EPISODE 164: “Use LOVE, Care, Concern, And Giving To Transform Your Life”
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I did an episode very similar to this last week and it’s such a HUGE and vital concept I decided to do another episode on Ayni.
As I was thinking about a topic for this week’s episode I ran into an old journal I had from a decade ago and it had a handwritten note from a friend of mine who built a wildly successful and large company. Years ago she told me the four things that built her business were Love, Care, Concern, and Giving and I expand on that in this episode.
If you’re like most people you probably think you’re a concerned and giving person but are you really? Seriously, have you deeply examined why you give? Here is a subtle distinction that most people miss.
Most people think they give because it makes them feel good but even that in itself is giving to get because you’re giving to get something in return, which is a happy feeling.
I have a few vital questions for you in this episode to explore.
I also touch upon many of us think that if we’re generous then we’re all good and we “did good,” but have you asked yourself why you’re so generous? And, here is something most of us overlook for many years, even if we’re generous are we simultaneously selfish?
I’ve always been very generous in life but I never realized until several years back that I was selfish with my generosity. That was a definite blind spot I had and I’m sure as I talk about it in this episode many people can relate.
You’re only on the plant for two things….to evolve and serve, there are no other reasons and hence, this is why another episode on this, because service helps us further down the road in our own evolvement.
We talk about…
As I just said, it was hard to categorize this interview but I promise, you’ll find some valuable takeaways.
As well, her story and sharing will apply to both men and women and I think some women will find it especially powerful.
LOVE, Care, Concern And Giving Are The Surest Way To Transform Your Life.
How would you like to discover how to change your thinking so you can eliminate fear and negativity in an instant? Watch the free training now- www.jimfortin.com/eliminatefear
You're listening to the Transform your Life from the Inside Out podcast. This episode is titled use LOVE, Care, Concern and Giving to Transform your Life. Now, this is a continuation of some episodes. You know, I recently did the one on AYNI which I believe was the last episode, which is the reciprocity of life. Yet I want to just, you know, share some more food for thought, you know, with you about this concept called AYNI and how to use it to transform your life. Keep listening.
Hi, I'm Jim Fortin, and you're about to start Transforming Your Life. from the inside out with this podcast. I'm widely considered the leader in subconscious transformation. And I've coached super achievers all around the world for over 25 years. Here, you're going to find no rah rah motivation, and no hype. Because this podcast is a combination of Brain Science, Transformational Psychology, and Ancient Wisdom all rolled into one to take your life to levels, you've never thought possible. If you're wanting a lot more in life, to feel better, to heal, to have peace of mind, to feel powerful and alive, and to bring more abundance and prosperity into your life, then this podcast is for you. Because you're going to start learning how to master your mind and evolve your consciousness. And when you do that, anything you want then becomes possible for you. I'm glad you're here.
Let Your Presence Be Known in a Positive Way to Change Your Life
Okay, so I believe it was the last episode that I did on AYNI. Now question for you. And obviously, you're the one who knows the answer. And be honest, is what I talked about AYNI in the last episode about giving and serving, and and helping people create expansion in life? How much have you changed your life between this episode? And that, you know, that episode? Now what I also want to say is, I don't know when you're listening to the podcast, I mean, you could listen to this in 2022. You know, I'm planning on being on the planet and the podcast still being out there. Or maybe you know, you're listening week to week. And if you are, then there's been a week between the last episode, how much has changed in your life, as you embody the concept of service. And this week, I was sitting down going, you know, okay, Jim, you know, what do you want to talk about this week? What, what, you know, what, what, what?
And I know that I don't? Well, I don't know. But these episodes are a lot of work. And what I mean by that not even work, I mean, it's a labor of love, they require for me to, to exert myself to do these. And to put this out other podcasts, you've, you know, many times you listen, and the person who has the podcast, they're interviewing somebody. So it's a conversation, I mean, it's given take, it's a flow, and they want to create a new content. But every week for this podcast, I have to create content. And also, you know, a bit of a wall that I've hit, is when you create as much content as I create after a while you're like, geez, you know, okay, you know, what am I going to do next? Anyway, you know, as you may or may not know, I don't know how long you've been listening, but I moved to Sedona, Arizona, last year, even though I bought a house here a couple of years ago.
And I was unpacking, still unpacking many of you that have moved knows, you know, you know, not know is but you know, it can be, you know, quite a task to unpack. And I found the book. It's a journal that a very, very dear friend gave to me. And her name is Virginia Cook. I've mentioned her before, and I believe I'd mentioned her in the last episode. You know, she's, I think 82 years old now, and no longer in real estate. But she was a real estate icon, quite literally. And if I've told the story, just bear with it, bear with it. Because here's the thing.So many times we think we get something we hear we we mistake hearing something for getting it and embodying something. And so even if you've heard this before, what I want to talk about in this episode is embodying this message. So as I mentioned, probably on another podcast is the first day that I trained at her company. And after I was done with the training was the half day training, she and I went to lunch. And we were sharing. I think I'd mentioned in the last episode, not that it's important at all. I think we were sharing a banana cream pie, or a coconut pie. That's it at the restaurant, the Capitol grill in Texas.
And I said How did you grow your company so quickly? And I expected her to say, you know, marketing dollars and the advertising firm that I hired on Madison Avenue and, and I've been in the industry for a lot of years. And you know, I've been in the industry 40 years already. I know a lot of people, it's all this stuff, all this mechanical stuff. And she stopped actually eating. And she looked at me. And she said, Oh, that's easy. love, care, concern, and giving. Now, if you've heard me say that in other places, have you let that soak in? How much love do you give in the world? You know, the last episode I'd mentioned the Beatles song is basically what you give is what you get. But how much leverage you get, you know, you, you give it are you giving? How about care? How much care are you giving to other people, and your presence on the planet? concern? How much concern and empathy do you show for other people, and then giving.
Many people think that, oh, if I just give money, or I just do this, well, you know, you know these things, then that counts. And of course, it counts. I don't want to discount anyone, of course, that counts. But the reason I, you know, worth wanting to do this episode is because in the United States, 78% of people live paycheck to paycheck. And as you've heard me mentioned before, there are probably a lot of you that are get buyers, meaning you have enough money coming in to get by and put just a little bit away, but not much. Basically, you're paying for everything in life, if it's 100 200 or 300 grand a year, I know people at 700,000 a year that are get buyers. And most of you are not experiencing massive amounts of abundance in your life. And that's what I want for you. Why? Because I'm not about money. But you know what, the more money that you have, the more that you can serve people, the more that you can build yourself, and build people around you. It is a way to help create positive change in the world.
And as you know, said love care concern and giving just a bit ago, you probably thought many of you probably thought well, I already do that. But the question is, is Do you really? Do you really? Or are you in the self deception thinking that you do, but you really don't? So that's something that we all need to look at? And if you're saying Well, yes, Jim, of course, I know not me, I'm exempt love care, concern and giving, that's what I'm all about. Then what I want you to look at is your level of prosperity in life, because your prosperity is a reflection of your prosperity, consciousness, and how much you value, the value that you put into work, or into your work, or how much you value what you do, and how much expansion that you create in the world. Because you will be paid for expansion.
So a place to look is if you're saying Well, yes, Jim, I do the love care concerning giving, and you don't have prosperity, then what you want to look at is literally, how much are you giving the give versus giving to get? Okay, I want to read something to you. And maybe I've read this, maybe I haven't, I don't know. You know, I create so much content that after a while it just runs together, but roll with it. So, and I went to look for this book took me an hour. This is something that Virginia wrote me, Virginia Cook wrote to me on let me see if the date is here is it was 2010 thereabouts. It was December 2010. And it says Jim heart to heart, Virginia, December 2010. You probably hear me flipping the pages here. But she said,Ever wonder Jim, how you will change the world? Here's the question I asked myself frequently, and I always come up with the same answers, love, caring energy, time, talent, respect, etc. I thrive on trying to be successful. Drucker wrote, meaning Peter Drucker. Drucker wrote, as it seems, you will achieve the greatest results and business and career. If you drop the word achievement, and you replace it with the word contribution. Success for me, is not how high I have been. But at the end of the day, how many people I have brought with me.
Now, you might say, Well, Jim,Are you nuts? You read that last week. And I don't know if I did, or I did. And honestly, I don't remember. But I kept that for 10 years. Because it's reminder of how I show up in life, I show up emotionally, the way that I show up, is to serve to make the world a better place, you know, when I leave it, than before I got here. Now, I don't do what I do, because I wanted the adulation. As a matter of fact, I don't like adulation, it's not something that means a lot to me. And it's just, I don't really enjoy it. And a lot of people in my industry, trust me when I say they want the adulation, I'm not one of those people. But where I'm going here is that so many of us think that we get this, but we really don't. And even if you understand it, and you've heard me say before, there's a difference between understanding something and knowing something. Do you know it?
Now, the question is, are you fully living from the love care, concern and giving and serving other people without regard to yourself, and if you know it, you're doing it automatically. And I'm sure I told you somewhere if you're not doing it, and by the way, I didn't do it for many years, for the majority of my life. For a good 40 years. I was achievement driven. And I was achievement driven. And I've always loved to help people and to give things to people and to move people it's always moved me is to do things for other people. But I didn't recognize that. The reason I was doing that is not because I was giving, I was giving because what I was getting. And also just truth be told, I'm just being fully transparent, is I used to think, okay, the more I help people, and the bigger my business can grow, and the bigger my business can grow, the more money I can make. And the more money I can make, the more that I pointing my finger at I the more that I can have.
And though that may be functional thinking and it may work, what it doesn't bring, or at least didn't bring for me is fulfillment. Now, the reason that we do that is our brains are hardwired for survival. And we're conditioned for survival, survival of self. And because we're conditioned for survival, what we do is we automatically just default to Okay, let me take care of me first. And that's where most of us live from. And so even though you would ask me, you know, 15 years ago, Jim, are you serving other people will absolutely. But if you actually pulled the covers back, and you're looked, I was serving other people for what I could get out of it. One caveat, and I know I mentioned this in the last episode, is, I'm not at all advocating that you care for other people at the expense of yourself. In a place that I worked from, that my brother in law taught taught me, Don Xavier is, you can't give what you don't have. Think about that. You can't give what you don't have.
And we really shouldn't give everything away, because then you have no resources left. Where you want to work from is if I want to give 50 cents, I must have $1. So again, use your common sense here. And I'm not saying I'm definitely not advocating that you be a doormat. But the whole point of this is, you know, if I just stopped right now and said, you know, Jim, you're, you know, you're you're you're going on here, what do you really want them to get is, so many of us, I'm the same, not anymore, but I was my parents were always proud of me when I would achieve things. I mean, I was a good student in school, and I always got rewarded when I would achieve. And that's what we reward and culture is achievement. And you've never heard me use it on this podcast. I don't use words, like winners and losers. You know, the last American president was very good at that using you know, calling people winners and losers and the losers were all the people that did not agree with him. And he's a loser too, because he lost the last election. And I know some of you are going to go well, I didn't lose it. It was stolen whatever, get over that crap.
Anyway, is I don't use the words winners and losers because it's not the way that I look at life. But you know, Well, I'm trying to think what I want to say here is, here's where I want you to go in this podcast in this episode, and hold us closely and absorb it and let it marinate this week, stop thinking about achievement. Because as I said, I mean, we're rewarded for that. That's what you know, that's what makes us feel good and buys the BMW in the house and then buys the social approval from our, from our friends and our family. And then for people that many times find their self worth externally, oh, if I accomplish a lot of things, people are going to look up to me. And people are going to say he has x, y, z, and she has x, y, z, because she has this company, and she makes X amount of dollars. And she's achievement driven, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, crop all that.
Because see, you do all those things. Because you want abundance to a large degree. I mean, who doesn't enjoy abundance, right? You do it because you want it, I get it. I mean, I have a lot of abundance in my life. And trust me when I tell you is it's nice. And makes life really easy to hop, you know, on an airplane, and you're always flying first class, or to have more than one home, or to have all the money that you need in the bank for anything you want. Trust me when I tell you that's comfortable. And it makes life a lot easier. But you know what, for me, my journey here, it wouldn't mean as much to me, if I had not created contribution to get, you know, to getting here. And, you know, I was thinking as it's dawned on me as I was, you know, thinking for this episode, and I'm kidding when I say do not judge, you know, that phrase, don't judge, but do not judge but I grew up in a small farming town. And in the late 70s, we only had three TV channels, not because where I grew up, but that was you know, the United States, NBC, CBS, and ABC. That was it.
And all you got to watch was, you know, some of you kids won't know any of this, but those of you that are in your 40s or older will know this. I mean, we watched the Dukes of Hazzard on Friday night. And then after that the show of the week was Dallas. And then during the week, my mom used to watch, like I said, Do not judge. My mom used to watch a Little House in the Prairie. And remember one night watching an episode with my mom about the main character, Charles Ingles. And he had moved to a new he had moved his family to a new place a new village, not a village, but in this small town. And what happened was, is he was just a helpful person, he would help people, he would help strangers, he would help anybody. And he's very kind about it. And then he got injured, and he couldn't pay for something he had borrowed, trying to recant the story here, he couldn't pay for something, and something is going to, you know, be repossessed, like I think, his oxen or horses or something. And when the town found that out, the entire town jumped in, to help him. And I've always remembered that because my mother used to be helpful to people and do things for people out of the goodness of her heart.
And that's always been instilled in me. But what I did, and I just now thought about this, as I'm, as I'm actually coming out of my units coming out of my mouth on this episode, is that's the way that I was raised. But paradoxically, I was also raised to achieve, you have to achieve, you have to get A's, you have to get all A's. And that's why I look back now. I was on every correct, you know, extracurricular activity that you could be in high school, and I probably would have created more extracurricular activities if I thought it would have gotten me more approval from my parents because of my achievement. So anyway, just you know, chew on that for a bit and think about are you giving to get or are you giving to give and where I live from, there is a little snippet on YouTube that I saw one time. And that snippet was about. It's an old I think, from an old TV show America's favorite funniest videos, not favorite America's Funniest videos from the 80s. And this little boy lays down in the mud so that his sister can walk across him. It didn't want her to give money. And I thought to myself, I remember this when I saw it.
I thought to myself, that's how I want to live my life. Let me be the bridge to a better life for people. And by the way, I don't know how long this episode is going to be but something else has popped into my mind. When I was in. I had a coach my own coach and this I haven't had a coach in six years. She's a transformational coach. And she said The reason that you do what you do is so that other people don't have to struggle. Because see, I grew up struggling. And the more that I can assist you, which is service, and not struggling, then I feel like the more I'm going to use this word successful, or meaningful, let me use that the more meaningful My life is, the more people that I can help.
Now, I don't know what you do for a living, to earn income and to attract wealth or whatever. But when I challenge you to do and I suggest you do is you start thinking about how can I create, which I mentioned in prior episodes? How can I create more expansion in life for other people, because when you create expansion, and you do it with an open heart, there's the key, I don't create expansion in other people's lives because of what I can get. Because I'm going to tell you right now, and I can say from experience, is, stuff is only stuff, physical stuff is only physical stuff. And you might even think that matters, but I'm going to share something else with you. And if you've listened for any amount of time, you know, that last year was held for me physically, I mean, I had a hemorrhagic stroke. And I had heart failure. And I still had plenty of money last year, but where I'm going here, is I'm going to tell you right now, money means nothing when you don't have your health. And so it was all something I've learned, I've come to know these things in my life. But what I'm sharing is, so many of us want to achieve for the money for all the things that I can do. But those things don't mean anything.
Because why? You her I know all of you heard before. You can't take it with you. When you leave the planet. Of course, unless you're an Egyptian, and you can, you can have an entire tomb built and you're gonna have all your worldly stuff put in the tomb. But guess what, 1000s of years later, it's still there in the tomb. Why? Because you can't take it with you to the afterworld. All that you take is the personal power and what you became this lifetime? And how will you used this lifetime? So a couple of questions. And it's okay, seriously, like, I was honest, I mean, I've been there before, I'm not anymore. Are you a me first or I'm first, let me take care of me. And then I will do things to help other people. And I was there for many years. And that is backwards. counterproductive thinking, of course, again, we want self care, and we want to take care of our needs. Because the stronger we are, the more we can help other people. But are you a me first, let me you know, let me do what I do. So I can have the home and the car and the boat and, and all these kind of things. Me first. And then what a lot of us do is we say You know what? I will donate time, I will donate money, I will do these things. But first, let me do it for me. Let me let me buy that big screen TV for me first or that Porsche for me first, or, or the home for me first?
And even though that sounds counter, you know, like, like, Yeah, what are you talking about?contrary not counter. But contrary to what we've been taught? What I recognized, and I'm sure I mentioned in the last episode, when I talked about Zig Ziglar is for me to have all the success that I want in life. All I have to do is with an open heart, help more people create expansion and their lives. I mean, for crying out loud, why are you even here listening to this podcast? Why you want expansion in your life. And I'm going to tell you right now, and I know I've said this in other episodes before, is you only have two purposes on this planet. Think about that. Many of you spend your entire life looking for your purpose. You have two purposes on this on this planet. It's not to get a house and a car and a gold watch or any of the material things. Your only twofold purposes on this planet are to grow yourself and evolve yourself. lets you use that word to evolve yourself and to serve others.look into that.
What else on the you know what else could you be on the planet for seriously what else could you be on the planet for because anything and everything that you come up with is literally going to be about something in the external World. Now I'm pretty sure that I'd mentioned on the last episode about the, the illusion that I used to have. And I used to think because I'm very generous that that was enough. And what I recognized was that mentioned their friend also, what I'd recognized is that I was very generous for a large part of my life. But I was also very selfish, meaning the me first, let me take care of myself first. And then when I can take care of me, which I've always been able to take care of myself, but when I have all the whistles, and the bells and the toys, and all the kind of stuff that I want, whoo, okay, then I will help other people.
And I recognize, which is what I'm sharing with you here. And, you know, hopefully not beating a dead horse is when you build others, when you build others, that will come back to you. Now I told you the story about Virginia Cook. But I want to share another story here and maybe have shared this at some point in the podcast. There was a man named Julian Schepps here in Dallas, and one of the interstates is named after him. Now he left the planet many years ago. And I was very close to his daughter in law, who also has, you know, she'd be 100 years old by now left the planet. She's like my grandmother, and his son. Now, this wasn't known to the public, who is one of the well is this, what I was gonna say, was known as one of the wealthiest men in Dallas, and for many decades, who's one of the wealthiest people in Dallas. But what people didn't know is his daughter in law told me this, Emily, is that when he left the planet, he left the planet penniless. Interesting. He left the planet penniless. Why? Because he actually divided all of his assets up between his kids. And basically, he set aside living expenses for him, you know, for himself and a trust, and all the rest of his wealth went to, to, to helping people to community development and the things that he did to serve the world. And I think that's maybe why, you know, Benjamin Franklin would say, I think it's Ben Franklin, that said, to die a rich man,or something like this, did I a rich man is to die a poor man?
And of course, I mean, men are what? Men and women obviously. Okay, so where are we going? Your assignment? This episode, is to take an inventory. I mean, take what I've just said and digest that, marinate it? And is to take an honest inventory. Are you doing everything you're doing in the world, because what it's going to give you, maybe you're going to get a paycheck, maybe you're going to get a new client, maybe you're going to get some praise if you're looking for external validation. But that's the whole point of this week is for you to get into perspective. Excuse me, Oh, my gosh, allergies. I've never had allergies in my life. And I moved to Sedona, Arizona, and I have allergies like crazy here an accent, I need to tell my brother in law, the shaman so he can tell me what to do. Because I didn't even realize for a couple of days ago, I've got allergies.
So anyway, is here's what I want you to do is take an inventory of Do you give to give? Or do you give to get and you know, to get things from people, mainly money and achievement and success. And here's what I want you to do next is ask yourself how you feel. Here, that's that's your barometer that will tell you, how do you feel about whether or not you're giving to give or giving to get? And are you honest about it? No one's gonna know except you. Are you honest, when you really look at it? Are you really giving to people, so all the things that you can get from people so that you can have all the things that you want in life for son and summer in material? Like for example, many people want security, security is an illusion. But yet we think if we have money, then we're going to have security. Trust me when I tell you when I was in the hospital, you know, the stroke and heart failure. Security. Money ain't gonna keep me on the planet. It's not.
Okay. So look at that. And another question. Same thing ask a different way is are you taking care of yourself first. Now again, the caveat that I gave you earlier, you know, self care and stuff like that. You want to actually build your foundation under use, you can become a more strong, more powerful foundation so you can help other people And I have no value judgments of that. But are you taking care of other people because of what it's going to do for you? Or what you're going, you know what you're going to give? So are you giving the yet or giving to give? So your transformational takeaway this week, and by the way, before I share the takeaway, which you've heard before, is share the podcast. I mean, please share the podcast, the more that because here's something else I know, is, other people may hear this. And it might be exactly what they need to hear today. Or they may be somewhere in their life where they're looking for this today. So but they're not going to find it if you don't put it out. So put this out.
Let me go somewhere else here. Virginia Cook before I finish up here with a transformational take away. Oh, my gosh, I forgot the story. So the largest private real estate company in Texas was owned by a lady named named Ebby Halliday, and was also the 11th largest overall real estate company in the United States. And Virginia, and Ebby were 50 year friends, if not more than that very close personal friends. And one day when I was training in Virginia, his company, she and I are going to lunch, we spent a lot of personal time together. And she said one day, I'm going to take you over or she said I need to take you over and introduce you to x, y, z. And I said who's XYZ? And she said, Oh, she's the president of Ebby Halliday Realtors. And I'm gonna just tell you guys what I said. I said, Virginia, why would you take me over and introduce me? Which is your new secret weapon, because for many years, I taught subconscious persuasion and influence how to get into people's subconscious mind to sell them more ethically. I said, Why in the world, would you introduce me to your competition.
And what she said, is, you know what our industry needs you. It needs what you do. And if you can help other people in the industry, that's going to help them live, you know, live better lives as Real Estate agents and being in the Real Estate Industry. Everyone wins. Notice, she wasn't concerned about herself. She wasn't concerned about taking me who I train, I think about 80% of our people on sales and covert selling. She actually was going to introduce me to her air quote, competition, that that is service from the heart. Okay, so your takeaway this week transformational takeaway, and write it down, is the way to create what you want in life, all the things that you actually do a lot of, you know giving, because you want to get it. The easiest way to do that is are you showing up in the world with love, care, concern, and giving one more thing, write those four words down love, care, concern, and giving and take your time with each one and look into it and ask what does this word mean?
Now, how do I demonstrate this? Do I know that I demonstrate this? Or do I just think that I demonstrate it? So take this apart? Because if anybody asked me, then people do all the time is how to become successful, which obviously is a result of achievement. No question. I would tell them, love, care, concern, and giving. Do what you can to make it a great day to day and I'll catch you over on the next episode. Bye bye.
If you're serious about transforming your life, from the inside out, I have a free training that you're going to want to listen to. And it's helped 10's of 1000's of people all around the globe. The thing is, all of my students start here, because when you learn to change your thinking, you'll change your life. Because as you already know, life happens from the inside out. The training is called discover how to eliminate fear and negativity and an instant. So go to jimfortin.com/eliminatefear and start learning how to Transform your Life at a deeper level from the Inside Out.
Thank you for listening to this entire podcast if you're the kind of person likes to help others then share this with your friends and family. You know, if you found value, they will too. So please share via your social media channels. Also, if you have questions, I'm here to assist. You can email me questions to email@example.com, and I may even use your question for a future podcast episode. Also, if you want transformational content like this daily, connect with me on Instagram, my Instagram name is @iamjimfortin. Finally I do have a personal request. I believe that we're all here to help others and to grow and evolve ourselves. together, you and I, let's help more people. If you would, please leave a review on iTunes and a good one by the way. I'd be grateful and through your assistance together, we can transform more lives. Thanks for listening.