You’re listening to the Transform Your Life from the Inside Out podcast. This is a throwback episode, episode number 194, which is titled, Who Really Cares Who Pays Attention to You?

Working with a shaman now for decades, I think back to the early 2000s, and I used to live in New York City, but my brother-in-law, the shaman that I work with today and worked with back then, he was one of my air quote, like favorite people in the world, and I love seeing him. And every time I’d come back from New York City, I’d be very excited about seeing him. And I remember one time when I came back, I felt a bit, and he was very polite about it and very finessed and very kind, but I felt slighted. I felt like he wasn’t acknowledging me. I felt like he wasn’t paying attention to me. I felt like, kind of like, what the hell am I even coming back for? He didn’t even pay attention to me. And he ignored me for about a year and a half.

Now, what I recognize in that experience is we spend so much of our time and energy wanting other people, things, and situations to pay attention to us, and we actually spend so much energy in that space, we waste our life. So in this episode, I talk about that experience, and I talk about, you know what? It doesn’t matter who pays attention and who does not pay attention to you. What’s vital is that we live from that place in ourself and we keep ourself where we know we need to be energetically. Enjoy the episode.
Hi, I’m Jim Fortin, and you’re about to start transforming your life from the inside out with this podcast. I’m widely considered the leader in subconscious transformation, and I’ve coached super achievers all around the world for over 25 years. Here, you’re going to find no rah-rah motivation and no hype because this podcast is a combination of brain science, transformational psychology, and ancient wisdom all rolled into one to take your life to levels you’ve never thought possible. If you’re wanting a lot more in life, to feel better, to heal, to have peace of mind, to feel powerful and alive, and to bring more abundance and prosperity into your life, then this podcast is for you because you’re going to start learning how to master your mind and evolve your consciousness. And when you do that, anything you want then becomes possible for you. I’m glad you’re here.

Okay, so who cares? Who cares how much attention people pay to you? So let me ask you this. Do you get triggered when you feel like people are not listening to you or people are not paying attention to you or people are ignoring you? How does it make you feel? Do you get triggered by it? Do you get angry? Do you get frustrated? Do you act out? How do you feel when you feel like other people or some people don’t care how you feel or what you’re thinking in the moment?

Now, as I’ve said on every episode, I’m no different than anyone else. I’ve just had the, I guess I would say the good fortune this lifetime to work with a shaman for the last 25 years. And I’ve learned a lot of lessons the hard way in that time. And because I’ve learned those lessons, I’ve been able to let go of things that I might have held for 25 years prior or 20, because I’m only 56 now, but 20 years prior or whatever it is. And I’ve learned to let go of a lot of ego-based human things that we learn as kids.

And as kids, we learn that, hey, mom and dad have to pay attention to me. And when they don’t pay attention, I’m going to throw a tantrum. And when I throw a tantrum, they give me candy or they do this or they do that. You know, I get something when I battle the cage. I get some kind of reward that they will do something to quiet me down. And it just popped in my mind. I don’t know about a lot of you guys, but I grew up, you know, as you may know, in a small Texas town. And what I heard a lot of when I was a small kid from my dad is if you want something to cry about, I will give you something to cry about. And that didn’t eliminate what I want to bring up here and talk about. And then I’ll share a couple of stories with you here that really helped me let go of whether or not people pay attention to me.

That’s the main thing. Do people pay attention to me? And I’m not talking about your significant other. Of course, we want attention from our loved ones and especially people we are in immediate relationship with. But the bigger question is, to what degree do you pay attention to how much attention other people pay to you? There’s the question. How much attention do you pay to how much attention other people pay to you? And most people, they pay a lot of attention to how much attention other people pay them. And then if they don’t get the attention, that’s when they start acting out and they get angry and the silent treatment and all those kinds of things that I can’t say, I haven’t done those things at other points in my life. I mean, like I said, I’m just the world. We’re all pretty much the same all over the world. We, you know, different cultures and different things we grew up in, but as human beings, we’re kind of all the same creature.

So I want to go back here and my brother-in-law, Don Javier, in my early years with him, and I still do, I love my brother-in-law. I love him as my brother-in-law because he’s a really good brother-in-law. I mean, as brother-in-laws come, meaning like you have a brother-in-law, he’s a really good brother-in-law. But I’ve watched for so many years in how he lives his life and how he manages his emotions and how he manages his energy. And for all these years, I’ve always said, that’s how I want to be. And I’m not even close. I mean, I’m not a shaman. I’m not even close because it requires us letting go of our ego.

But where I’m going here is when I started working with him, I lived in Atlanta, Atlanta, Georgia. And then I’d come back to Dallas quite often. And I tell you, when I was coming back from Atlanta, I was always looking forward to like, oh my gosh, I get to see my sister and my family and mom and everyone. But you know what? I get to see Don Javier. And to work with him and to hear from him and to have him help me learn things and all these kind of things. And I used to just look forward to that like you couldn’t believe. I mean, it was like, I don’t like this phrase I’m going to share. It doesn’t fit for me at this point in my life. But do you know when you really look up to someone and you’re like, wow, I really want to be around that person. And I mean, it can be anyone in your family. It can be anyone. But you look up to them and you respect them and you admire them. And so then how do you want to be treated by them? By them, not them, but by them.

So anyway, when I would come from Atlanta and I’d come to Dallas to, you know, and candidly, I come for a channeling because he’s a medium. And I come for a channeling because he would channel his mentor, who was also a shaman and sorcerer. A couple of them, there were shamans and sorcerers. Some of them have been written about. They’re very, very well known in many circles. I mean, one of the people who mentored him worked with the Beatles and Walt Disney. But the reason I share this is that I don’t know why I’m sharing it. Anyway, I’ll keep on going.
So anyway, I come to Dallas and I would retire. It’s been a long day. And it’s also the full moon. Holy macarena is it like intense today for people that can feel energy not only is it a full moon right now while I’m doing this in just a bit because I’m going to go outside and watch, it’s four hours prior, but it’s full moon with the eclipse and if you don’t know anything about full moons or you think that’s hokey pokey I mean there’s science that proves the moon and the lunar pool affects human consciousness and energies on the planet and generally I’m like I’m fried right now. But anyway, back to what I’m saying.

Okay, so I really looked up to him and I admired him and all these kind of things, which is also ego. And I was all excited. And I really enjoyed getting to spend my time with him and then going back to Atlanta. And then, I don’t know, in 1998, yeah, 98, I moved to New York City. And the same thing, when I’d fly back, I mean, I was so excited to be able to see him once a month and spend an evening with him and a channeling. And I remember to tell you the full story, I was 20 years ago, I was doing okay financially, I don’t know. And the reason I share that is several of us chipped in and bought him a birthday gift. And it was something that I’m like, wow, I’m really excited. I wish I lived in Dallas. So we think there are cell phones or the cameras and all that. I’m like, I really wish I could see him open that gift. I really want to see it. I really want to see.

And by the way, he doesn’t always thank people verbally. And the reason why I have learned, because I used to think, you know, we’re supposed to thank people when they do things, and we are for social courtesy. But he’s like, I actually give my thanks in the ethers. I give it at a higher level, and you’re getting the impact, and you’re getting it at some level, even if I’m not saying it right to your physical ears.

And he opened it probably two or three days on his birthday before I came to Dallas. And I was so excited to hear how he liked the gift. But I called my sister because I wanted to see how he liked it. And there were some other people that were visiting that also worked with him. And I could hear the chatter in the background. And I didn’t get to talk to him. I was kind of bummed out because I’m like, I really want to talk to him. I really want to talk to him. And mainly, selfishly, I was thinking, I want to see and I want to hear how he liked that gift. Again, all ego.

So he didn’t tell me. I didn’t hear. He didn’t call me back. And that’s kind of sets the precedent or what I want to talk about, the frame for what I want to talk about. So I think you have a flavor of the esteem that I still hold him in, but I held him in esteem in a different way back then.

So anyway, I come to New York another weekend. And when I come here, all excited, like a little puppy, you know, all excited to see Don Javier. And he, with finesse, I mean, it was kind of weird because it was very polite, but it was a cold shoulder. It wasn’t like a brush off, but it was almost here. It was an ignoring, like he was ignoring me. And I’ve never seen anybody ignore somebody with so much depth and finesse. I mean, I was like, wow. And I wouldn’t sing that back then. I look back now in retrospect and I’m like, wow, he really ignored me and he did it politely. I mean, when people ignore people, most people are not polite about it.
Okay, so anyway, this happened for a while. I would come back on the weekends because we did at that time, every full moon we’d get together and he would do a channeling of his mentors, anyway, for hours at a time. And that happened for some time. Now, his mentor, who’s also a shaman and sorcerer, he was rough. Don Javier is extremely, extremely, extremely sweet and kind and gentle. And his mentor, who was the same way on him, which I’m going to explain, was like a bulldozer. I mean, a phrase that he used was hammer to the nail. You know, you imagine taking a hammer, I’ve said this before, you take a hammer and you nail something in. I mean, it’s like whack, whack, whack, you know? And his mentor was like a hammer to a nail, and especially when you were getting into what his mentor would call your stupidities, meaning your egotistical stupidities. Not that you’re a stupid person, but you’re doing things that are not conducive to being a spiritual warrior. And he would not mince words about it.

And I was always a lightning rod for him because to be just completely open and honest, for many years, and I still am a rebel, but for many years, I was like kind of a doubting Thomas and a rebel and all these kinds of things. I mean, I was a rebel, let’s just put it that way. And so I went to a channeling. And his mentor came. And he came down on me like two tons of bricks or three tons of bricks, like a hammer to a nail. And he had raised his voice. And he said to me, now, I haven’t said this in the podcast before, I don’t know, but if I have, just roll with it because you might hear it a different way this time.

So Don Javier is what’s known as a Nagual, N-A-G-U-A-L. And some of you might hear that and you run off to online and you’re like, what is a Nagual? Well, on Wikipedia, that definition is incorrect because on Wikipedia, the definition of a Nagual is that they are not good, they’re dark, et cetera. And there are shamans that are dark and sorcerers and all kinds of beings that are dark. But Don Javier works in the light. He’s a healer. And it’s all about unconditional love and loving all the time.
So his mentor came and flattened me. And his mentor said to me about, I mentioned the word Nagual, so I explained kind of what that, well, you can look online, but the Wikipedia definition is wrong. Basically, Don Javier is a sorcerer and a shaman and a Babalawo and a Nagual, but he’s a very loving, kind one that is a healer for the planet, for himself, and for energies and things that are happening on the planet.

And his mentor came and he said to me, he said, and he was not being easy on me, he said, pay no attention to whether or not your Nagual pays attention to you. Pay no attention to whether or not your Nagual pays attention to you. And then he went into, you’re getting into your self-pity, meaning me, because I was like, oh, poor me, why isn’t he talking to me? You’re getting into your ego, because I was like, hey, wait, how come he’s not talking to me? He talks to other people. He should be talking to me. I’m going to rattle the cage louder. And the more that I would rattle the cage, the more he would ignore me.

And my sisters noticed it. And my sister, one of my sisters obviously is married to him, and my other sister noticed it. And my sister that’s married to him said, because my family calls me Jimmy, she said, why are you ignoring Jimmy? Because a lot of people noticed it. And as I understood, I wasn’t there, but he told her, I’m helping him evolve and grow, and I know what I’m doing here. Because my sister even asking that was in her ego, because she kind of felt bad for me, her brother, that was being shunned. And mind you, he wasn’t being mean to me or any of that. I mean, I was always welcome at family events and everything, but I was kind of like just, he didn’t pay attention to me. He didn’t acknowledge me.

And that went on for about a year. And in that timeframe, I didn’t recognize it. I didn’t recognize it, but what I was learning was through experience to let go whether or not somebody that I looked up to paid attention to me or not. And I’ve learned over the years, that was a massive transformational experience. And I’ve learned over the years to take that to anyone. Because so many of us, when I say anyone, it doesn’t matter to me, even my partner. I mean, it does matter because we want our partners to pay attention to us. And of course, I mean, in healthy relationships, we do that. So obviously we use our common sense here.

But what I’m saying is I don’t really pay attention to who pays attention to me or not. Or specifically, let me say that in a different way. If someone pays attention to what I’m doing, that’s fine. If someone doesn’t pay attention to what I’m doing, that’s also fine and I am at peace with it. That was a hard lesson to learn. Seriously, it was an emotionally hard lesson. And I’m glad that I did because that was the early 90s and it’s been 20 years, not early 2000s, 20 years. And that lesson has served me so well, so well.

Think about how much energy you waste on a daily basis when you’re paying attention and you’re getting into your emotional self-pity crap about who’s paying attention to you or not paying attention to you. And this person in the meeting didn’t hear me and that person didn’t. Who says they owe you that? Now, of course, use your common sense here. I mean, we have certain business protocols and different things. We might hire a vendor or hire somebody. You know, if you hire somebody and you pay them for a service, you want them to, you know, then pay attention to what you want done.

But you know what I mean here. I mean, emotionally, it’s in our lives. You know, mother didn’t pay attention to me, or mom didn’t, or dad didn’t, or this person, or that person, or Susan at the family, you know, Thanksgiving didn’t. This person didn’t do this, or no one talked to me as much as I wanted. Oh, sigh. Let it go. Let it go.

And what you’ll find is whether or not, because see, you probably have learned that as a small kid, because as kids, we want attention. So you’ve carried that for many years, not even knowing you’re carrying it. And it’s like an emotional bag of rocks that you’re carrying on your back. And when you let go whether or not people pay attention to you and to what degree they pay attention to you outside of professional circumstances or, you know, courtesy protocols, but generally, you know, hopefully what I’m talking about here, but generally in life in the world is we run around wanting people to notice us and pay attention to us. And then when we don’t, we get all bent out of shape. And the reality is that’s all ego. Let it go. And when you let it go, you can take a deep breath like, oh, exhale, because you’re letting all of this emotional baggage go.

And that frees you up. It frees you because to think about the things that you would do in your life and with your life, if you didn’t care about the attention other people pay to you for doing or not doing those things. You know, think about something that you want to do in life, you really want to do, but other people like your mother wouldn’t approve or your family or somebody wouldn’t approve. Notice how you might not do it. Why? Because they’re paying attention to what you’re doing and not doing, and then they’re approving of what you’re doing or not doing. And that is you placing your attention on how much attention they’re placing on you. And when you let that go, you also, to some degree, let go of the need for other people’s approval.

Because I look back and candidly, honestly, I wish you could see a brain scan. I really don’t care how much attention somebody pays attention to me, or things like that, or whether they approve of me or don’t approve of me. Specifically, what they think of me or don’t think of me has nothing to do with me. That is them. And I also live from the quote is, I am not who you think I am, you are who you think I am.

So when we embrace this and we start living and letting go of having that need for people to pay attention to us, when we let go of a need that creates a lot of pain for us, that creates a lot of liberation for us. So your takeaway is, is it doesn’t matter. It really doesn’t in the grand scheme of life. It doesn’t matter who pays attention to you or who doesn’t outside of perhaps your primary relationship with a partner or your kids or your immediate family. And then you have to look at to what degree do I demand somebody’s attention? Because we’ve all heard before, oh, she’s only doing that for attention, and I’m talking about adults as well. Oh, they’re only doing that. He’s only doing that for attention. He’s an attention seeker. And notice that we noticed in other people, but you know what? Let go of that because it is toxicity in yourself.

Then I want to add an addendum here. I want to add two things I’ve been saying a lot lately is that share the podcast, please. Share with your friends or family or social media or people that you think would get benefit and value from these episodes. Because obviously, if you’re here, that means you’re getting value. And if you get value, other people will get value and please share.

But the ancillary thought I wanted to bring in, so the takeaway for the week was, is who cares how much attention people pay to you? It doesn’t matter. And that’s where I want to go to the ancillary thought. The sorcerer that I was sitting down with, the mentor to Don Javier, my mentor, one night he was just speaking to me and he was very sonorous, very just had, he had a tone of voice like this the entire time that he was talking to me. And he was connecting with me as he was talking to me. And he said to me, because he called me, my name in Spanish is James, and he lived in Mexico when he’s on the planet and grew up in Mexico. Instead of Jaime, which is James, he called me Haimito. And he said, Haimito, you need to learn to care about everything, and in the exact same moment, give a damn about nothing.

Ponder that. And that’s what I call the razor’s edge. And that’s where we get some clarity in life and freedom in life, when we do pay attention to everything to some degree, but mainly we can everything, but in the same moment, we don’t care.

Now, let me give you an example of that, how I apply that in my own life, is that I deeply care, and just let me give you an example that pretty much everyone can relate to. I deeply care about animals, and I deeply care about, for example, dogs. I’m going to have a couple of dogs. I am a massive, massive dog lover. If I ever stopped doing what I do for a living now and transformational programs and these kinds of things, then I would want to open a rescue kennel for dogs. I mean, it’s just so dear to my heart.

Now, where I’m going here is I’m one of those suckers for a dog. I mean, I’ve seen dogs that have a tag on them and I’m like, okay, they got away from their owner, I’m going to help the dog get back to the owner. And I’m just devoted to dogs. I love dogs. And they’re amazing teachers because dogs never get into their self-pity.

Anyway, what I was saying here is I care about dogs. And then what I do not like to see is when dogs are abused, when people literally, cruelly, but any dog gets abused, but cruelly when I see things like on Instagram. And I support several emergency rescue organizations. And people have chained their dog up outside of no food and different things. Now, my ego, 3D ego, I could be like, what the hell is wrong with these people? What the hell are these people not thinking? And some of you can probably relate to that.

So I care because I care about animals. And then I also don’t care because I also know that that dog is living out that dog’s karma. You know, I look at my dogs, my dogs have like an acupuncturist, a cat, you know, an acupuncturist, a chiropractor, they eat all natural human grade food. I mean, my dogs, I want to come back to this planet as one of my dogs, but these dogs have been made. And then I’m like, how come these dogs came to me and my care? And then how come other dogs go to other people in their care and they neglect the dog and they beat the dog and then leave the dog outside in the cold? And that’s about caring and not caring, as I’m saying.

But where I go is the ones that are neglected and abused, I can do what I can do to help. But you know what? That’s also part of their karma for that dog. And I have to respect and honor that. And that’s where, oh, yes, I care. But you know what? On the flip side, I also don’t care because I know that dog is also, like I am, in a stage of evolution.

So anyway, I hope that clarifies it. And I might do a whole episode on that because that is a big one, is caring about things and then learning simultaneously not to care. Because also when you care what we do as humans, is we get attached. And that’s attachment and suffering. We get attached to the carrying, not recognizing every coin has two sides. And you flip the coin, one side is carrying, but the other side of the very same coin, the yin and the yang, the other side of the coin is not carrying.

Anyway, take what you got here and ponder it. You know, they say, put it in your pipe and smoke it and sit with it. So I want to say genuinely that I really appreciate you listening to the podcast. I don’t know, we’re like at 2.3 million downloads in two years, two and a half years or something, which means I’m doing something right or I’m doing things that resonate with people. But I want to tell you humbly and sincerely, thank you so much for listening.
Okay, I’ll catch you on the next episode or another episode. Make it a great day today. Bye-bye.