The Jim Fortin Podcast

“EPISODE 128: How Penny Went From An Abusive Marriage To Total Freedom And Financial Abundance”

September 2, 2020

Download the self-hypnosis audio without podcast intro to listen every day:

Doing transformation work for many many years I’m never surprised at how many people are in bad, unhealthy and just out right abusive relationships. And, they are afraid to leave. Well, so was Penny.

 

This is a really powerful episode, as I hope all of them are, and in this episode Penny talks about how she was in a subjugating relationship and in one with an abusive partner. And, the wake up call for her was that she didn’t even realize it was an “abusive relationship.”

 

As we continued talking she shared why she stayed in the relationship.

 

Actually, it’s all the same reasons as most people: The kids, financial security, the home, the stability, what her friends and family would say and mainly because of fear.

 

Her fears were, “What am I going to do if I leave? How can I afford to live alone? How can I afford this house? And, what happens if I leave?” Again, all things that worry many people. And, all things that keep people trapped.

 

As you’ll hear, one day she decided to leave and today she owns her dream home, which she thought she could not afford and has a thriving and very profitable business and this all happened in under six month. As well, I asked her to break down her thinking that took her from where she was to where she is today, and she shares this all with you in the episode.

Here are the five random thoughts I expand on in this episode:

As you have heard me say, ‘What one person can so, so can another.” If you’re in an unhealthy relationship and you’re either afraid to leave or questioning it then you’re going to love this podcast episode.

 

If you’re in a great relationship you’ll still love this episode. Why, because the bigger theme is about courage and triumph over life’s circumstances. And, that trump starts with our “inner resources.”

Transformational Takeaway

Our lives are governed by cosmic laws and when we know these laws we then have the “scepter of power.”

 

Jim Fortin
You're listening to episode number 128 of the Transform your Life from the inside out podcast. In this episode, it's an interview, and I'm talking to Penny, and I'm talking about how she went from an abusive marriage to total freedom and financial abundance. Now, many of you I do know statistically are not in a great marriage. So you will find great value here. Now, you might also be thinking, Well, Jim, I have a great marriage or a great relationship. Well, that's awesome. And you will also find extreme value here. Because the episode is not just about how somebody went from a really bad relationship to freedom. It's the paradigm, the psychology of how she did it. So no matter where you are in life, this interview and listening to her will be inspiration for you. That wherever you are, you can go to a higher and better level in life. Okay. Keep listening.

Jim Fortin
Hi, I'm Jim Fortin and you're about to start Transforming Your Life from the Inside Out with this podcast. I'm widely considered the leader in subconscious transformation. And I've coached super achievers all around the world for over 25 years. Here, you're going to find no rah rah motivation and no hype. Because this podcast is a combination of Brain Science, Transformational Psychology, and Ancient Wisdom all rolled into one to take your life to levels you've never thought possible. If you're wanting a lot more in life, for feel better, to heal, to have peace of mind, to feel powerful and alive, and to bring more abundance and prosperity into your life. Then this podcast is for you. Because you're going to start learning how to master your mind and evolve your consciousness. And when you do that, anything you want then becomes possible for you. I'm glad you're here.

Jim Fortin
Alright guys, today we're going to be visiting with Penny and she's going to share her story. She might put it in the better words than I am. But she's gonna share her story, how she went from being in an enabled relationship with a partner that had certain life circumstances that were pulling her back that was affecting you Penny affecting the kids and everything else. And basically, you're trying to move ahead in life but you had somebody that just kept pulling you back in life.Right so let's do this.Let's start first with everyone listening so they can you know, people can say I can I can relate to that. If you could take what I just gave you, you know what I just said and share with people where you are when we met.

Penny
Yeah, so I was in the atypical happy relationship is his mom at home witha toddler, he's nearly two and everything on the Facebook Instagram outside looked rosy and peachy and we've got a lovely house. You know, when I do triathlon, I, you know, I was looking at doing everything, but inside the four walls of the relationship, and I guess a few other people that were involved, you know, friends knew that it wasn't great at all. And I got to a point where I had started to think that is was my new normal. And, and I don't know if anyone else can relate that There we are. And you start to actually lose a piece of yourself as someone that is so prominent in your life, you know, your partner is. I see that was picking on me. But when actually, it got to the point where I called the police and they asked me, you know, to describe the last time he yelled at me, and I was like, Well, that was today. And they said, well, when was the time before that? And I said the day before, I said, Look, let's just stop this conversation here. Why don't we go, when did he not yell at me? That would be easier to answer. And they actually said to me You know, this is verbal abuse. That was when it really hit me that holy moly. Wow had someone who has got a master's degree, you know, written a book,got her own business done all these sporting achievements gotten this place.How could someone so intelligent get in this place and

Jim Fortin
Alright Penny before you keep going and everyone listening, I'm going to interrupt you from time to time always like and clarify a little bit for people listening as we go. Okay. So because I wanted this to be very organic, because I know you and you've been on my program, but I wanted to see where you wanted to go. Because you have so much to share. So I think we're we're starting is that on the outside, you look like you had an amazing life, you know, the Facebook, the Instagram, all that kind of stuff. But on the inside, you were in an abusive relationship. Is that wereIs that a very fair assessment of where you were when we met?

Penny
Yeah, yeah. I mean, I just didn't even realize. And I guess through, you know, the the course I started to peel away the it's okay layer and understand actually it's not okay. And

Jim Fortin
Hang on, hang on. You said new normal so your it was normal for your daily life to be you were in an abusive relationship, but it was so normal for you You didn't really recognize that it was an abusive relationship.

Penny
Yeah, totally.

Jim Fortin
Okay. Now let's let's go ahead. I'm sorry, you go ahead.

Penny
Oh no,it's this. As the saying goes, it's death by thousands guys. That was just one little nitpick a day, another nitpick another nittpick and it just becomes, it becomes normal.

Jim Fortin
Yeah. Now let's go back here, if I remember correctly, and I couldn't be wrong, but wasn't there a time and a group for people listening we have a Facebook a very, very active Facebook community. And Penny's nodding your head. I'm very supportive. I'm in the group. My coaches are in the group. And we were literally halfway through our time together and you were still like, how come things aren't changing for me? How come things aren't changing? For me, and I got on to you and said, because you won't let go of your life. You was that you and I talking that you wouldn't let go of? You were even though you were in this abusive relationship, and you're walking to say, No, that wasn't a and that could be because there's a couple of you. But Wasn't there a time where you you weren't acknowledging that it was as abusive or unhealthy as it was?

Penny
Yeah, and you're 100% correct. And even you saying that now really kind of fight stirs up that? Wasn't it to get paid? You know, like,

Jim Fortin
Yeah,

Penny
But it was, and I need to admit that, you know, he dislocated my shoulder on our wedding night. It was bad.

Jim Fortin
Wow and let's go there for a second now everyone listening in May or may not apply to you. But she's like, it's not that bad, not that bad. And in our time together, I kept seeing her justify that everything's kind of what she was doing is I don't want anything in my life to change relative to him. But I want my life to change. I want a whole different, you know, I want to evolve and transform. And I've created this this abundance in my life and everything else and I don't want to get a divorce which by the way, I don't tell people to do that's not my place. But I remember very clearly is that you weren't seeing how much of an of a toxic influence in your life that it was. And you wouldn't let it you wouldn't let it go. Remember, you're like, I don't get it. I don't get it. Why is everyone else having all these transformations and I'm not

Penny
I'm real go. I'm a real goal driven like, they think I'm gonna enter a marathon. I'm getting her I'm in. And I was like, I'm doing all the workbooks, what's going on?

Jim Fortin
And then I came into Facebook. Remember before lander I came into Facebook and I'm like because you won't let go. You're not seeing literally metaphorically that bag of rocks that's dragging you down. And you're hanging on to that bag of rocks, like for dear life, because you don't want anything to change in your life. But yet On the flip side, you want change, and you're not going to get change until you let go of what you're holding on to.

Penny
Yeah, and I also think it was the fear definitely you knowhow could I you know, I'm already I was already drowning, right? Let's be honest, I was drowning. I was trying to run the house and do all the cooking and cleaning look after a child which by the way,FYI if you're not up here, it's not like getting a puppy that full time, like, twenty four hours a day just gets more and more than more they develop. So FYI, if you think about it, think again. And I was drowning, and I just thought How could I do this on my own and pay the mortgage, you know, and pay all the bills when I can't possibly even, you know, see the end of the day at the beginning of the day. And, you know, I had my own business, the weekly you know, I came out of hospital after hitting Josh, I was straight back into calls. You know, I had him strapped to my chest and I was still looking at life, but I wasn't growing my business, you know, because I just didn't have the capacity to. So if I remove someone who is, you know, paying the bills and in putting the roof above our heads, you know, is my mother kindly keep reminding me and how was it gonna happen?

Jim Fortin
Stop right there for a second.

Penny
I just couldn't see how it could hear what you guys really, really helped me with not only you know, like directness, but also all the tools that are in me that I could chip away at doing that and my own punches to create, what is it that you really want?And it was when I, you know, I did all the work. And then I think one of the defining moments was when I looked at my son, and here he is innocently playing on the ground. And I thought, if you even speak to a woman, like, your father is speaking to me,I'm gonna kick your ass. But there's no tomorrow, no matter how old you are. And then I thought to myself, how can I say that? And how can I enforce that?When he gets older? I'm facing it every single day.

Jim Fortin
Yeah, he learned right so let's go back here and I'm so proud of you. Let's go back because I want I want to bring this to people listening. Is that the place that you were air quote, the biggest trapped in was that you're like, well, I can't leave. Because as my mother reminded me, he's the provider. He's the money. I would you know, I'm I just had my son My business isn't where it needs to be, therefore, I cannot leave this relationship. Is that correct? That's where you were right?

Penny
Yeah.

Jim Fortin
And, and that was a trap. I mean, it was just keeping you trapped, and it was suffocating. So all these things that you wanted, even though you could see them all, were out of your reach, because of the fear of leaving the illusionary security of I have to stay with my husband. Okay. All right. Now, let's go to what great now let's go to where you are now in your life. And then we're going to bridge the two together from where you were, I love this she's skies you, if you're not watching this, and you're listening, but I said, Let's go to where you are. Now she lights up and start smiling. So let's go to where you are now. And then I want to just kind of look at from where you were to where you are now. And the Epiphany and the AHA is and the things that gave you power to be where you are now. So tell us a great story now where you are.

Penny
Well, I'm sitting in a house that I know own which is out, you know, a million dollar property overlooking the reserve and the ocean. I didn't get thrown out of my house like a broadcast. You know, solo man, like, I thought that that was gonna happen. I got rid of him. And I said, name your price, I'll buy you out. And then I went about finding out how I could actually do that. I had no idea. But I'd like surrounding myself with the right people who could help me with the finance and, you know, we live the world with the way right and so I meet Fred.And as soon as he stepped out of the door, well, I couldn't get back in the door, but that's another story. And the energy just totally shifted. You know? Jim, it was crazy. I signed the client within like, a day of him going, you know, and most people would only be a crying mess on the floor, trying to pick things either working out how you know, your child's going to be all upset. No leaner how's it affecting Josh? I just need money rolling in and piling up I've got more my bank account than I've had any years and I'm not you know I don't want people out there listening like I you know she's showing off no i'm not i'm sure it's possible as soon as it energy shift changes and it was really so obvious because I have a Bengal cat and the crazy Bengal cat mom as well. And your what your what you think okay mom, she's like, you need to look it up. Bengal are crazy like tiger cat.

Jim Fortin
Oh, the Bengal a Bengal tiger. Okay, got it.

Penny
Yeah. And she used to go away for like seven days at a time and just disappear. And she has never left the house. Since he's gone. She now comes and sits on the couch with me and cuddles in and you know, animals pick up on the vibe massively, and I cannot leave the huge amount of shift just in her energy and her aura as well. Josh is thriving, he's he's doing great, you know, there's not been a skipping his milestones or anything like that. So life has really changed.

Jim Fortin
Okay, so let me ask you and I didn't ask even prior to we started because I remember in our time together when you were in coaching is I mean, literally, we spent 14 weeks together and for the first seven to 10, you had your teeth into living your life, not letting him go. It wasn't an option. You couldn't let him go because you needed all these things. To at some point, there was some day you made a shift. That's like I can't see for people not watching. She's smiling. What was that shift or that AHA, that said, You know what, I can't do this anymore. I can't have in the rest of my life. What was that shift the Epiphany, the AHA that said, I need to let it go.

Penny
I'm I think that it was I'm not sure where it was within the group, but it was definitely the it was when I think it was easy, don't doubt just believe and it's going to happen. And I thought to myself, you know, my mom was harping on about I can't do it until he's five so that you can work it, you know, and when he's at school and you've got school hours, and then, you know, everyone was giving me all this advice, and I just thought, nope, it's just gonna happen. I just have to, you know, to actually be the person I want to be. I have to I have to be it right now. And and, and so I got my ducks in a row, you know, kind of legally to understand what was going to happen. I rang the cops and said, You know what, what do I If he kicks off, and the day we went out of level four lockdown here in New Zealand to level three, you're allowed to leave the house. And when he leaves the house, I put all the stuff on the driveway with a note that just sits sometimes people a bit little secret. And I am that was it. And I think the thing I realized is, you know, I was staying with him because he had him a mental illness. And I'm a very loyal person, I really want to make it work. You know, for marathon running, for example, you know, I've done over 40 marathons and my PB is three or five and I just worked harder. Jim, I just worked harder, you know, I ran more kilometers. I read more books, I just worked harder at it my training, but relationships don't work like that. And, you know, we've done all the counseling, 18 rounds of counseling, and worked harder. I have been quiet when things weren't good. You know, I tried not to say the things that axiom I tried all these different things and I keep saying Well, you know, he's got me into wellness. So we'll get through this. We'll get through this, you know, if he had cancer, I wouldn't just walk away.

Jim Fortin
Right.

Penny
It's not about that. It's about the fact that I, you know, you guys showed me within the group that cause youshowed me within the group that if they're not willing to do the work as well, there's no way that it's ever going to get to the place where I want, you know, like we are, it was healthy.

Jim Fortin
Yeah. So what you were doing, and this I'm sure a lot of people listening can relate especially women, is you are trying to be 100% responsible for his well being as well. For those listening only she's nodding her head. And that so many times in life, we're like, this doesn't work anymore. We've been through counselor, you know, counseling and therapy, and it's been years and he says he's going to change or she, the person says they're going to change. They never do, but I can't leave because then like you oh my gosh, what would I do financially, and my partner brought in all the money and I can't do that. And then oh my gosh, they're going to feel bad if I leave and I don't want them to feel bad. So what we tend to do is we let the partner be as irresponsible as they want to be. We sit there, we suck it up, we try to make air quote, make things work. But unless the partner changes as well, it doesn't matter how much work that we do. The relationship is never going to improve because we're trying to be responsible for the irresponsible party who won't be responsible. Is that fair?

Penny
Partly

Jim Fortin
Yeah, for sure. Was there any thought? Like was there some wizard or some like literally black and white thought in the process when you're like, I'm done with this I would you I'm just curious to share with them so people listening can say, you know, what was that thought she had? Maybe there's not but was there something you're like? That's it. I'm done.

Penny
Yeah, yeah, it was it was almond milk. And finally, there's another lady that's written a book. I can't remember her name, but hers was over blueberries. So it's not generally I you know, I thought it was gonna be some cataclysmic sort of like massive we had those and stuff out ultimatums told him like if we don't have this by this date we're selling the house we're moving on you know, because I keep getting that we can afford to live here, blah, blah, blah, blah, you know, money's tight money sight all these like real controlling type, narcissistic behaviors. And I thought it was going to be one of those, but it was over almond milk. And he put the empty almond milk container back in the fridge. And I obviously hadn't bought any because it was a container in the fridge. So I thought there was some and he was drinking normal milk and I said oh, Hang on a moment. you're lactose intolerant that's gonna make you really sick the day

Jim Fortin
You show walking off for him over lactose intolerance after everything else. Keep on going

Penny
Yeah, exactly right. And I said, Oh, what are you doing? And he was like, well, there's no Almond Milk cause yet. And I was like, Oh, sorry, you know, there's a container in the fridge I didn't buy me in the shop because the containers in the fridge and used up, Well I'm used of that I was like, well, don't put the empty container back in the fridge because I don't like go and open the lids of everything.And he was like,what prerogative if I want to leave the empty thing in the fridge or not? And I was like, right? That is it.I'm not having a fight in front of our son over almond milk, when I'm trying to be caring here. And making sure that you don't basically have diarrhea all day because you're drinking normal milk, right? Like there has to be a line and it was at that point that I was like, no more.Absolutely

Jim Fortin
Yeah, were you what a moat? Was it simply as simple it was, was it a simple Is that where you're like I'm just done. And there weren't even cut. There weren't even negative consequences. It's just I'm done. I'm not doing this anymore, I'm assuming.Okay.

Penny
Yup, And I'm not in tears since.

Jim Fortin
Okay, let's go back so she's not had a tear since I remember I think what you were alluding to earlier about trusting. I think it's the day that I gave all of you an STD and I said yes, she's nodding surrender trust and do not doubt as

Penny
I have on my screensaver

Jim Fortin
This STD right? Yeah, surrender. Trust and do not doubt and what I want she's showing Yeah, she's got a right here on the screen savers holding her phone up. And what I want to share with you guys is we're all human, we're all on the planet. And what she can do, I can do, you can do anyone can do and I Penny you bear with me for a while. So you know, there's so many people and especially women that feel trapped in unhealthy relationships, and then they stay forever. And then what happens is they become a shell of a person, they become a very hollow person, because they've literally given their life away for their child and they want that security. So they'll stay for their kids or children or whatever or they're afraid, like you were, is that I can't leave because of money. So I'm going to just stay trapped here for many years.

Jim Fortin
Okay, so let me segue from the episode for just one minute. The fact that you're here listening to my podcast means that you are serious, and you want to transform your life from the inside out. Now, that being said, you're going to want to mark your calendar because I am doing a live no charge free training, starting on September. The third, it's going to be a three part training and it's called the BE DO HAVE series training. And what we're going to do is we're going to dig deeper into ways ways of identity that you need to BE so you can do the things that you need to DO, so that you can HAVE what you want to have in life to health, wealth, success, money and all the things that you want. So, whatever you do, Mark your calendar, September the third 3pm, Central Standard Time. And, again, whatever you do now, click the shownotes click the link and get registered for this no charge training. Okay, back to the episode.

Jim Fortin
Okay, so now you're doing extremely well. Your business is thriving. What do you think? And I know you said energy that might be a little nebulous for some people, but for anybody that's listened to me for any amount of time, I always say that everything is energy in the universe. It is it's a fact in the universe. And people can interpret that however they want, but you're saying, as I understand, once you metaphorically or once you cleaned and cleared the energy in your personal life, and you move the toxicity out of your life, meaning the relationship with him everything else in your life started to blossom.

Penny
Yeah, definitely because you know people buy people right, not products or services or anything like that. And if you've just been like chastised because there's no almond milk in the fridge, it's really difficult to then go and get on a live and be like Hi everyone my products amazing you know when really Yes Then can I really want it like murder someone at the moment, throw it out the window, you know, it's really difficult. And people bond the gut feeling, you know, like, you know, if you're off and your energy or your vibe, and I'm sure you're gonna put this in a much more eloquent way. But if you're off on your energy and vibe, people pick up on that and it makes them feel like, Huh, Hang on a moment. Something's not quite right here and they assume that it's around your product or service, but actually, it's your energy. And I was finding it really difficult to, you know, change heads. And I was I was basically You know, being a mom, and I'm sure we'll dig into, you know, how I how I really had that identity that I was a mom. So that was it. But I had the mom hit on, you know, like navigating breastfeeding and all that sort of jazz, take that off quickly, while he's asleep, put the hat on of, like, you know, trying to run my business and trying to encourage people to, to be excited about the things that I was talking about. I mean, someone else rock season you can keep it down there, keep it quote down there you know, like something I really like, just like,anything you like, Oh, my gosh, put that hat back on, you know, and it was it was just too difficult. So when that lift, it lifted me in the driver's seat of how do I want to show up? You know, I mean, Jim, it's been like five months now. I've not been yet I've been yelled at twice and those five months and it's been from my mother, and that's up right, and that I manage huge shift. on not only vibration and energy, but also my ability to sleep.

Jim Fortin
Yeah, sure. Yeah. Yeah, let's go there for a minute. As because when you started becoming vocal in the group and sharing your stories were very, very active community is literally you were you were trying, I know you remember you were trying to keep everything in your life like him and be responsible for him, and then make your life all like better flowers. You weren't gonna let go him I just No I gotta be responsible and all this kind of stuff. Now let's go here, because I want people listening and well let me back up is to be fair to people that are listening is that you're what I call a DOer, also meaning you can get things done. You already had a business that was doing well was on a launch pad, but it's being suffocated by your personal relationship and in the way that you were being SWAT. What I want to share with everyone listening is I'm not telling and you're not telling anyone to. You said you had things lined up when you're ready to lock him out of the house. I want to back up here and share a story. Also, I'm fumbling this a little bit, but what you did, my mother did the same thing. But she also had had her second brain surgery and had no income. But she felt it was important to push my father who was an alcoholic out of the house. And she did one day she'd like you have to go, you're done. We're done. Now mind you, you had financial sustenance with the internet these days, you had a business it wasn't where you wanted it to be, but you had a foundation underneath you. My mother had no foundation underneath her and dependent on her parents to assist her. So I guess what I want to say here is I wrote it down. I said all the time, where there's a will there's a way but surrender trust and do not doubt. You knew and this is what I'm sharing with people when I want them to get is wherever they are in life people listening thing rre as you hear me say all the time, things are always going to be fine.

Penny
Yeah, totally.And you know what? I'm, I want to be really transparent with everyone listening. And, you know, I don't want you to think, oh, that's fine for her she had a business already, right? Yeah, the money that has come in to support me hasn't all been through my business. You know, we've had COVID payouts here in New Zealand, we had the ability to get business loans here in New Zealand. There's been there's been lots of different places that money has come from to support me to move forward. You know, I got a really amazing my friend who's a mortgage broker really helped me out and we got a bit of a discount on on the fees. So I think that people need to also understand that it's, you get supported by the universe once you make that that leap or that decision, and to be open to however it comes in and however it supports you

Jim Fortin
Yeah, I want to add there is that a lot of people say things like, I don't have any support in life. And I'm like, you have air to breathe, you have water to drink. You don't have support from the universe around you. You, you know, there's support all around us. But many of us quantify or qualify support as a person or thing, not recognizing that all of life supports us. I mean, we have food, we have water, we have opportunity, wherever you are in the world for the most part, but mainly the, the things that mentioned you have an air to breathe that supports you. And I think when people start working from the position of there's always support around me, no matter what, then it breaks down that fear of I can't leave and I'm stuck. Because the reason people won't leave is because they're afraid they won't have the support of some sort. Now, what I also want to point out, as Penny's nodding is, this is something that I talk about a lot is that it seems that you were also 100% responsible for whatever outcome she's grinning guys, whatever outcome that would happen, you knew that you were 100% responsible no matter what. And then that goes to something you said earlier, which we talked about a lot in the program is you said, How do I show up? So how did you show up the very next day that you pushed him out?

Penny
Well, I wasn't allowed a nanny. So I got a nanny. And I basically just went right okay, you know, cause I joined the program, I joined TCP to get my business going.

Jim Fortin
Yeah, as usual. Everyone does that and they recommend that got to work on themselves first.

Penny
And and you know, I mean, I think seem to have video of you, Jim. presenting on stage at James Wedmore. That was at three years ago and my coach at the time, see if this is what you need. You need some mindset, you know and the work. And I was like, What if finding that the strategy I mean the funnel, so you know,

Jim Fortin
External right?I'm only that stuff

Penny
I like the funnels and I mean I still joined TCP three years later .That was the pretense that I really wanted to get my business to the two comma club award and you know all the first exercises were all that guys around you know your goal and what I wanted to do, but I realized that you know, there were as you said, like I was literally dragging a bag of rocks around with trying to get to that goal. So once that big rocks was like out on the driveway and gone, and I just did all the things that I knew, you know, it was like a breath of fresh air. I got a Nanny in and one of my friends who daughter had to come home because of COVID. She was working at Camp America. She done in 14 days quarantine. She was bored no one's hiring people. Oh, I had a Nanny the next day. Right in I decided I really wanted to start my podcast Three weeks later we started the podcast. We started to get back people,

Jim Fortin
Let's go Yeah, let's go here. If you're just sitting across from somebody and you're they're talking to you about their life and they said what where were you being if you could put one psychological TCP, you know, Transformational Coaching Program word or things you've heard, what would that word be?

Jim Fortin
I was excited and excited. I was excited to be the Penny I used to be you know, my nickname is Penny G, because the Penny energy and I felt like I kind of was slapped with a battery that you know, the energy was being sucked out of it. And I was just blaming it on being a new mom or you know, all these other excuses. And I just felt really alive. and excited to finally be able to be that person.

Jim Fortin
Yeah, no question about that. You also are very goal driven. I know that so to stay in the relationship what was keeping you in it? Was it that this I'm going to make this work no matter what well she's nodding guys, you guys that are not watching. So yeah, I'm curious because a lot of people have security and partly that was yours. But was and I think you'd mentioned earlier was you're thinking that, you know what I can I'm Pennergy I can make things happen no matter what I can make this happen even if I've got to do it all myself. I can do this. Was was that where you were?

Penny
Yeah, I am. I got married quite late in life. And I just said, you know, one cat one house one husband, one kid.That's it. Yeah, it's gonna work. And I just, you know, as I said that the more energy I put into something, you know, or the more I researched something like it might be a launch or a challenge or something like that, you know, okay, it didn't quite go well. So I can reevaluate it and, and put some more energy in next time and it's going to be bigger and bigger. And I just really thought that I could, you know, I could do that and, and in our relationship and also, I'm a real loyal,like, look for the best in everyone. And you know, he does have a heart of gold. And so many people have walked away from him, you know, I'm the longest relationship he's ever had, including his parents have kicked him out a lot earlier than I did, you know, and so I really, really wanted to try and bring that goodness out of him and make that like, the whole him.

Jim Fortin
The fixture.

Penny
Yeah, yeah, exactly. You know, um, and I come from a long line of divorcees in my family and I really didn't want to become another, you know, oh, well, she slept, you know, the family gossip. But at the end of the day, I want to raise a fine young man and I couldn't do that environment that I was in.

Jim Fortin
Let me go there for a second everyone listening is and I'm sure you will and are raising a fine young man. One of your highest values is to be an exemplary mother or the best mother that you can be for your son. And you know this now is that many people will stay in a relationship because they want their kids to have two parents are unhappy in the relationship. And they think that well, you know what, we have more stability with two parents instead of one. not recognizing that you're teaching your child what an unhealthy relationship looks like, which becomes normal for your child. And then your child goes out as an adult and seeks relationships that are equally as unhealthy as the one they learned the way relationships should be

Penny
100% Jim, you know, I looked in the mirror a couple of times and thought, oh my god, I'm my mom. This is dreadful. You know, my, my biological father just will pull over her,took all the money to corner ability to work, you know, run a business, she was a farmer and he went bankrupt. So the farm lien and it's a really quick way of getting rid of it, getting rid of the business. And you know, and we had nothing, I went from being dropped to school in a helicopter, because my dad was a helicopter pilot, to not even having a car to be able to be driven to school. You know, and, and I just thought, well, I am winding myself into this position of full time mom, business winding, you know, not winding down but not growing not going anywhere. And, you know, he's, he's responsible for everything. And keep on telling me, you know, there's no money to pay the mortgages. No money to pay the mortgage and I was just like warning bells were going off in my head and I thought, How am I got myself in this position? And you know what now, Josh has got two loving parents that aren't at each other's throats all the time. And I had him for four or five days, and then he goes to his Dad. By the end of four or five days, I'm exhausted, putting energy into this little human, and it's lovely. I get to have like, a couple of days where I'm the old Penny, you know, like I can I don't have to think about bottles and food and not you know and be covered in food and things like that. It's wonderful. And he goes to his Dad and his dad thing wristed all week. And he gets to do all these rural fun things with his Dad and you know, have a great time with a full energy full charge Parent. And then he comes back to me and I'm recharged today actually has life is way better now. Than maybe walking around on eggshells. Josh come on you better call your Dad on a phone call,you know,

Jim Fortin
Yeah,yeah. Let me let me Yeah, I guess get people to take away from my perspective and TCP I said this is I'm not advocating anybody get a divorce, not get a divorce. It's not my place. I mean, this is an individual decision. But I told the story, I tell it, tell it in every TCP about how a client of mine was in a very male and his wife was not engaged at all in a relationship, not helpful. They had no intimacy, it was just a dead relationship. And he was afraid to get a divorce, which I didn't tell him to do. But we started talking about it. And I told him because he was worried about money and his kid and everything else. And I said, Do you know where your life is going to be? When you if you got a divorce? And he said, it's going to be bad, it's going to be this? And I said, No, which Penny demonstrates. I said, your life is going to be what your life is going to be. If you're based upon 100% responsibility for the outcome, because we are responsible for the outcomes in our life, the definition of responsibility, according to Merriam Webster, dictionary, is to make something happen. And if something happens, we're responsible. If something doesn't happen, we are also responsible for that. So when we stay in relationships that don't serve us and are unhealthy, we're being irresponsible for our own well being, by allowing a person to be abusive and the relationship. So my takeaway that I'd like you to add task years is,if we if we're thinking about leaving a relationship, what's going to happen is what we are 100% responsible for making happen once we leave that relationship. We don't live in an arbitrary universe where one person can leave and it's going to be great and the second person can leave and it's going to be horrible. We decide, we choose what's going to happen as a result of which what you said, How do I show up? And you showed up?Excited once he left.Now that's my my takeaway from for the listeners. If you're sitting across from somebody and they said, Just give me one piece of advice I want to leave, and my life's upside down, I'm afraid to leave what would be that piece of advice that would come from you?

Penny
And choose how you want it to look, and then decide that that's how it will look. So an example of that, as I said, the only two times that I've been yelled at since is from my mother, and she was just totally wrapped up in how she saw separation and how she'd experienced it. And she was freaking out, you know, yelling at me on the stairs. Like how are you going to afford everything? How are you going to afford everything and it was a total reflection on how she saw her marriage, marriage, is the ending, we she was left with nothing. And she chose to be left with nothing, where I chose to ask them, can I buy you out? You know, instead of all of my girlfriends said, well, where are you going to go when you leave him?And I said, I'm not going anywhere. I'm staying here, because it's my house. And this is how I want it. And through the tools of TCP, you know, woman, I visualized standing on that deck with my arms wide out, you know, overlooking my view going kind of Titanic for a moment. You know, this is mine, you know, and I did that, you know, I did that with within sushi days, the house is mine. And so many people say to me, I don't know how you did it. And it's because I decided I wasn't gonna leave. Why should I leave?Right?

Jim Fortin
Yeah,

Penny
So there's always,and I think that's what you guys really, really showed me is the stories that I tell myself, where did that come from? And the story that, you know, I was going to be some broke solo Mom, you know, scraping by in a one bedroom unit on my own cold damp. That was my mom's story.

Jim Fortin
Yeah,

Penny
That was'nt my story. You know, and there are a woman and tasty pay that have would that have been through TCP? Like, Lisa, who got three kids on their own? She's crushing it doing amazingly well. And I just thought, what kind of be like that and, and I think it was you one of the coaches said to me, we'll have you got examples in your life where there are moms that are doing it on their own that are doing great, and I was like, I never even thought that. Right. And so that I think that if you were sitting across the table from someone in the lobby, But I'm not sure you know, I'm pretty unhappy. I think the the piece of advice that I would say to you is to try and reverse everything that they say to you, and try and help them see that it's a story that they're creating. And if they create a good story in the story that they want, it will happen.

Jim Fortin
Yeah, we do a week on that. And something else I want to point out there is that what you're saying I hear you saying is that so many people including you stay in relationships, because all your friends and your family huddle around you? And they bring their limitations and their stories about all the reasons that you should stay where you are? Now your mother is the case in point for you is because she couldn't do something and see it for herself because of her stories. She was projecting her stories on the YOU which you were buying into their stories for some time, saying, yep, she's right. I can't leave I have to stay. And yet you stayed for all this time. Not because of you, but because of what you were accepting from your mother.

Penny
Yeah, totally.Yeah. And you know, all my friends are like, Oh, you know how I'm my example of of Josh going to his Dad's every week? And I call How can you let go of your little boy? I couldn't believe that story. And you know, don't get me wrong. I miss him when he's gone.

Jim Fortin
Sure.

Penny
But I don't want to sit here for three days crying because I don't have my son yet. That's a story, right? I can miss him. But I just have a really good time. You know, I get Thursday, Friday, and take a little off now.

Jim Fortin
And any mother.I don't mean to interrupt. But we're on time I'm got an IG live, but any mother they feel like they're a bad mother if they let their kid go with someone else for a couple of days. But this is what I've noticed over the years. Every mother wants downtime away from the toddlers and the kids and Penny's nodding. But they're afraid to admit it because then in their mind according to society, They are mother. They're a bad mother if they admit that, you know what, I just need a break from the kids. And that's all stories. Right? It's all stories. So what I want everyone to notice is and we do a lot of this in TCP and it's in the podcast a lot, is wherever you are in life. Doesn't matter where you are. It's simply based upon the stories you tell yourself that keep you trapped there. And every interview that I've done this round the TCP, Matthew Bonadona, and the same thing his interview will go up before yours his stories. Last year, Katie are two years ago Katie's a coach now it's on all these meds. The doctor said you're going to be on all these meds, stories, and she's med free after you know time with me. And I'm not saying anyone else is going to get that. But whatever stories like coach Lisa you'dmentioned, Lisa Carpenter, whatever and she's a coach of ours. Whatever stories we tell ourselves, that's going to be our outcome in life and that pertains to whether or not we stay or do not stay in a relationship. And then what happens?

Penny
Yeah, and you know, like, it's really easy to think of what I really want all the lessons out there is to hear is that, you know, there's relationship sections within the course. And it was never mind teams, as I see it, Mind team was to join to grow my business.

Jim Fortin
Business,business business.

Penny
I was making my own team to walk away never you know, that was never my intent. But it was just became glaringly obvious that this is these were all these stories that I was telling myself and was really, really holding myself back. And it's easy to see stories in like in a sort of external world, right? So I've done 40 marathons and I tell people, anyone can do a marathon. It's just what you tell yourself, right? You just need to get out the door, do five steps today and do six the next day. And it's a story yet when it comes to your own self. And and these like social norms that you know, you need to have one husband for all your life and you need to do it for your kids and all these real social pressures. I don't think I would, what I know I wouldn't be where I am now, if I hadn't have had the tools that TCP has given me, because I can tell people to go into a marathon get your butt out of bed and if you haven't got time, or have you heard of 5am, right, the alarm earlier and get out there. But you can't do that with your environment. You I couldn't just sit the alarm at 5am and get up and try and work on my relationship more. I needed the tools I needed the help I needed the support. I needed that like crazy busy Facebook group and you know, and in all the comments from everyone and the ability to see.

Jim Fortin
Yeah, like and you've heard me say before and we have to run here is that you're never stuck in life ever. You're never at the mercy of your circumstances. You're at the mercy of your interpretations which are your stories. Penny, there are a lot of women and a lot of people that are going to listen to this. And they're going to be like, yeah, I get it. Thank you so much. So Penny, thank you so, so, so much for your time today. I really, really appreciate it and other people listening are gonna get huge value. So, again, thank you so much, and I send a big hug to you.

Penny
No I thank you, thank you for, you know, Reinventing my life and bringing the Penergy back.

Jim Fortin
I just was a leader and the team was You're the one who did it. As you know, you ran the marathon. I just gave you the book on running the marathon is a relationship. So, okay, gotta run. Thank you Penny, big hug. I'll talk to you later.

Penny
Okay, Thanks.

Jim Fortin
Yep. Bye, bye.

Jim Fortin
Thank you for listening to this entire podcast. If you're the kind of person who likes to help others, then share this with your friends and family. You know, if you found value, they will too. So please share via your social media channels. Also, if you have questions, I'm here. To assist, you can email me questions to support@jimfortin.com. And I may even use your question for a future podcast episode. Also, if you want transformational content like this daily, connect with me on Instagram, my Instagram name is @iamjimfortin. Finally I do have a personal request. I believe that we're all here to help others and to grow and evolve ourselves. together, you and I, let's help more people. If you would, please leave a review on iTunes and a good one by the way. I'd be grateful and through your assistance together, we can transform more lives. Thanks for listening.

 

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Jim Fortin

Jim Fortin

Jim is an international subconscious self-transformation and high performance expert with over two decades of expertise in brain based transformation and high performance. Using a brain based approach coupled with transformational psychology and ancient wisdom Jim has created programs that create long-term core-level life transformation in his students.

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