EPISODE 194: “Who Really Cares Who Pays Attention To You?”
So, let me ask you…do you get upset, angry, pouty, and bent out of shape when you feel like people are ignoring you or not paying attention to you? Be honest!
Well, if you’re like most of humanity you answer yes, you do get bent out of shape when you feel like others are not listening to you and that is what this episode is about.
Many years ago my mentor, a shaman, someone who I greatly admire, and truth be told, I wanted him to pay attention to me – he ignored me for a year. Yes, for a whole year he would “kindly” dismiss me and ignore me. He was not mean or cruel or even disrespectful, he just didn’t give me attention in the way that I wanted it.
That was one of the most valuable years of my life because that experience taught me to let go of whether or not others paid attention to me. We get so attached to people paying attention to us and candidly, emotionally, many adults are not any better than children when we’re trying to get some attention from others.
As I talk about in the episode, we definitely want attention from our partner but we want healthy attention, not attention that fills in the holes in our lack of self-esteem and self-worth.
The big payoff here is that when you let go of the “need for attention” as I discuss it in this episode we then let go of attachment and when we do that we start creating more freedom and liberation in our life!
Pay No Attention To Who Pays Attention To You Or Not.
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You're listening to the Transform your Life from the Inside Out podcast. This episode is titled Who Cares? And the reason I'm actually creating this episode is because so many people care so much about what other people think or other people do or what they don't do. I want to share a story with you in this episode of something that happened to me. That actually took me to a place and taught me how to let go of who cares or not, and whether or not I'm getting enough attention paid to me, keep listening.
Hi, I'm Jim Fortin, and you're about to start Transforming your Life from the Inside Out with this podcast. I'm widely considered the leader in Subconscious Transformation. And I've coached super achievers all around the world for over 25 years. Here, you're going to find no rah rah motivation, and no hype. Because this podcast is a combination of Brain Science, Transformational Psychology, and Ancient Wisdom, all rolled into one to take your life to levels, you've never thought possible. If you're wanting a lot more in life, to feel better, to heal, to have peace of mind, to feel powerful and alive, and to bring more abundance and prosperity into your life. And this podcast is for you. Because you're going to start learning how to master your mind and evolve your consciousness. And when you do that, anything you want, then becomes possible for you. I'm glad you're here.
Who Really Cares Who Pays Attention To You?
Okay, so who cares? Who cares, how much attention. People pay to you.So, let me ask you this. Do you get triggered when you feel like people are not listening to you or people are not paying attention to you or people are ignoring how does it make you feel? Do you get triggered by it? Do you get angry? Do you get frustrated? Do you act out how do you feel when you feel like other people or some people don't care how you feel or what you're thinking in the moment?
Now as some other episode. I'm no different than anyone else. I've just had the, I guess I would say the good fortune this lifetime. To work with a Shaman for the last 25 years. And. I've learned a lot of lessons, the hard way. And that time. And because I've learned those lessons. I've been able to let go of things that I might've held for 25 years prior or 20, because I'm only 56 now, but 20 years prior or whatever it is. And I've learned to let go of a lot of ego based human things. That we learn as kids. And as kids, we learn that, Hey, mom and dad have to pay attention to me. And when they don't pay attention, I'm going to throw a tantrum. And when I throw a tantrum, they give me candy or they do this, or they do that.
You know, I get something. When I rattle the cage, I get some kind of reward. That they will do something to quiet me down. And it just popped in my mind. I don't know about a lot of you guys, but I grew up.You know, as you may know, in a small Texas town. And what I heard a lot of when I was a small kid from my dad, is if you want something to cry about, I will give you something to cry about. And that didn't eliminate what I want to bring up here and talk about. And then I'll share a couple of stories with you here. That really helped me let go of whether or not people pay attention to me. That's the main thing. Do people pay attention to me? And I'm not talking about your significant other of course, we want attention from our, our loved ones and especially people we are in immediate relationship with. But the bigger question is to what degree? Do you pay attention to how much attention other people pay to you? There's the question. How much attention do you pay to how much attention other people pay to you? And most people, they pay a lot of attention to how much attention other people pay them.
And then if they don't get the attention, that's when they start acting out and they get angry and the silent treatment, then all these kind of things. Then I can't say. I haven't done those things at other points in my life. I mean, like I said, I'm just we're all pretty much the same. Um, all over the world. We, you know, different cultures and different things. We grow up in, but as human beings, we're kind of all the same creature. So I want to go back here. And. My brother-in-law Don Xavier. In my early years with him and I still do. I love my brother-in-law. I love him as my brother-in-law, because he's a really good brother-in-law. I mean. As brother-in-law's come, meaning like you have a brother-in-law he's a really good brother-in-law. But I've watched for so many years. And how he lives his life and how he manages his emotions and how he manages his energy. And for all these years, I've always said, that's how I want to be. And I'm not even close.
I mean, I'm not a shaman. I'm not even close. Because it requires us letting go of our ego. But where I'm going here is. When I started working with him, I lived in Atlanta, Atlanta, Georgia, and then I'd come back to Dallas quite often. And I tell you when I was coming back from Atlanta, I was always looking forward to like, oh my gosh, I get to see my sister and my family and mom and everyone. But you know what I get to see Don Xavier. And it always put in to work with him and to hear from him and to have him, you know, help me learn things. And. All these kind of things. And I used to just like, look forward to that. Like you couldn't believe. I mean, it was like, I don't like this phrase I'm going to share. Uh, I, this doesn't fit for me at this point in my life, but do you know when you really look up to someone and you're like, wow, I really want to be around that person. And I mean, it can be anyone in your family. It can be anyone. But you look up to them and you respect them and you admire them.
And so then how do you want to be treated by then, by them not then, but by them. So anyway, when I would come from Atlanta and I'd come to Dallas to, you know, I kind of for a channeling because he's a medium. And I'd come for a channeling because he would channel his mentor who was also a Shaman and Sorcerer.
A couple of them that were Shaman's and Sorcerer's. Uh, some of them have been written about, and they're very, very well known. And many circles. I mean, one of the people who mentored him. Worked at the Beatles and Walt Disney. But the reason I share this is that. I don't know why I'm sharing it anyway. I'll keep on going. So anyway, I come to Dallas and I would. I would I'm tired it's been a long day. And it's also the full moon. Holy Macarena. Is it like intense today for people that can feel energy? Not only is it a full moon right now while I'm doing this in just a bit, because I'm going to go outside and watch. Uh, it's, uh, you know, four hours prior, but it's full moon with the eclipse. And if you don't know anything about full moons or you think that's hokey pokey, I mean, there's science that proves the moon and the lunar pool affects human consciousness and energies on the planet. And generally I'm like, I'm fried right now, but anyway, back to what I'm saying.
Okay. So I really looked up to him and I admired him and all these kind of things, which is also ego. And I was all excited and I really enjoyed, you know, getting to spend my time with him. And then going back to Atlanta. And then, I don't know, 1998. Yeah. 98. I moved to New York city. And the same thing when I'd fly back. I mean, I was so excited. To be able to see him once a month. And spend an evening with him and a channeling.
And I remember to tell you the full story. I was 20 years ago. I was doing okay financially. Um, I don't know. And the reason I share that is several of us chipped in. And bought him. Bought him a birthday gift. And it was something that I'm like, wow, I'm really excited. I wish I lived in Dallas. So we did have a cell phone with the cameras and all that. I'm like, I really wish I could see him open thatgift. I really want to see it really want to see. And by the way, he doesn't always thank people. Uh, verbally. And the reason why I have learned, because I used to think. You know, we're supposed to thank people when they do things and we are for social courtesy. But he's like, I actually give my, thanks in the ethers. I give it at a higher level and you're getting the impact and you're getting it at some level, even if I'm not saying it right to your physical ears.
And so anyway. And part of this group gift and he opened it probably two or three days on this birthday before I came to Dallas. And I was so excited to hear how he liked the gift. But I called my sister because I wanted to see how he liked it. And there were some other people that were visiting that also worked with him. And I could hear the chatter in the background. And I didn't get to talk to him. I know it's kinda bummed out because I'm like, I really want to talk to him. I really want to talk to him. And mainly selfishly, I was thinking. I want to see, and I want to hear how he liked that gift. Again, all ego. So he didn't tell me, I didn't hear he didn't call me back. And that's kind of sets the precedent or what I want to talk about the frame for what I want to talk about. So I think you have a flavor of the esteem that I still hold him in, but I held him in a steam in a different way back then. So anyway.
I come to New York another weekend. And when I come here, all excited, like a little puppy, you know, all excited to see Don Xavier. And he with finesse. I mean, it was, it was kind of weird because it was very polite. But it was a cold shoulder. It wasn't a, like a brush off, but it was almost here. He was like ignoring, like he was ignoring me. And I've never seen anybody ignore somebody with so much depth and finesse. I mean, I was like, wow. And I wouldn't say that back then I look back now in retrospect . I'm like, wow he really ignored me. And he did a politely. I mean, when people ignore people, most people are not polite about it. Okay so anyway this happened for a while. I would come back on the weekends because we do did at that time. A full. Uh, every full moon we'd get together. And he would do a channeling of his mentors. Um, anyway four hours at a time.
And that happened for some time. Now his mentor, who's also a shaman and sorcerer. He was rough Don Xavier is extremely, extremely extremely sweet and kind and gentle. And his mentor who was the same way on him, which I'm going to explain. Was like a bulldozer. I'm in a phrase that he used was hammer to the nail. You know, you imagine taking a hammer. I've said this before you take a hammer and you nail something in, I mean, it's like whack, whack, whack, you know, and his mentor was like a hammer to a nail. And especially when you were getting into what his mentor would call your stupidities, meaning your egotistical. Stupidities not that you're a stupid person, but you're doing things that are not conducive to being a spiritual warrior. And he would not mince words about it. And I was always a lightning rod for him, because to be just completely open and honest. For many years, and I still am a rebel, but for many years I was like, Kind of a doubting Thomas on a rebel and all these kind of things. I mean, I was, I was a rebel. Let's just put it that way. And so I went to a channeling and his mentor came.
And he came down on me, like two tons of bricks or three tons of bricks, like a hammer to a nail. And he had raised his voice. And he said to me, Now I might have said this on a podcast before. I don't know, but if I have just roll with it, because you might hear it a different way this time. So Don Xavier is what's known as a Nagual N A G U A L. And some of you might hear that and you run off to, you know, to, to online and you're like, what is in the wall? Well, on Wikipedia, that definition is incorrect because. On Wikipedia, the definition of Nagual is that they are not good they're dark, et cetera. And there are Shamans that are dark and Sorcerers and all kinds of beings that are dark. But Don Xavier works in the light. He's a healer and it's all about unconditional love and loving all the time. So as mentor came and flattened me. And his mentor said to me about, I mentioned the word Nagual. So I explained kind of what that, well, you can look online, but Wikipedia definition is wrong, basically, Don Xavier is a Sorcerer and a Shaman and a Babalau and Nagual, but he's a very loving kind of one that is a healer for the planet for himself and for energies and things that are happening on the planet. And his mentor came and he said to me, He said, and he was not being easy on me. He said. Pay no attention. To whether or not your Nagual pays attention to you. Pay no attention to whether or not your Nagual pays attention to you.
And then he went into, you're getting into your self pity. Meaning me because I was like, oh, poor me. Why isn't he talking to me? You're getting into your ego because. I was like, Hey, wait how come, he's not talking to me. He talks to other people. He should be talking to me. I'm going to rattle the cage you know, louder. And the more that I would rattle the cage. The more he would ignore me. And my sister's noticed it. And my, my sister, one of my sisters obviously is married to him and my other sister noticed it. And my sister that's married to him said because my family calls me Jimmy. She said, why are you ignoring Jimmy? Because a lot of people noticed it. And as I understood, I wasn't there, but he told her. I'm helping him evolve and grow. And I know what I'm doing here because my sister even asking that was in her ego because she kind of felt bad for me. Her brother that was being like shunned. And mind you, he wasn't being mean to me or any of that. I mean, I was always welcome at family events and everything. But as kind of like just, uh, he did not pay attention to me. He didn't acknowledge me. And that went on for about a year. And in that timeframe, I didn't recognize it, but what I was learning. Was through experience to let go whether or not somebody that I looked up to paid attention to me or not.
And I've learned over the years, that was a massive transformational experience. And I've learned over the years to take that to anyone. Because so many of us, and when I say anyone. It doesn't matter to me even my partner. I mean, it does matter because we want our partners to pay attention to us. And of course, I mean, in healthy relationships, we do that. So obviously we use our common sense here. But what I'm saying is I don't really pay attention to who pays attention to me or not. Or specifically, let me say that in a different way. If someone pays attention to what I'm doing. That's fine if someone doesn't pay attention to what I'm doing, that's also fine and I am at peace with it. That was a hard lesson to learn seriously. It was, it was an emotionally hard lesson and I'm glad that I did because that was the early nineties. And it's been 20 years no early two thousands, 20 years.
And that lesson has served me so well, So well, because think about how much energy. You waste on a daily basis. When you're paying attention and you're getting into your emotional self pity crap. About who's paying attention to you or not paying attention to you. And this person in the meeting didn't hear me and that person didn't. Who says they owe you that. Now of course use your common sense here. I mean, we have certain business protocols and different things and we might hire a vendor or hire somebody. You know, if you hire somebody and you pay them for a service, you want them to, you want them to pay attention to what you want done? But, you know what I mean here? I mean, emotionally it's not our lives, you know, mother didn't pay attention to me or mom didn't her dad didn't or this person or that person or Susan at the family Thanksgiving. Didn't. This person didn't do this for no one talked to me. As much as I wanted.
Oh sigh. Let it go. Let it go. And what you'll find is whether or not, because see you probably have learned that as a small kid, because as kids we want attention. So you've carried that for many years, not even knowing you're carrying it. And it's like an emotional bag of rocks that you're carrying on your back. And when you let go, what, you know, whether or not people pay attention to you and to what degree they pay attention to you outside of professional circumstances or. You know, courtesy protocols. But generally, you know, Hopefully, you know what I'm talking about here, but generally in life in the world is we run around wanting people to notice us and pay attention to us. And then when we don't, we get all bent out of shape. And the reality is. That's all ego. Let it go. And when you let it go. You can take a deep breath, Oh, exhale. Because you're letting all of this emotional baggage go. And that frees you up. It frees you, because think about the things that you would do. in your life and with your life. If you didn't care about the attention other people pay to you for doing or not doing those things.
You know, think about something that you want to do in life. You really want to do. But other people like your mother wouldn't approve or your family or somebody wouldn't approve. Notice how you might not do why because they're paying attention to what you're doing and not doing. And then they're approving of what you're doing or not doing. And that is you placing your attention on how much attention they're placing on you. And when you let that go, you also to some degree, let go of the need for other people's approval. Because I look back and candidly, honestly, I wish you could see a brain scan. I really don't care. You know how much attention somebody pays attention to me. Or things like that, or whether they approve of me or don't approve of me or specifically what they think of me or don't think of me, has nothing to do with me. That is them. And I also live from the quote is I am not who you think I am. You are who you think I am? So when we embrace this and we start living and letting go of having that need for people to pay attention to us. When we let go of a need that creates a lot of pain for us.
That creates a lot of liberation for us. So your takeaway is, is it doesn't matter? It really doesn't in the grand scheme of life. It doesn't matter who pays attention to you or who doesn't. Outside of perhaps your primary relationship with a partner or your kids or your immediate family. And then you have to look at to what degree. Do I demand somebody's attention. Because we've all heard before. Oh, she's only doing that for attention. And I'm talking about adults as well. Oh, they're only doing that. He's only doing that for attention. He's uh, he's an attention seeker. And notice that we noticed in other people, but you know what, let go of that because it is toxicity and yourself.
Okay, I want to segue from the episode just one minute, maybe two, because I have a free training for you. The question is this, what if you could eliminate the fear and negativity in your life in a matter of minutes? And you can really do it, it's not hyperbole, it's not some big promise that's going to be broken. What if I could show you a way to stop your worrying, your overthinking and your fear and your dread, and a lot of these things that you get into that may paralyze you emotionally and stop you in your tracks, or they create anger in you and a lot of negativity and a lot of negative emotions. What if I could show you how to eliminate that, quite literally, in a matter of one minute? Okay you already know that all of that comes from your mind and your brain, but I'm going to show you a way to shift the thinking in your mind and brain that creates that in our free training that I have for you. So what you want to do is go to jimfortin.com/eliminatefear and download the video training that I have for you. And I guarantee you, no matter who you are, where you are, I guarantee you after you actually watched this training, I guess it's probably 90 minutes long, you will have a completely different perspective on life and how to shift your negative and your worrisome and your frustrating thinking literally in seconds jimfortin.com/eliminatefear. Okay. Back to the episode.
And then I want to add an addendum here. I want to add two things. I've been saying a lot lately. Is that share the podcast, please share with your friends or family or social media or people that you think would get, you know, benefit and value. From these episodes, because obviously if you're here, you know, that means you're getting value. And if you could value other people, look at value and please share. But the ancillary thought I wanted to bring in. So the takeaway for the week was, is who cares how much attention people pay to you? It doesn't matter. And that's what I want when I want to go to the ancillary thought.
So the sorcerer that I was sitting down with. The mentor to Don Xavier, my mentor. One night. He was just speaking to me and he was very sonorous, very, just had, he had a tone of voice like this the entire time that he was talking to me. And he was connecting with me as he was talking to me. And he said to me, because he called me, uh, my name in Spanish is James. And he um, lived in Mexico when he's on the planet and grew up in Mexico. And he used to call me instead of Jaime, which is James. He called me Jaimito. And he said, Jaimito you need to learn to care about everything and in the exact same moment give a damn about nothing. Ponder that. And that's what I call the Razor's edge. And that's where we get some clarity in life and freedom in life. When we do pay attention to everything to some degree. But mainly we care about everything. But in the same moment. We don't care. Now, let me give you an example of that, that how I apply that in my own life. Is that I deeply care. And just, let me give you an example that pretty much everyone can relate to. I deeply care about animals. And I deeply care about, for example, dogs, I have a couple of dogs. I am a massive, massive dog lover. If I ever stopped doing what I do for a living now and, and, you know, Transformational Programs.
And these kind of things, then I would want to open a rescue kennel for dogs I mean it's just so dear to my heart. Now where I'm going here is I'm one of those suckers for a dog. I mean, I've seen dogs that like have to toggle them. And I'm like, okay, they got away from their own or I'm going to help, you know, help the dog get back to the owner. And I'm just devoted to dogs. I love dogs. And they're just, they're amazing teachers because dogs never get into their self pity. Anyway, what I was saying here. Is I care about dogs. And then what I do not like to see is when dogs are abused. When people literally cruell but any dog gets abused, but cruelly, when I see things like on Instagram and I support several emergency rescue organizations. And people will chained their dog outside with no food and different things. Now my ego 3d ego, I could be like, what the hell is wrong with these people? What the hell are these people not thinking.And some of you can probably relate to that.
So I care because I care about animals. And then I also don't care because I also know that that dog is living out that dogs karma. You know, I look at my dogs. My dogs have like an acupuncturist, know, an acupuncturist, a chiropractor, they eat all natural human grade food. I mean my dogs. I want to come back to this planet as one of my dogs. But these dogs have it made. And then I'm like, how come these dogs came to me and my care. And then how come other dogs go to other people in their care and they neglect the dog and they beat the dog and then leave the dog outside of the cold. And that's about caring and not caring as I'm saying, but where I go is the ones that are neglected and abused. I can do what I can do to help, but you know what, that's also part of their karma for that dog. And I have to respect and honor that. And that's where, oh, yes, I care. But you know what? On the flip side, I also don't care. Because I know that dog is also like I am in a stage of evolution. So, anyway, I hope that clarifies it and I might do, I might do a whole episode on that.
Because that is a big one is caring about things and then learning simultaneously not to care. Because also when you care, what we do as humans. Is we get attached and that's attachment and suffering. We get attached to the caring, not recognizing every coin has two sides. And you flip the coin. One side is caring but the other side of the very same coin, the yin and the yang. The other. The other side of the coin. Is not caring. Anyway take what you got here and ponder it, you know, they say, put it. You know, put it in your pipe and smoke it. And sit with it. So I want to say genuinely, that I really appreciate you listening to the podcast. I don't know, we're like a 2.3 million downloads in two year, two and a half years or something, which means I'm doing something right. Or I'm doing things that resonate with people, but I want to tell you, you know, humbly. And sincerely, thank you so much for listening. Okay, I'll catch you on the next episode or another episode. Make it a great day to day. Bye-bye.
If you're serious about transforming your life from the inside out, I have a free training that you're going to want to listen to. And it's helped 10's of 1000's of people all around the globe. The thing is, all of my students start here because when you learn to change your thinking, you'll change your life. Because as you already know, life happens from the inside out. The training is called Discover How to Eliminate Fear and Negativity in an Instant. So, go to jimfortin.com/eliminatefear and start learning how to Transform your Life at a deeper level from the inside out.
Thank you for listening to this entire podcast. If you're the kind of person who likes to help others, then share this with your friends and family. You know, if you found value, they will too, so please share via your social media channels. Also, if you have questions, I'm here to assist. You can email me questions to firstname.lastname@example.org and I may even use your question for a future podcast episode. Also, if you want transformational content like this daily, connect with me on Instagram, my instagram name is @iamjimfortin. Finally I do have a personal request. I believe that we're all here to help others and to grow and evolve ourselves. Together, you and I, let's help more people. If you would, please leave a review on iTunes and a good one by the way. I'd be grateful and through your assistance together, we can transform more lives. Thanks for listening.