EPISODE 24: “Q & A – Do You Think It’s Possible To Be Truly Happy When You’re Married To Someone Who Is Not?”
This is not at all an uncommon question. Actually, I’m quite surprised at the number of relationships that fall into this category. One person wants to be happy, and the other grows as fast as a tortoise.
I see it all the time, one person is growing, and the other is not.
What usually happens is that one will stop growing and fall back into old patterns so as not to disturb the relationship, that’s most revalent, or both will decide to grow.
What I know is that the more misaligned the identities become the wider the gap in connection and relationship.
In this episode I talk about:
As well, if you’ve been listening to my podcast for a while, you know I go a lot deeper than what is mentioned here.
You can be happy anywhere when you’re 100% responsible for yourself.
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You’re listening to episode number 24 of the Transform your Life from the Inside Out podcast. This episode is a Q and A episode, and I’m going to answer Rebecca’s question. Her question is, “Do you think it’s possible to be truly happy when you’re married to someone who is not?” Now, by the very nature of Rebecca’s question, she’s missing the entire concept of living from the inside out, and I’m not picking on Rebecca because many people are still missing the concept. If you have the same question about your relationship or your partner and it’s like Rebecca is, then keep listening. If not, keep listening anyway because there’s a lot of great stuff in this episode.
Hi, I’m Jim Fortin, and you’re about to start transforming your life from the inside out. With this podcast, I’m widely considered the leader in subconscious transformation and I’ve coached super achievers all around the world for over 25 years. Here, you’re going to find no rah-rah motivation and no hype because this podcast is a combination of brain science, transformational psychology and ancient wisdom all rolled into one to take your life to levels you’ve never thought possible. If you’re wanting a lot more in life to feel better, to heal, to have peace of mind, to feel powerful and alive and to bring more abundance and prosperity into your life, then this podcast is for you, because you’re going to start learning how to master your mind and evolve your consciousness. And when you do that, anything you want then becomes possible for you. I’m glad you’re here.
The Biggest Challenge in Marriage is Not Knowing Yourself
Okay, so Rebecca asks an interesting question and that question is, “Do you think it’s possible to be truly happy when you’re married to someone who is not?” The thing about this question is, I don’t have enough information to answer it to the degree that I would want to. So I’m going to answer it to the degree that I can, but there’s so many variables missing here. You know the variables missing here, things that come to mind is, you know, this indentured servitude marriage is you know, an arranged marriage. And I’m kidding about that. Do you have to stay in this marriage? Do you want to stay in this marriage? Is this a marriage worth staying in? And then why are you staying in this marriage if it’s not supporting you? Now, again, I only ask this questions that come to mind to me, and they pop into my mind because, you know, I’m really curious about some things here that we’ll go over as we spend our time together today.
You know, here’s the thing though, Rebecca’s question is not an unusual one. You know, observing people in the world. You know, here in the US I think our divorce rate, I don’t know, maybe you know better, but I think it’s like 52%. And then people are 53 or something like that, which basically means 50% of people who get married, half of all marriages don’t work out. On top of that, I think the number is of the people who get married and get divorced when they marry again, I think there’s something like a 73% divorce rate. Let me go off and segue way here for a second is, the biggest challenge in marriages is that people don’t know themselves. I think many people are more in love with the idea of being in love and being married than they actually are you know, in love with the person that they’re marrying.
I see so much emotional immaturity in the world. I see a lot of blame. I see, I see a lot of victim mentality, and then one of the biggest mistakes that I see in marriage, and I see this all the time, is people think marriage is 50-50, you bring 50 and then I’ll bring 50. And then what happens is when one partner, you know, one partner thinks you’re doing a lot and they say, hey, you know, I’m bringing my 50% and then look at their partner and they’re thinking, hey, my partners only bringing 37% they’re not showing up. Then the person bringing 50% points and blames, and then it becomes a blame game back and forth. The entire thing melts down. What I want you to understand, and this pertains to Rebecca’s question, is that you are 100% responsible for your own happiness and your relationship.
Now, I also want to go here because I don’t have enough information with her question. Is she even in a compatible, you know, relationship that actually supportive one that actually works for her. Many people get married and they’re miserable for years, but they don’t want to get a divorce because of the church or what their family’s going to think or whatever. And the truth is, they probably should not have been married in the first place. But like I said, if I had to guess, and I’m going to guess through years of experience, probably 80% percent of people listening to this podcast, they are in marriages that are kind of like, you know, it’s okay. I mean, we’re not setting the world on fire. There’s not that much more, uh, what’s the word? We’re not the romantic. Yeah, romantic. I was thinking, I heard somebody who wants to say romantical and I know that’s not the word. But you know, there’s not a lot of romance left in the marriage, and I see so many people staying in very, very static relationships that really don’t serve either person in the relationship.
So where I started just a couple of minutes ago with Rebecca is that she’s working from the outside end, saying there’s something in my life, my partner, it’s external and I’m basing my happiness based upon the external relationship. And you’re literally working backwards what you’re doing, Rebecca, and many people listening. And by the way, I pick Rebecca’s question because I know a lot of people can relate to it. Rebecca, you’re actually making your happiness based upon who your partner is and how, you know, how they’re being in the ways that they’re being.
And what you’re doing is you’re working from the outside in instead of the inside out. You’re actually basing your happiness and how you feel, with the concept of happiness, how you feel based upon something outside of you. And the surest way, for everyone listening, that’s why when I started, I said, even if you know you’re not in a relationship, listen, the surest way to be unhappy is to base your happiness on how others are or how they treat you. When you’re basing your happiness upon externals things outside of yourself, you’re probably never going to be happy. Why? Because externals change all the time. Or you’re going to go up and down when things outside of you actually work according to your expectation or your rules or the way that you think, you know, the world should work, then you’re happy. And then when the externals change, you’re unhappy.
So as you can see, working from the outside in is not very stable because we go up, and we’d go down based upon the externals in life. Also, like I said, I don’t have enough information here. So what I don’t know is, what is the reason for and the conditions of the marriage. And when I say reason for, some of you might think, well, they were in love. I don’t know that, I don’t have enough information. I know some people, and especially women, they get married because they are going, they believe it’s going to provide security for them. Security is a high value for women more so than men. Even though security is an illusion and it doesn’t exist, many women will get into relationships because of the perceived security they’re going to get from the relationship.
And there are many other factors. Was that a social factor? Was it a cultural factor? Were you pregnant? I mean, was it financial? And I’ve heard people say, you know what, we weren’t really, you know, that much in love, but it just seemed like the next logical step. So you know, I’m looking here in, because what I’m wondering, the bigger picture is that you’ve got a partner that’s not compatible than what’s causing you to stay. And there is something causing you to stay, everything from security or financial security, or kids, or not wanting to break up the home or even low self esteem, or victim mentality or whatever it is. There’s something causing you to stay in a relationship that is extensively based upon your question. And again, I don’t have enough because you know, when you say unhappy, how unhappy is your partner? I mean, are they miserable?
You know, yelling and screaming at the dog every day. Are they basically just in a malaise in life? Are they lethargic in life? Are they a victim? Also, you know, life never changes and you know, they never get a break. I don’t know that you know, the degree to unhappiness that you’re talking about. And then I want to go also, I want to advocate that I am not a family therapist, I am not giving therapy. I’m simply sharing some opinions here. But another question that I have is what’s causing you to stay? I mean, clearly by your question, you said that he’s unhappy and then you’re wondering, what you’re really saying is, can I be truly happy in a relationship where my partner is truly unhappy? So then I ask, well, you know, why not move? Why not actually exit the relationship or move to a relationship where you will be happy.
And I want to actually take a step back even farther and look at, you know, I want to ask, is there times and have there been times when the relationship was happy? Is there something that changed in him or whoever, you know, her or whatever, you know, whatever gender your partner is, is there something that’s changed that makes them unhappy? To give you an example of that, a husband and wife, one of my former students in my transformational coaching program, very, very affable personality. I mean very, very wonderful woman, and her husband had back pain. And that also affects people’s, obviously their physiology, but their, their mental wellbeing as well. And he was always in a bad mood, and it was affecting obviously the quality of the relationship. So I don’t have enough information here because I, but I’m going to keep going because I know I’ll say some things that will resonate with many different people in many kinds of ways.
So a couple of big questions that I have for you, Rebecca is this, what’s causing you to stay in a relationship that does not build or support you? Now also another caveat here is, I’ve had people say, and I’ve had women say, and by the way it goes both directions. I do not want to be sexist here, but predominantly it is women that do not want to leave relationships. Even though we’re evolving as a culture, I mean we’re still living in to some degree “man’s world.” It just is what it is. But many times, and especially if kids are involved, and women get pregnant and are out of the workforce for several years, that diminishes their self esteem or their belief in their capabilities and skills. And then many times, women if they want out of the relationship, they feel trapped because they haven’t been in the workforce and they feel that they cannot compete.
So all these questions that I’m asking, I’m just postulating all the way through because again, I don’t know your background, Rebecca. But maybe he supports you financially. So you’re like, you know what, I have that stability. But even though he’s a miserable guy, I’ll just stay with him and I’ll deal with it because at least you know what, I’m fat. I got a roof over my head. I’ve got a car, the kids are taken cared of. But a question that I have is, what causes you to stay in a relationship that does not build or support you?
You know, I want to share a story with you here. Many years ago, back about 20 years ago when I worked at the Hypnosis Institute in New York City, I remember this couple, a young couple, husband and wife, they were in their early thirties. They were about both anywhere, I don’t know, 30-40 pounds overweight, maybe even 50 pounds overweight. And they came in for weight loss hypnotherapy. And very quickly she started getting results. And I saw changes in behavior. What I see a lot of times when women start getting results, and they start trimming down is they start feeling pretty again. Because many times they feel like when they’re overweight, they’re not pretty. And that’s just not true, for the most part. But I noticed she started changing. I mean, she started like, she got her hair done, and started wearing makeup, and started buying new clothes. And the very first appointment he came in and some old raggedy jeans and a t-shirt, and she came in in some old raggedy jeans and a t-shirt. But as she started losing weight, she started changing her external appearance, which was coming from the inside.
However, he didn’t get the results that she did. And he never changed any of his external appearance because nothing changed on the inside. And I said to myself, I wonder what’s going to happen here? Is she going to grow away and out of him, or is she going to let him pull her back? And what happened is she, even though she was growing, she let him pull her back, you know, back into the old patterns and she gained the weight back and everything else. I see that so much, and especially my transformational coaching programs, people that are in my programs or people that are serious about, not motivation, but about about core level change and evolving and growing themselves, and literally just transforming themselves. I mean, that’s why they’re called, you know, that’s what’s called the transformational coaching program. And I see so many people that say, you know what, I’m on the move, man, I’m growing. And my life is changing, and I’m seeing these results, and my business is growing because I’m in your program. And I’m feeling better and I’m dropping this weight, and I’m letting go of my fears and phobias and all this kind of stuff.
And then I hear a lot of times, yes, that’s me. But what do I do if I’ve got a partner at home that has no desire and growth? Now I can’t, I can’t even, propose or even think that I have the answer to that. But I want to give you perhaps a couple of things to think about. And the reason that I say that is that I don’t have the answers. I don’t think anyone has the answers. Everyone’s living their life. Everyone’s living their own values. Everyone’s living also their Karma. And you have to look at what’s right for you.
One of my mentors, her name is Peggy, she’s an NLP trainer. Very, very high level NLP trainer. She learned NLP in there linguistic programming from the cofounders, Richard Bandler and John Grinder back in the 70s. And she’s worked with the biggest names in the NLP industry for many years. Peggy’s approaching 80 now. And she had been one of the most significant people in my life for a lot of years. And she was my coach for a lot of years. And a trusted advisor, I would call her not only a coach, but a trusted adviser and friend. And many years ago, just inadvertently, I said, “Peggy, how do you know?…” And she was in her fifties when I asked her this question. I said, “how do you know when you’re with the right person?” Now this day and age, I’ve been in the same for 18 years, and it’s a very healthy relationship. But like any relationship, there’s growth pains. I mean, every relationship, I don’t care how many of your or if you’re in one long one, if you’re growing, there’s always going to be growth pains. And we finally have gotten to a place where, you know what, it’s like an airplane and we’re at 48 you know, 48,000 feet, and skies are clear, and it’s smooth sailing because we’ve learned how to communicate, and learned how to actually work with each other.
But Peggy said something to me that I want to share with you. And what’s interesting is even Peggy mentored me for about 20 years, and the last 10 years she actually, I mean, she’d moved away doing some different things. And I saw her for lunch a few months ago. She was in town and I called her and said, let’s have lunch. And many years ago, when I asked her the question about a relationship, you know, how do you know it’s the right one or the right fit for you, or whatever.
She said, “Oh that’s easy..” She goes, “I look at the person that I’m with and I ask myself, is my life better with them or better without them?” And you know, I’ve always thought that’s pretty simple, but it’s also pretty powerful. There’s a, you know, as a person that you’re with, do they empower you? Do they make your life better? Do they enrich your life or do they drain your life? And that’s a really good barometer. And having lunch a few months ago I said, “You know, Peggy, you know, I remember asking you that many years ago. And you know, you’re in your 50s, and obviously, you’ve also grown and matured in the last, you know, 25 years. Do you still believe that?” And she said, “Absolutely. When I look at all of my relationships, the barometer that I work from is, does this person empower me or disempower me?” And from there I choose, you know, whether or not I want to keep them in my life or I want to limit my exposure to them.
So a more complex answer here is, can you be happy in a relationship where your partner is not happy? Which is the question. What I want to point out is that happiness is an inside job. I’m only speaking for me, I’m not dispensing advice. I am not coaching personally. I would not choose to be in a relationship where my partner did not build me. What I also want to point out is that no one’s perfect. You know the biggest mistake that I see a lot of people making and especially young people, you know, kids in their twenties, and especially women, young women is, many people are looking for the perfect partner, and especially women are looking for the perfect man.
What I’ve recognized over the years, and I’m not all that old, I mean I’m 54, but what I’ve recognized is there is no perfect partner. And Peggy also shared this with me one time we were, talking and she said to me, which was very powerful. She said, “No one person can be everything to you.” But what a lot of us do is we look for that one person, oh, our partner is going to be everything. They’re going to be the perfect partner when it comes to the house and our tastes and living in the way we’re going to raise the kids, and what we think about religion, and what we think about politics, and what we think about sex, and the amount of sex we have, and the degree of sex we have, and what we think socially and where we want to live. People, many people look for that perfect partner. And then when they can’t find, you know, this perfection in their partner now they’re not happy in the relationship.
I see that all the time. So what I want to share here is, no one person can complete a 100% of, or no one person can be 100% of what you want someone to be. For the most part, and I said the most part because I’ve never seen it. Not in my own life, and actually in no person’s life that I’ve coached or worked with, have I ever seen one person be 100% of what someone else needs? So just a couple of minutes ago, I said that happiness is an inside job. But a question that I have here for you is when I’m really serious about this is what’s the point of a relationship, of this relationship if it doesn’t fulfill one of your fundamental needs or in some way what you don’t know, what you don’t say here in your question is to what degree are you unhappy?
And there are also some people, like I said, this is a hard question to answer. There are some people, men and women, no matter what you do, you cannot please them. I’ve seen it. I mean, no matter you’ve been there for backwards, you buy them $100 million house and a Ferrari and a yacht in a boat. You give them, you know, expense account, everything. They have everything in life and they’re still not happy. And they’re still ungrateful. So I don’t know these variables in your own dynamics. So basically I’m doing right now what I call talking out into the air, and hopefully, you know, all of you listening can see yourself in here at some place. You know, something else that popped to my mind is this, thinking about your question is that you’re in a relationship. I mean, when people are married, obviously that or even together, that is a relationship, but what’s the relationship of the relationship if you’re not getting what you think you need?
And it might even be your love language. I don’t know if you’re not getting what you think you need out of your relationship. By the way, I recommend the book. It’s called “The Five Love Languages.” Really good book. And I think that book has probably saved a lot of marriages. Where I see a lot of conflict in the relationship or relationships is where people have two different love languages and they’re loving their predominant love. Language is not being met. And when a person’s love language is not being met, I tell you that’s a rough relationship. So I’m asking you, do you know your partner’s love language and do they know yours? So just food for thought for everyone listening somewhere else, I’m gonna go here, I’m just stabbing in the dark, as I say, talking in the air, but many people, and I see a lot of this, many people stay in bad relationships because they don’t want to hurt the other person.
And what I want to share with you is you cannot hurt the other person. All that you can do is do what you do. And they’re going to hurt themselves based upon what they choose to think. But what many people do is they say like, you know what, I, you know, I see this a lot with women. My husband’s a wonderful man. He’s a good provider, he’s a good father, he’s good to the kids. He’s given us a nice life. And you know, I know that he’s not having, having an affair and everything else, but I just don’t feel it anymore. It’s just, it’s just not there anymore. And by the way, that can be rekindled in most, in many cases, it can be rekindled. What many people do is they condition themselves out of the relationship and out of love and life just becomes a routine.
But what I want to point out, the reason I started that thought is, many women go there and I hear how many times he’s a wonderful man. He’s a great husband and it’s just not there anymore. So women, what they will do is they’ll say, you know what, I don’t want to leave because I don’t want to hurt him. But you know what? No one made you responsible for his feelings. So many people because they’ve got a good heart. And many people want to stay in a relationship simply because they don’t want to hurt the other. But when they do that, they’re assuming the responsibility of the feelings for the person they do not want to hurt. And then what happens is many relationships become just humdrum by the numbers. Not a lot of passion, but tell you what, let’s just live together for a lot of years in past time and you know, raise the kids.
And by the way, teach the kids by a bad example of how not to be in a good relationship. Let’s just pass the time until we kick the bucket. And if you feel that way, and I don’t mean kicking the bucket, but if you’re passing the time, you’re not alone. Like I said, I’ve done this a lot of years and hopefully now by listening as much as you have, you know that I’ve done this a lot of years and worked with a lot of people more than I can even count. And mediocre relationships are pretty much par for the course in this country. As I said a little bit earlier is, I’m not a licensed family therapist or counselor. So I want to be very clear as I’m not dispensing any marriage advice, I’m simply just actually, you know, putting out food for thought and things that you may want to think about.
But for me in particular, I cannot see how it’s fulfilling to stay in a relationship that is unfulfilling. If, here’s the caveat, if my partner does not want to grow, that being said, have you tried working with your partner and talking to your partner about what your needs are? See what’s missing. And Rebecca’s question is, she’s also just saying that, you know, how can she be truly happy in a relationship with a partner who’s not happy? What we don’t have enough information, you know about here is, is Rebecca asking for her needs to be met, and this is both men and women, I see this all the time. And by the way, you know, being transparent, I used to be there, used to be very hard for me to ask for my needs to be met. I’m not in that place today, but I’ve been there so I can identify with it so many times if it’s hard for us to ask for our needs to be met. What we do, and this applies to both men and women, what we do is we just bottle up and then as stupid as it says, we get mad. Because then we get mad because their needs are not met. And you know, what we never expressed their needs.
Something else I want to point out here, being a hypnotist, you know, for a lot of years and and doing hypnotherapy is there is a misnomer in our world that men and women are different emotionally. That’s not true. If you actually asked two people getting a divorce, um, you ask a man and a woman and you had them fill out a questionnaire about how they felt. And it was very generic, but basically how do you feel? What are you thinking? But mainly what do you feel? And you had them type it so that you couldn’t tell the handwriting or suppose that it was either a man or a woman.
I’m going to tell you, and a lot of women are like, really? I didn’t know that men, they are as emotionally vulnerable, and I’m gonna use this word, but weak on the inside is women. And there are, the only reason I picked weak, meaning, it’s just an arbitrary word that I picked. But let me just go back and put it this way. Men get as emotionally hurt in bad relationships or damaged relationships are not getting what they need. They get as emotionally hurt or scarred or traumatized as women. They just show it in different ways. So consider that. Also what I, you know, like I said, I don’t, I don’t know any history here with Rebecca, but what I know is if you’re not happy in your relationship, unless your partners are rock, your partner’s not, not happy either. And the reason why is because if you’re not happy, you’re not showing up.
And if you’re not showing up, that probably means your partner’s needs are not getting met. And if your partner’s needs are not getting met, then they’re not showing up. And now you have this entire cycle of you don’t show up, he doesn’t show up or they don’t show up and you don’t show up and they don’t show up. And it’s just this cycle of mediocrity in relationship. So personally, I only speaking personally, I would not be in a dead relationship. I would not be in a relationship where I was not supported. I would not be in a relationship where I am torn down. I don’t, I don’t expect the world from my partner because I know again, that, you know, no one person can be everything to us.
I want to segue there for a second. If you’re not getting your leveling, which that I met, that’s more of a significant thing. But the way that I look at it also is there are ways around that as well. And I’m not going to go into it in this episode, but there are always ways to find, to have your needs met. Also, if you’re withholding needs of your partner, and I’m speaking especially to women right now, men and women are wired differently, physiologically. I don’t think I have to explain that to any woman listening to this podcast. Every woman knows that. However, and I, you know, it’s so amazing the, the lives that we live as human beings, that so many people live the same kind of lives, but nobody talks about them. But a sexual relationships are very, very common. Where I mean people are not having their, they’re having sex once every three months and it’s not her or him. And sometimes it’s the man that is not very sexual and the woman is frustrated or sometimes it’s the woman and the man is frustrated.
It can go either way. But you know what? This is what I know I’m going to talk to you women is if your husband’s more sexual than you and those needs aren’t getting met, this is what I know is that unmet needs they will be met. And this is why we live in a country. The last time I read these statistics, 60% of men and 40% of women have had an extra marital affair. Why? Plain and simple for the most part I’m going to generalize, but they’re not getting whatever needs they might have met at home. Okay?
So Rebecca, some questions I have for you here is, are you, you know, are you not getting some of your needs met? Like I said, we just don’t have enough information. But however he’s being like, the first question is, is that a deal breaker for you? You need to look at that. Also, you need to look at, does this relationships serve my higher growth? And there’s a couple of places I can go with that. Does it serve what you might need as a woman? Maybe not. I don’t know. Does it serve what you might need as a person? Maybe not, but apparently not. But I also look at higher growth. What I look at is how can you evolve and grow yourself in this relationship as a being without tossing stones at him, without pointing fingers and saying it’s all you and because of you, I’m not unhappy. So what can you learn and how, how can you grow from this? How can you evolve? Here’s a big question that most people never ask relationship. You guys have all heard it before. Relationship. A marriage is a two way highway. What I rarely hear people do is say, what have I done to contribute to this.
Many years ago, when I lived in New York City, I don’t know where I heard it, maybe I was listening to TV or radio, or something back in 1999, 19 the 1998 or so, and I heard this guy say, uh, his wife left him and she actually got no relationship with Jerry Seinfeld. And the guy said, Jerry Seinfeld stole my wife. Well, no he didn’t. Jerry Seinfeld did whatever he did, which I don’t know what it was that he did, but you know what, if your wife was happy in the relationship that she was in, she never would have left. So, Mr victim here, have you asked yourself what you did to contribute to your wife leaving you and going with Jerry Seinfeld? Another question here for Rebecca, and everyone else is in my transformational coaching programs, the foundation are the program is who do I have to be and what way? What characteristics? So Rebecca have you ask yourself, in what ways can I be and how can I be that if I were being someone different, maybe he would shift.
Rebecca, you know what we tend to do here is you’re listening to the podcast. So what we tend to do as people, we tend to generalize and say, Oh Rebecca is the good one. She’s the one growing. And yes, Rebecca is on top of it and her husband must be like some kind of jerk. But the truth is this, Rebecca, or maybe not the truth, but a question to ask is how are you being, are you, are you, are you mean are you angry? Do you throw things at him? Which by the way, when it comes to abuse and relationships, that goes both ways as well. I’ve seen women be abused and I’ve seen women abuse men. Even one of my really good friends, he’s six foot two 210 pounds, muscular, former air force, air force, catty academy graduate. And he told me one time, he’s like, you know what, I’ve never told you this.
And he’s not married to her anymore. But he goes, she beats me and he goes, I can’t tell you that the amount of times I’ve had to actually hold her arms so she couldn’t slug me. She has slapped me, she has kicked me, she has beat me and he’s a really gentle guys are really, really good guy, but the reality is is when it comes to abuse and that goes both ways. So Rebecca, what I don’t know is how are you showing up in the relationship? Maybe you showed up in a way that caused him to actually be unhappy. I don’t know. Let me rephrase that. You showed up in ways he didn’t know how to deal with it. Therefore he became the victim of and became unhappy and now he’s unhappy, but yet you were part of the cause of that. Is that a possibility?
Yeah, absolutely. Because again, we don’t have enough information here. Another question you might want to ask yourself a a very high level question, is this relationship worth being in? That is a very, very big question as well. Is this relationship worth saving? Another question I have for you and everyone listening is what am I afraid of being transparent? As I said, I’ve been in the same relationship for 18 years. I am not afraid to be alone. Actually, even though I’m an extrovert and I do a lot of things in public, I really enjoy my alone time and I could very well be single. I just, I do not have a problem with that, with being single. I’m not afraid to be single. A lot of people are afraid of that, but this is what I know is that many people are afraid to leave the relationship because of whatever it represents to them.
And what I want to share with you guys and Rebecca, as I said, third time, I’m not a marriage, you know, therapist, I’m not advocating you leave or any of that, but what I’m telling everyone is if you’re afraid to leave a relationship, you have no power in that relationship. Why? Because you acquiesce to your partner every single time because you’re afraid of you don’t acquiesce. Then your partner’s going to leave you and you’re going to be alone. And then whatever that represents to you, whether it be companionship or financial security, your emotional security or sex or whatever it is, you don’t rock the boat because you’re afraid that you’re going to be left. And when you work from that place, you have no power because your partner, whether it be male or female, will always have their thumb over you. One more question we’re going to wrap up is, is this, am I being 100% responsible for myself and my own happiness?
Now we’re talking about Rebecca here, but you know what? As you guys are listening, you ladies are listening. I’m sure there’s a whole lot of bells and went off and you’re like, Yep, that’s me. I see this, I see that. Yep. And probably some of you in a good portion are saying, you know what, I could have asked the same, you know the same question Rebecca asks and things that Jim Mustang Rebecca, they also apply to me. Rebecca, what you’re not being is 100% responsible for your own happiness because you’re predicating and basing your happiness on your husband or your partner, and if this person is unhappy, therefore you’re also becoming happy and then you’re doing what we started this podcast with your working from the outside in instead of the inside out.
Okay, transformational takeaway this week is we for the most part, can be happy anywhere when we are 100% responsible for ourselves. Rebecca, does your partner actually build you or take from you and I want you to get very objective about that answer because that answer right there is a big answer for you. Okay, well that wraps up this week’s podcast and it wraps separate. Beck is question, which again was, do you think it’s possible to be truly happy when you’re married to someone who is not? Okay. Next episode is, it’s about the number one thing that you were looking for in life. Most people, and I think you’re starting to get it by this point. No, Matt. Well, if you’ve been listening for awhile, most people work backwards, which is why I call this podcast transforming your life from the inside out. Most people work backwards. They work from the homes and the cars and the title and the social acceptance and are people going to, you know, appreciate me and are people going to look up to me and satiating my ego and and all this social status, which by the way, social status as as as a very heavy social currency. It drives people and a lot of research demonstrates that, but the number one thing that you want in life, you go out, most of you go outside of yourself to look for it, but the number one thing that you want is not external. It’s internal and it’s inside of you and that’s what we’re going to talk about on the next episode. So keep listening and sharing with your friends. Thanks for listening today and do what you can to make it a great day to day.
Bye Bye. Thank you for listening to this entire podcast. If you’re the kind of person who likes to help others, then share this with your friends and family. You know, if you found value, they will too. So please share via your social media channels. Also, if you have questions, I’m here to assist. You can email me questions to email@example.com and I may even use your question for a future podcast episode. Also, if you want transformational content like this daily connect with me on Instagram. My Instagram name is I am gym for 10 finally, I do have a personal request. I believe that we’re all here to help others and to grow and evolve ourselves. Together. You and I, let’s help more people. If you would please leave a review on iTunes and a good one. By the way, I’d be grateful and through your assistance together we can transform more lives. Thanks for listening.
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