EPISODE 12: “How To Accept Things In The Way That They Are?”
The #1 reason people are unhappy and probably you too is because you’re not where you think you want to be in life. That space between where you are and where you think you should be is what most people call unhappiness.
In this episode I answer Iilam’s question about How To Be Accepting Of The Way Things Are and How To Stay Happy When Bad Things Happen.
In this episode I discuss:
And much, much more…
Links mentioned in this episode
You are where you are because you choose to be there. Life does not test you it REFLECTS YOU. We have to work from the inside out, not the outside in. To be powerful, we can not let the external world
dictate our internal state of mind. Everything is about training yourself because thought is nothing more than habit.
You're in the episode number 12 of the transform your life from the inside out podcast. And in this episode, I'm going to tackle several questions from Helium. And the first one is this, "how do I accept the way that things are? And what I want to talk about in this episode is that your unhappiness comes from the non-acceptance of how things are. You're unhappy in the space between where things are and the story about where you think things should be. Stay tuned. Hi, I'm Jim Fortin and you're about to start transforming your life from the inside out with this podcast. I'm widely considered the leader in subconscious transformation. And I've coached superachievers all around the world for over 25 years. Here, you're going to find no rara motivation and no hype because this podcast is a combination of brain science, transformational psychology and ancient wisdom all rolled into one to your life to levels you have never thought possible. If you're wanting a lot more in life, to feel better, to heal, to have peace of mind, to feel powerful and alive and to bring more abundance and prosperity into your life. Then this podcast is for you because you're going to start learning how to master your mind and evolve your consciousness. And when you do that, anything you want then becomes possible for you. I'm glad you're here.
Feelings Create Vibrations, Vibrations Create Frequencies
Ilham sent me, let me say here, sent me an email. And what I want to point out is when I answer these questions, and I'm reading people's emails many times the broken English or the grammar, whatever is not me. I do know that I can definitely dangle a participle and have sentence fragments and everything else. However, many times it's basically I'm just reading what they wrote. So Ilham's question, Ilham. I think that's how we say it I-L-H-A-M. The question is, how to be accepting the way things are? That is the first question. And the second is how to stay happy everyday when something bad happened?
And then she goes on to say, I am a lot of my mother (which many of us are, if not all of us), a corporate lawyer. Like my mother, I am impatient, tough, bad energy, stiff, feeling lonely, money comes from effort, worrisome, etc. I have those identities. I am aware of that, but I want to change. I want to develop new identity that attract people, money and opportunities. I want to be grateful and stay happy. But life, it's so hard to do when I find myself stuck or mad or sad. Okay, Ilham said a lot there and I read her entire email because a lot of you can probably relate to what she said. The first thing that I want to state is, that Ilham is no question about it, (and this applies to many of you Ilham and I've got to get this name right), Ilham is living from the outside in instead of the inside out. And you know, she says "I'm impatient, I'm tough, bad energy, lonely, work is effort worrisome, change..." She's stuck. Basically, she's also saying she's ungrateful. She's mad and she's sad. So, you guys might have listened to another episode, and if you haven't the one on wealth and vibration and law of frequency, I said in that episode all repeated here is that everything is vibration and frequency. So, every thought that you have creates a feeling, a feeling creates a vibration and vibration creates a frequency. Because we're all electromagnetic beings. And then you attract right back to you whatever your dominant frequency is.
So my question for Ilham would be, is if you are impatient and tough and bad and lonely and you know, life is effort and worrisome and you're stuck in your ungrateful know you're mad and you're sad. The question that I have for you is, what is your vibration? You know, you probably heard me say before that life does not test us. Life reflects us. And whatever you're bringing into your life is because you threw your thoughts and your feelings and your vibration in your frequency. You are creating your own experience. So Ilham, what I'm telling you is if you continue to hold on to all these, you know, fears and worries and bad energy and tough energy and impatient, that is exactly the experience you are going to have of life. Then what happens is people create the experience of life and they don't like the experience that they created and then they're mad and unhappy about the experience they created which actually creates another negative frequency and they bring more of that back into their life. I want to add here also is that people are always looking for steps. I remember one time one of my 1-to-1 client said, "Jim, uhm, you know, I just don't know how to be happy." Now one caveat here is, and some of you might be able to relate to this, many many years ago out of college, I had what would be considered clinical depression. I didn't have any health insurance. I was just out of college, didn't have any money. But I had clinical depression coupled with panic attacks and anxiety. And it was a lovely summer the year that I had that, first year on a college. And after about a year of having clinical depression, which by the way, I figured out how to get through it by using power my mind. That's where a lot of this started for me. But what I recognized is that that I lost a lot of feeling and it took me a while to get the feeling back. Some of you might be able to relate to that. But overall, generally speaking, as long as we're healthy and have no chemical imbalance, being happy is nothing more than a state of mind. It is a choice. Yet, people are always (as I was alluding to this past client) always looking for ways "show me steps to be happy" is what people will say. And I've said before, that being happy is a factory setting. You do not see babies that are all worrisome, and they're into their anger and their fear and all these kinds of things and emotional states. These are things that we learn. HAPPINESS is a factory setting.
So let's go back here. Is people are always looking for steps in ways, you know, show me the way to be happy. Well, here's the conundrum that I've learned over the years and it's so simple that being happy is the way to being happy. Just be happy, which means you're choosing an emotional state. Now I did obviously preface it with sometimes people actually go through clinical depression or whatever and they have to relearn some of these things and I have been there so I have compassion for that. But as I've said, if there's no chemical imbalance your emotional state is your choice. You're choosing it. And if you are unhappy, it is because you are choosing to be unhappy. Okay, as I look at the bigger context of Ilham's email and the questions, what I'm wondering is, what is her belief about her ability to change? So a question that I would have is, what evidence do you have that you cannot change? And what evidence do you have that you can change? Many people live in the world and this world and we think oh, it's so hard to change. Well, then you have to look at your contextual thinking. If you believe that it's hard to change, then what is going to be your experience? Your experience is going to be that it is hard to change. I'm going to put that aside I'll come back to that in just a moment. What I want to go to now is ever on my website jimfortin.com. I have a free training over there and it's called The Master Thought Formula. It's about a 90-minute video training and it's a master thought formula and that if you use and when you use this formula to the think you will be able to immediately control your thinking. The premise in the master thought formula, and this is where everyone gets trapped, and this is where Ilham is trapped is, that she's trapped in her thoughts. And in the master thought formula, what I tell people is that your thoughts are an illusion. You are the thinker of your thoughts. And because you are the thinker of your thoughts, you can actually choose your thoughts. And then what you want to do is you want to move your attention to a different thought that serves you.
So, you may want to go over to JimFortin.com, download that video training. And of all the content I've ever created, I think that 90-minute free training from what I hear in the feedback I get is some of the most impactful life-changing content that I've ever put out. Why? Because again, it shows you how to take immediate control of your thinking instead of you being controlled by your thinking. Alright, accepting things as they are is what she started with. Well, the reality is life is what it is no matter where you are. And as I said earlier in the intro, most people or many people, they do not like where they are, and they get mad about where they are. Yet, they're the ones who created it. And then, they have this gap between where they are and where they think life should be. And the space between where somebody is and where they think they should be for most people, that is unhappiness. It's a space where, you know what, "life isn't, you know, life isn't fair, and I'm not getting what I want, and this person did this to me, and this person did that. And oh, I feel so bad, and I people say stuff like this. I'm a total loser. I'm a failure. My life sucks. My life's upside down. I can't do this. I can't do that." These are all nothing more than stories. But generally, looking at when your life is going well, you're telling yourself positive stories.
So generally when things are not going like we want, as I said the space between where you are and the story about where you think you should be that space is unhappy space for a lot of people. And that's where Ilham is, it's that space. Ilham, I will get it right sooner or later. Ilham's in that space. And maybe I don't even get Ilham right. I don't know, and I apologize if I didn't. But that space, her entire email is about that space between where I think I should be, and I want to be and where I am. So therefore I'm not where I am and I want to be unhappy. And that is a choice. I don't know if this is true or not, you know, there's so much stuff that's false on the internet, but I read somewhere that Abraham Lincoln said that most people are about as happy as they make up their mind to be. That, is really, in my interpretation, really really powerful. And I talked a lot about that in the master thought formula because I've learned from my brother-in-law the shaman. And by the way, I'm going to be talking about him a lot on this podcast. If it doesn't resonate with you, then it doesn't resonate. If you're going to stop listening you're going to miss out on a lot of ancient wisdom. That's entirely up to you. But I'm going to be talking about him a lot. Why? Because his life story's been ghostwritten, and it's sold over 17 million copies around the world. And people like Wayne Dyer once said to me (if you've ever heard of Wayne Dyer), he said I will go anywhere, anytime, anyplace to meet your brother-in-law. Just tell me when and where. So I'm going to bring you a lot of his wisdom that I've had, you know, the privilege of being exposed here for the past 23- 24 years.
And in the master thought formula, I talk a lot about just being happy every single day because happiness is an internal state it has nothing to do with what's going on going on in your external world. But what most people do is they let their external world determine whether or not they are happy. And then because their external world isn't where they want it to be, and my internal world...I'm going to be unhappy, and I'm going to be mad, and I'm going to be angry, and I'm going to be sad and, and I'm going to be worrisome. And these things, which is an internal thought that creates the feeling, that creates the vibration, that creates the frequency, that actually self perpetuates that unhappy world that you live in, this is why it is important (and I talked about it a lot in the master thought formula), this is why it is important that you BE. And you hear me talking a lot about ways of BEING not DOING. That you BE happy every single day no matter what is going on in your external world. And for many of us, and I'm speaking from experience, and open this and my experience has taken a great deal of practice to keep my attention in a place and on a place of being happy all the time no matter what happens in the external world. And I'm getting there and I'm mastering it. I've worked on it for a lot of years and I know if I can do it, you can do it as well. And I'm going to tell you life is a whole lot easier when you choose to be happy internally no matter what's going on in your external world.
Something else that I want to touch on here is that our thinking is also habitual. 95% of what you have thought today, you thought yesterday. What most people never stop to recognize is even though, you know, this is brain-based, reptilian brain-based, and we get an habitual thinking, we are conscious reflective beings and we have the power of choice to choose our thinking. And even if you have habitual negative or counterproductive thinking, this is what I tell people, is that is a habit. And no habit is as strong as the brain that created that habit, in the first place. Which means your brain created the habit, your brain can uncreate the habit by actually moving your tension and thinking about new habits and new ways to think. Something else that I want to touch on here very quickly is that any time you find yourself somewhere that you do not want to be mentally, guess what? The world didn't put you there. Other people didn't put you there. I didn't put you there. You, you chose to put yourself there. Working with my brother-in-law, there are 14 of us that apprentice. And there was somebody one time saying to him, you know, "I don't feel well." There's some physiological things going on. And I've watched him over the years even when physiological things are going along with him because he's processing and moving a lot of energy, he is always happy. I have never seen him unhappy. And what he said to that person literally just kind of knock me out because it was so powerful. This person was not complaining, but they were lamenting. I would say about not feeling well. And he said to them, and this was literally a showstopper for me. He said, "you don't feel well (and he meant mentally) because you are choosing that for yourself. You want to be that way because if you wanted to be some way different, you would choose to be some way different."
And when I heard that, I'm like wow, that is extremely, extremely powerful. Now, talking to all of you guys, and I am so, I'm beyond grateful that this podcast has taken off and caught on like it has. But coaching people over the years, what I've noticed is that a lot of people and everyone's addicted to something for the most part. Some people are addicted to chemical things like drugs and alcohol. Some people are addicted to mental things, or behavioral things. Behavioral things could be addicted to gambling. And then the mental things could be some people are addicted to self-pity, or some people are addicted to work. And many times people are addicted to work, why? Because it's a life distraction, and they don't have to be in their life as long as they're busy doing something. But what I want to point out here, with this statement, is that many people are addicted to self-pity, and misery, and pain. And Ilham's email here seems that there's so many things in life that she's addicted to, that she's almost a victim of her own thinking, if not a victim of her own thinking. Is that my life is just upside down, and it's bad, and I'm mean, and I'm tough, and I'm rough. Well Ilham, if I were coaching you one-to-one, this is what I would say. No matter what goes on in your external life, just be happy today. Because I want every one of you to recognize that wherever you are right now, wherever you are right now, is because you are choosing to be there. No one made you, no one forced you to be where you are.
I also want to point out there could be some very rare instances where there's an external, you know, situation keeping you where they are, where you are. But for the most part, and this pretty much I'm going to step out there and say pretty much, every one of you are exactly where you are in life because you choose to be in that place. So Ilham is very much being driven by the external. And you know, this podcast is transform your life from the inside out. You cannot do it from the outside in it does not work that way. So Ilham is living from her circumstances. And this is the reason I picked her question. Well, the real reason is because we just a next in line in sequence, but it was a perfect email to pick for you guys because so many of you live from your external circumstances. And I know I'll shoot, not shoot but record a podcast on this, is that your entire life for the most part is an interpretation. And let me give you an example of two mothers living from the externals. Let's take mother A for example. Mother A has kids, and the kids are in the kitchen, and the kids make a mess in the kitchen. I mean, they totally just you know, they pulverize the kitchen because you're making cookies or something. And mother A is really mad and upset because they've spilled chocolate all over the floor, and they spilled a half gallon of milk, and the the dogs walked in it, you know, and tracked it all over the house, and the mother's mad at the kids. What I want to point out here is that the mother has chosen an internal state because of an external situation.
Now, let's go to a different situation one of my brother-in-law's and sister-in-law's. They lost both of their young kids to leukemia. Don't you think they would give anything to have kids again that were just terrorizing the kitchen? And I know that you're thinking and you're like wow, you know, that's yeah that would definitely love to have kids. But the mother who had kids is angry at the kids because of something external. The reason that I tell you this, is that our internal state is not dependent upon the external world. Your internal state is independent of your external world. Yet, most people let their external world make their internal world feel bad. Another good example would be, which I have alluded to in the podcast on the law of attraction, is money. So let's say that somebody doesn't have a lot of money, and they're feeling okay today and whatever. And then they check their bank account, and they don't have as much money as they think. Now they feel bad. Why? Because of something external, they let that affect their internal state. They are living from the outside in instead of the inside out. This is a great leap for a lot of people. And the easiest place to start is just be happy today. Because whatever your finances are, or wherever you are in life, chances are if you're listening to this podcast, which you are, you're better off than at least 90% of the population on the planet.
You know, an example one day many years ago, when I moved back from New York City. I'm a native Texan, move back from New York City. And you know in New York, you don't need cars, I didn't have a car. I went to bought a new Ford Explorer, and this was back in I guess 2001. And this was on a Monday or Tuesday, and I saw my brother-in-law that Saturday night. And we're sitting on the back porch, and he was pretty quiet, which means I was pretty quiet. And there's a couple of people sitting around. And he looked at me, and he's from Mexico, so he called me cuñado, which is a Spanish word for brother-in-law. And he said. "Cuñado.." He goes, "that's a nice new car you got out there. How do you like it?" And I said, "Well, you know what? I love it. But it drinks a lot of gas." And he was quiet for a moment. And he said, "Very good, very good." He goes, "you've got a brand-new car. You've got a perfect, you've got perfect health. You got a family who loves you. You got a job. You've got money in the bank. You've got everything in the world, and you still find something to complain about." Boom! That was like a Muhammad Ali knockout, because I didn't even see that I was complaining and not even grateful for something right in front of me. Obviously, I was letting something external affect me internally. So, I'm asking you to look at your life. Look at your look at your emotional state just an hour ago before you listen to this podcast. We're you mad at something, or someone, or did something not happen in the way that you wanted? Or did you see something on the news, or you looked at your bank account, or you stepped on the scale, or someone cut you off in traffic? And then how did that make you feel?
There's something that people in my transformational coaching program hear me say all the time, and it's where I'm working from in life. The Dalai Lama said something along the lines, and I mean mangle it and there's probably different versions, but he said, "Let no one's behavior, disturb your internal peace." And that's powerful because when we hold on to our internal piece, Ilham, and the rest of you listening, when you hold onto the internal peace now, we have clarity. Because I tell people these are things that I've learned, is that it's really hard to do things in life when you don't have peace of mind. And when you don't have peace of mind, you don't have internal peace and it makes it very very hard to do things that we want to do in life. Okay, you hear me say in every podcast that you may want to write this down, and I say it if you're not driving. Obviously, safety first, is something that I learned from my brother-in-law many years ago. And this is a game changer when you really get this is, is life this way, or that way. Because I tell myself, life is this way or that way. And then you look at your own life. And then what do you tell yourself about money? What do you tell yourself about change? What do you tell yourself about love and relationships and business? Look at your life. Your life is a complete reflection of the stories that you tell yourself. That's why I say life is this way or that way because I tell myself it is this way or that way. And Ilham and everyone else, the most powerful place that you can work from, I promise and you'll discover it for yourself if you choose to work from here. The most powerful place that you can work from is to be happy everyday no matter what.
And I also know that I'm going to get some put some pushback from people saying because they did they can't get their mind around this. And then they will come up with all these reasons why they can't be happy. You know, it just popped in my mind. There was a book written, I don't know, back I guess in the 40s. Viktor Frankl, and the book was called "Man's Search for Meaning." And the whole premise of the book is that, we choose (and he was he was a German prisoner of war, I believe. I don't remember his complete bio, I had to read this in college), but the whole premise was, is that no one can take your internal world away from you. Yet, most of you let the world take your internal world away from you the second somebody actually goes too slow at the post office, or somebody pulls in front of you. You know, I don't have really a lot of notes for these podcasts, but you know, I bought a brand-new Porsche back in November. And so I'm sitting in a parking lot just a couple of days ago and boom! This guy backs into the back of my car. Brand new car while it's a few months old. Backs right in the back of it. I'm in a Porsche 718 Cayman S. And he's in a big old SUV, and you can probably imagine what it did the back of my car. So I got out of the back of the car and I did laugh for a second. I'm like, "Dude, really?" That's what I said. And he's like, "I'm so sorry. I didn't see you." Well, obviously, he didn't see me or he wouldn't have backed into me. Or he I guess, maybe didn't like my car, and he went in the back into it. I don't know. But in that moment, I had that exact split moment where I could be mad or I could be like, dude it is what it is. Because guess what, it is what it is. And it's just a car. But so many people let the world and the external world control them and make them unhappy.
So Ilham, what I want to share with you and everyone else is that your emotional state is about training your mind, and that's about awareness. And that also comes to (which I'm really excited about the next episode, so I'm going to kind of pump you guys up now), but that comes to your attention. And you have to look at, where is my attention? So I'm going to leave that for now, because we're going to create a whole episode on that which is the Wednesday episode. And I'll just leave that on the back burner for now. So this is what I want you guys to understand. Let's go back again that when you have a thought, you create a feeling, that feeling creates a vibration, and the vibration creates a frequency, and the frequency creates the outcome. So what I want to share with you (something that you may want to write this down), is any time that I feel bad, I am miscreating. Why? Because you create that frequency. And then the universe doesn't speak English, but it reads frequency and physics, and then it returns the object of whatever your frequency is back to you. Anytime I feel bad, and I am angry, and upset, and self-pity, and everything else, anytime that I am that, I am miscreating. Which means I need to move my attention and keep it on happiness. So, now the question for you. Where could you move your attention? That would be a place of power for you. Every single one of you. Where could you move your attention? That is a place of power. Hint: Move it to happiness. Because you are most powerful. Think about that for a moment. You are most powerful when you were happy and life is working well. So your place of power is happiness.
Okay, then she goes on to say here. I want to become an entrepreneur myself, but still fear that money will not come to me as much as I am being a lawyer. So Ilham, what you're saying is that only lawyers can make money. Well, I googled it because I was curious. I make over 20 times what the average lawyer makes per year, and I'm not a lawyer. Therefore, you know, being a lawyer is not the only way to make money. I also want to point out, I'm not going to go into it here. But many people that also want to be entrepreneurs are not cut out to be entrepreneurs because they don't have the traits in the ways of being. I mean for the most part, a lot of people want to be entrepreneurs because they want their freedom in the money and everything else. But many people fail. They fail because they don't do the internal work to be able to be a successful entrepreneur. Then she goes on to say, "my conscious.." (meaning her conscious mind) "agrees with you that money does not come from effort. But my subconscious thinks otherwise. I need to reprogram my subconsciousness in the deep root level." Well, let's go back here again, and there are other places that I can go with this and coaching, but I'm not. But let's go back here. Go to the episode on reprogramming your subconscious mind. You will hear me say that over and over and over and over and over in my podcast, is to change the identity, you've got to change the subconscious paradigms. And the way that you do that is you reprogram the subconscious mind. So enough on that for right now.
Okay, so your transformational takeaways this week. Well, there's a lot in my opinion. However, let's look at a few here. One is, is you are where you are because you choose to be there. Remember, life does not test you, it reflects you. Next is, we have to work from the inside out, not the outside end. To be powerful, we cannot let the external world dictate our internal state of mind. And then as you already know, the state of mind actually the thought creates the feeling, that feeling creates the vibration, the vibration creates the frequency, and we pull that right back to us. Then, another take away a big one is, everything is about training yourself. Okay, because thought is nothing more than habit. So we have to catch yourself. And you know, I know you guys probably have a lot of questions at this point. That's ok. As you know, I've got two episodes a week coming out and I'm sure that as I go, I will continue to keep saying shoot because shoot a lot of video. I will continue to record a lot of episodes and go deeper with everything we're talking about. And then finally, and this is going to be next week's, or not next week, Wednesday's podcast, I'll tell you about in just a moment. But a massive take away, move your attention. Okay, so this concludes the Monday podcast. Stay with me for a second because I want to tell you about what's coming up on Wednesday. However, we are actually starting to promote the springtime transformational coaching program. It is my 12-week program, and it quite literally will transform your life from the inside out. As a matter of fact, when you go through that program, and you do exactly what I show you to do, and how I show you to do it, you will not finish that program the same person. So if you go to show notes, you can click a link and actually I'm going to be doing a live training on this particular coaching program on Wednesday, May 1st. So if you go to the show notes, you click a link somewhere in the show notes, you can get registered for the live training that I'm going to be doing on Wednesday. May 1st, telling you what this program is, and how to get registered if you were serious about transforming your life.
And, in this episode, to move on here, you heard me talk about attention several times. Well, the next episode is titled "The Master Key to Everything that You Want in Life." And that master key is learning to move your attention. Why? Because you are where your attention is. And look at Ilahm. Ilahm is where her attention is, and when she's sad, that's where she is. And when she's angry, that's where she is. And when she's tough that's where she is. And I want to thank Ilahm also for putting herself out there because this was a great great question that Ilahm asked that a lot of people can probably see themself in. So, Wednesday's episode candidly, my interpretation of my intent is to make it a barn burner episode. So make sure that you actually, make sure you listen. Okay. Thanks for listening to this episode, and I'll catch you. I'll catch you when I catch you. Bye.
Thank you for listening to this entire podcast. If you're the kind of person who likes to help others, then share this with your friends and family. You know, if you found value, they will too. So please share via your social media channels. Also, if you have questions, I'm here to assist. You can email me questions to support at JimFortin.com, and I may even use your question for a future podcast episode. Also, if you want transformational content like this daily, connect with me on Instagram. My Instagram name is @iamjimfortin. Finally. I do have a personal request. I believe that we're all here to help others and to grow and evolve ourselves. Together, you and I, let's help more people. If you would, please leave a review on iTunes, and a good one by the way. I'd be grateful and through your assistance together, we can transform more lives. Thanks for listening.