EPISODE 64: “How to stop negative thoughts that happen throughout my day”
Do you go through life never feeling good enough or feeling like you’re always doing something wrong or not doing it “right?” If so, this episode is for you.
As you’ll hear in this episode and I’ve said 1000 times before, the only time you’re not good enough is when you’re comparing yourself to someone or something. STOP IT!
And, about “doing something wrong,” I used to feel that way when I was much younger, and I talk about it in this episode and how to eliminate that feeling.
In this episode I talk about:
And, as I say in every write-up… much much more.
Comparison and low self-worth are poisons and they keep most of us trapped for a lifetime!
Letting go of these poisons is a really simple matter and it’s my intention in this episode to give you the thought paradigms to free yourself from your self imposed traps of thinking.
When you compare, you put yourself in the poisonous trap of not being good enough.
You're listening to episode number 64 of the Transform your Life from the inside out podcast. This is a Monday Q&A episode. And the question this week is this. I constantly have the thought when things happen throughout my day that I'm doing something wrong, or I'm not good enough. How do I stop that? Well, I picked this question because I'm sure many of you can relate to this. And at a point in my past, I could relate to it well, so if you can relate, keep listening.
Hi, I'm Jim Fortin and you're about to start Transforming Your Life from the inside out with this podcast. I'm widely considered a leader in Subconscious Transformation. And I've coached super achievers all around the world for over 25 years. Here, you're going to find no rah rah motivation and no hype. Because this podcast is a combination of Brain Science, Transformational Psychology, and Ancient Wisdom all rolled into one to take your life to levels you've never thought possible.If you're wanting a lot more in life, to feel better, to heal, to have peace of mind, to feel powerful and alive, and to bring more abundance and prosperity into your life, then this podcast is for you. Because you're going to start learning how to master your mind and evolve your consciousness. And when you do that, anything you want then becomes possible for you. I'm glad you're here.
Get Off of the Idea of "Right and Wrong"
So the common theme here is that I'm doing something wrong or that I'm not good enough. So I'm going to tackle both of these. And I really haven't tackled doing something wrong and in any other episode, but I have definitely tackled over and over and over throughout this entire series, or throughout my entire podcast, not a series that, people get into all the time. Not good enough. So I'm going to touch on that a little bit as well. But I remember and the reason I picked this question again, because many of you can relate. But I remember when I was in third grade and I got a call to the principal's office. And I remember walking there. And for some reason, this story still vivid in my mind. I remember walking there and all the way there. My thought was, what did I do wrong? What did I do wrong? What did I do wrong? And the reality wasn't that I did something wrong.
The principal told me that I was winning an award. And I should invite my parents to, like, I don't remember an assembly or something like that. But for many years, I used to work from the place that oh my gosh, I did something wrong. Now I want to point out also, which I'll get into in just a moment, that my father in particular, as I think back and this is a lot of years. But as I think back in my formative years, my father very much was about there is right in the world and there is wrong in the world. And the danger of that is which again, I'll get to in just a bit. The danger of that is that we tend to classify our entire life as either right or wrong or good or bad.
And that's a dangerous place for many reasons, which I'll show you in just a moment. Even now, it doesn't bother me anymore. But I noticed, for example, when someone says to me, my sister recently said to me, we need to talk. And that can mean anything. I mean, that's just her phraseology "We need to talk." But I noticed for a second that I'm like, o, what does she want to talk about? Now, if she had said, Hey, we need to talk about family vacation or Christmas or any of that? Well, okay, that's one thing. But when she just said, We need to talk, I don't know about what and my first inclination is that I do something, that I say something isn't, that I do something in some way that wasn't pleasing.
Now, I also dismissed it, but I want to point out that I'm not immune to any of the things that I talked to you guys about. I do also want to say that I have actually, years ago, I would have gotten to oh my gosh, what did I do? What did I do? Okay, I need to call her. I need to email her. I need to read, this day and age, nah. I don't even get into it. But I wanted to share that with you that when she said, We need to talk, and I'm telling you I know, through experience, it's literally about some family vacation or something that she wants to just chat about.
Okay, so good enough and right or wrong are two very separate subjects. So what I want to look at first is right or wrong. This is something one of my coaches taught me many years ago and I am going to talk about my brother in law the shaman in just a minute as well, lessons that I've learned from him. But one of my coaches many years ago said to me, and actually she said to me, and I think she was one of the most influential coaches I've ever had. She said to me, You need to get off of this idea about right or wrong. Because Jim, what you do is you will look at something and you will say, well, there's a right way to do it and there's a wrong way to do it. Now, what I know is well for many of us and for me in the past, what that creates is doubt.
Because you're thinking, Oh my gosh, I do not want to make a mistake. And if I do it the wrong way, then I made a mistake. So therefore, let me procrastinate. Where I work from today, carrying the work even further for many years with my brother in law the shaman where I work from. And this is hard for a lot of people to get their mind around, is that there is no right or wrong or good or bad. There just is. Consider that there just is. Your life. You're the one who charges things in your life with right or wrong or good or bad, has nothing to do with the planet that we live on. I mean, do you think what I call Pachamama, which is Mother Earth, do you think she cares about whether you do something right or something wrong?
No. It's we humans that actually give meaning to things and we make things right or wrong. What I tell people is there just is. This is a huge trap for a lot of people as I said, and the reason why I have sniffles here also, I have, as I said, and my one of my transformational coaching programs, I have not had a prescription or any need for medical attention since 1992. Literally no pharmacology, nothing since 1992. And I was telling my students this, I don't know, last year, at some point, and come December, I got the flu, and I haven't had the flu in 20 years as well or cold. And I got the flu. And I'm like, holy and it hit me in a matter of seconds. And I'm like, wow, is this I don't remember. It's just how bad it feels to have the flu.
So anyway, I'm sniffling here a bit so that's why you might hear this sniffling. So I guess well, it's not going to happen. I'm actually I'm traveling right now and I don't have time for getting sick. So I need to do some self hypnosis work a little later tonight plus some natural remedies that I take. But right now it's where it is. Alright, so anyway, is the right or wrong. When we get into that and by the way, some of you I know are going to want to argue with this? Because you're going to want to argue from your moral authority. And if you're one religion, you might say, Oh, that's bad, you shouldn't do that. On another religion has no belief or no thought on it. Therefore, there is no right or wrong. It's simply subjective. It comes with social tenets. It comes with socialization, it comes with cultures as well.
You know, you look at some cultures, you look at, for example, the Indian culture, where it's, part of the culture is where the younger kids I believe it's the son is responsible for taking care of the parents. And it would be air quote, wrong if the sun didn't, but over here in the US, you don't see the same thing. So obviously, it's how we charge it, meaning how we give it energy, as a human being, and culture and everything else. But the right or wrong is a huge trap. And as I said, I've been there. And the reason why, as I was saying earlier, is that it causes doubt. And then when we get into doubt. What we get into is inaction, and then when we get inaction, we get into no results.
So as you can see, many times you are inactive and do not take action. Because where you're starting from is oh my gosh, is there a right way to do this? Is there a wrong way, I definitely don't want to do the wrong way. Because if I do the wrong way, I may make a mistake. And if I make a mistake, I may look bad. And if I look bad, people are going to judge me or they're going to laugh at me or ridicule me or say, I told you so. And every bit of that comes from the right or wrong paradigm. Unfortunately, I have seen people sit on the sidelines of life, literally for years. And I do mean years, because we're afraid to make a wrong decision. And again, they're operating from right or wrong. And as I say that, does it apply to you? Do you get into the right or wrong? Do you get into oh my gosh, the paradigm that I just went through? And if you do, my question for you is is what has it cost you over the years.
Now, I am a master practitioner of what's called NLP Neuro Linguistic Programming. I'm sure I've mentioned it here at the podcast. It's basically what I call the psychology of subjective experience. It was created back in the 70s by Richard Bandler and John Grinder. And Richard Bandler really, really, really smart guy, Richard Bandler said, and I agree with this is that there are no mistakes, only outcomes. But many of us are so afraid of the mistakes that we won't even actually take action. Because we don't ever really sit and think you know what, okay, if I do this, and I don't get the, if I make a mistake, and I don't get the outcome that I want, most of us never realized that you know, what, we just read aside and we do something different or we tweak or we retool or whatever, but most people are so paralyzed by the paralysis by analysis that's sitting on the foundation and making a mistake.
So I wanted to share that in Our time together. Next, being good enough. The two biggest fears that people have are the fear of being good enough, or inadequacy and the fear of abandonment, meaning are people going to actually reject me. So inadequacy and abandonment are people's two biggest fears. But what I want to share with you is this is that you can only deem yourself good enough or not, in the face of comparison. If you're not comparing, then how can you possibly deem whether you're good enough or not? Because guess what, there's it's relative to nothing. There's no way and I want to share with you this as well. I had a roommate many years ago, where, we haven't talked in a few years, but we're good friends for a lot of years. And I said to him, I said, Brad, you know what, you have a PhD in comparison because everything that he would buy everything that he would do, he would always process it with like for example, he like to tinker with cars. And he bought an old used Porsche. And I was complimenting him on that.
And he said, Yeah, but it's not new. He's comparing. Everything was about his job, but I don't make as much money as he does. Or we don't have this meaning he and his girlfriend or we don't have that, or, one time I even said, Well, I'm, you know, I'm not. I'm not like the best looking guy in the world, but I'm better looking than a lot of guys. And I mean, these are things that come out of his mouth and out of his brain, and his entire life was comparison. And that's why I said, Brad, if you had a PhD, it would be in comparison because you are amazing at comparing, and comparison is poison. I'm going to segue here a little bit and, in all truth and fairness I used to not to the degree that he did, but I used to get into comparison, and that'll stop for me many years ago. When I read something many many years ago. I read something and it was from an ancient healing art. And the author of this book said that, and again, this hit me like a ton of bricks is that no two people have the same karma.
And when I heard that, I'm like, Whoa, whoa, whoa, that that is true. We each have our own karma. I'm here living my lessons. You're here living your lessons. I know that I've mentioned I'm sure on an earlier podcast, when I said that one time I was backpacking in Mexico back when I was safe back in the 90s. And I saw this guy fall out of his wheelchair and he started crawling in the street. And my first thought was there are a lot of people around and people helped him. But my first thought was, is what is his karma? And then I look at Oprah Winfrey. And I think, well, what is her karma? So when you look at it, you have your karma. You know, everybody in my industry has their own karma. They're all doing their own dance.
So if you have your own karma. And no one else has your karma. Hopefully you can see that it's an absolute waste of time to compare yourself to anyone else, because they don't have your karma. And this day and age, I'm sitting here thinking as I'm sharing this with you, and I'm just scanning and I'm, you know, working on. I'm being aware as I'm thinking through this right now, and I just, I don't compare to other people. And I want to set up one of the segue, the reason I don't compare is because personally, there's always going to be people that are fitter than I am and people that are not as fit as I am. They're going to people that are better looking. They're gonna be people that are or whatever. They're going to be people that are older and younger and taller and shorter. And people that have more money, people that have less money, etc. So why in the world what I waste my energy comparing, I do not compare personally or professionally. I do have to tell you though, there is one caveat there and I say this jokingly, one of my good friends.
He's a really, I've coached him and I mentored him for a lot of years. He's a health and fitness guy. And he's really, really big online. He's both a super successful company. And he came out to Dallas to visit we went to the gym, I'm on 54. And he's 36 and ripped. And I said, You know what? No, there is no way I'm getting naked at the gym in front of you. And I was comparing and I'm just kidding, as well. But I don't know. There's no reason to compare myself to other people. Why? Because they're not me. And the same thing with you. I could tell you all day long, I could tell you to stop comparing. But you know what, it doesn't matter until you see the value in yourself. And you see the self worth in yourself.
My brother in law, the shaman, his shaman, in shamanism it's called the benefactor. So for example, my brother in law, my mentor would be what's called my benefactor, and then his Shaman who taught him would be his benefactor. Many years ago, his benefactor was talking to me. And this is what he said it was very simple and very profound. Now my brother in law is also what's known as a Nagual, N-A-G-U-A-L. And by the way, if you go look that up or whatever, there's a lot of nonsensical stuff on Wikipedia. My brother in law works in the light, he's a healer. People come to him from all over the world for physical healing and spiritual growth, energetically, and his benefactor said to me one time, he said, it doesn't matter what I can see in you.
It doesn't matter what you're Nagual can see in you. All the matters is what you can see in yourself. So consider that. So the question is, is what can you see in yourself? What I know is this. Most people can't fully see how extraordinary they are because they spend so much time getting into the things they've learned as a kid in terms of low self worth. And when I say getting into no one consciously says, Oh, you know what, it's Monday at 3pm, I want to get into my low self worth.
But so many people live from low self worth, which they've learned as a kid. They've learned in their formative years, anywhere from the time they were born till the formative years before about the age of eight years old. And they spend so much time in their self worth, or lack of self worth. And then what I've noticed also is most people have the propensity to see the worst in themselves. And I see that a lot. What a lot of people do is they compare themselves to other people. And as they're comparing their in their mind stacking, I'm stacking up that myself against this person, and then what many people do, and I've been there as well when I was much younger. And many of you probably do this is people stack themselves against others, and they usually put themselves lower than other people.
Never even realizing what gifts they have or what talents they have. I mean, I've seen people, I'm so blessed, and all the people I've come across over the years, I mean, I've seen some people do some extraordinary, extraordinary things. And they can't even see the value in that because they're so caught up in their self worth, that they can't see the value in the extraordinary things and what I call the life artistry they're bringing to the planet, because they're so stuck in I'm not good enough, or I'm going to compare myself to other people. And it just doesn't work. What I want to share with you here also, over the years, I've coached some very significant people. I've coached movie stars, I've coached Olympic athletes, I've coached professional athletes, I've coached, CEOs of billion dollar companies, I've coached a lot of people from all walks of life all the way from Wall Street to Main Street to people that are are having a global impact. And I even mean in politics and not politics, but let's say international diplomacy, I'll leave it at that.
And I'm going to share with you is that everyone, for the most part is the same. Everyone, whether it's a movie star or a billionaire, or even a president of the United States, everyone is the same. They're just doing their best to get through their life. And, to the point of this whole, this whole podcast is someone you're doing their best, but someone you're struggling because they're working from they're not good enough. And they're comparing yourself to other people. I read some research one time also where kids were asked to pick their own punishment. And what was interesting is that kids usually picked the worst punishment for themself of the choices they were given. When they were, when they were told, okay, here, pick one of three things for your punishment. Many times kids would pick the most severe punishment for themselves. And it was actually more severe than the punishment that someone else got to pick for them for what they did commensurate with whatever the behavior was.
And so as I said, we tend to do that. Now, let me go back here. I mentioned earlier about my father, we do live in a world of good and bad. Now, we could sit here all day long at a higher level, which is not what this podcast is about. And we could talk about lightness and darkness and we could talk about the yin and the yang for sure, no question about that. But when it comes to the moral you know, the moral on this planet, right or wrong, as I said, you can have two different religions in one thing, something's okay. If you look at, for example, some polygamous religion, they might say it's okay to have 10 wives, whereas another religion might say, you know what, you only have one wife, one man, one woman for life, which most people don't do. Anyway, as you can see, it's completely subjective. So what I want you to understand is that it is you. It is you who charges your life with either I'm a good person or I'm a bad person.
You know, somebody in the end, it doesn't matter. Guys, first off, thank you for all the reviews. I'm very blessed. I'm not one of those people who goes and reads the reviews, I don't and I'm the reason I'm grateful for them is because the level of reviews, obviously I don't know, the algorithms at Apple and all are, here at iTunes, but the, the good reviews help me reach more people. And I'm very grateful for that. But somebody actually, and you know what, what's interesting is I've noticed, as I said before, is there's never really any bad reviews about the content. It's about me as a person. So somebody's making a good or bad judgment about me. And somebody wrote one of the reviews that about me, they said, I'm a bad person. They actually even said that this guy's a bad person or whatever. And I just scanned over it. Literally. I didn't give him more than two seconds thought. But I chuckled and I even said, I can use that at some point to show people that you know what this person is working from good or bad. And I didn't even go there. Why? Because I don't know that I'm good. I don't know that. I'm bad. I am just me. I just do what I do. Am I perfect? Absolutely not.
However, you would define that, no one's perfect. But you know what? I'm good enough as I am. And I know that because I have a ton of people that have downloaded this podcast, at current rate of downloads, we will hit 1 million downloads on our very first year. And I have to thank you for that for listening and for sharing. But I want to go back to my brother in law here, the Shaman. We were talking one day. Now, as I mentioned earlier in the Nagual. If you look it up, you'll find some things on Wikipedia talking about dark magic and stuff like that. And by the way, some people don't even believe in magic, and that's fine, but everything's energy and that's physics. That's not opinion. And he and I were talking one day and I'm sure he was imparting to me and upon me lessons about judgment and acceptance and all this. And he said, I am a sorcerer. I am a Shaman and I am a Nagual.
He goes, some people think that I am the work of the devil. Some people think I'm a spiritual master, but it doesn't matter. I am, what I am. And I want to share that with you. Wherever you are, you are what you are. And that automatically makes you good enough. So consider that you are good enough exactly as you are. The only time you become not good enough is when you start comparing yourself to other people. Why? Because now you're comparing yourself to something outside of yourself. And there's always going to be someone ahead of you and someone behind you. So what I want to share with you is your takeaway is this. When you compare you put yourself in a poisonous trap of not being good enough. So please let that soak in. When you compare, you put yourself in the poisonous trap of not being good enough.
And then when we think about doing something wrong many times, psychologically that's called when we were kids. Our parents were beating on us a mental mentally or emotionally, or our parents were shaming us. Part of my father even though he was an alcoholic. And part of his operating strategy was is that when he wasn't drinking only go to work. He was into perfectionism. And he did a very good job. My father was I think they call him collision repair specialist this day and age, but he's an auto body repair man. And my father, always when I was really young, was always about there's a right way and there's a wrong way. And he lived his whole life, by that and he imparted that to me as a kid. And I don't know if I mentioned this earlier, but I think I did is about good and bad also, all over the world. For a large percentage of the population. People that celebrate Christmas. My family celebrates Christmas not for any religious reason, what's actually zero religious reasons.
We celebrated for the opportunity to genuinely give from the heart and the gather and to have a good time. But even if you look at religion, I mean, Christmas, what are we taught as children, very small kids. And I remember this, we were taught, Santa is watching you. And if you're a good boy, then Santa is going to bring you x, y, z. And if you're a bad boy, then Santa is not going to bring you x, y, z. And for my kid, I read somewhere. And I agree with this, that this thinking is, and again, I'm not a religious scholar or any of that. But I read that this thinking is original sin. And again, this is not an in religious context, per se, but it's a air quote, sin, because it's teaching people they're not good enough, from a very early age. And if you're like, a lot of us, that's how you were raised. And then today, you're still living these paradigms, because it's part of your unconscious identity. You're living these paradigms because you learn these many years ago. So I know that I already said it.
But the takeaway is this is that you can only be not good enough when you are comparing and right or wrong is simply relative to culture, or also comparison of some sort. Okay, so that wraps up today's episode and Wednesday's episode is going to be about what I call it's going to be titled, the biology of success. Now, the reason I'm doing this next episode is because I've a video marketing firm and they're actually they've we've already shot a lot of videos, and that's what they titled it. And it's really the neurology of success. It's about brain based habits. Because see, you might have heard me say before, you don't get what you want in life, none of us do. You get your habits. Everything that you have in life is habit. If you have a lot of money, that's habit. If you don't have a lot of money, that's habit, everything in your life and even health to a large degree is habit.
So the next episodes going to be about the neurology/the biologyofsuccess. And also, I don't think I've ever done in here I'm going to refer a resource to you guys that I refer to a lot of my students in my transformational coaching programs. I'm going to refer a resource that will actually teach you how to use self hypnosis to reprogram your subconscious mind and your identity. Again, I said it earlier and I want to say it one more time. Thank you so much. Seriously, thank you so much for allowing me to serve. And thank you for allowing me to do what I call my Dharma is this is my Dharma to do what I do. But thank you for the bottom of my heart for allowing me to do it. Okay. wraps up this episode. I'll catch you on the Wednesday episode. Take care. Bye bye.
Thank you for listening to this entire podcast. If you're the kind of person who likes to help others, then share this with your friends and family. You know, if you found value, they will too so please share via your social media channels.also, if you have questions, I'm here to assist. You can email me questions to email@example.com. And I may even use your question for a future podcast episode. Also, if you want transformational content like this daily, connect with me on Instagram, my Instagram name is @iamjimfortin. Finally, I do have a personal request. I believe that we're all here to help others and to grow and evolve ourselves. together, you and I, let's help more people. If you would, please leave a review on iTunes and a good one by the way. I'd be grateful and through your assistance together, we can transform more lives. Thanks for listening.