EPISODE 62: “Q & A – How Do I Not Let The Behavior Of Others Affect My Thought Process And Internal State?”
People drive you crazy? Do people do and say things that constantly trigger you? Do you find yourself reacting to the people around you?
If so, you’re going to love this episode.
As I mention in this episode, what I’ve worked on for some time is not giving people my inner peace.
As the Dalai Lama once said, “Let no one’s behavior disturb your internal peace” and I’ve been working from that place for years.
In this episode I talk about:
Seriously, just placing attention and thought into what I share with you in this episode can change your life.
Master your attention around the concept and power of internal peace and your life will transform in ways you cannot possibly imagine.
Do not let others have your internal peace.
You're listening to episode number 62 of the Transform your Life from the inside out podcast. Now this is a Q&A episode and in this episode, I'm going to actually answer Brooks question about how not to let the behavior of other people affect your internal state. Stay tuned.
Hi, I'm Jim Fortin and you're about to start Transforming Your Life from the Inside Out with this podcast. I'm widely considered a leader in Subconscious Transformation. And I've coached super achievers all around the world for over 25 years. Here, you're going to find no rah rah motivation and no hype. Because this podcast is a combination of Brain Science, Transformational Psychology, and Ancient Wisdom all rolled into one to take your life to levels you've never thought possible. If you're wanting a lot more in life, to feel better, to heal, to have peace of mind to feel powerful and alive. To bring more abundance and prosperity into your life, and this podcast is for you, because you're going to start learning how to master your mind and evolve your consciousness. And when you do that, anything you want then becomes possible for you. I'm glad you're here.
Your Expectations of People Are Limiting You
Okay, so a lot of you probably were pulled in by Brook's topic of not letting the behavior of other people affect your thought processes and your internal state. Now, Brookes sent a much, much longer question. And I'm not going to get into the whole thing. I do want to keep every episode as best I can relevant to the bigger part of the audience. But she did mention in her question, so I'll share this because it will probably apply to a lot of you. She is a mother and she's talking about to some degree, how not to let the behavior of our kids affect our internal state. So let me share something with you and this is the big leap for a lot of people, and this is a very special question to me, because it's something that I've been working on for quite some time. And it's not that I let people have my internal peace, which is where I want to go in this episode. It's that for the last couple of years, where I have worked from in my life is to not let other people steal my internal peace.
There's a quote I read a couple of years ago by I think it was the Dalai Lama. And literally, the quote was as simple as that is, "Do not let the behaviors of other people steal your internal peace". So we'll talk about that here. And when I read that quote, it reminded me, again, I don't know where you are in terms of listening to the podcast. As I tell everyone, I think a great place to start is to go back to the very beginning and just start there. Everything in this program will pertain for the most part to your life. And the reason I say that is If you've been listening for a while you know that my brother in law is a Shaman.
Shamans are Healers or Seers, SHAMAN. He's a shaman, a sorcerer, a babalau, and even more than that. But I remember many years ago, when I lived in New York City, he called me one day and we were talking. And speaking of stealing your internal peace, I'm in New York City is a very loud place. But he said to me one day,this was back probably 20 something years ago. And he said to me, one of your biggest limitations is that you have expectations of people. And then when they do not meet your expectations, you get angry, you get bent out of shape, you get disappointed, and a myriad of emotions. Basically, I was not a happy camper. And when I read that quote from the Dalai Lama about let no one's behavior steal your internal peace. I started thinking that will when I had expectations of people and then they didn't do what they said they would do or what I air quote expected them to do. Then I gave them all of my internal peace and that's what I want to explore in this episode because I tell people in all of my coaching programs that the one thing that I want for them more than anything else is I want for them to have well being and joy and peace and you might have heard me say before that it's really hard to do anything in life if you do not have peace of mind.
And that being said, there's also an episode i don't know i think it's number six or so. And in that episode, I think it's titled something like living your highest potential well, you're living your highest potential as a being and you've heard me say before that the Internet personalities and the gurus and the blah blah personalities online will say things like, live your highest potential and, and basically what they're meaning is something external setting the world on fire, or starting some multi level marketing company or, buying a big home or Ferrari or getting a PhD, whatever.
You're living your highest potential as a being because you're a human being, you're living your highest potential and from your highest potential when you learn to silence your mind. Now, you may want to go back and listen to that episode and the whole episode is about silencing your mind. But that is power. Because here in Brooke's question, if you look at Brooke you look at yourself is that anytime the external world is affecting us, the reason it's affecting us is because we're letting it actually rob us of our internal peace. Now, have you ever noticed before maybe you're in the meditation or yoga and meditation or self hypnosis or mindfulness or, or maybe even sitting on the back porch and listening to the birds, but if you ever noticed that and it seems so simple that most of us miss it. Have you ever noticed that when you're quiet, for the most part, when you're quiet internally and externally, you're at peace?
So what I want you to look at is, what behaviors of other people? What behaviors affect your internal peace and to what degree? Now, also what I don't know here is I don't know, Brooke personally. Now, could Brooke be easily triggered? Maybe? I don't know. Could Brooke be reactive and a lot of people are reactive. I used to be very reactive. I'm not that way anymore, but I definitely used to be. So let's say for example, that Brooke has really high expectations. And I don't know, I'm only postulating I'm only thinking because I don't know Brooke personally, but let's say that that Brooke has high expectations of people. Let's say that Brooke might have control issues. Let's say that Brooke might even be sensitive to loud noise or things of this nature, then all this being said, maybe she has high expectations of people. And then when people her kids in particular, do not meet her expectations, or they do not say they're going to do what they say they're going to do, where she has control issues, and she can't control them. Then what happens is they trigger her and she loses her internal state of peace and well being.
Now again, I don't know if any of that pertains to her. But you know what, this is what I do know. When I throw out those ideas, and again, whether or not they apply to Brooke doesn't matter. But when I threw them out, there are some of you listening that are like, whoa, yeah, that applies to me is that I'm extremely reactive, or I have high expectations of people. And then when they don't meet them, I get upset. And I get bent out of shape, or even control issues. If you've got heavy control issues, and then when people don't actually when you can't control them or they don't meet your expectations of what you want to do to control them. That also sends people in to a tizzy and, and for the most part sent a lot of people over the edge.
So what I want you to look at is because as I read the question here, I'm guessing that Brooke's kids, when they were being a certain way were a trigger for her. What I also don't know is how many kids is it three kids? Or is it 11 Kids? I don't know. And obviously, that comes into play because you got two kids fighting for your attention. That's not the same thing as having five kids fighting for your attention, whole different ball of wax. So I wish I could answer more clearly. But it all comes down to this. It all comes down to internal balance and internal peace. My brother in law, I just want to segue here for a moment when I say he's a Shaman. I mean, he is a Shaman. He is a Babalau which in Santeria that's a priest. He is in the wall, and he's a sorcerer. Sorcerers practice sorcery, meaning they interact with source. When people are sick, and doctors can't find what's wrong with them, they come to him. He's very inexpensive, his waiting list is a year long. And unlike a guru, let's say for example, that you're in an Ashram in India, the guru for the most part imparts just wisdom and lessons and people integrate or listen, or don't integrate, whatever. Working with a Shaman is also an energetic game and it can be very challenging just to be candid with you.
And my brother in law many years ago would poke at me, which I never liked. And now I'm I I've learned to evolve and grow past that. But he used to poke at me, and it would trigger me. And years later, he was telling me and we're talking and he says, the reason that I used to poke at you is because it's like an orange. If you squeeze an orange, you get orange juice. And if you squeeze a lemon, you get lemon juice. So whatevers in the orange, whatever's in the lemons going to come out. And when I poke at you, whatever is in you is going to come out.
Now let's go back to the Dalai Lama. He said something along the lines, or it was the Buddha, I'm not quite sure which one. But it was either the Dalai Lama or Buddha said, if there is no anger in you, you cannot be angry. And it all made sense when he shared this with me, because I'm like, if there's no reaction in me, then he can poke all day long, which is where he wanted to get me through repetition over and over where he wanted to get me emotionally, is that now he doesn't poke me anymore. And he doesn't trigger me. And because it doesn't trigger me, he doesn't poke at me. And I don't know, three or four years ago, I'd mentioned this to him. And he said, I don't do it anymore, because you don't react anymore.
So therefore, there's no longer a need for me to continue to do that, to make you stop reacting to the world. So again, that may apply to Brooke and to many of you. And I consider that to be very powerful when I look at it is that and I get it, trust me. So many of you go through your days, and you're so triggered by so many things. This person did this. That person did that. The Democrats did this, the Republicans did that. The American president did this. The Pope did that. My boss did this, my kids did that. And your entire day is just one trigger after another. And when you're triggered, guess what?
You're actually you're giving up, you're giving up your internal peace. So here's something I want to share with you. And when you really, really consider this, you will find it to be true and find it to be powerful. Anytime that you're triggered, consider this. Any time that you are triggered. What happens is that you're making a judgment statement about someone else. Consider that. When you're triggered, you're making a judgment statement and judging someone else. And the irony here about this is I find it, I find that laughable, not because I'm laughing at anyone because we humans are really silly creatures. But I find it interesting that people many times will say, Well, you know, what I'm triggered when people talk down to me, are I'm triggered when people think they're better than I am. Or I'm triggered when people judge me. I hear that one a lot. I'm triggered when people judge me. What's interesting is, if you're triggered when people judge you, the trigger in itself is a judgment and you're judging someone for triggering you when the trigger in itself is a judgment. So they're judging you and you're triggered by it, but you're doing the exact same thing.
That's why I'm just kind of giggling here because that's humans are, were very, very interesting creatures. And what can happen to a lot of people. And I don't know if this happens to Brooke, the person that asked a question. This doesn't pertain to me, thankfully, at this point in my life, but I remember when people would trigger me or people would not meet my expectations. Now, let me back up. People would not trigger me. I would trigger myself based upon my judgments of what they did. And that's like, people will say things like you made me mad. No, I didn't make you mad. I just did what I did. You chose to interpret it and you chose to become mad yourself.
So many of us give our power away and we make other people responsible for things that actually we are responsible for. But what I noticed many years ago about myself is that if I allowed myself to be triggered about something, that's where my attention went. And then what I would do is I would just sit there and stew and brew in a place with my attention and somewhere that it didn't need to be somewhere that wasn't positive, because I recognized many times when I got triggered, that would pull my attention. And then all of my thinking would go right down the drain, metaphorically speaking.
So does that apply to you? I don't know. But if you're anything like me, and pretty much we're all the same as human beings. Well, it applies to you as well. So a couple of minutes ago, I'd mentioned the word or mentioned that I want people that I work with, because its power, its power, when you get silent. And when you're silent, that's when the wellbeing comes. That's when you feel well actually, when I say that wellbeing comes, that's when you become a well being is when you get silent. Something I learned many years ago, again, from my brother in law, he said to me one day, and even now when he talks to me, I literally have 29 gigs of recordings on my phone and I've got years and years of notes when he's talking to me, I'm just taking notes. And I'm always actually referring back and looking at ways that I can always evolve and grow and continue to just transform myself.
But he said something to me that I thought, Wow, that was really powerful when he said to me one day is that you cannot do anything well, if you do not have peace of mind. So let me give you an example of that. And well, here is a simple example. I want you to think back to a time when you had plenty of money, and you could pay all your bills and money was coming in and your business was doing well. You're doing well at work or whatever, and you had plenty of money. What I want you to notice is how well and how easy it was for you to pay your bills, to think about investments to think about vacation and to spend money.
Now on the flip side, I want you to think about when you did not have peace of mind about money, and how hard it was to spend money or invest money or you were mentally struggling for money. And I know that's a simple example. But when you really look at it for me that was impactful when I recognized that well - if it applies to money, wouldn't it apply to all of my life? So where I work from is quite literally, peace of mind.
And that's why I had said, and it's not my main focus right now, I've made a lot of progress over the years. Let me just jump around here a bit. Where I work from, in life and where I strive to live from is that internal peace. And people are going to do what they're going to do when in any kind of industry in life and the news and then fake news and this news and that news and Fox News and CNN and, and the family at the family reunion and thanksgiving and your mother and your mother, everyone's going to do what they're going to do. And I recognized many years ago that I can either let the world whip me around metaphorically speaking, like take me and just beat my head in the wall because that all these ideas and opinions and thoughts, or I could just get silent and be more of an observer to the world.
Now, it doesn't mean that I don't participate, because I do for sure. I mean, this podcast, I'm out in the world. But but a good example here, even at the podcast, I'm grateful, I'm blessed. That for the most part, I think almost all the reviews are five star reviews. Years ago, I would have gotten bent out of shape if somebody gave me a bad review. And I know there's a couple, I don't know, one or two star reviews, and one person said that I'm not a nice person and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You know, personally, for me, it doesn't affect me. The only way it would affect me, as I might have mentioned is that I don't want it to affect anybody listening to the podcast, for those that can learn.
But seriously, if you could, like scan my brain and see my thinking, why I look at it this way at this point in my life, why would I let the opinions of other people steal my internal peace. And also what I could have done is I could have said that there instead, well, this person, that's not nice of them to write that, and this person is... No, I didn't go anywhere, any of that, because there's no purpose in it. There's simply no purpose. And as I said, where I've been working the past couple of years, and I can as I said, it's not my main focus now because I'm, I'm pretty much go through my days, pretty easily, very easily I get through my days, why? I can choose to be triggered and I can choose to be reactive. And I can choose to react to the world around me and people around me, or I can choose peace. And I want to tell you that I choose peace, because peace is peace-full.
I mean, it's a blessing when we have peace. So back here to a bigge concept here to think about back to Brooke's question, and how you can apply it to your life as well. I read a story one time I read a story of how monks I think it was in Thailand, when they wanted to wash potatoes, like here in the United States and I'm sure Europe and different places and first world countries that you know many of you if you want potatoes for dinner, you're going to wash the potato and then you're going to peel it and boil it or bake or whatever, but you're going to wash it first. And what I read was at this monastery that the monks would take the potatoes, all of them dirty, and they just toss them into a big, big, big vat of big big pan, pot, whatever you want to call it. But a big one, and they tossed them in when they were dirty, and they would stir the potatoes.
And the reason why they would do that in that way is because the friction of the potatoes rubbing against each other, cleaned the potatoes. Now I want you to think about that for a moment. Is that the friction cleaned the potatoes. So what I'm sharing with you is what I tell people in my coaching programs Is that triggers are a blessing, whether it's your kids, and a lot of you are triggered by your kids. I have a family member, a sister in law that their daughter is out of college now and I was talking to her about it and she's like, oh my gosh, we get along so much better now that she's actually matured and she's through college and everything else, but that kid would trigger the hell out of me, is what she used to say. And I dare to say also that the mother used to trigger the daughter. They're working out some really interesting karma.
But what I want to point out because I've had life experiences, which I'll share with you, is that triggers are your best opportunity to grow. Many people many of you want to avoid people who trigger you, people who push your buttons, and in truth, they're a blessing for you. Why? Because they're giving you the opportunity to evolve beyond being a kind of person who's triggered generally by pettiness or by judgments you're making about other people. Now back to my brother in law, the family, the ones who work with him. We traveled with him for many years all around the world.
My family has had the great honor and blessing of for example being given access to the king's chamber of the great pyramid, Cheops for two nights. We used to travel on the spring equinox every year and do ceremony at power spots on the planet. We've been obviously to Cheops I just mentioned the king's chamber, I mean, that's not even open to the public and my family was allowed for two nights inside the king's chamber. The most powerful night of my life was when we were allowed two night inside Teotihuacan, which are the pyramids outside of Mexico City, I will forever all of my days always remember those nights, spending those nights inside the Teotihuacan in Mexico and telling you all this for a reason. I'll get to the point in just a moment.
But we've done ceremony at Chaco Canyon and Machu Picchu and Uluru, Holy Alcala and Palenque and other power spots around the world. And in our early years traveling with my brother in law is there were so many egos and so many personalities and no, let's leave at a certain time in the morning. Well, no, we don't want to leave then, we want to leave at 11am not 9am. Where should we eat? Where should we stay? And quite literally was just all this noise, just ego noise and we were again this was 25 years ago. We're all very young with him. And there was so much noise. And and as I look back and so many people triggering I mean definitely we were a bunch of dirty potatoes in a vat. I tell you that right now.
But holy cow life sure does get a lot better. Completely off topic here. I want to speak specifically to Brooke because she had talked about not letting her exact words we're not letting others behavior affect my thought processes in my internal state. And she had mentioned her kids. I have another brother in law and sister in law on my partner side of the family. And they actually both have their kids. Most of you call it dying I call it transitioning over. Both of their kids transitioned over when they were very young. Their daughter was eight when she left the planet and their son was 19. And so Brooke saying, Well, my kids trigger me and stuff like that.
And now, there's so much harmony and peace when we gather because we've all grown and evolved. But if I look back and I watched my brother in law, when all the bickering and all the arguing and all the things that would happen. He was always number one, never involved and always at peace observing it. He never got into any of it. So, this is the big deal. This is really a big deal, especially if you go back and you listen to episode number six, I believe about your highest potential is that when we stop letting the world trigger us and we stop getting reactive, and we get quiet in our mind and we get peaceful. I don't know if you've had any experience of that, ut holy cow life sure does get a lot better.
Completely off topic here. I want to speak specifically to Brooke because she had talked about not letting her exact words we're not letting others behavior affect my thought processes and my internal state. And she had mentioned her kids. I have another brother in law and sister in law on my partner side of the family. And they actually both of their kids. Most of you call it dying, I call it transitioning over. Both of their kids transitioned over when they were very young. Their daughter was eight when she left the planet and their son was 19. And so Brooke saying, well, my kids trigger me and stuff like that, she gives away her internal peace. Don't you think that my brother in law and sister in law would give anything to have kinds to trigger them? I want to share that shift in perspective with you. Again, Brooke - I don't knwo you personally and don't know all the circumstances, I don't know how reactive you are or your psychology, but I just wanted to share that with you and maybe some others of you that if you have kids trigger you, I know it's easy to sit here and listen to this butr if you do, consider the story I just told you about parents that would give anything if they could have kids to trigger them.
Okay, so back to where I wanted to go in this episode. Where my attention is on living my life it's kind of like a canoe on a river. And let's say that you're you're just living your life as if a canoe would float down a river. What many of you do and I've been there. What many of you do is is if another canoe bumps your canoe, you get all bent out of shape why watch where you're going, and I can't believe you bumped my canoe and you had dented my new canoe, all this stuff. That's what most humans do. And I've been there. Where I keep my attention now is to just gently let my canoe float down the river. So your takeaway in this episode is, do not let others have your internal peace. Because internal peace is bliss, it is power.
So hopefully, you'll think about this episode and think about all the ways and even look back today look back an hour ago that somebody tick you off because they cut you off at a light. Did your husband say this to your wife say that that your kids say this, did your boss say that and look at all the ways and even the last half a day that you've been triggered, and you've given up your internal peace to things outside of you. Okay, so that wraps up this episode and the next episode, which I believe is episode number 63 is about self integrity. And I'm going to tell you right now, the title of that episode is called self integrity, you have zero power without it. And when you listen to that episode, it's going to become obvious to you how for the most part, you've been living your life lying to yourself, and it's going to become obvious to you why you've not gotten the things that you want to get and the things that you want to create in life. Okay, thank you for listening to this episode, and I'll catch you over on another episode. Take care. Bye bye.
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