EPISODE 202: “Just Be Who And What You Are”
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Have you ever wondered why it’s so hard to be who and what you are in front of others?
What are you so afraid of?
Who are you so afraid of?
Right now I’m afraid that I’m going to be judged for my last two dangling participles but who cares. Grammar nitpickers are going to hate, right?
Candidly, it’s easy to be who you are but it’s the fear that you’re going to be judged that stops you. And, for many, that fear is debilitating.
As well, for those who do live their lives on their own terms and from their own values, they have essentially liberated themselves from the enslavement of others.
In this episode, I talk about something that happened to me nearly 30 years ago that set me free of the judgment of pleasing others, trying to be liked, and looking for approval from others.
When we get to that place in our lives…that is true freedom.
This episode is a very personal one and hopefully it can help others free themselves from the suffocation of trying to gain the love and approval of others.
Here’s just a few things that we discuss:
I hope you enjoy this special episode where I’m pulling back the curtain on many, many personal things.
And thank you for listening and making this 200th episode possible! When I started this podcast, I had no idea we’d have so many downloads and listeners. We can’t do in life what we want without the assistance of others. And when it comes to the podcast, we’ve had over 2 million downloads and because of you, the listener, I can do what I love to do and do my dharma, my spiritual service. Thank you for listening, and sharing, and downloading the podcast!
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You're listening to the Transform your Life from the Inside Out podcast. And this episode is titled just be Who and What you Are. Question, have you ever wondered why it's so hard to be You know to be who and what you are in front of others So the questions are what are you afraid of ? Another question who are you afraid of ? As a matter of fact right now I'm being judged for my last two dangling participles By those you know that are grammar nitpickers But anyway as you already know if my podcast you will be judged . So this whole episode is about being exactly who and what you are And I want to share a past experience of mine that helped me come to the place where I could be a hundred percent authentic with who I am at all times at all places keep listening
Hi, I'm Jim Fortin, and you're about to start Transforming your Life from the Inside Out with this podcast. I'm widely considered the leader in Subconscious Transformation. And I've coached super achievers all around the world for over 25 years. Here, you're going to find no rah rah motivation, and no hype. Because this podcast is a combination of Brain Science, Transformational Psychology, and Ancient Wisdom, all rolled into one to take your life to levels, you've never thought possible. If you're wanting a lot more in life, to feel better, to heal, to have peace of mind, to feel powerful and alive, and to bring more abundance and prosperity into your life and this podcast is for you. Because you're going to start learning how to Master your Mind and Evolve your Consciousness. And when you do that, anything you want, then becomes possible for you. I'm glad you're here.
Just Be Who And What You Are
Okay,So being who and what you are. You know it's really really easy To be who you are because who you are is who you are And it's not really anything or there's not really anything stopping you from being who you are other than your fear which is debilitating. And when I say fear it's the fear of what other people are going to think of you If you actually live your own truth whatever that might be for you.And I've seen people in their thirties and forties and even fifties believe it or not,Not living their true self their authentic self . Not living the life they want to live believe it or not because they are afraid of what their mom and dad Are going to think about them. That's crazy right ? I mean people that are adults are afraid of what their parents are going to think about them. In this episode I want to take you back to what I call a Sacred Journey that I had of Don Xavier My brother-in-law. Back to the summer of 1997 and every year we would go to a Sacred Power spot on the planet I mean my my family has been to Chichén Itzá and the Machu Picchu twice to Haleakalā, to Uluru in Australia. My family's literally spent two nights inside the King's Chamber of the Great Pyramid in Giza . And we've also spent two nights inside Teotihuacan in Mexico which are the Pyramids outside Mexico City .
The first, And we did this on the spring Equinox And the first trip we ever took was in the summer of 1997. Now I'm not sure what triggered the motivation or the even thoughts about having or doing this episode.But I remember obviously it was just recently last week And the last episode I was interviewed by my friend Brandon And what we talked about in the episode is Brandon knows me very well And he knows my partner very well Brandon's one of my closest friends period I mean it just you couldn't have a better friend. And when we were talking about me being gay in the last episode It's really not a part of my life I'm not hiding anything I have no reason to hide I mean I have been air quote out the phrase that everyone uses for 20 something years I just don't talk about it on the podcast because this is this is all about you and your transformation. But that last episode triggered a memory in me that I had not thought about in a lot of years And I want to share that story with you.
And I want to go back to the sacred journey to Mexico to Chichén Itzá which we went for two weeks in 1997. Now back then I was not out I grew up a small town Texas farm boy.You know this was back 20 years ago and I grew up in a world prior to that back in the eighties and seventies where we didn't have internet. And I didn't even really know that I was gay I just knew that I didn't want to date anyone. And I could go on forever about that. But anyway whole different episode. But I just I was hating on myself and the reason I was hating on myself is because I had learned from my mother and father who I really don't think we're all that homophobic. And I don't think they're all that hateful people. But I learned that it was not okay for me to be gay. And I really didn't spend a whole lot of time thinking about that in my teen years. I just really didn't put a whole lot of attention there for whatever reasons whatever my life you know karma is whatever my mission my path is I just never spent a lot of time there.
But I do know that I had some definite self-worth issues and some destructive habits and I think some self hate issues. And I want to go back to that summer of 1997 . And as I look back now and I think back about it it was the frequency and energy on that trip that literally I think the energy was so high and the frequency was so high.That it forced me energetically to look within myself which I had never really done. And I remember one day I was by myself and we were in a place called Puerto Morelos Mexico. And remember walking on the beach and I was by myself and I walked for miles and miles on the beach. And when I was walking on the beach I started crying. And all that I could say to myself is I don't want to be gay. I don't want to be gay. I don't want to be gay. And I think anyone in terms of just you know talking to my friends over the years, Anyone that is gay We'll probably say because they've learned at least an older generation.
That in their early years of understanding they were gay they probably didn't want to be gay . And the reason why is not because they didn't want to be who they are its because they were afraid of being rejected by their mother and father. I'm going to segue here for a second in this episode is not about being gay or any of that per se it's about self-acceptance. My good friend Brandon who I he's my brother and we were talking even about his son who's eight years old now And his son said something last week . His like Dad If I have either a husband or a wife I want to take them to so-and-so's theme park so I can push them off the ride. And Brandon was just laughing at that and Brandon's position is always been, he has three kids and his position is I don't care what my kids are as long as they are healthy and happy. And I think that's a very positive place to work from as a parent . But the number one fear that your kids have if they're gay the number one fear which is why they tell the parents last is the fear of being rejected by their parents. I mean that fear is a debilitating fear for many many even today.
Many gay kids coming out to their parents and sharing with their parents who they are. I don't watch a lot of Reality TV. But I actually I want to interview him here on the podcast ,Colton Underwood who was The Bachelor . I don't I've never seen the Bachelor while last year the year before. He was The Bachelor for crying out loud and he came out as gay long after The Bachelor of course. And I watch something on Netflix it was something about Coming Out Colton or I think that's the name of it. But if you watch it and I'm not advocating you do watch it but I'm just sharing here. That he hid so deeply that he would drive himself to be The Bachelor on National TV. Knowing he was gay because he couldn't accept that he was gay. Why? Because it had been hammered into his head by his coaches and his father and society that it's not okay for you to be gay. Anyway the number one thing you can do Is just love and just accept your kids Like Brandon was saying I just I love my kids.
That's the number one thing that you can do is let your kids know that you love them. Because that's really what you want. That's what really what they want to know. And I've watched videos on YouTube and I find the kind of comical in a sad kind of way. Is one of the first questions a lot of kids when they come out to their parents and a lot of kids are doing it on video. They'll come out to their parent and they will say do you still love me. And I couldn't even imagine what it would be like to have a kid and say oh by the way now this new information. Sorry kiddo I don't love you anymore I just pretended like I did for 20 years or whatever it is. But anyway back to the point of this episode I was walking on the beach and I was crying and I was thinking I don't want to be gay, I don't want to be gay and I don't want to be gay And I just said this over and over and over again. On what was probably a two or three hour walk on the beach. And as I said I was just crying the entire walk perhaps cathartic I don't know. But like I said it was a different time in a different world and this was 20 years ago. And I started coming to the coming to the realization that Hey I'm gay 20 years prior to you know to that.
And so you know as I'm walking along the beach and crying I come back to our hotel and I'm like where is everyone. And they were up in Don Xavier's room and they were sitting up there chatting And many times when we're together he will talk about things. Generally things that are applicable to the spiritual journey we're on or something spiritual. And there was probably 10-15 people in his room kind of all just sitting on the floor Indian style. And he was sitting on the bed with my sister and he was just chatting . Andto be around him He has the most somber peaceful loving voice. I mean he's so incredibly accepting of people and loving. He's literally the true epitome of unconditional love for people. And you can feel that when you're around him. And that's these talking I don't know what the story matter. You know the subject matter was but here's the whole episode right here this week. He was talking about just being who you are. Just being what you are.
And as he was saying that he wasn't focusing on me and he wasn't directing himself to me. But he looked at me. And when he did he just simply said with an extremely loving voice. Just BE Just BE. And what that really means is I'm talking to you listening right now. Whatever you are Just BE that. And what are you? Obviously I'm not saying oh all of you are gay now come up. No that's not what I'm saying. But what I'm saying is many people who listen to the podcast and enroll in my programs ,they know they're different from childhood. And when I say different they're just more aware.They get it,They many times they're empaths. And they can feel things and they can feel people and they can see things. But they are afraid to tell anyone because they don't want to be different and mom and dad are going to say, No, no you shouldn't do that. You can't do that. Don't say stuff like that. But what I'm telling you: Is just be who and what you are. Whether you want to be an artist, or a dancer,or a singer,or a poet ,or I don't gay I don't know whatever it is that you want to be, be that. Because it's your life. And when you be that you just be who you are I promise you that's going to be the beginning of a journey for you.
And a journey a journey of self-acceptance. A journey of exploration And a journey of truly discovering who you are. Because when I got on that path and I started discovering who I am and what I'm about I automatically I knew I was going to be judged but I started letting go of all the cares and all the fears . Of oh my gosh If I'm gay what are people going to think of me. Because see our two biggest fears are the fears the fear of being rejected or abandonment and the fear of inadequacy. Meaning people are going to reject me or I'm not going to be good enough. And when you're gay in the face of it and it's changed over the years the last 20 years. But if you're gay in the world then you're definitely being rejected and not giving you're not giving you're not being given your adequacy by society and by the media and especially in politics. I mean for crying out loud the things that George Bush did. During his presidency I mean he wanted to legalize or make gay marriage illegal. And he even said later I read somewhere that he said well we knew it wasn't the legislative reality but we knew that it would get votes and help win the campaign. It's like for crying out loud you sell out humanity you sell out your brothers and sisters to win an election.
But anyway the masses were buying into it at that point. For me but I want to share this applies to all of you. When you are authentically who you are, You may lose some people in your life, because see they don't like you for who you are. They like you for who they think you are. But for the most part you'll keep most people in your life but not only that. You'll build you know you'll build better relationships with these people because you're being yourself and I'm telling you this I know. When you're being yourself they can be themselves. And for anyone who's ever experienced that it's like a high it's an epiphany. It's like wow I don't know how life could be better because I'm just being me and people are liking me and loving me. And then that gives them permission to be themselves in front of you and with you. And that creates a lot better relationships.
Now you can plug in your own life into this example that I'm giving you. Most people will be a hundred percent a hundred percent supportive of who and what you are whatever that is providing for me a person's not creating not hurting other people. I'm supportive of whatever someone wants to do. As long as they're not harming kids or intentionally in some way hurting other people. Otherwise I'm like just knock yourself out whatever's You know whatever is going to float your boat and make you happy. Now for me what's interesting Is everyone was supportive.
I want to segue from the episode for just one minute. Now, what I do know is that all of you folks listening, you represent what I call one of three places in financial society. There are some of you, some of you that are broke. Some of you that are literally what I call just enoughfers. Which means you make just enough money and your entire life is about making just enough. And then there are people that do very, very well financially. So you fit somewhere in one of those categories for the most part. That being said, it's that time of year again. And I'm going to be doing. A live training very, very soon. And it's a money masterclass. And the reason that I'm doing it and I'm titling the class. How the Law of Attraction Repels the Money and Abundance you Want.
And how to become rich. Now the reason I'm doing it is because I am tired. Of seeing so many people in so many walks of life. And from somebodies walks of life struggling to pay their bills and to make money. Now here's the kicker. What we're taught. And I know because I was taught this or all of my friends were taught this, what we were taught about money and how to make money and financial security and all these kinds of things is wrong. It's broken. And to prove that look at your own life. Look at the world around you. If it wasn't broken, then 80% of the us population would not be living paycheck to paycheck. You've been taught backwards. I've been taught backwards. And there was one time in my life after college. I was literally, and I mean, literally. Uh, near homeless. I didn't didn't even have a car. And I was sleeping on a fraternity brothers couch and I might've had literally 7, 8, 10 bucks here and there. And I was struggling to get by.
And this day and age, I'm a multimillionaire and it didn't happen overnight. Obviously. But I'm going to teach you what I learned about money and how to make money and how to become financially comfortable in this up and coming masterclass that I do once or twice a year. And one is coming up very quickly. So all of this being said right now is. Watch your calendar watch for details because they will be coming to you. And if you want to grow and advance your financial standing in your life and your financial security. Then whatever you do get registered for this program. Once we send out the details. Okay. Back to the episode.
So I want to share a couple of you know simple stories with you, My friend Doug. Doug White we've been friends for a lot of years And when I came out to him this is what he said to me to show you help you know how powerful your friends can support you. When I came out Doug said you know Jim I've always anticipated and always expected great things from you. And I hear that when people come out it's liberating. And you know what I always expected great things from you. Now I expect even greater things from you. But the opposite side was my mother, my adoptive mother I was adopted. I knew my biological mother very well And I grew up with my adoptive mother and family. And when I told my biological mother she's like son I love you no matter what. And my adoptive mother was not quite the same as a matter of fact my partner and I, when my mother left the planet she transitioned my adoptive mother. Never one time in 10 years that she ever mentioned my partner his name is John. Not one time in 10 years did she ever say, Hey how's John doing. How are you guys doing not once .And I'm not exaggerating.Not once cause she didn't approve of me. But then she would tell me all the time how much she loved me which no she didn't love me. She loved me conditionally. But at her Memorial Service when she passed which I really didn't want to go to it because Memorial Services are not for the person that left the planet. They're for the people that are still on the planet. For me it doesn't mean anything I mean the person's gone. Their body is their energy is still here .But my my stepdad her husband who really doesn't think sometimes. When I sat down the first thing he said was I'm glad you're here and he goes your mother loved you but she did not approve of you. And I'm like really could you is there something differently you could have said I just sat down Is that really what you want to share with me at her Memorial Service. But my whole point is that's Okay It's okay. Because that taught me that even of my mother I'm talking to all of you and you specifically listening. Even if your mother and father don't accept you and reject you It's not the end of the world.And when you can learn to embrace that because I have and I can do it and I did it. When you can embrace that Guess what you can let go with the fear of what are other people going to think about me.
Because when you've let go of the fear of what are people closest to you thinking about you then it's easier to let go of the fear of people who don't even know you that are just judging you because they're judgmental people. You know the show I'm talking about Colton. More than anything I'm glad the guy just found his peace and his happiness and he's understanding who he is and living who he is. But of course being a public figure when he came out. He got and he could've done it differently but he's a kid. He's 30 years old now he's probably 28th and 27. A lot of hate a whole lot of hate for people that are just opinionating. And we have to understand that people are going to like you people are not going to like you people are going to hate on you. People are not going to hate on you. Who cares Let them hate because they're hateful people.
When I promote my programs and we do Ads close to the program will do probably a couple of hundred thousand dollars in ads on Facebook promoting my Transformational Coaching Programs. And what I find amusing is the amount of people, who throw rocks and sling mud and hate on me They don't know anything about my content anything about what I do but they sure feel good about hating on me. And I want to share something else completely off topic but this might help some of you guys that are afraid to do things online. I don't waste my energy with these people because the old phrase is haters are going to hate. So why would I waste my energy When they're not telling .Me who I am by hating on me. They're telling me that they're a hateful person and why do I care. It's none of my business It's not my life It's not my energy It's not my karma It's not what I do. But I find it So I'm using the amount of people that hate on me and what I want to share with you is I just ignore it.
Because the phrase that I love is there As I just said they're not telling me who I am. They're telling me who they are But the phrase that I love is : I am not who you think I am, You are who you think I am. Get your mind around that I am not who you think I am, You are who you think I am. And even with my mother she thought I was all these kinds of things whatever it is I don't know. Mainly it wasn't conducive to her really Religious Biblical Baptist Dogma and belief system. And I'm okay with that I'm totally okay with that But yet I was her son and she felt okay doing that. And I'm not remorseful about it. I am not sad about I'm just let it go. Because my friend Brock one time said to me, And I'd mentioned on the podcast, The episode of Brandon many years ago I'm like Hey Brock should I post on Facebook that you know in my relationship categories should I post that I'm in a relationship which I've already been with John like 10 years prior. And the irony is so I just posted on a relationship with John. And you know LinkedIn's profile or whatever you do and just you know I whatever I don't remember how all that works but anyway. So and Brock said to me but this applies to you listening Brock said to me he goes those that like you and want to hear from you and want's your help will come those that don't why would you want to be connected to them anyway.
So the The funny part is when I did that on Facebook he messaged me like two weeks later and he's like wow I can't you did that. Even though he's the one who goes you should do that And then he said well I would he's not gay but he goes I wouldn't have the courage to do that. And my thought was wait you tell me to do it That's your best advice but you don't have. You don't have the courage to do it really. You really want to go there. But anyway I think you get the point. So the takeaway this episode I shared something I don't only be considered I'm not vulnerable about it, Why Because you can't hurt me no matter who you are you can't hurt me unless I allow it. And I will get judged. So what But the same thing applies to you. So what I'm sharing with you Whatever you are whether you want a different career than what your parents want .We have a lot of people from India who listen whether you want to marry you don't want to marry somebody. Your parents want you to marry You want to marry outside of your cast system. You're an autonomous human being So what. Be who you are just be you And be at well. Some will love you Some will hate on you Most will hate on you. What I was going to many will hate on you. Not most many will hate on you What I was going to see a couple of minutes ago.
It's not a waste a lot of time on the haters but there was a time I went and these people that were really hating on me on Facebook for my ads, For the Transformational Coaching Program, Nine times out of ten. And I do mean this You look at the profile and it's somebody hiding behind a you know Facebook has a little icons. It's somebody hiding behind a nondescript icon like a picture of a cat or a motorcycle or candidly a political candidate they're endorsing or something. Many times people will hate on other people as long as no one can see the person hating. But if people can see that they're hating they won't hate. But they're hiding And so they hate so not only are they haters they're cowards who hate. So think about that If you've got people hating on you and they're doing anonymously they're cowards who are hating on you. Okay all that's being said Is I'm me take it or leave it. You were you and if you want to live a fulfilled life you have to be you, at the artist the painter the dancer the world traveler the photographer. What even if you want to be a CPA I will support you. But anyway if you want to be a Republican I'll support you I'm kidding I mean political I'd probably be people ask I'd probably be a Libertarian.
Basically I want the government to keep their hands out of my pockets leave me alone and we were all good .But be you and be you as well as you possibly can. And you know what everyone else is going to do what they're doing. But my final comment is this two comments, One is Hide no longer Don't hide And do not apologize for who and what you are because who and what you are Is your own unique you and this is your contribution to humanity to serve.
I said two more comments but let me add something here I had dinner with a guy named Nick Vujicic many years ago his agent lived here in Dallas Nick Vujicic is the guy you see on YouTube many years back with no arms no legs. Now he's a devout Christian And he said he wanted to committed suicide. And he said that he was mad at God. And he said why God why did you make me this way. No arms no legs Why did you make me this way. And Nick said something which I believe is a passage in the Bible I'm just going to I'm going to paraphrase it. But basically I think One of the apostles said they were the way that they were so God could work through them. You right now are exactly who you are so the universe can work through you And if you hide that whatever it is then the universe can't work through you and then guess what you're not helping other people And they aren't being helped in the way that they could be helped by you being who you are. Your transformational takeaway Just BE Just BE. Thanks for listening and I'll catch you on another episode Bye-bye.
Wait, wait one second. Before you go. So the fact that you're here listening to the podcast, it means that some part of you is interested in Transforming your Life. But if you're like most people, you try different things, you do different things. You hope you wish you want, and you pray and things don't change. That being said, if you're serious and I mean serious about creating long-term permanent change subconsciously and transforming your life. Then whatever you do get on the wait list for my Transformational Coaching Program. It's a 14 week program. I only do it twice a year live and the doors will be opening pretty soon. So get on the wait list and you can do that at www.jimforton.com/waitlist.
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