EPISODE 118: “Getting Over Being Liked And Seeking Approval”
Nothing sucks your life away like spending your days trying to be liked by everyone you meet, everyone in the office and people all around you.
Without even recognizing it, many people will not engage in many things, like speaking up…because they want to be liked by others and they think if they speak up they will not be liked.
The need to be liked plagues the planet at epic proportions and it’s one of the biggest things that debilitates lives.
In this episode I talk about:
And, much, much more…
As you’re going to hear in this episode, no matter what you do, at least 30% of people you meet just aren’t going to like you. No matter what you do, there are some people who aren’t going to like what you do, so as you can see, trying to be liked by everyone is an illusion!
How about this…
Just be you. Those who like you will, and those who will not, will not.
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You’re listening to episode number 118 of the Transform your Life from the inside out podcast. And this episode I talk about getting over being liked and seeking approval. Now I’ve been a coach for a lot of years. And what I can tell you is that the pursuit to being liked and seeking approval from others is debilitating for most people. And if that affects you in any way, then keep listening.
Hi, I’m Jim Fortin, and you’re about to start Transforming Your Life from the inside out with this podcast. I’m widely considered the leader in subconscious transformation. And I’ve coached super achievers all around the world for over 25 years. Here, you’re going to find no rah rah motivation and no hype. Because this podcast is a combination of brain science, transformational psychology, and ancient wisdom all rolled into one to take your life to levels you’ve never thought possible. If you’re wanting a lot more in life, to feel better, to heal, to have peace of mind, to feel powerful and alive, and to bring more abundance and prosperity into your life, then this podcast is for you. Because you’re going to start learning how to master your mind and evolve your consciousness. And when you do that, anything you want then becomes possible for you. I’m glad you’re here.
Breaking the Illusion of Being a “People Pleaser”
You know, I’m curious. Have you ever, you know, sat down and ask yourself, why it’s so darn important for you to be liked. You know, if you’re like most people, and I’ve been there before, you spend so much of your time doing things so that other people will like you. And what I’ve noticed in my own life many years ago, and it probably applies to you as well, is that you also give up a great deal of your peace of mind and your happiness and you do a lot stuff you don’t want to do. Why? Because you’re trying to be liked. Well, let me share with you as best I can In this episode, and hopefully we can start shaking you loose of that former need to be liked by everyone and going through your life trying to please everyone the people, pleaser, you know, and in this episode, we can shake you loose from that and when we do, you know, you’ll look back in a couple of months, you’ll think, Oh, geez, I mean how amazing it is to be so free of that desire to please everyone around me to be liked by everyone and do everything I can to get people to like me, so that you know what, I can feel better about myself because people like me, when in truth, you might even feel worse about yourself and more unhappy because you’re spending so much of your time trying to be liked by everyone, as I look back at my own life, and my many years of people pleasing and and not just Doing things I, I look at my life. And I’m amazed at how often I just fell into line with what other people are thinking. Or I just went along with other people. And I’d say things well, you know, it really doesn’t matter to me, whatever everyone else wants. And in particular, I would not rock the boat.
Why? Because if I rock the boat, and people were gonna look at me as a boat rocker. Now, this day and age, I mean, I pride myself on being a boat rocker. I mean, that’s why I’m on the planet to rock the boat, to get people to wake up spiritually. But I remember a time in my life where I was quite literally terrified of rocking the boat, because if I did that other people would judge me in a certain way. And then my interpretation was back then is that they wouldn’t like me. I remember not speaking my mind, even when things you know, people things were, you know, and I’m giving you an example here, but I might hire someone to do something and they wouldn’t do it well.They do a poor job as a matter of fact, but I wouldn’t share what I thought about it. And I wouldn’t speak up and I wouldn’t stand my ground. And I wouldn’t say, hey, that’s not what we talked about. This is what we talked about. But I did so much of that acquiescence, because I wanted people to like me.
And I remember also, that I used to believe that if I didn’t speak up, and I didn’t rock the boat, and I went along with everyone else, belief that I used to have is that you know what I’ll fit in. And if I fit in, then people are going to like me, and people like me. And here’s the irony for my own thinking, you know, many years ago, as I had equated being a good person, because if people like me, and I had to solution that everyone had to like me, if I if everyone liked me, then guess what the illusion is? I’m a good person.
And in reality, being a good person has nothing to do with how many people like you or don’t like you. But that’s the illusion. That I used to live under for a long, long time. And as I shared that with you, many of you can probably relate to that. What I also know and many of you can probably relate to is for me, that was draining, always trying to do things to appease people to acquiesce, so that people would like me so that I could air quote, be a good person. I come to know when I say no, because knowing is different than understanding. But I come to know many years ago, and it’s probably about 20 years ago, I’m thinking 2002 or 2003 when I came to the to the knowing that not everyone’s going to like me, and I don’t have to spend my life doing things to try to get people to like me.
And even when I look at this podcast, this is a perfect example that not everyone is going to like me. Now for the most part. Let me back up here. I don’t read the reviews. And I don’t mean And in any kind of arrogant way, I, my whole thing is this I do what I do I do it to serve and however people are going to review me or how they’re going to review me. I don’t consciously say, Hmm, let me guess what people are saying about me today. In truth, I might have read maybe 10 reviews out of all 600. And I do want to point out if you’ve not left a review, and I’m helping you in this podcast, please leave a review, because that affects algorithms and, and what other people think about the podcast and what I’m most concerned about is not what they think about me. But yet, if somebody sees a lot of good reviews on this podcast, they might start listening, and the podcast can help them. But this podcast is an example of and I don’t have many bad reviews, but I’ve got some one stars and two star reviews. And I remember one time when I did I was looking at reviews for some reason. And somebody even said that I speaking about me, I’m a a bad person based upon something that I said in one of the one of the episodes.
Now, I don’t even know how you qualify a bad person or a good person, and what morality you use to determine that and what degree and all that but generally speaking, I think people would say, and I would say myself, that I’m probably a pretty good guy, I’m probably a pretty good person. But you know what, putting myself out there like I do, because I know that I’m helping people. People are gonna judge me, we’ve talked about that before. And there going to be some people that are going to like me, a lot of people that are going to be neutral or indifferent, and they’re going to be some people that are going to which they’ve done, they’re going to hate on me. What I’ve also noticed and it doesn’t affect me in either way, or in any way. I let people do meaning well, I can’t let anyone do anything but in my mind that let them do what they want to do. If they want to say great things. I’m grateful and I appreciate it. If they want to say horrible things about me My takeaway is this for me and where I left from, is that if anyone says something horrible about me, it really has nothing to do with me.
Really, it has nothing to do with me. As a matter of fact, whether you like me or you don’t like me, has nothing to do with me. It has to do. And if you don’t like me, this might be your first episode. And you might be like, this guy’s sucks. I’m not gonna listen to this anymore. But most of you, for the most part, pretty much at least like the content, but what I want to share with you is whether you like me or you don’t like me, has nothing, nothing thing to do with me, because you don’t know me personally. It has nothing to do with me. It has to do with the content, and your perceptions and your interpretations about the content. So if I’m sitting here trying to be light on the podcast episodes. That’s not even what it’s about. That’s an illusion. Because it’s not me personally, it’s not Jim, that you’re liking. It’s what Jim is saying, and how it fits into your interpretations of the world and your perceptions that you’re liking. And generally, when people say things that fit into our perceptions and interpretations, instead of saying, you know what I like what that person saying, we generally will say, I like that person. So what I’m sharing with you there is that people liking you, is not about you.
Let that sink in. people liking you or not, is not about you. It’s about their interpretations and perceptions of you. And it’s also about their model of reality. And I’ll get to that in just a moment. But people can not like you, and you can be like the most amazing person in the world. But you don’t fit their model of reality, meaning how they organize their internal world. There’s a an episode that I shot not shot. There’s that old video lingo in me, this episode that I recorded a long while back. And I think the title is I am not who you think I am, you are who you think I am. Consider that I am not who you think I am. You are who you think I am. And that fits in line with, with what I just shared with you is that you’re not liking me. You’re liking me based upon your filters and you’re liking the content based upon your filters.
Now, obviously, in this episode, this this episode is for you. Hopefully what’s sinking in is that you probably have spent so much time trying to get people to like you and it’s all an illusion. It’s all coming through there. filters and it’s not about you, it’s about their interpretations of you. And by the way, I’ll give you some more, you know, some more thought provoking things to chew on as we go through this episode. And at the end of it, but in our time together, as you’re starting to listen, you know, listen to this, and it’s starting to sink in, hopefully, you’re starting to recognize and you’re starting to have that epiphany and that, aha, that you know what? That’s true. Because when you look at your own life, and you look at people that you like, notice that you like them based upon your interpretations and your perceptions and your belief about them. And it’s generally not about the physical, you know, 3d carbon, skin and body. It’s about what you think about the person.
There is a book, I’ve not read it, so I can’t endorse it, but it’s called the need to be liked. And it’s by a guy named Roger Colvin. Now, again, I can’t endorse a book because I haven’t read it. But what I did read is that kovan said that pretty much He’s a he has a PhD, I don’t know that helps any, you know anything or makes his work any more credible. But he said, pretty much 30% of people you you meet in your life, they’re not gonna like you, no matter what you do. So basically, it’s 70/30 70% of people will like you 30% of people will not like you, no matter what you do.
Now, many years ago, I used to be a platform speaker, professional speaker speaking from very large stages, and I used to train professional speakers. And this is what I told them. And I mean, it’s not scientific, but it’s just my observation over the years. This is what I tell people. I say that 10% of your audience, and for you 10% of people that you meet 10% of your audience, they’re gonna love you. They’re gonna love everything about you. 80% of your audience is going to teeter Yeah, you know, like, yeah, okay, I get that. I get This okay blah blah, Jim Okay, I’m indifferent. Yeah, yeah, blah, blah. Okay, yeah, I get it. Yeah, I kind of like it. So 10% love you 80% are somewhere in the middle to some degree at some point at some time. And 10% they just flat out don’t like you, no matter how good your messages they just don’t like you.
So hopefully by this point it’s sinking in for you is that I mean this I mean this from this is maybe not the right way to say it, but from the bottom of my heart is I don’t spend time let me put it this way. I’m just being transparent with you. I don’t spend time and waste my energy, trying to get people to like me. Now, I don’t know how long you’ve been listening. If you’ve been listening for any amount of time I’ve shared with you that my brother in law is a shaman. And I’ve worked with him for a lot of years. And I’m not sure why in this particular instance that it clicked. But he and I were sitting there talking and some of the people that work with him were also there. And he wasn’t talking to me directly. But he said to the, to the room, to people in the room, he said, and it was just so fleeting. But it stuck with me. And this was literally 20 years ago. He said, Who cares?
Who cares whether or not other people like you or not. And it’s always stuck with me. And in that moment, I’ve lived from that place. So I want you to consider think about that. Who cares? Because you may care. But based upon what I’ve just shared with you, you’re wasting a lot of your time and energy trying to get everybody which is what most people try to do is they try to get everybody to like them. And that’s just not a reality. And I’m giggling here because as I shared this with you one of the one of the earlier reviews that I have When I said in an episode, I don’t care what people think about me, and somebody actually put in their reviews, while Jim said he doesn’t care what people think about him and that’s not the truth. And if if he really meant it, he wouldn’t say that. That’s a ridiculous comment the person made the truth is I’m telling you the truth is people are gonna like me and or they’re not, but I can’t make people like me. And the same thing with you. And that’s what I want you to start again, getting your teeth into this episode is you know what? breathe people are going to like you, people are not going to like you. But all that you can do is you can be you.
And Jeez, you know, on that note, I spent so many of my earlier years, not being me, being who I thought other people wanted me to be or conforming in some way. And I read a quote, there are some things that just kind of hit me like a two by four right between the eyes. I read a quote one time, and it was a huge epiphany and Aha. that quote was this. And this was well before I don’t even know where I read it, because this was well before social media, this was like, the fledgling internet 1989, you know, 1998,99. And that was fledgeling for me. But the quote was,” I would rather be, I’d rather be hated for who I am than liked for who I am not.” And when I read that, it just dawned on me, you know, what, ah, why don’t I just be me. Just be me and be the best version that I can. Because no matter what I do, there just going to be people that are going to hate on me, people that are not gonna like me. And when you really think about it, I mean, put yourself you know, I guess in my place, but in any of our places, really, it’s ridiculous. What’s the point of trying to get everyone to like you, I mean, it’s not like you can be friends with, with every single person in the world, right?
I mean, so what’s the point of trying to get everyone to like you? It’s ridiculous. I want to segue here for a second. And I do want to point out that I recognized long ago that generally it’s not human beings that we are in love with, or human beings that we like, generally, what we’re in love with, and what we like, is our ideas and our beliefs about who that human being is. And what I’m working on is being in love and liking it a human being. But my caveat here is this because you might be wondering, I don’t know. But my caveat is, I can like I can like someone, but I can still choose to not want to be around them.
I remember because their energy is toxic, and it doesn’t mean that they’re an air quote, bad person. And doesn’t mean that I have to dislike them. It just means that I choose not to, to entangle in that to be around them. That’s kind of akin to I remember talking to a really good friend of mine. And he was telling me about his stepdaughter. And he told the stepdaughter, she was in college and she was really a brat. I mean, I knew his stepkids, and she was a brat. And I told her at one time, he said, Susan, you know what, I love you. But you know what? I don’t like you. I do not like being around you.
So I wanted to draw that distinction there because maybe you’re wondering about how you can apply this to other people. And you know, flip the coin as opposed to you know, you’re always trying to be liked. Well, you know what, you’re not always going to like everyone. So the caveat that I’m putting in there, there’s a difference, a difference between liking the person and then making interpretations and beliefs and perceptions. And liking those because you can still miss is a very subtle that distinction, you can still like the person yet, not like some of their beliefs or their interpretations or things that they say are things that they do in the world.
So as you can see, it’s a huge illusion even talk about liking people. Because, again, it’s not the people that we like for the most part, you might be shifting your thinking and listening to this episode. It’s our perceptions or interpretations and our beliefs about that person. But you know what our interpretations and our beliefs and our perceptions have nothing to do with the value of the person. And I remember when this when this aha that I just shared with you came to me. I was telling a friend of mine how much I liked another friend. And my friend also taught neurolinguistics to friend that I was telling and he said you like Rob so much, because Rob is a really smart guy. He’s a Harvard graduate, he worked at Goldman Sachs. He was a VP at Goldman Sachs in Manhattan. And it became a business partner of mine. But Chris said, he goes to like Rob so much, because Rob is really smart. And smart is a very high value to you.
And it dawned on me that you know what Chris is right? Because I’ve only known Rob for a couple of months. So how is it that I really like Rob, when I’ve only known Rob a short time? More, so it’s that I like, Rob, because he’s very intelligent. I like his values. And I like that he’s very smart. So hopefully that delian ation gives you more food for thought so that you can look at how you like people, and it helps you separate specifically about this episode. How people are liking you, and it’s not about you.
You know, an example here and I’ll move on is the Rorschach test. Yeah, that’s the inkblot test. We’ve all seen it whether or not you’re familiar with it professionally sculpted Stickley psychologically or you’ve seen it on TV somewhere, it’s the inkblot that the psychologist or psychologist holds up and goes, What do you see? Well guess what? The value of the inkblot is it’s simply the inkblot. It’s simply the observer making the interpretation about the inkblot. So that being said, I could say that we’re all inkblots, and it’s simply the the value that the interpreter is making up. And when you look at it from that perspective, it becomes so freeing, because you no longer have to try. You no longer have to try to get people to like you. Because you know, no matter who you are, and no matter what you do, people will like you, and people will dislike you, but yet, you’re the same person.
So for example, let’s look and I think everyone knows globally and if not, he was very Famous mass murderer back in the US back in the, I believe the late 60s and 70s with Charles Manson. Now, there were millions of people who did not like Charles Manson. But the reality is all these millions of people that did not like him, never met the guy. They simply did not did not like their beliefs and their interpretations about him. But on the flip side, something that I just said, there were also people because he had followers that did, like Charles Manson. So the point is, no matter who you are, no matter what you do, people they’re going to like you and they’re not going to like you. And I think you’ve already gotten them by now. If you’re spending your life trying to get everybody to like you. Literally, it’s just like a vacuum cleaner sucking something out of a rug. It’s like swoosh. You’re just wasting all of your energy and trying so hard to get other people to like you, but it’s not you. It’s their interpretations of you.
Now, you might, you might not be wondering, and, you know, I learned long ago that the two biggest fears that people have are the fear of abandonment. And we feel like if we’re not like we’re going to be abandoned, and the fear of inadequacy. Now, I’ve not gone and looked for any research on this, but I have to believe doing what I’ve done for a lot of years, is that the reason people try to fit in, I mean so much is because if I don’t fit in, people are going to reject me. And if they reject me that I’m not going to be part of the herd part of the group. And if I’m not part of the group, that I’m going to be castigated, and if I’m castigated, and I’m outside of the group, now, I don’t have the tribe or the group or the herd to protect me and feed me.
So I believe and knowing you know, what I know about brain based psychology and everything else that are in need to be liked is archaic. It’s survival based many years ago. When we were in tribes, and we were hunters and gatherers, is we had to have people like us. And if they didn’t like us, they, you know, they tossed us outside of the outside of the tribe. And then that’s a bad place to be. Because why? because now you’re out there with the tigers and snakes and everything else alone. And now you’re no longer safe.
What I also want to point out, is on the flip side, it’s okay to want to be liked. I mean, honestly, if you said, Jim, do you prefer to be liked? Or do you prefer to be disliked? Are you neutral? Even though I said, You know what, I don’t I don’t care who likes me Who doesn’t? If you gave me a preference, obviously, I’d say well, I prefer to be liked. There’s nothing wrong. I think it’s human. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be liked. However, where it becomes a challenge for a lot of people is when they give up themself. They become a people pleaser. They give up their authenticity. They give up their own beliefs, they give up their own wants, they give up their own desires, so that other people will like them. That’s when I believe that it becomes a problem.
So for example, in order to be liked, and I’ve been there I’m no longer there now because I have what I call a very firm yes and a very firm no meaning very firm. Yes, I will do XYZ things very No, I will not do XYZ things. But in the past that didn’t have that. And I would encourage you based upon what you’re learning here to create very, very firm Yes, isn’t very firm No’s. And when you use your very firm, no sometimes which I’ll get to in just a minute, some people are going to be angry with you. And then some people say, well, the people are angry, they’re not gonna like me, but I’ll get to that in just a moment.
Okay, now, do you go to events and do you do things you don’t want to do? Because if you don’t, you think people are not going to like you.Do you do what other people think that you should air quote? Do you do things that other people think you should do? Because they think you should do it. And you do it even though you don’t want to do it. It’s kind of like, Oh my gosh, I really don’t want to do this. I really, really, really, really, really don’t want to go to that party tonight. Why? Because Bob’s going to be there, Susan’s going to be there orI don’t know some reason but you don’t you really don’t want to go. And then other people, badger you. Come on, come on, come on. Let’s go. Let’s go. Let’s go, let’s go. And then you actually say, Okay, I will go. Why? Because I want to keep everyone else happy. Because when I keep everyone else happy, they will like me, and then you’re miserable at the party or whatever it is that you, you know, that you went to and I’m laughing because I see so much of this lunacy that we human beings get into.
How about this? Do you give up something that you want in life, so other people can have what they want? And I don’t mean this is Not about being selfish or not selfish or any of that. But it’s not even about sacrifice. But let’s say for example, that you want to spend time at home tonight with a good book and you want to cuddle up and you want to put the fireplace on and have a glass of wine. And that’s what you want. But you give it up because other people want or expect or they say you should do certain things and you’re being you become the people pleaser. You want to please everyone because you don’t want to rock the boat. You give up what you want. And then what happens is you give it up you don’t have a good time. You’re resentful many times you’re not gonna company anyway. And you gave up what you want so other people can get what they want, just so you could please them. How about this? Do you not speak out? Do you not speak out when you know that you should?
Now,I hold nothing against myself for this. I don’t really hold things against myself anyway. But when I was I was in the fourth grade I remember because it was Mrs.Wickline’s room that was homeroom 1974, I believe. Now I grew up in the poorest county in the nation. And my parents were working class and pretty much all my friends were poor. But there was one girl in my class that was near, I guess, abject poverty. And ironically, the other kids that were poor, I walked into class one morning, the teacher wasn’t there. They were making fun of her. And I stood back, and I definitely did not participate. Matter of fact, that was hurting. I was like, I don’t I can’t believe these kids are doing this to another kid.
Now, when I have spoken up or not spoken, spoken up, that’s a whole different subject that at this point in my life, but there was a point in my life where I would speak up and I would be kind of like the cause leader for a lot of people. I’m not at that same place anymore in my life and where I am at this point in my consciousness, and I’m sure I’ll create an episode on that. And the title will be along the lines of what pertains to you in life. However, point for another time. But my point right now is do you not speak up, whether on behalf of other people or even on behalf of yourself, because you’re afraid of rocking the boat, or you’re afraid of not pleasing someone.
And shockingly enough, I mean, when I say shockingly, it’s shocking to me, the amount of people that are in their 30’s and 40’s and 50’s. And they are still parent pleasers. I mean, for crying out loud, they’re still I mean, they’re 40 years old, and they’re still bending over backwards pleasing their mother, who’s 70 Why? Because they definitely don’t want to rock the boat and they don’t want mother to be mad at them or whatever it is. And then finally, is, are you giving up your time and doing things you don’t want to do? Because you want to be liked. And then you know what you give up your time and you do things you don’t want to do and as I said earlier, many times you hate doing it, you know this day and age I mean I’m 55 years old but when I was a kid many times and if people helped me I would always help them back. No question about a reciprocity of life. AYNI A Y N I ancient incan for reciprocity, but something that I never enjoyed doing was moving on a Saturday afternoon and growing up in Texas and being in Texas and 100 degree heat.
You know, this day and age if somebody asked me to do something that I don’t want to do, and I just thought about that example of moving this day and age I’d say I’m not gonna help you move but I’ll pay for your move or I’ll help you with the move but I’m not going to do it. My whole point is this day and age, I have my firm yeses and I have my firm no’s I will do x y, z and ABC and EFG. I will not do LMNOP those are not things that I enjoy doing. I do not want to do it and my firm knows whether you like it or not. My firm NO is that I am not going to do that. Now what first for many of you, that might be a little challenging? Why? Because that’s confrontation and many of you like to avoid confrontation, you’d rather endure the pain of doing something you don’t like or people pleasing in the many years of pain to that than the short term discomfort of confrontation.
But I’ve learned over the years that you know what, I simply just speak up, some will like it, some will not. That is not my problem. Okay, so I have some questions for you here. I’ve got some questions and I want you to think through these, how much do people have to like you, before you stop trying to get them to like you? Do they have to like you 50% of what they possibly could and then how would you possibly know the capacity for them to like you, because people can only like you based upon how much they liked themselves. But How much do they have to like you before you stop trying to be liked? Is it 30%? Is it 70%? Is it 90%? And by me asking you that question, you can see how ridiculous it is for you to try to get everyone to like you because there’s no way you can qualify, whatever and to how much and to what degree people like you. Another question that I have for you is this. How will you know when you’re like enough?
So I just asked you a couple of minutes ago is how much they have to like you. But the next question is, how, how are you going to know when they’ve hit that point? So to see how ridiculous says says, If you said, Well, they’ve got to like me 50% how are you going to know when they hit that? 50% are you going to say you know what, Susan? I want you to like me, and I want you know what? Tell me it’s like pulling up a glass of water. When we’re at 50% and you’d like to be 50% I can stop crying to get you to like me, but here’s the thing, I want you to tell me when you’re at 50%. So that I will know when I can stop trying to people please and I can stop trying to get you to like me. So Susan, okay, let me know when we are at 50%.
All right. Another question is, how many people have to like you? And how much do they have to like you? Does 90% of the population need to like you I’d mentioned earlier that whatever his name was the psychologist David, Kevin, I believe I said, said something like 30% of the population is not going to like you no matter what you do. So, the 70% have to like you. And that means at least like 2.1 billion are not gonna like you, but if 2.1 billion don’t like you, I don’t even know how many people are on the planet, what seven and a half a billion. So does that mean like five and a billion could like you but two and a half billion can’t like you and you’re okay with it. That, you know, if you’re in a class as just a simple example here, this 80% of the class needs to like you does 90% How much? You know, you may or may not know by this point, but I teach transformational programs. Right now we’re finishing up next couple of weeks, the current program that I’m doing, we have 511 people enrolled in that program. And I tell them we number one, my job is to create transformation in your life. Whether you like me or you don’t like me is simply around, you know, irrelevant. I don’t care whether you like me or you don’t like me. What I do care about is that you get the change that you’re here for.
Because I know this. Even though I have a huge reregistration rate people stay with anywhere from 50 to 70% of people that go through our program with be re registered, stay with me. But the percentage that leave, maybe they leave because they’ve gotten enough maybe they leave because they don’t like me. I don’t know. But this is what I do know. And I have empirical evidence to demonstrate it is that at least 98% of people that go through a program with me, they get significant change in their life. I mean, for crying out loud, how long have you been listening to this podcast and the reason that you’re listening is because you’re getting change. And it’s a podcast, not even a program.
But what I’m sharing with you is even in my programs, I tell people, and it’s nice to be like, but I’m not here to be liked. I’m not here to be your best friend. My job is to move you from where you are, to where you want to go in life. And whatever happens is a result of that and what you feel about me doesn’t have anything to do with me. So another question that I have for you. Is, can you be okay? Because here’s where the power comes in. Can you be okay? with not being liked? by everyone? Deep breath and exhale, because when you can work from that place, that you’re okay, you get it. It makes sense. I mean, come on, let’s use our common sense. You don’t like everyone forget the examples I gave you about interpretations and beliefs earlier. The reality is and how you think about the world and people, you don’t like everyone. So it stands to reason. Why would everyone like you and when you can come to being okay with not being liked by everyone, I promise you take that out, start using it, when you can be okay with that, that is power. And that is freedom. And that gives you authenticity, because you can just you know what you can be you however you are and like I tell people, you just be you. You can be you.
Another question for you. And if you been with me for any amount of time, you know that I asked questions is, what is it costing you to try to be liked? by everyone? What is it costing you in your family? What is it costing you? And here’s a big thing. What does it cost you in terms of peace of mind? You’ve heard me say before probably that you can’t do anything well, without peace of mind. How much peace of mind Have you given up trying trying, trying, trying trying to get people to like you. But in business, like me, I put myself out there like right now if this podcast and as I said, I know, everyone’s not going to like me. What I want to share with you as not entirely because of this podcast, a percentage of my business comes from this podcast. But guess what? If I sat on the sideline years ago, and I said, Okay, Jim, you can’t put yourself out there until everyone likes you. I wouldn’t be making the impact and the difference that I’m making in the world. And because I’m making a difference in the world, and I’m making an impact, guess what? I also reciprocity of life, I garner and people give me energy, they give me money. So as a result of me being okay with not being liked by everyone, my business also attracts multiple millions of dollars per year.
Now, if I were afraid, and I said, Everyone has to like me and , everyone likes me, and I’m not going to put myself out there. Well guess what my business would not attract and make multiple, multiple millions of dollars per year. So what would it cost me it would cost me two things, maybe three things it would cost me millions upon millions of dollars. It would cost me the ability to help the amount of people that I helped. And for, you know, finally and most important to me, it would cost me the life satisfaction that I get from helping people transform their lives. So I can sit here all day long and not do anything, anything because I want everyone to like me, and I would never get anything done.
So your transformational takeaway this week is that trying to get everyone to like you is an illusion. That’s a trap. No matter what you do, no matter what you do 30%, maybe even more, but at least 30% of people aren’t going to like you anyway. And it’s now obvious, you trying to get everyone to like you is just, it’s not achievable. And for many of you, it is a great source of wasting your time and your energy trying to go out in the world and get everyone to like you. So how about this? How about this? Why not just you, be you. Why not have a firm Yes or No? Why don’t you go out into the world and show the world who you are, and be who you are, and those that will like you will, and those that won’t, won’t. And there’s nothing you can do about that. Okay, thanks for listening and do what you can to make it a great day to day. Bye bye.
Thank you for listening to this entire podcast. If you’re the kind of person who likes to help others, then share this with your friends and family. You know, if you found value, they will too, so please share via your social media channels. Also, if you have questions, I’m here to assist. You can email me questions to support@jim .com. And I may even use your question for a future podcast episode. Also, if you want transformational content like this daily, connect with me on Instagram, my Instagram name is @iamjifortin. Finally I do have a personal request. I believe that we’re all here to help others and to grow and evolve ourselves. together, you and I, let’s help more people. If you would, please leave a review on iTunes and a good one by the way, I’d be grateful and through your assistance together, we can transform more lives. Thanks for listening.
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