You're listening to the Transform your Life from the inside out podcast. This episode is titled, how to be compassionate, even when people suck. And basically what I mean by that is no pun. But when people are mean to you or they, you know, they're talking dirty about you or talking you down or trashing you or trolling you on social media, or tearing you down, how to be nice. So, if you want to learn the perspective that I work from that it took me years, really to learn and to pretty much Master, then stay tuned.
Hi, I'm Jim Fortin, and you're about to start Transforming Your Life. from the Inside Out with this podcast. I'm widely considered the leader in subconscious transformation. And I've coached super achievers all around the world for over 25 years. Here, you're going to find no rah rah motivation and no hype. Because this podcast is a combination of Brain Science, Transformational Psychology, and Ancient Wisdom all rolled into one to take your life to levels you've never thought possible. If you're wanting a lot more in life, to feel better, to heal, to have peace of mind, to feel powerful and alive, and to bring more abundance and prosperity into your life, then this podcast is for you. Because you're going to start learning how to master your mind and evolve your consciousness. And when you do that, anything you want then becomes possible for you. I'm glad you're here.
Okay, this episode, how to stay compassionate even when people suck. You know, I don't know about you, but I really don't like it when people hate on me. Now, I think that's pretty normal. I mean, I think we all want to be light. However, the fact is, is not everyone's going to like you. I remember watching 60 minutes one time. And Paul McCartney was on the episode of 60 minutes. And someone asked Paul McCartney, the interviewer said, What's your greatest fear? And he said, the fear of not being liked. And I thought that was an interesting comment. And the reason why is, I mean, for crying out loud, by pretty much all accounts, the number one recognized, whatever, you know, genre, you call it rock and roll band in the world.
I mean, why wouldn't you love Paul McCartney? Now, of course, I don't know him as a person, maybe you do. But I would think that Paul McCartney would have no problems finding friends. And I thought was such an interesting statement that he made that. And you know, when I look at life, I think everyone wants to be liked. But I don't run around it. You know, I know that people are going to hate on me, because I'm on social media. And I'm fortunate, because, like a lot of people who have, you know, haters on social media, and I'm using this for lack of better words, but when the trolls come out, and they start hating on people, that really puts a lot of people in a tailspin. And for me, I literally I just, if I, if I even see it, I might click, I'm done. I don't spend any time on it. Why? Because I'm not going to give those people my energy.
But I look at how can I be nice to people. And I don't mean to, you know, to, to open myself out so that people can abuse me and things of that nature. Let me put it this way. I guess when I say be nice. I mean, not to be mean, and spiteful and angry at other people, when they hate on you, that's no reason for you to hate on them. When they're doing something, do you want social media? You know, there's no reason for you to, you know, literally, like I said, hate back on them. And remember, many years ago, back in the 90's, I was listening to Wayne Dyer. And he said something that's always stuck with me. And it's been quite a journey, you know, working on this over the years. But he said is would you rather be right? Or would you rather be kind? Consider that. Now many of you might, you know, you might say well, I want to be right. And I get that because we as humans actually have an unconscious desire to be right. Because for us that says something about us it's it's to some small degree a bit of a defense, our survival mechanism, not defense but survival mechanism. And that gives us ego advantage over other people. And that in some way validates us and our own eyes against other people.
I've looked at for a lot of years, you know what I rather be when people actually, you know, tear in the mail on social media or they say mean things. And I've had people say some really mean things. everything for him, I'm a cokehead. I've never even touched cocaine to somebody in Australia started these vicious rumors. And she thought it for some reason was her job to warn people in Australia, that I had changed my name, and my name wasn't Jim Fortin. And I was a con man. And when I heard about that, I'm like, Are you kidding me? You know, I seriously, you know, I mean, seriously. I mean, come on. No, I have not changed my name. And no, I am not a con man. So people are going to do that. That's not everyone, but but a select few are going to do that. And let me share something with you also, what I've noticed being out in the public eye in terms of being online, more times than not, when people hate on other people, they hide behind their profiles. And very rarely, because I don't give it any energy. But very rarely, I'll look at someone's profile when they're hating on me.
You know, I mean, especially when I'm promoting TCP, the Transformational Coaching Program, when I'm promoting that, and told us last round, we'd never really, really had any haters or detractors or critics or any of that, that were very vocal online. And there was somebody that was really actually based upon an ad that I had, and I was running on Facebook, they literally were just very, very derogatory towards me. And I didn't put any energy like, Oh, my gosh, you know, I mean, this person said, all these mean things about me, and what are people gonna? Yeah, I didn't go into any of that. But I clicked on their profile. And I'm going to tell you, because I've done it a few times over the years. And what I noticed is that many times, and especially on YouTube, and people can be vicious there. What I've noticed is that when people hate on other people, they do it, and they hide themselves. So I'd mentioned the profiles that I clicked on, I can't tell you nine times out of 10, it's some probably 10 times out of 10. It's someone that's hating on other people hiding behind the profile, you click the profile, and there's no pictures of them. Or there's pictures of all political stuff or, you know, animals or whatever. But they're hating on people.
And I want to talk about that a little bit in this episode, because I don't think you know, most of you probably are not really, you know, you don't have big social media followings. But we're in the world. And we live in the world and we're around people. And that's what people do as many not want to say people that's what many people do not all a course and unfortunately, I think not most is a tear other people down. And I want to address that in this episode about how to be kind and compassionate. You know, I go back to Wayne Dyer's words, would you rather be kind? Or would you rather be right? And if you're arguing, you know, with someone you're wanting to be right, plain and simple. you're wanting to be right. And I learned many years ago, I'm mentioning my brother in law a lot in these podcasts Don Xavier. I learned many years ago, because I've seen him he said I have never argued I don't argue with people. And he I mean my brother in law i've you know, been around him for 25 years. And I've never seen him argue not one time, and not even 1% of one time has ever argued with anyone.
He said something to me that really was like a two by. You know, Tim, I can talk tonight two by four right between the eyes. And he said that to argue with people is a control issue. And I thought about it I'm like, you know, that's right. What if I because I used to love to argue and uh, yet I called it debating Why? Because I wanted to be heard and I wanted people to hear my opinion, which was simply irrelevant. If they wanted to hear it, they wouldn't ask for it. But that's what we tend to do is we tend to argue with people and when you look at it, not always but a lot of times it comes down to a control issue. Okay, so this episode, I was talking to a friend of mine many years back, and he's really big on social media.He's also very opinionated, in terms of, he is a let me they kind of say this. He's a big US patriot. He's a military, you know. veteran, and his thing is that he strongly supports and endorses anything military.
And sometimes he would love that bleed over into what he did for a living, which he was literally, very well recognized nationally for that. And he tore in somebody online one time. And he said to me, he said, if people are nice to me, I will be nice to them. And my thought was, you know what, whether or not they're nice to you, if they're not nice to you, they're telling you who they are. And if you're not nice back to them, you think that you're exercising who you are, but who are you telling them who you are. And you're telling them also, that even though you're meeting, they're not niceness with not being nice, really, what's in you is, you can be not a nice person I want to, you know, go back here a little bit, is that I'm not advocating that if we're being abused, we'd be nice to the person. But what I'm advocating is that we have compassion for the person. And I will get to that in just a bit.
Okay, so you know, years back, I used to think, and I've heard, I've heard for many years of my life, that I'm a nice guy. And I think overall, I probably have been, and my parents raised me that way. And that's the way that I wanted to be, I always wanted to be helpful, and to be nice, and to be kind and to help people out was my thing. And I thought that, by me being nice, that was also being kind. Okay, I want to go a couple of places here. full transparency, okay. I mean, you know, I feel sometimes like in what I do for a living, and the role that I play, I feel like people sometimes hold me to standards, they don't hold themselves to, or they hold me to standards that are above most people's standards. For example, because I've gotten feedback before. I'm not allowed, so to speak, to make a mistake. I'm not allowed to misspeak. I'm not allowed to do certain things. Why? Because people expect more things for me. And thereality. I'm just like you, I'm a human being I'm learning my lessons every single day. And do I miss step? Absolutely. I miss step.
But I want to share with you that one of my biggest more than anything former triggers. And I'm going to be careful in the way that I say this is I, I think in the way I say this, also, a lot of people can relate especially if you listen to this podcast. And I'm gonna, I'm gonna get a whole lot of high fives on this, so to speak mentally. But one of my triggers is people who win what's called the Darwin awards. And these awards are given to people who do outrageously stupid things. And part of my you know, former triggers in this day and age, I'll get to that in a minute. I mean, it's still it doesn't trigger me, but it'll be a blip on the radar, and I let it go. But when people did incredibly stupid things, it used to trigger me. And it triggered me because I was judging them. And I recognized, you know, many years ago, that if I'm being triggered by people that do blatantly stupid things, that number one, I'm judging them. And secondly,how compassionate Am I being?
Because you know what I mean, I think most of us, unless you're drunk in college in a fraternity, like me, and we did a lot of stupid things. When I was in college. I mean, it's lucky we all have all of our limbs and fingers and everything works and everything else. You know, I was at a fraternity and we were pretty rambunctious. I'll leave that at that. But the sidestep here, let me say something here. Real quick off topic that I went to Texas Lutheran University. It's a small school, very good German education, rigorous education, very, very good education. And there are a lot of preachers, kids who go there that are Lutherans, and I went to Texas Lutheran. And a lot of students and a lot of my fraternity brothers, were pastors kids, and they'd come from from Minnesota. Um, you know, I'm mocking the accent and Wisconsin and upper Midwest, and it come down to Texas because of the weather and the quality of school because they were going to basically corresponding schools in cold weather. And where I'm going with this, let me think here for a second. Where was I going with this? I got off track with where I was. Anyway, I'll come back to it in just a minute. I have no idea where it's going. But I don't want to stop this episode.
So I hope I come back to it. But that's prominent, leave that in there because it's partly just me being being me being real. I mean, I don't over polish these podcasts, or what will happen. And I'll come back here, guys, and I'll loop back to the podcast. Okay. I promise I'll loop back, is I'll finish the podcast, which is what we do. And I'm like, oh, gosh, now I popped in my mind what I was talking about. Anyway, oh, off topic. That's why I got lost there. For fun. A lot of my fraternity brothers were preachers, kids. And let me share with you one of my fraternity brothers. I hadn't seen him in a lot of years was in town yesterday, today, yesterday, and he stopped by the house. And we were laughing that a lot of our fraternity brothers are now pastors. And if their congregations knew what they did in college, I'm laughing now because they're leading congregations and they're all in their 50s. And I'm like, if their parishioners could see them in college. Oh my gosh, that would be a scandal.
Anyway, PK's preachers, kids are known generally as the most wild and rambunctious in college. Okay, they're looped back around and had nothing to do with anything. But hopefully you got, you got a little bit of a laugh out of that. Okay, so I realized that if blatantly, uninformed people trigger me, I'm going to spend my entire lifetime triggered. And that's not a healthy way to spend my lifetime. And I realized that, you know, why not just be compassionate? now want to go somewhere here on the podcast, which by the way, this particular episode was not the one plan for today. I had, I usually will pin an episode out, I'll think about it. Each episode takes me three to five hours. And I'll think about the topic I want to talk about. And I'll just jot some notes during the week. And I've got stickies all over the house, and you know, add this and add that and take this out. And, and so I know that I don't do I don't type them out verbatim and all that. I just I can't my brain doesn't work that way. I have to just get on the microphone and go,
But I had the episode done. And the click, there was my pan in case anybody heard that? The I had the episode done. And I think I deleted it. So. So tonight, I'm like, oh, gosh, what am I going to talk about? You know, and so I went to my pile of notes. And I have many, many piles of notes. On my years of Don Xavier The Shaman. And the first piece of paper, a note that I picked up was from 2004. And he said something to me that I wrote down, which was in that note, I'm like, boom, there's my podcast for this week. And he said to me, quote, your heart isn't open enough to handle the darkness of others, and still be compassionate. Your heart isn't open enough to handle the darkness of others, which means their anger and they're spewing their stuff at me and everything else. Because when people would spew stuff at me, I would spew it right back at them many years ago, 15 20 years and beyond, I would spew right back, you hit me I'm gonna hit you right back. And when he said that, to me, that was a big two by four between the eyes. Because I said, What does that mean? I mean, to me, what does it mean? And you listening? What does it mean? That let's bring this back to you.
If someone's hating on you or your even your mother, and they're being angry, and they're treating you in a way that you interpret as not nice is not friendly. You're being castigated. They're talking about you, whatever. If you respond negatively to that, then get or through anger or whatever, then guess what? You literally Your heart is not open enough that you're compassionate for what they're doing. And that's the key. I remember many years ago, I was sitting down talking to some people that work with Don Javier, and I'll tell you exactly what I said. I said, I have not mastered this. I'm still getting a handle on it. But you know, I've recognized that the most powerful thing and way that we can be in life is to be compassionate.
In my coaching programs, we have sometimes not a lot, but we have some people that are very challenging early on in the Transformational Coaching Programs. And number one is I admire them for wanting to literally create core level and deep level transformation in their lives. And sometimes we have people that are just like massive times 100, overthinking, mega, overthink, overthink, overthink, and there are times I've gotten off a call, and I feel like in coaching them, because I will coach them somewhere, and they'll hit a wall, but they'll choose the wall so to speak. And then they'll hit another wall and another wall and another wall and throw up another red flag, another red flag and another red flag and another bot and but and but and, and there are times I have gotten off from a coaching call. And I'm like who I just feel like I run a marathon. I mean, that person is draining.
And I remember many years ago, 15 20 years ago, which is where this particular episode originated with the quote that I just gave you was Don Xavier was telling me I had to have more compassion with people. Because as I alluded to one of my biggest triggers, you know, for many years, was people just like abusing, or wearing you know, wearing me out, or taking advantage and taking and taking and taking so to speak. And hopefully that all was a little bit cogent. And it made sense while a lot cogent and it made sense to you. But look at your own life, when people would trigger you. Where I want you to go to or wherever request you go to, is to ask yourself, are you being compassionate? When people hate on you? Are you being compassionate? So think about that, when your mother and I've seen all these, you know, scenarios, family, you know, family members will gang up on each other.
And, you know, it's, it's everybody should support Suzanne, and if you don't, you're not a family team player, and you don't do this. And then what happens is they're beating up on one family member. And that family member then throws rocks back at them because they're beating up on her or him or whoever. And the reality is the ones that are beating up or not being compassionate. And the ones that be the one that's that's responding and beating up on those that are beating up them are also not being compassionate. Now, where do I want to go from here is I want to go to something that I tell people in the transformational coaching program, I tell them, that no matter what I say to you begin to see my job in the programs is to rattle cages. And the reason why is to start busting people out of their triggers. And what I tell people is no matter, and I'm always, I'm always respectful. That's my rule number one is I must be respectful to every one of my programs. But what I tell them is, whatever I say to you do not take it personally. It has nothing to do with you. Nothing, which I'll tell you why in a minute. And I've said before in the podcast that has nothing to do with you.
So for the first time ever, this round of TCP, we've had 1000s of people go through the full immersion program, which we're opening up again in September 2021. We do two a year. First time ever. And we don't have refunds either. I mean, we offer full refund. And I think we've had four refunds in three and a half years, literally for refunds out of 1000s of people and all these years. Honestly, that's how good the programs are. And we had something we've never had before, however, is we had somebody in the program, bad mouthing me in my own program. Now let me walk my talk is I didn't say much other than let's keep everything positive. And I didn't respond to them. I didn't hate on them. I didn't argue with them. I didn't judge them. I didn't criticize. I didn't do anything. Now I don't tolerate negativity in my groups. I don't at all. And I asked there'll be no, you know, no negativity, but I could have tossed them out of the group because I don't tolerate negativity, I could have tossed them out.
And the reason that I didn't toss them out, is because when I was working from is Let me be compassionate, that person is doing that because they're hurt, there's something going on with them, there's something being triggered in in them, which is the point of the programs, and they were literally, you know, busting on shamanism, and the programs are not about shamanism. But I talked about it a lot, because it's an ancient way of thinking and being. And I didn't toss them out, I could have tossed them out and said, Here's your money, go don't want to, you know, don't let the door hit you in the rear end. And I didn't, why? Because I was more concerned about their growth than I was about them hating on me. And that's where I work from. And I teach my coaches and I teach my team, that no matter how hateful somebody can be, and like I said, we don't have it any large degree. Always Be kind. Because we're here to serve. And being here to serve means that Yeah, somebody's triggering the heck out of the team, or the coaches or whatever, we all have our lessons to learn us to me too.
And so we're going to learn those lessons. It's not to be defensive or to fight back or to put people in their place or any of that. So I share with you listening right now, is I want you to look at how you respond when people are putting you down when you're doing things that you deem as negative or hurtful to you, other than the fact that they're actually hurting you in some way. But you know, when you're doing things that you interpret as hurtful, what are you doing back to them? Now, also, I want to point out, we're not going to go into here boundaries are vital, and most people have a hard time and boundaries. Boundaries are critical and vital in life. And we have to learn how to set very firm Yes, and very firm no boundaries. Okay, back to the podcast, and the content is. I said it, there's even an episode titled, and this will synopsize it.
And the quote is, and I looked for the original author, and I found a couple of different authors, people online postings all the time, they don't give credence and credit. But the the comment is, I am not who you think I am? Or I am not what you think I am. You are what you think I am. Consider that I'm not what you think I am. I'm what you think that I am. Now, this person that, for example, in my own groups have tried to help them for months. And they're hating on me online. But you know what, that doesn't define me because I have 1000's of testimonials and millions of downloads on this podcast. That person is not defining me. They're defining themselves as someone that has hate in them. Because if they didn't have hate in them, they couldn't hate on me.
It's like the example I gave you that Don Xavier gave me years ago about orange juice, you squeeze an orange, what comes out orange juice, you squeeze a lemon, what comes out lemon juice, when you squeeze people or they're squeezed, what comes out on social media is who they are. And it's like, I think kalil it was Khalil Gibran who said, words something along these lines, words are simply drippings, from the mind. So you know about this, even in which we're going to offer again in a few months, called the Be DO HAVE series. And the BE DO HAVE series is literally a four part really comprehensive series where I show people the mechanisms to change, their subconscious reprogramming to literally bust bad habits very, very quickly. And a way that actually works very well. And people have stopped a lot of years of counterproductive habits by doing what I show in that program. It's all free. And I spend eight hours, eight hours delivering that program. It's free. And you know what? After all the content that I give them, and people sign up, you know, they want it, I still will have maybe three, four or five 810 out of 1000's and 1000's. I mean, we'll have 10,000 registered hating on me. And they get deleted immediately from the group because they're going to hate on me, you know what I mean? at that level and playing out already with them, it's maybe they're just not a fit for this group and they need to go somewhere else because you're not even valuing what I'm sharing.
But I remember sharing a story in BE DO HAVE and I don't talk a lot about very little about shamanism or any of that. Because it's more brain based and cognitive psychology and transformational psychology and etc. And I said, Because Don Xavier said this, to me, one time, he goes, I lived my life, like a polished rock. And what he meant by that is when we polish ourselves, and we become that compassionate, loving person, we're smooth, metaphorically speaking, we polish our beingness. And I said, Don Xavier taught me that, you know, he's the shaman is what I said. And I said, what he taught me was that we need to live our lives, like a polished rock, and polished rock, things will slide off from it. Right? And a person in the group said, You know what, Jim, I was following you. Till you mentioned that about shamanism. And you completely completely lost me.
Probably the one time last year, I went and looked at a profile only because I just wanted to see kind of like who this person is. Guess what? blank profile again? But you know what? It didn't bother me. It didn't bother me in the least bit. None. Why? It weren't telling me who I was. They were telling me who they were. And in that moment, I you know, I'm like, okay, you know, I wish you well, I wish you well on your path and your way. But here's where a lot of people go into a tailspin, as I've alluded to, is they go into, you know, either anger, or arguing, or they go into the acceptance of the interpretations of other people. And then when people hate on them, they close down and they, they kind of like sealed themselves up from the world. And they stop shining. Why? A phrase that I heard a friend of mine say many years ago, and this is probably you guys have heard this before. But the phrase is hurt people, hurt people. Consider that hurt people hurt people. And the way that I look at it is why would I let? Why would I choose to let a hurt wounded person? Take my power. Why would I give them my happiness, and my well being and my peace of mind? Because see, I'm, I'm healed. We're all healing. That's why we're here. One of the reasons we're here on the planet. And maybe the entire reason is to heal and to evolve and to grow, as I've said before, why would I give all of my power away?
Let's go one step further here. Those of you that if you've got someone hating on you, that sends a lot of people into a tailspin, it really does. I've seen it you know, people on social media, and there'll be people hating on them, and boy, they just shut down. I expand. Now, I'm not inviting haters, but I expand more. Why? Because you guys aren't going to get me down. I know what I do. I know what I do. I know who I help. I know what I'm good at. I know the things that I've done in my lifetime and the people that I've worked with, that is my job, not to adhere to the haters or people who want to drag me down or for God forbid say bad things about me. And then people get into self pity about that wrong. I am not giving them my power. Something else I want you to recognize I started that thought a couple of seconds ago step further. Is that when people hate on other people, guess what's in them like the orange had mentioned?
Hate. Here's the unfortunate thing. Guess what, if they're hating on you, they're also hating on themselves. Think about that. Because like the orange, the orange juice, hate can't come out of them. Unless hate is in them. And if hate is in them, if they direct it to you, they also I assure you they direct it back At themselves, they're living a very hateful, very spiteful life that has nothing to do with you. So take that and take the episode and chew on it for a bit, chew on it and digest it. And the main thing, because I've done an episode on this before long, maybe a year ago, and sometimes we hear things in a different way, a year later, first time, well, I thought I got it, they went right over ahead. Please just pay attention. And think about how you've given your power away to people, when they hate on you or they're angry on you, so to speak. And you know what I mean by that, where they're, they're tossing anger at you. So I'll show you I'll toss my anger right back at you.
And that moment, you have reduced yourself and given them your power. Because anytime as I said, your takeaway, your transformational takeaway is, I am not who you think I am. You are who you think I am I and where I'm working from, is it's a journey. Let me Master compassion. Let me Master being the healthiest human being that I can be. I've also learned that when people are ugly to us, we're ugly to them. No one learns, no one grows. But if someone's ugly to us, and we are compassionate to them. Not always. But most times, people will see that as an example. And it will soften them a little bit. And it will help them open their heart. So the more that we open our hearts with other people, the more other people can open their hearts and feel safe around us because they've been treated kindly. And the way that I look at it, it's a ripple effect. It takes all of us to create the, you know, the the expansion over time and generations on the entire planet, just being good to each other. So, one more thing.
We started posting these on YouTube, if you would, please, please actually comment on the YouTube videos. And I'm requesting that your comments be positive, empowering, helpful comments. If not, someone on my social media team will delete your comment. And I don't even know if they can block your facebook. But I mean, YouTube, I don't, I don't allow it. I just don't allow the negativity in my life. And I shut the door on it. And whatever you choose to do after that is after that, but if you're watching this on YouTube, if you would please comment on the video, it'll probably help our algorithms as we grow our YouTube channel, and share, share the content I've asked before, please share the content if you find something in the episodes, share them on social media. Why? Because if you find something valuable, other people will as well. And there's a reason this this podcast has over 2 million downloads, and just that two years. Okay, so let's be kind, and be good to one another. And thank you for listening, and I'll catch you over on another episode. All right, do what you can to make it a great day to day. Bye bye.
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