EPISODE 7: “How To Overcome The Fear Of Judgement”
I’m sure you’ve already made dozens of judgments today about yourself and other people and people have already judged you about what you’re wearing or how you’re acting or what music you’re playing. Heck, you’ve probably judged this podcast! That’s because that’s what humans do. We judge. We are meaning-making machines! In this episode, you’ll discover that judging people and being judged is a part of the human experience and the most effective way to eliminate the fear of being judged is to accept it. I provide some key questions to ask yourself surrounding fears of abandonment and rejection that you won’t want to miss if you want to start living a fuller and more freedom-filled life.
In this episode I discuss:
When people are judging you, how do you know to the exact degree that you’re being judged? 10%? 100%? The truth is you don’t know. If you’re not putting yourself out there yet, at what degree of judgment can you take action anyway, despite the judgment? When you’re only in a 100% judgment-free zone? Can you take action when you have 20% judgment? How will you know when to stop being in the fear of judgment? Hint: Now is a good time to let go of that fear. No matter what you do you’ll be judged. What would your life look like 3 months from now if you took action even if you knew you would be judged?
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You're listening to episode number seven of the Transform Your Life From the Inside Out podcast. What you're going to hear in this podcast, and I'm a betting man, so I bet what you're going to hear. You have dealt with at some point in your life, a few hours before you've listened to this. And that is fear and judgment from other people. You know you probably have thought in the last couple of hours. What is my mother going to think of me, or my friends, my family, people on social media, people on Facebook and Instagram? Or if you put yourself out there what are other people going to think about me and are they going to judge me? If you have found yourself in that place you're going to love this podcast. Stay tuned!
Realize That Judgement is Subconscious
OK. Podcast intro. So. All right. So let's start with me. What I'm going to do is I'm going to put myself in the line of fire and I'm going to ask you what do you think of my podcast? Now. The fact that you're listening, and I don't know, you know, how long you've been listening or whatever? But the fact that you're listening, most likely means that you like my podcast. What I want you to observe here is whether you like, or you don't like- You judging! And see that's what people do. You do. I do. We do every single day and we do it to different degrees, but that's what people do. People judge.
In Landmark Forum, which is a, I don't know what to call it, I guess a personal development program. They say, one of their buzz phrases is, that "People are meaning making machines!" You, me, all of us we're meaning making machines. It's just a matter of to what degree you're giving things meaning. And when people are judging you, whether they're judging you positively or negatively, they are giving meaning to something about you or something that you're doing. You know you might have heard you mentioned before that my brother in law is a shaman. I mentioned that I believe in the last episode. Let's start that over. You know you might have heard me say before that my sister's husband, my brother in law is a shaman. And I remember many years ago he shared a story with me and he said, you know, we were talking about judgment, and he said, you know, Who's better? He goes, so let's say that this very wealthy guy pulls up to a stoplight and a very expensive car. And the homeless guy looks at the guy and the very expensive car and he snarls at the guy. Or, you know, the guy in the very expensive car looks at the homeless guy and he snarls and looks down on upon him. And then he said. Well, which is better? Neither! Because they're both judging the other. So, hopefully, you will geting our time together, and that is my intention, that that's what people do.
And then I'm gonna give you a way out of this. So, that you know what? You can put the fear of judgment behind you! You know, let me give you another example here. In my transformational coaching program, one of the programs to, you know, a couple of programs back what I did is, it was in the Facebook group, and I posted a video of Elvis playing Unchained Melody. Now I don't know if it was lipsinging or, I also don't know, if the video and the audio were a little bit misaligned. However. To me, now I want to say and you may or may not be, I don't know. I'm an, I love Elvis, I'm an Elvis fan. I've always loved his music. When I watched Elvis sing Unchained Melody, I mean to me it was extraordinary. Now, and you may even want to google it later and watch it yourself, or YouTube it. And when I posted a video in my transformational group, all that I said was this:. What do you think of this video? And no one knew why I was asking. And the comments ran the entire gamut of, you know, it's pathetic. I can not believe how fat he's become, and how he's let his life deteriorate, and the drugs must be getting to him. And some people were like:. Oh my gosh! That gave me chills. That was spectacular. And then some people were like, you know, I've never been a fan of Elvis, but yeah, that was ok, I got it.
What I want you to take away here is that the comments were all over the board. And, you know, what they did this, I guess it was sometime last year I had people do this, Elvis has not been on the planet for 41 years, for I think it's about 41 years. What I want you to notice is, that the guy changed music! He is a cultural icon. 41 years after he's no longer on the planet, he is still an icon. And people are judging him! And they're judging him either positively or negatively. I also remember watching an episode of Oprah. Her last, well I don't actually know when it was, so I'm not going to say it. I didn't watch a lot of Oprah, but I did watch some of the last season. And I remember, and this is now, every person in the world pretty much knows who Oprah is. And at least in the first and second world. And she read in an email or a letter that she got from somebody, and I was literally, I guess I would say dumbfounded by the language and the communication to her. Basically and I'm gonna tell you, I mean she read this, and the person said, you know what, why don't you take yourself back to Africa? Obviously not a fan of Oprah, as an obviously a racist. What I want you to notice here is we're talking about Oprah Winfrey. I mean she's also a global icon. One of the richest women in the world. And yet, she's being judged.
Now. A lot of you, and I am very grateful and I'm very humbled. A lot of you have left reviews of this podcast on iTunes, and you've shared it with your friends. What I want you to notice is, that you're judging. So, the takeaway here is, this is what we do as human beings. We judge! And there's never going to be a time for the most part, that you're not going to be, let's say evaluated, or praised, or judged in some way. And if you spend your life, which we'll get to in just a bit, trying to be not judged. You're pretty much not going to do anything with your life. You know even myself, I remember, I pretty much shop at Whole Foods. I live here in Dallas Texas and for many years I had only organic food, or the healthiest foods, and live foods, and you know I try to eat as clean and as healthy as possible. And there was a brand new Whole Foods, that was built near my house, and I live between a couple of Whole Foods. And I went in, and they had just opened a couple of weeks prior, and I'm gonna just be transparent with you. Twenty five years ago or many, many years ago, i used to wait tables at some very expensive restaurants out of college. So I tend to be a little, I guess I have high standards when it comes to customer service. Now, of course, at this point in my life my attempt and my intention is not to attach to it, to let it go. It doesn't mean anything.
However. When I'm in the experience, whether it's a restaurant or Whole Foods, or different places I'm obviously, and it's all unconscious, I'm gauging the experience. And when I walked out a Whole Foods, I'm like, well this was crappy, and I don't know why I was even saying that I don't remember. But as I was walking out and I was thinking that to myself, I noticed the bulletin board by the exit door, and it literally was just peppered with positive comments from people saying:. Welcome to the neighborhood! And Great job! And all this praise. And I started laughing because I'm like, you know, all these people are sitting here and they're writing these notes and they're praising whole foods, and I'm sitting here and I'm judging them in a different way. And I got a chuckle out of that because we judged, not even knowing that we're judging. So I want to reiterate that humans, we are meaning making machines and we judge all day long. So the two biggest fears that you have for the most part. And these are the two biggest fears that most people have. They are both about judgment. One fear is abandonment. Are people going to reject me? And they met many times people think, well they reject me because they're judging me. So the two biggest fears are abandonment. And the second is inadequacy. Am I good enough. What I want you to notice is you're thinking about these. You know how much fear do you get in to about rejection, and how much fear do you get into about?
Am I good enough. What I want you to recognize is that both of these fears are judgment based. So the fear of abandonment this is rampant. And you know, even like selling professionals won't put themselves out there, people won't put themselves out there to build their businesses, or promote themselves, or whatever it is, because at some level they feel like: If I put myself out there, people are going to reject me. And then the other obviously is inadequacy. And I am not good enough. These are these are poison and they're rampant in so many people's lives. And being 100 percent transparent with you, neither of these really affect me anymore, at least consciously that I'm aware of. But I'm going to tell you there was a time in my life that both of these were probably just like you, very significant for me. And they held me back and they held me down. And most importantly, they held me back from helping the amount of people that I can help live better lives. I do want to actually toss in a caveat here is that, the fear of abandonment and the fear of inadequacy, you know, you're probably thinking a little earlier in the ways that it affects you, in the ways that it stopped you, in the way of the ways that it's held you down. Well the same thing with your friends, and your family, and people that you work with. The same fears actually paralyze these people as well.
So what I'd like to ask you, and I will ask you obviously at the end of the podcast. But if this podcast resonates with you about inadequacy and, you know, and being judged, share it with your friends and please leave a review on iTunes, because the more people we share it with and the more reviews that are left, the bigger the podcast becomes the more people that I can reach and help live better lives. OK. So let's look at abandonment for a moment. So abandonment is all about rejection. Are people going to reject pain? And, as you probably know, we're very, very social creatures, most of us, even introverts, are social creatures to some degree or another. And people, you know, people want to be liked, plain and simple. You know what I found so funny is. I was watching 60 Minutes, I don't know, a couple of months ago. And Paul McCartney was one of the featured stories. And the interviewer said. Well, are you insecure about anything? And he said. Well, yeah! Isn't everyone? Now maind you! We're talking, I mean we talk about a legend right? We're talking about Paul McCartney. And he said, I think interviewer said, you know What's one of your biggest fears or insecurities? And he says:. Well it's about being liked. And then he says. Well doesn't everyone want to be liked? And I don't know why I found that's so funny, because, I mean Paul McCartney would never be at a loss for friends, simply because he's Paul McCartney and one of the Beatles. Yet he's saying, you know.
I want people to like me! So I want to ask you. I'm going to ask you a whole lot of questions in this episode. But have you ever rejected anyone before. Doesn't matter. Maybe somebody, you know, somebody ask you to do something. They ask you on a date, they say something. Have you ever rejected anyone before? Maybe somebody, actually let's go a different direction, maybe a panhandler or a homeless person ask you for money. Did you reject them? So it stands to reason that, if you reject people, then why wouldn't other people also reject people. And there have been times, that you've been caught up in that rejection. It's simply what people do. And the interesting thing is that's what people do. I mean it's just commonplace. This is how we show up as human beings. But it's in the way that we show up. It paralyzes. I mean literally paralyzes a lot of people. So, if you've been reject, you know, if you've rejected before, rejected people, then it would be pretty unreasonable to expect, that people from somewhere, some place, some walk of lives, you know, somewhere, it would be unreasonable to think, that you also would not be rejected. You know, when I look at even doing a podcast, or putting myself out there, doing webinars, or speaking, or whatever it is that I'm doing. I'm well aware that not everyone in the audience loves me, or not everyone in the audience loves me, or approves of me, or loves my message, or whatever, I am very aware that, you know what, there are some people that are going to say, that I'm full of crap. Or there are some people that are going to say I don't know what I'm talking about. Or there are some people that are going to attack me, just because they want to attack me. Verbally, or to their friends, or whatever.
I know that exist. I don't have any false solutions like most people, that oh the whole world is going to love me and if I put myself out there everyone's going to accept and going to embrace me. That is not going to happen. And you know I coach heavily for many years. I coach selling professionals and entrepreneurs. And I coach people and I work with people from all walks of life. I really don't do anyone to one coaching. But I was talking to one client this morning. I've only got two. He quit his corporate job, as he was a CEO. And I don't want to divulge too much here, but he's really, really, really talented at helping, and he works with male entrepreneurs. And he's really talented at helping them literally, and I don't want to go too far here, but live into their masculinity, and be the best fathers, and husbands, and brothers, that they can possibly be. And I'll leave it at that. But this morning he's not, well he's not moving as fast, as what I would expect him to be moving at our time together. And I said to him like: What's going on? And he took a little time and he: You know what? I thought I had tackled it, but I still have the fear of rejection. Well, and we're gonna talk about it a whole lot in our time together today. But you know what? People are going to reject you every single day. And they're going to reject you for a myriad of reasons.
It could be your skin color, your religion, your sexual orientation, your social economics, even your dialect. It could be the car you drive. Maybe your car, maybe you rob an expensive car and people are judging you because you drive an expensive car. And you know that reminds me. Is and it's neither here or there. I drive a Porsche and I remember reading an article about somebody talking about how, when you drive a nice car, sometimes people look down on you because they think you're a jerk, just because you drive a nice car. It didn't even dawn on me tells us now. Or maybe you drive an old beat up car and people look down on you. People are going to judge you for the neighborhood that you live in. You live in a really nice and expensive neighborhood, they're going to judge you for the most part. I mean some way positively or negatively. You live in an old dilapidated beat up neighborhood. There's a good chance people are going to judge you also. And then many times as I kind of stated is, that people reject other people out of dogma and not of religion. And, you know what, even a big one nationalism. I mean look at for example the look at look at Putin how he's talking. I mean, I'm not going to go into politics and all that in this podcast, but look at all the hate and the judgment, and all these things back and forth even between nations and country states, and it's all nationalism, and it's just people rejecting other people, because humans have a very myopic, very, very, very myopic focus of the world, that we live in.
So let's keep on going here. I want you to think about for example. I want you to think of a podcast, that you listen to, that you don't like. And, by the way, I'm excluded. That does not apply to me. And I'm kidding. But any other podcast you've listened to, I want you to think about a podcast you listen to, once or twice, and you're like: Uh, I don't like it. Now and let's not blink at this. But think about a politician, you do not like. And right now the United States is very polarized. So if I mentioned, for example, Donald Trump? What are you thinking? If I mentioned Barack. Obama? What are you thinking and what are you judging? How about music? You know there's some music. Think about some music that you don't like. Or movies. You know some movies you don't like, or some kind of people that you don't like. Hopefully it's becoming obvious by this point, that you judge all day long and people judge all day long. You know, let me make a little judgment here. I'm an avid lover of music and there's pretty much music on all the time, whether I'm in the car, or in the house or in the office, or whatever. And of course it varies by mood. However, there's there's. I do not. I don't have a lot of appreciation for heavy metal. Personally, I don't even see how it's music. At least to the limit that amount of heavy metal, that I've, that I've listened to.
So doing a little research for this particular podcast, I went and Googled the top 10 heavy metal bands. And I just looked at a couple of articles and the number one band was Metallica. Now of course that could be judgment as well and subjective. But you know what? I have never bought a metallic a Metallica album. I do not plan to. And they've sold over one hundred and twenty five million albums worldwide. So obviously I'm judging them in someway. And at least one hundred and twenty five million times other people have judged them in another way. You look at Ellen. You know Ellen being gay. Back when she had her TV show, which I never saw. I don't watch a lot of TV for the most part. But back in the 90s when she came out, her career came apart, she was literally just ostracized and couldn't get any work. And then what? Just a couple of years ago how the pendulum has swung the other direction she was hosting the Academy Awards. People judge. And hopefully you're noticing, hopefully you're noticing by this point is, that not being judged is one of the biggest fears, that you and pretty much everyone else has. But yet it's the number one thing that you do on a daily basis. I don't know about you. But I find that pretty ironic. So I have a question for you. If you're not driving, maybe somewhere you can write this down and if not come back and listen later.
But the question is this: I'm going to ask it very slowly and again you may want to write this down is. How many people have to accept you, or not reject you, before you're ok with letting go of the fear of people rejecting you? Now I want you to spend some time thinking about that. Basically, let me say it again is:. How many people have to accept you, or not reject you, before you're ok of letting go of the fear of people judging you? Let's dig a little deeper. So let's say for example that 10 people accept you and they love you. Well is that enough for you to recognize? You know what? You're just fine the way that you are. You're great in the way that you are. Or do a thousand people, or do a million people, or 10 million. Or are you looking for, you know, the approval of all seven? However, many billion people there are on the planet. I want you to look at that. Many years ago I used to be a spokes, a spokesperson for an organization called, the Learning Annex. They, at that time, were the largest provider of adult education in the United States. And they had an event, they had wealth expos and all this kind of stuff. And one of the events that I would speak at was called The Wealth Expo. And the headliners were people back then, this was a lot of years ago, the headliners were Donald Trump, Tony Robbins, George Foreman, Robert Kiyosaki and I don't remember who else. But I remember one day. I was speaking, and I was speaking opposite Tony Robbins, opposite stage. And somebody came into my room.
Well a lot of people did, but a lady came in, and she goes I just left Tony Robbins and you know what? This is exactly what she said. She goes That guy needs to pack it up and go home. That guy's tired and he's the husband. Well I'm giggling at that even today, because he's the leader in the personal development industry. So you know what? Even being the leader probably then, as well, and now being the leader are pretty much the most recognized name in the personal development industry. She was judging him. That's what people do. So just like you've judged Tony Robbins or Barack Obama, or Donald Trump, or you, or anybody. That's what people do. So here's a takeaway for you. Be okay, as you are right now! Because there's always going to be someone, that's going to like you, someone that's going to be neutral and someone that's not going to like you. For me this was a big turning point as well, when it was presented to me in this way. I don't know what you believe personally, but Einstein has demonstrated by what's called the law the conservation of energy, and the conservation of matter is, that nothing can be destroyed in the universe. It simply changes form. So that is physics, according to Albert Einstein. And as we know the universe that we live in. So that being said: I believe in karma. I believe that we're here on the planet and we're learning lessons. We are, and what I call, at Earth School. Every single person.
And let me take a step back here. I remember that I was traveling in Mexico one time, and I was backpacking many years ago, and this guy fell out of his wheelchair into the street and there were a lot of people around, and he started crawling in the street. And the first question that I ask myself is this, that came to my mind immediately I stopped and I said to myself: Hmm, I wonder, what is his karma? And on the flip side I look at Oprah Winfrey and I say. What is her karma? So I want to ask you, and this is not the point of this podcast, but what is your karma? And I also want to point out, that you, like everyone else on the planet, we are living out our karma or our life lessons. So no two people have the same karma. So why would you judge anyone else, and why would anyone judge you about being good enough, or better, or whatever, when you're learning completely different lessons, while you're here on the planet? It doesn't make any sense. You know John, you know Joe and Bob, and Mary, and Susie they're learning their lessons. It's obviously just random names. They're learning their lessons, while they're here on the planet. Or they're presented with the opportunity to learn their lessons. Some people don't learn them and they come back and they repeat them. Or you're also learning your lessons. So let other people live their lessons and you focus on your lessons.
All right. So we talked a little bit about abandonment. Let's talk a little bit about an adequacy. And we kind of let into that with what I've mentioned there because inadequacy comes from comparison you can not be an adequate, if you are not comparing yourself to someone. And it's again, it's toxic, it's a poison in our culture the amount of people that compare themselves to other people. And I'm going to just say candidly is, that inadequacy requires comparison. And if you're comparing, which is what a lot of people do, if you're comparing yourself to other people, what you're doing is you're also then putting people in a hierarchy, and you're you're putting people above you, and you're putting people below you. And let's get back to the metaphor that I started with. The person in the expensive car, or the homeless person. Which is better? None is better. We are all equal. And you know I could tell you right now, it's simple analytical language. I could tell you stop it! Stop right now! Stop comparing yourself! But that probably wouldn't work, or have the effect, that I would want it to have. Because as you know when I started this podcast I didn't want them to be just information. I wanted them to be transformation. So that when you listen to every podcast you get an Aha. You get a takeaway, something shifts in your thinking. So if you're going to compare, or you know that you're a person who compares, what I want to do, is. If you're going to be inadequate and you want to compare your inadequacy, or your adequacy, then let's add some criteria to it.
The reason that I want to add some criteria is because I want you to know, when you're good enough. Because, see when you're good enough, then you'll know by the questions I'm going to ask you here. And then you'll know. And things will be great. OK. So, ok, so here the questions. Are you're ready? Question number one is: How many people have to say you're good enough, before you accepted and you're good enough? That's question number one. Next of these people saying this. What are the socio economics of these people? So, for example, if rich people say, or famous people, or educated people say you're good enough. Is that enough to be good enough? Or if there a wealthy person says you're good enough, but a poor person says you're not good enough. Then do you wait equally, considering the fact that they're human beings? So, also, let's say that somebody says that you're not good enough about something that you do. Well, let's say that a packing clerk says that you're not good at what you do. And a Harvard HD says that you're not good at what you do. How much expertise the people have to have, or not have, for you to listen to their opinion about you being good enough, or not being good enough? Now, let's go somewhere else with this. Let's say that 10 people say, and they all have, let's say, a bachelors degree. And 10 people say, that and yet let's say, I'm just making this up as I go.
You got, you know, six women and four guys. And they're all different age categories. They all went to college and they all have different opinions. Some say that you're really good at what you do. Some say you're not so good, and some say you're okay at it. Well how do you weight each person's opinion? Have you ever considered that before? And then, speaking of opinions, how will you know when you have enough opinions? I mean can you ask 10 people? Can you ask three? Do you need to ask four thousand seven hundred eighty seven? Do you need 10 million? How many opinions are enough? And then, as I kind of alluded to is, what are the educational levels and socioeconomics of all these opinions and everything that we're talking about? What I'm wanting you to get from this and hopefully you're getting it? Do you now understand? And do you and now here by listening to this? How absolutely ridiculous that it is, to allow your life to be driven by the judgment and opinions of other people. Because, no matter what you do, or who you are, or where you go there's always going to be someone that's better. And I know you've heard that before. There are always going to be people that are higher up the socioeconomic scale than you. They're going to drive nicer cars, have nicer houses. They're going to be people that are lower on the socioeconomic scale. They're going to be people that are smarter than you. And not as smart as you, and faster than you, and they can run faster than you, and people that can't.
Hopefully you're getting that no matter where you are in life. You are just fine. And that's exactly where you need to be right now and everything is perfect, because if you compare yourself to other people, and also I want to point out, that a lot of cultures do that. But if you compare yourself to other people I'm telling you right now, please hear me. You will never be good enough! Because there will always be someone better. And also, what I want to say here is that, if you're judging by externals, meaning the cars, and the home, business, success and the grades, and whatever it is, you're setting yourself up for a lot of failure, and relatively speaking it, because it's a huge trap. But specifically what you're setting yourself. Actually, let's start this whole thing over again. After I talked about, you know, that there's always going to be someone better and not as good. That's the last part and we want to start here. OK. I want to give you a warning. If you're judging yourself by externals. And that is the homes, and the cars and the success, and the grades, and the jewelry, and everything else. If you're judging yourself by externals. That is a huge trap. And what you're doing is you are setting your life up for a lot of unhappiness. Because as I said earlier, there's always going to be someone better, and stronger, and faster, and richer and prettier, and blah blah blah.
And you will never be happy, because you're comparing yourself to the world, external world, and there's always gonna be someone ahead of you. So as you can now see, and you now hear. You judge people and people judge you and, even like Elvis, you know what? They're going to judge you when you're dead and gone. So the biggest mistake. If you want to be happy. Hang on. When you started here hang on OK? So one of the biggest mistakes is, that people try to avoid judgment and actually that's the most or the worst the most ineffective or worst strategy, that keeps people trapped for a lifetime. What's interesting is, that their biggest fears of being judged or not being good enough. So, their strategies to avoid it, when that very same strategy is the strategy that keeps them trapped where they are, and not letting them blossom, to go out in the world, to do things they want to do, to help people, to make the kind of money, to make the impact that they want to make in the world. And you know something that I find interesting is, people do not look at it this way, is, actually let's start here. So I'm gonna tell you right now. The best way, and the most effective way to get through the fear of judgment, is to accept that you're going to be judged. Because, as I just said, most people, you know, they try to avoid being judged. And that keeps them shut down, and quiet, and hiding, and very small versions of themselves.
Yet, if you accept that, you know what? I know I'm going to be judged. So when I put myself out there, I already know that I'm going to, i'm gonna get the slings and arrows. When you work from in that place, that is a very effective, and very powerful strategy, because now you're already understanding, and you're not actually avoiding by not putting out, not getting out there, you're not avoiding the judgment. You're walking right into it face on. And I'm going to tell you right now. By being in the public a lot of years, and being a speaker for a lot of years and all this, is you know, people are going to judge someone. Why just go on have a good time and do what you want to do? Which I'll talk about in just a minute as well. But you know, put yourself out there and go help people. Also I want to mention here, that's something I read one time was extremely helpful to me. It was just a little bitty passage that I read, because I used to also ask. Am I good enough? Is my content good enough? Are people going to like it? Am I coming across the right way? Blah blah blah. And when I read this it was a game changer for me. And what I read was this:. Stop asking how good you are and start asking what the world needs. So in this podcast I could stumble, and fumble, like could drop my mike, or whatever. You know.
Of course I haven't. You know, we do a little editing but not, not much. But I'm not really concerned about all that. I'm not. What I'm concerned about and what occupies my thinking is how many people can I help? Because when I work from that place I work with an open heart. I let I let the information come through me and that's when I make my biggest impact. Let me give you a couple of more things here, that will be huge takeaways for you. Is people really, and this is gonna sound a bit paradoxical, but people are not judging you. Now you think they're judging you and they might even verbalize, that they're judging you. But really what you're doing is you are reflecting who they are back to themselves when they judge you. And quite literally they're judging themselves by defining themself as someone who has to judge? I want to say this very slowly. And when you get this it's like....... I mean it just your head explodes when you get this. And it's a Buddhist phrase. And it's this. I am not who and what you think I am. You are who and what you think I am. So, I've taken that to heart over the years and I truly know that. And I know that when people are judging me: number one - they're judging their interpretation of me. But they don't even many don't even know me. So, literally, all they're doing is they're putting out their version of who they are to the world and I'm the mirror for that.
And that makes it so much easier. You know I mentioned my brother in law being a shaman I remember many years ago he and I were talking and I was talking about someone that was really at that point of a big trigger for me. And he said to me he just stopped me cold in my tracks and he said. Who? These were his exact words. Who gave you the right to judge him? And when he said that for me in that moment that was a huge Aha? Because I recognized, in the way that he said, and I'm like wow, i mean, who did give me the right? I do it now, i can do it, but it doesn't mean I have the right to judge him. And then I want you to look at yourself. How many of you, first thing in the morning you walk in the mirror, you know, you walk into the bathroom, not in the mirror, you walk in the bathroom. You look in the mirror and you're like: Wow! I look like hell today, or I look like this, or I'm too fat, or I'm not this, or I'm getting older, or people are going to judge me for this, or I don't look good wearing green. Judge, judge, judge, judge! Because you know what? Even no other people judge you, you are the harshest judge of yourself. So a question that I have for you, and then I'm gonna give you some transformational takeaways here, like I do on every podcast is.
To what degree do you judge yourself? Is that how you negatively? Is that how you start your day? Is you get up and you start nit picking at yourself, that you're not this you're not that? You know what? You are, or who and what you are? So your transformational takeaways are this. Is the degree of being judged when people judge you. How do you know to the exact degree, that you're being judged? Consider that! When people are judging you, how do you know to what degree they're judging you? Are they judging you like 7 percent of their built ability to judge? Are they judging you fifty percent? I mean, are they full on 100 percent judgment? To what degree are they judging you? And the truth is. You don't know! I mean they could judge you like just about something tiny. You've got a string coming off your shirt, or your buttons loose, or something. And for some people, that even sends them over the edge, because even a little amount of feedback like that, they take it personally. Which, by the way, is a whole different podcast I'll be doing at some point. And then I want to ask you. If you're not putting yourself out there yet, and you will be, as you continue to listen to this podcast, is at what degree of judgment can you take action anyway? Can you only take action when you're in a 100 percent judgment free zone?
And, by the way, if that's you everything has to be absolutely perfect, then you're never going to take action because why? Nothing's ever, nothing ever is perfect. However. Can you take action when maybe you have 20 in your mind you've got 20 percent judgment, or maybe 10 percent judgment at what point and what level of judgment can you take action? Another question for you is. How will you know when? How will you know when to stop being in the fear of judgment? And hint. Now is a good time. Because hopefully in our time together you've recognized that no matter what you do, you're going to be judged? So, why not go out and do what you enjoy doing anyway because you're gonna be judged anyway? So now is a good time to let go of that fear. Another question for you is. What would your life look like three months from now, a year from now, if you took action, even though, you knew you were going to be judged? Consider that! Just imagine for a moment. How your life would be different a year from now if you started taking action even in the fear of judgment? And I want to share something else. Doing this for a lot of years is even if you're afraid to do it and you put yourself out there, it becomes very easy, very quickly, because you learn that, you know what, you're not going to drop dead. People are going to judge you.
Things are going to be just fine. So I like doing this. Let me keep doing it. And then things just start taking off for you at that point. All right. Couple of more things here is. I mentioned my brother in law as a shaman and he said to me, he and I were talking one time, and he said something that was extremely powerful. He said. I am a shaman and let me back up here even further for a second. Shamans work in the light and they work in the dark. Meaning they work in love and light and they also work in the very dark esoteric, dark esoteric magical part of that that. I'll leave it that way. People from all over the world come our call and talk with my brother in law for healing and spiritual growth. His waiting list right now and I don't know when you'll listen to this. But right now his waiting list is a year long and he's extremely inexpensive. So I do want to point out that he works in the light. People come to him when they have physical ailments, when they're sick, doctors can heal them, they come to him, or they come to him to work for a spiritual evolvement. And one day he and I were talking and he said to me. He said. You know. I'm a shaman and I'm a saucer. Some people think that I'm the work of the devil. And some people think that I'm a spiritual master. And it doesn't matter because I am what I am! So you are what you are!
Just be that! And when you do that, the real you will start coming through you and you will see changes happening in your life. So at this point, no matter what you do, people are going to judge you. So why not just go out and do what you love to do and make a difference in the world? Already. Stay tuned and keep listening, because well obviously to the podcast, not the episode because this is the end of it. But in the next episode you're going to start learning how to reprogram your subconscious mind. And the reason that that is important to you is because in episode number one we talked about transformation and transforming from the inside out. And we talked about identity. I believe in episode number two. I don't remember the episodes. However. I know that I always talk about identity. And if you want to create something new in life you must be the identity of that. And the way that you create a new unconscious identity is you reprogram your subconscious mind. And that's what we're going to be talking about in the next episode. All right. Thanks for listening and I'll catch you next week. Bye bye.