a product or service launch while you're committed to it and you do everything you need to do and you know, you have the copy written and all the funnels and everything that you need, you have and you've been very committed.
However you say that, you know what, I have to make a hundred thousand or two or 500 or whatever it is. And what you're doing in that moment is you are actually, you're attaching some kind of outcome to the commitment that you've made. And then many times people work, people work faulty strategies and they don't get the outcomes they want and they're attached to the outcome. And then they're really disappointed and they're mad and they're frustrated and they're angry. Let's look at weight. You could say, for example, that I want to lose 40 pounds, you know, whatever weight it is for you. And instead of just engaging in the process and being consistent with it, what lot of people do is they get attached to the outcome and they're weighing themselves every two days, every three days, every day , maybe. And they're not getting the results that they want. And now they're upset because they have attached some actually expectation to the outcome of their commitment. And like I just said, that is a big cause of distress and frustration and depression and anger for a lot of people. Now, you already know, we probably heard, well when I say you already know, you've probably heard me say before, is that commitment is, is the bridge between where you are and where you want to be. It is a vital way of being in a vital characteristic for anything worthwhile that we want to create in life. Here's what I see over and over and over is people actually, and it's hard for a lot of us. It's hard for a lot of us to stay committed as you might've heard me say before that I watched my father who could never stay committed to anything.
So I learned very early in life that it's not important to stay committed. And I've had to recondition myself out of that over the years. But let's say for example, that your you know, you're someone and it really is easy for you to stay committed to things. But here's what people do and it's, and it's, it's really, well, I'm going to just state a scenario is that they commit to an outcome but they don't have the traits, skills, or ability to create the outcome. So, you know, a couple of examples here. I used to coach heavily in the Real Estate Industry and I remember this one guy that actually, he looked me up on Facebook and found me and sent me a message and he had been in Real Estate for 11 years and never made any money. So obviously he was committed to some degree because I don't, you know, when it comes to as micro behaviors, if I had to guess, he wasn't committed to doing all the things that he needed to do to get the outcome that he wanted because he wasn't being the kind of person that he needed to be to do the things he needed to do to get the outcome that he wanted. So if I had to guess, he probably just took up a lot of space around the Office for 11 years. But in the bigger picture, what I want you to notice here is that he thought he was committed to being a successful Real Estate Agent. However, the caveat is that he didn't have , which I actually put them through an assessment and I asked him to take one. He didn't have the psychological characteristics that are necessary to be successful in Real Estate. Same thing I see it all the time in Multilevel Marketing, which by the way, if you can't sell, you can't market and you can't close, you're probably gonna have a hard time making it. And any kind of cells oriented business like Real Estate , Insurance, being a Mortgage Broker and Multilevel Marketing or anywhere that you're dependent upon, you eat what you kill or you work on commission.
But multilevel marketing, a lot of people get in the industry because they're alert into it. And by the way, I think it's a great industry. I've seen a lot of people make a lot of money and I've coached a lot of people who make a lot of money, but the reality is not everyone is cut out for sales. So somebody hops in and you know, into the industry and they say, I'm going to give it a great go and I'm going to be committed to this. But when it really comes down to it, they don't have the traits. Meaning they can't prospect, they can't lead generate. They're not self disciplined, they can't stay on track, therefore they don't, you know, they don't ever build a downline. Therefore they never make any money. So here's the kicker is that I see a lot of people commit to something they want to create. They attached to the outcome, meaning this is what I want to happen, but they do not have the traits, skills and ability to create the outcome that they are attached to. And then when that happens, it creates a great deal of a frustration for a lot of people and anger and all these negative emotions that people get into. So commitment is obviously being dedicated to a cause or an activity or some end result that you want to create. And attachment to a large degree is perhaps staying committed but hoping and praying for an outcome. Or I remember one of my old sales pages, and even though I teach persuasion and influence, and this was many years ago when I was actually doing Facebook ads and I had a guy that was really well known for Facebook ads. I mean, he's really well known now and he wasn't back then and he looked at my sales page, not the persuasion and influence, but he looked at the layout and he said, Jim, how committed are you to your sales page because many of you are committed to your sales pages.
Why? Because you air quote, you like it. Well, just because you like it doesn't mean that your target market's going to like it or it doesn't mean that it's properly designed or is even persuasive or influential. But he said, how committed are you to your sales page? And I said, I'm not. I'm not at all. What I'm committed to is actually my sales page converting and making me money. Notice there he thought perhaps that I had a faulty strategy in place, a faulty marketing strategy according to him and he wanted to see if I was committed to that strategy or a different strategy that he had and considering the fact that he was a Facebook ads person that was doing very, very well. It made sense for me to not commit to my old strategy and the commit to his new strategy because his strategy knew how to get me from point A to point B. Also, I see a lot of this, many people are committed to a perfect outcome. Many people will say things like, you know what? I want to do this. And and by the way, this is generally very analytical people who do this is, you know what? I want this to be perfect. And by the way, you probably heard me say before, Perfection doesn't exist then what they do is because they can't see how it's going to be perfect. And by the way, the most successful people, they never worked for perfection. They work for progress. We'll talk about that in just a minute. However, what they do is they say, you know what? I'm committed, but I am attached and committed to a perfect outcome. Now, if I can't see what that perfect outcome is, therefore I am not going to start at all. Many people won't start unless they can control, which is attachment, unless they can control the outcome.
And the truth is this, we can't control anything and you've probably heard me say before that control is an illusion and if you get into the illusion of control, you are controlled by the illusion of control. So as I said, many people actually attached to the outcome and I see it a lot and you're listening right now, it may be familiar to you as well, is that if you attach to a way that it has to end up, many times people won't start because they can't control how it's going to end up. Therefore they don't start at all. You know, as I said just a couple of minutes ago, I coach, you know, and you probably know this, Entrepreneur's Internet Marketers, I'm selling professionals, marketing professionals, advertising professionals, and then again people from all walks of life. And I see it time and time again is that especially self employed entrepreneurs, they are so dead set on the outcome that they want from their commitment. And then when they don't get it for whatever reason and things do happen in life, maybe it's faulty marketing bag, bad marketing message, maybe the copy doesn't work. Maybe the funnel wasn't set up properly. Then what they do is they get angry and they get mad and they get disappointed many times or a variation of those or all of those emotions. Many times people go into self pity. Then what they do is they let this cloud the next time they want to actually create a launch, and so they go into their next launch and they're not even in the right frame of thinking when they start their, their next launch, because you're even attached to what didn't go right in there. Last launch or promotion.
Let me share a phrase with you that has helped me tremendously. That plays into this entire episode today. This changed my life when I really got my mind around it. And the phrase is this is truly being committed means that you're, you're being committed to getting it done no matter what it looks like. Because see many of you that are the perfectionist, you're committed to getting it done. But again, as I said just a bit ago, you're committed to getting it done. As long as you can, you know, attached to the outcome, which is air quote looking perfect. And if it doesn't look perfect then actually you're not many times your commitment actually wane's just a bit, so I'm going to repeat that again. Is truly being committed is getting it done no matter what it looks like. One of my great friends and one of my closest friends, he works from a phrase and he's been in business for four years now. Five, he's an Online Marketer. He went from living in his, in laws, his wife's, you know, parents, extra bedroom to running a multimillion dollar business in a matter of five years. And a phrase that he works from and it's a beautiful phrase I love it, is 70% Perfection is Success. A 100% Perfection Is Failure. You know. Oh, by the way, I want to mention something here is mark your calendar. Whatever you do, Mark your calendar for September the fourth, because I'm going to be doing a live Transformational Training on that day. I'll give you the dates and what it's about a little later on. But for right now I want you like a wedding to save the date. September the fourth, because I'm going to be doing a live training. I do want to mention a name here. Maybe you've heard of or maybe you haven't, but an an old friend of mine, her name is Shama Hyder.
If you look her up, you're going to find her all over the Internet. She, you know, back when she was younger, I was one of her first four clients. Um, she owns a while. I don't even know what to call out any more Social Media Marketing, Digital Marketing. I mean, she owns this comprehensive and very large company that well, it's just, I'm going to just keep it simple. It's Internet Marketing and I, and she's huge now. I mean, Ink Magazine, New York Times, Wall Street Journal, Business Week, Fortune, I mean she's in all the major publications. Ink Magazine a couple of years ago called her the queen of social media. I was one of her first four clients and I remember that I was the first person that she ever shot a video with and put it on her blog. And what happened was, is we kind of fumbled a little bit in the video and I said, are we going to reshoot? And she's like, nope. One take. And we put it out the door. So notice there that when we started the video, she wasn't committed to the outcome. She was just committed to getting, getting the video done. That's the way that the most successful people work. And I've coached a lot of people that make a lot of money. I mean people that own seven figure businesses, eight figure businesses and even one client moving into the nine figure business. But what they do is they're not so concerned with how they're going to control it or what they're going to attach to. They just know they're committed to getting it done and putting it out the door. The person that I'd mentioned just a couple of minutes ago is that 70% Perfectionist Success, 100% Perfection is Failure. Good friend of mine, as I said, and I've actually coached him for many years on persuasion and influence.
And the, the funny thing about him, and I think this is funny in a good way, as many times he'll send me a headline and he'll say, can you look at my headline? And I'll say, you know what? I'm busy. I'll get to it later. Well, by the time I get to it later in the day, he's already put it out. Why? Because he's not attaching to the outcome. He does the best that he can at any given moment. He puts it out the door and he let he let's it take care of itself. You know, many people that are Online Marketers, when they launched their programs, they've got to have everything perfect. And by the way, people get into perfection because perfectionism is a representation of the fear of being judged. If it's not perfect and people are going to judge me is where many people work from or they get in the procrastination also. And that's a fear of judgment as well. When I launched my programs and their brothers significantly sized programs when I launched them, what I do is I set my intention and I launch and I let it go and then whatever's going to happen is going to happen. You know, it's the old phrase. Once an arrow has been released from a bow, you have to let it fly it's course. You can't control where that Arrow is going to land. Now of course, I probably, I might have one person listening who is an expert, archers somewhere and say, well, you know what Jim? Yes, I can hit the bullseye. But for most of us, we can, you know, we cannot hit the bullseye. And once the arrows released, you've got to let it fly. You can't attach to it. And the same thing with the rest of us.
When we know what we're, we're committed to, we have the skills and the traits and the abilities to make it happen. We do the best that we can in any given moment and we let happen. Whatever is going to happen if we don't get the results that we want, plain and simple. As we back up, we reorganize, we retool, and we do it again. So let's keep it really simple today, you're a Transformational Takeaway in this particular episode is number one, and this is the big takeaway. Be Strategic in your commitments. And you ask yourself, do I have the tools and the skills and the ability and the resources to actually follow this commitment all the way through. And if you don't, then you can ask yourself, well, how, you know, be resourceful. How can I acquire the skills, the talents, or the abilities and the resources? So your, your Transformational Takeaway is be strategic. And your commitments, do your best, put it out, and then whatever is going to happen, let it happen. Do not attach to the outcomes because that's when the anger and the frustration and all the negative emotions for most people come in. Okay, so that wraps up today's episode. Now the next episode on Wednesday is Why are you on the Planet? The question, notice I didn't say what is your purpose? Which is what most people look at. I'm going to level actually higher than that and in the next episode we're going to talk about why you are on this little blue, what Carl Sagan called, a little blue pill dot. So food to ponder until the next episode. Why are you
on the Planet?
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