EPISODE 70: “Q & A – I Have A Good Life And Good Husband But I’m Not Happy In My Marriage, What Do I Do?”
This is a HUGE situation for millions of people: OK marriage but something is missing, stale, just not working – it’s just not fulfilling.
In this episode, I go several places with it, specifically and as asked, I talk briefly about “twin flames” and then I talk about what I see people doing that destroys relationships.
I talk about:
What’s interesting to me is that millions of people get married each year all around the world and where culturally permissible, millions of divorces and separations also happen each year.
Specifically, and as I address in this episode, there is a massive lack of self-awareness and emotional maturity in the world and this contributes to over a 50% divorce rate in many countries in the world.
No matter your relationship status I think just about every listener will find value in this episode.
No one person can be everything to you.
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Want even more support? My Signature Transformational Coaching Program is designed to get you unstuck and reprogram the subconscious mind so you can reach a new level in life and free yourself from your thoughts. This is an exclusive experience for those serious about transforming their life, and it’s only offered twice a year. Get on the waitlist here to be the first notified when the doors open.
You're listening to episode number 70 of the Transform your Life from the inside out podcast. This is a q&a episode. And in this episode, I answer a relationship question by Rebecca. And I'm going to read the whole question in just a moment. But the gist of the question is this. I have a good life and a good husband, but I'm not happy in my marriage. What do I do? Now, I know that many of you we live in a country, at least in the US, where we have a 53% divorce rate. And I think many of you if you're in a long term relationship, or marriage are going to relate to this episode to one degree or another. Stay tuned.
Hi, I'm Jim Fortin, and you're about to start Transforming Your Life from the Inside Out with this podcast. I'm widely considered a leader in subconscious transformation. And I've coached super achievers all around the world for over 25 years. Here, you're going to find no rah rah motivation and no hype. Because this podcast is a combination of Brain Science, Tansformational Psychology, and Ancient Wisdom all rolled into one to take your life to levels you've never thought possible. If you're wanting a lot more in life, to feel better, to heal, to have peace of mind, to feel powerful and alive, and to bring more abundance and prosperity into your life. And this podcast is for you. Because you're going to start learning how to master your mind and evolve your consciousness. And when you do that, anything you want then becomes possible for you. I'm glad you're here.
Choose Those Who Will Help You Grow
Hey, so when I said Rebecca's question is Rebecca's question, but I answered a question by another person named Rebecca while back so not the same question. I just want to clarify that. I want to read Rebecca's question and it's kind of long and that's okay. Because I read through it again before I started this episode, and it's a really good question and I think that a lot of you, a lot of you seriously can relate to this. Anyway, let me just read it. Okay, before I before I even begin here is my question is I'm 27, married, my own home, awesome job and financial stability. But I'm not happy or in love as I used to be in my current marriage. I just don't feel at peace with my marriage.
What is shaking this all up is when I got married at 25 and walk down the aisle. I had a gut and heart feeling this wasn't right. But I just did it because society says I have to. And I don't want to look like an idiot for canceling a wedding. My husband is such an amazing person we get along we never fight grant gamble or abuse never happens. So I'm very grateful for that. But I feel selfish because I'm not happy in my marriage part only. What triggered all of this is started this year, my ex messaged me, and it's been eight years since I last dated him. We had an intense connection and love for each other, but we only did it for about six months, but it was a connection like no other. And it was so lovely and intense. So when he messaged me out of the blue at the start of this year, he mentioned how much he still loves me and wants me to be happy and he misses me etc, etc, etc. Was the universe sending me a test?
A catalyst? To this day since January I've not stopped thinking about him and our happy times. I do still feel the love for him. I feel like I'm starting to manifest something here because I cannot stop thinking about him. But overall, I feel silly for giving up a good person and a beautiful home with my life setup. But I'm not in love as I used to be. So why am I going through this? What lessons do I need to learn? Is it for me to speak up? This is quite hard. I know the universe has my back. Is this happening because my soul contract is up with my current husband. I can't say the words because he will think I'm nuts. But overall, what I'm trying to get at is, was the universe sending me a test in some ways and informing. And I'm dreaming about my ex three times a week, it's a trigger point. Is the universe trying to serve me more lessons? Or could it be a twin flame? Now, that's the reason I picked this particular one. Is that a twin flame that I'm drawn to, it would be nice to hear you do a podcast about this based on soul contracts coming at an end, or why these scenarios happen, because I simply don't know what road to take.
Okay, big, big email. And let me just share with you here for everyone listening, I'm going to go a lot of places in this particular episode. So I do want to say first and foremost, that I am not a licensed relationship therapist. And candidly, that doesn't really mean a whole lot to me. I'm just sharing that with you because I'm not dispensing any marriage advice. Because again, there's a lot of places I want to go. And I was thinking tonight before I recorded this episode, it doesn't matter that I'm not a licensed relationship expert or therapist, because I've coached many. And one of my actually transformational coaches was a phenomenal relationship expert. And I've had some amazing mentors that were a lot older than I was. And I even remember it dawned on me tonight. Many years ago, I had a client, he was a relationship therapist, and I said, do you love your wife? And his exact words were no, I hate that woman. Literally, that was his exact words. And I thought to myself, I'm like, well, he's here dispensing relationship advice, but yet he hates his wife, his exact words. How valuable is what he's dispensing.
Anyway, I want to dig into this and I don't know how long this episode is going to be. But there's going to be a lot if you're in a relationship or have been in one, or will be in one which we all are, for the most part at some point. I'm going say things in here that are going to resonate with all of you guys. All right. So the question is, am I with the right person? And this isn't what Rebecca wants to hear, but the question is, I have no clue if you're the right person or not. So I want to take that apart. And I want to look at several ways. I've been coaching people all the years that I have. I've coach people, I got I got a message tonight from a young woman that I coach, she's in her 20s. And she said, we're on the verge of the D word again, meaning divorce. Here's the thing also. And again, I'm going to go a lot of places in this episode. When it comes to one to one coaching, I don't coach anyone under 30,32,34,35 for the most part, and the reason is, this is and this this person who wrote this that there are 27 is that in the work that I do, there is not emotional maturity at the age of 25,27,29,30 there's not the level of emotional maturity that I would, that I can most work with when I coach people.
So I'm going to go, like I said, a lot of places. All right. Am I with the right person? The answer is, I don't know. But let's look at that from several different perspectives. Number one, a good friend of mine many years ago was a senior coach in a program called landmark forum, which is a transformational work basically, what I do goes goes beyond that because we go into brain based habits and subconscious reprogramming and etc. But there's a concept he and I were talking about about many years ago and the concept is called rackets it's the word like a tennis racket they use and a racket is whatever mental strategies let's use that are sequence you go that people go through that is like a racket in their mind. And what a lot of people do,is, most people I think we've all been there is they go through rackets and one racket that people go through that I see is number one, my my phrasiology is that most people don't even know themselves. They literally have so little self awareness and they don't know themselves and many times I think more people are in love with the idea of being married or being in a relationship, then they are the actual person and their relationship.
But rackets are this, the way it was explained to me many years ago, and I see this to be true. And my observation of the world is a racket is you know what? I like you and I'm going to buy all of your BS because I like you. And as a result of buying your BS and all of your crap and all your stories, you know what you're going to like me? And because you like me, you're going to buy my stories and my crap and all of my stuff. And what we're doing is we're running like an infinity loop of a racket. You buy my garbage, I buy your garbage, hey, we like each other. And then that progresses and then eventually What we do is we stay in a long term relationship. And maybe because we don't know ourselves, we fight and we bicker, and all these kind of things, we get married. And then here in the US, as I said earlier last time, I looked it up at 53% divorce rate, which I'm sure is pretty consistent where it's culturally acceptable in the world, the same rate and a lot of that happens because of rackets.
Now, she asked about a twin flame, and I am with my twin flame. Well, the only way that I know that as my brother in law the Shaman had mentioned that to me a while back that we are twin flames. And the second I saw my partner, I mean, the second second, I knew, I just knew, and we've had our ups and downs over the years, which I'll get to in just a bit, but you know what, I've always been in a place where like, I can either grow or I can leave this relationship, but if I do, it doesn't matter. I'm going to be right back in at 90 days from now, so why not work through my crap while I'm here. Also, I'm jumping right here, like I still come back. But also, I find that one of my coaches a transformational coach. And the only reason I say she has a PhD just to give a little credibility, I mean, professional education and etc. She's a phenomenal relationship coach. And she said something that I very much agree with. And we were very much aligned. And I love her to death. And she's had an amazing impact in my life. And she said that we generally choose people that create the greatest opportunity for us to grow. And I believe that and I've observed that in my own life and the people that I work with 100%.
But what most and I do mean most people do, is most people get into, you know what, it's not me, it's you, you're not this, you're not that blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I'm not going to look at myself because it has nothing to do with me. You're all these things. And by the way, I chose you but you're all these things and guess what I'm done. I'm leaving the relationship. Now let me backtrack here when I got onto the thread about twin flames, Many years ago, it's probably well, I don't know, 15, 17, 18 years ago, one of my good friends from college and I think I've been on a college 32, 33 years, something like that. And he called me and we're still friends today. And we're great friends in college. And he called me one day and said, Hey, Jim, can I drop by the house? I want to visit with you for a bit. And of course, I said, Yes. And he told me about his girlfriend that he had been dating, I don't know, for how many years, maybe five or seven to that point, maybe longer. But she had made up these elaborate lies about work things and work trips that she had to go on. And they were pretty extensive lies. He told me what they were. And the reality was is that she was traveling to halfway across the country having an affair. And he said to me, he says he talked to other mutual friends and we all know each other from school where, you know, I went to a small school, and he goes, You know what the other guys told me, every one of them told me that I should dump her. What do you think?
And I said, you know John, I don't know. I don't know. And the reason I don't know is because they're looking at it externally. And they're looking at it as Okay, you're in relationship. Apparently you guys want a committed relationship. And by the way, some people aren't that works great for them in terms of physical commitment or whatever. And I said, Chris, I don't know. And here's what I said to him based upon Rebecca's question also. I said, you know, John, I don't know. Because I don't know your karma. Now consider that I don't know your karma. And he stayed in the relationship. And today, I don't know it 17,18,19 I don't know how many years later, but he's in a very, very happy relationship. Whereas my other three friends that he had asked our other three friends all said, Oh, dump her, leave the relationship, blah, blah, blah.
So when Rebecca says,should I stay am I with the right person? I don't know. But let's dig in to that. Even some more because I want to talk about relationship strategies and, and maybe different ways of knowing or or ways to feel. Now Rebecca, I want to share a story with you. There were some friends of mine. They're no longer on the planet, husband and wife, and she passed away at 95 passed away about five years ago when he passed over, I call it transition that 90. And when they were young, obviously, a lot of years ago, when they were young, they were dating just like you and your ex partner, or boyfriend. What I want to point out here also their story is their story. Their karma is their karma. Your story is your story. And your story is your karma. Candidly, what it looks like, to me is that you're looking for somebody to validate a reason for you to or to make it okay for you or to give you permission to leave a relationship that you're in. That seemingly seems to be well, but you're wanting something different.
Now again, I'm not qualified to answer that question is he for you or not? Because that's beyond my pay grade. I can't see your karma. Now, back to my friends. They dated when they were no actually I'm trying to think here. It's been so many years. They told me this story and I've known them. They were like grandparents to me as a matter of fact, but I believe they dated or were married for in their early 20's. And then what they did because the family pressures from his family, they split, and then they both they both got remarried again. And like five years later, they both were divorced again. They got back together, and they were together for 60 years after that and an extremely happy relationship.
So the well, the recapitulation is that they were together, they broke up married, somebody else broke up and then remarried each other again and then were to get are moving in a relationship. And we're in a relationship and very, very happy one for 60 years. So asking, any of us, am I in the right relationship only you know that and to give you you know more here food for thought. A good friend of mine, he, a fraternity brother of mine, he's a very, very close friend and we were just having lunch one day he happens to live here in Dallas as well. We're having lunch and I'm like, how's your marriage? But he's I talked very personal with my close friends. I'm like, how are you guys doing? And he's like, yeah, you know, we've had some ups and downs, but he's this is what he said. He said, You know what, we always work through it. Because he goes, if we didn't, we might split up but we're never be going to be right back together again.
And I know the same thing in my personal relationship. There was one point many 10 years ago that I definitely was on the on the on the path of this isn't working. I want to split. And do we by any means have a perfect relationship? No, which I'll get to in just a minute as well or I think I will and if I don't, I'll just say it right now. Is that there is no such thing as a perfect relationship and especially Rebecca, you're young. You're I think you said you're 27 years old. What I see a lot of a whole lot of is young people having unrealistic expectations of like, they want this fairytale marriage. And one of my mentors for a lot of years, Her name is Peggy. Now Peggy was my NLP trainer and there were Linguistic programmer. I can't even talk tonight Neuro Linguistic Programming trainer for a lot of years. And I only tell you this for credence and just to give credibility. Peggy was a very high level NLP Neuro Linguistic Programming Coach. She has literally coached American presidents while they're sitting in office, one of the wisest people that I know and she was my friend, the business partner and a coach for a lot of years.
Something that she said to me when I entered the relationship that I'm in now that I've been in for 18 years and I was struggling with my own stuff. Something that she said to me was this. She said, No one will ever be 100% of everything to you. Consider that! No one will ever be 100% of everything to you. And I see so many young people, young men and women, and they're in relationships and they expect their partner to be Princess Charming or Prince Charming. And they have all these expectations. It's supposed to be perfect and fairy tale and magical and all this stuff. And when it's not that that's where most people quit or they start souring on the relationship, but I'm going to share with all of you guys I don't know anyone in my life that has not had their had their ups and downs and in relationship. You know, in this little funny just story popped in my mind. I remember watching this guy one time and he's an older man and he said that his advice in relationship is never go to bed angry. He said, you know what, there's been some days that I stayed awake for five days.
Because he couldn't go to bed angry. And that was the, you know, where he worked from? And of course, he was kidding about that. But Rebecca, something that I want you to look at and other people is do you have false expectations of what a relationship is supposed to be? And do you have false, expectations of what your marriage is supposed to be? And then what expectations Do you have of him? Now, I'm on the fence here. I mean, if you were my personal friend, and I was sitting, you know, sitting right in front of you, I tell you what I told John, I don't know if you should split or not. I'm 50-50 and it's kind of like watching something on Netflix. And it's like, did he do it? Or did he not? I don't know, evidence is compelling in both directions. And then I look at it as is this person that you love many years ago? Are they truly your twin flame? And by the way, a twin flame is a soul that is created from the same spark in the Big Bang our souls are eternal. And by the way, there's more than one big bang. There's multiple big bangs. But of course, we've not learned that in our world. And science doesn't know that we've not been taught that. But that's what a twin flame is. It's one soul that comes from a single spark. And there's two separate souls that are connected from the same spark.
So is he your twin flame? I don't know. And no one will know but you. So let me keep going here different places. Many people don't know how to be in relationships. So as I said earlier, the landmark forum comment of people buying each other's rackets. What a lot of people do is number one is they don't look, well, number one, they don't even know themselves. They really don't. As I said earlier, they're more interested in I don't want to be alone. I don't want to be alone. I don't want to be alone. Let me find somebody and then let me make it work.
What I've also noticed is only my interpretation of my experience, and I've coached a lot of people from all walks of life from famous people to rich people to, people just in everyday walks of life and Wall Street and European royalty have interacted with. And I give you that because it's the whole gamut of human experience. And what I've learned over the years is that no one has, for the most part, that fairy tale magical relationship. What I tell people based upon what Peggy told me, is, you know, what, you look for the biggest fit and the biggest opportunity to grow. And the rest of it is just something that's not in the relationship. And I see what I mean by that is I see people, for example, let's take sex for it for an example, is one person might have a really high level okay let's say this, these two people get along extremely, extremely well. They're extremely compatible. But you know what one has a higher sex drive than another and every one of you listening do not get into the cultural myth that Oh, all men want is sex. That's not true. I mean, I had worked with couples before where you she has the libido and he doesn't so that's that's a cultural fallacy that oh all men want sex and etc. Now there is some truth to that as well. I mean it's survival and procreation and all that kind of stuff. But my bigger point and I know I've opened some conversational loops here that hopefully I'll come back to.
But my bigger point is this is that even looking at my own life, is my partner perfect. No, am I perfect? No. Are there things that like for example, do I wish at times I got more of my love language met. And by the way, I don't know the the author of the book but it's called I think, what the five love languages and we all have ways that we want to be communicated with and be in relationship with. So in all transparency and candor is my love language met to the degree in the way that I'd want it to be met. No, and that's the reality, but the reality also is that my partner is such an amazing person that guess what I can choose to work on the relationship I can choose to grow myself and I can choose to fulfill myself in other ways, or I don't, that might be coming out a little weird.
Okay, so, but let me let me just put it this way. I'm gonna close this conversational loop and keep on going with this is that no one person can be 100% of everything that you want to you. And I might have maybe one person I've a million single Jim, you're wrong. Well, okay. But you know what? It's just all the people I've coached I've never seen it before. Okay, so I said just a couple of minutes ago is that most people don't number one. I'm guilty too. I mean, my relationship coach who was will also my transformational coach was extraordinary. And what I recognize many years ago, is that I didn't know how to communicate effectively with my partner. And that's why because well, that's because as a kid, I wasn't allowed. Or I interpreted that I wasn't allowed to ask for what I wanted and needed in the relationship. So in my relationship early on, the one that I'm infor a lot of years, is I wouldn't ask for what I wanted and needed. And then I get bent out of shape because I wasn't getting what I wanted or what I thought that I needed. So a lot of people don't know how to be in relationships. A lot of people actually do not know how to communicate with each other in relationships. I see a lot of couples, one of my somebody that I, a good friend of mine, we put it that way that I've mentored a lot of years. He and his wife are in their 30s.
And I see him quite a bit, and I'm very fond. I'm very close to both of them and their kids. And what I have observed over the years is that many times they don't talk to each other. They talk at each other, once they get into their communication, they get into their anger. Now it's no longer loving communication. It's literally just talking at each other. So the reason I bring this up in this particular episode for Rebecca, is she says the love wasn't there, or it's not there. Now forgive me. I don't remember. Rebecca, did you have the love originally with your husband? Because that's something I look at also is if the foundation was there, what happened? The foundation isn't there or all the all the wonderfulness? Why isn't it there now.
So I want to add that many times what people do is they condition themselves out of relationships. What I mean by that is, let's say for example, if two people are very compatible, but let's say that which we do, people bring their baggage into the relationship. Then what they do is, let's say for example, that your husband or your wife, or your boyfriend or girlfriend or partner, let's say that they continuously do something that pushes your button that makes you angry. And they do it day number one, and day number two, the number three, day number four, year number one, year number two, and so on. What happens is you learn it's called a neuro associative condition, just like the Pavlovian response.
What happens is they condition you to anger. And then what happens is, every time you see them, you automatically go into anger because of the conditioning. Now, the foundational wonderful relationship that you had and the true love that you have for that person is no longer there because you conditioned yourself out of it. Many times I also, I see people not growing apart because they don't share core values. I see people many times growing apart, because they've conditioned themselves out of the relationship, or many times as well. One person is growing which I see a lot of and I mean a lot of in my programs is that one person grows, the other person doesn't. And then in that moment, you've heard me use the word identity a lot of times, now their identities are not compatible.
And the more that your identity is not compatible with your significant other, the weaker the relationship is going to be. Let's keep on going here for just a bit. What I see people doing also is and I do the same thing, and I learned this from my coach, again, I rave about my transformational coach, one of it's been spent many years I think, seven years or so since I've worked with her and her relationship, mending skills and teaching people to communicate. But I used to approach a relationship 50-50 I bring my 50 you bring your 50 and I think most of you listening are probably the same way I bring mine, you bring yours. And then what happens pretty quickly is you know what? I brought 52% you're only bringing 39% you're not bringing What you're supposed to be bringing, therefore, I'm going to be angry and I'm going to be resentful. Now I'm going to start talking down to you, I'm going to start talking at you. Then what happens is the other person responds accordingly. And guess what you have you got a nuclear meltdown in the relationship. And I see that a lot.
In truth, the most amazing as best they possibly can be relationships are 100-100. I show up 100%. You show up 100% there's none of this nonsensical, I carry half and you carry half. No, I'm responsible for my own happiness in this relationship. And guess what? If I need to pick up the ball, and I need to run harder or faster to you to supplement our relationship, or if I've got to carry more weight, guess what, I will. Now the caveat there is that we do want to make sure we're with the right person because let's say for example, we are with a taker and that context in that scenario, what will happen is a taker will keep taking and taking and taking this conversation could be a whole ball of wax that I could literally do an entire 10 hour episode on and I can't do it. But I'm giving Rebecca and the rest of you a lot of food for thought for the way that you approach your relationships.
Now something else is that a lot of people quit relationships because they're emotionally immature. And I mean that from many, 30 years old, 40, 50, 60, 70, 80 years old. We become who we are, which you probably have heard me say in other episodes before we become who we are before, around the age of eight years old before the analytical brain actually, is fully developed. And anything that's said to us as children goes right to the unconscious mind. And that could be that we're not good enough or we have to fight for attention or we're not allowed to speak up or whatever. Then what happens? We bring these things into our relationships. And I'm going to just be candid with you I am, I'm just sharing with you in my observation of a lot of your 25 years of doing this is we live in a world of extreme emotional immaturity.
And it's not because the person's a bad person or any of that. It's because they haven't learned as I said, also, I had my own lessons. Let's say, for example, a husband and wife that I'm talking to right now that I know of, is when she doesn't pay because she's building her business, when she doesn't pay the attention to him that he thinks that he wants from her or expects or deserves. What he does is he didn't sit down and be emotionally mature and communicate and say, you know, honey, here's what I need. Here's my love language, I need words of affection. These are the things that I need. He doesn't do that. What he starts doing is he starts acting out and he acts out in ways that are going to get her attention that are going to rub her the wrong way because they they fire off her triggers.
So for example, She likes a really clean kitchen. She's very neat, very organized. So what happens is when he starts when he's not getting the emotional attention that he thinks that he needs because his love language is words of affection. When he's not getting that, then what he does is he starts acting out. Now mind you, he's not analytically saying, Oh, I'm acting out, it's happening completely unconsciously. So he's acting out and then he's leaving stuff all over the kitchen, which then triggers her, which then triggers her to no longer give him the words of affection, which triggers him to continue to act out, and it just becomes a nasty cycle.
Also, I'm going to go into something here very quickly. Teaching Neuro Linguistics for a lot of years, NLP neuro linguistic programming, and I mentioned Peggy earlier my NLP coach. And what I've seen people do also is it could there's several things and I'm not going to go very in depth people a very different processing styles. I remember a husband and wife one time and he was predominantly visual. She was predominantly auditory, which means thinking predominantly her predominant thinking modality was auditory. Now I'm going to simplify this. That means that he would actually show which is seen, he would show acts of love. But yet what she would rather in the way she process information, she would rather hear about acts of love and words of affirmation. So he would do things to show her that she, that he that he loved her. Now, again, mind you, her predominant style is hearing. So he would do things to show her that he loved her. But what she really wanted is she wanted to hear the words, honey, I love you.
So because she wasn't hearing the words because he wasn't affirming her and the way that she processed information, then what she would do is she would stop showing him his love language and things that he needed for affirmation. And so he was also predominantly visual, as I said, and many times predominantly visual people like very orderly environments. So what would happen is because she wouldn't hear, you know, honey, I love you, then she would stop doing things around the house in the house would be mess here, which would actually be a trigger for him. And then when he was triggered, he definitely would not in any way acknowledge Honey, I love you. And it melted down. But it all melted. We humans are crazy beings. I mean, we really are. But it would melt down because they had very different processing styles, not only in their love language, but in the way that they communicated, whether it be auditorly, visually, or kinesthetically, which means through feelings.
So I'm thinking through this and I'm looking in this episode for a transformational takeaway. And, I covered several topics about relationships, but a takeaway could be is several here number one is most of us get into a lot of a lot of our emotional immaturity. Many of us condition ourselves out of relationships many of us show up 50-50 instead of 100-100 and many people do not know ourselves many people get into our rackets but the original question let's go back Is he my twin flame? Rebecca? I don't know.
I want to go back here also guys this things are popping my mind all about this. Notice when I read what Rebecca wrote in about is she already knew at some level she knew at a heart level that you know what i'm just getting married because I think that's what you're supposed to do. And rights that Rebecca could be a clue for you. Now the reason I'm not sitting here saying black or white Rebecca Yes, you know, we had sold you know, twin flame or no or state and the reason I'm not is I don't have that power. I don't have enough information about you to be able to coach you and even as I said, if he were your twin flame, I don't have the personal power to see that. Could he be? Absolutely, but the only person that's going to know that is you. So what I would also encourage you to do. I know I talked about transformational takeaways, but let me go here for a second. When we start conditioning ourselves out of a relationship, what we do is we both kind of just give up and we both people just kind of start existing, you're in your world, I'm in my world, you're watching TV, you're in bed, I go to bed earlier, you go to bed earlier, you take care of the kids, I don't do this, you etc. And we live in these very monotonous, banal, you know, self contained little worlds.
And then what we do many times is we give up on the relationship. And this is what I tell people if you really want to know if he's the one for you. If I were sitting down coaching you this is what I tell you to do. I don't know the answer is he your twin flame. But I would tell you give your current relationship 100% not 50. No longer checked out. I mean, you show up and you suit up every day, to be the absolute best partner, then the kind of partner that he wants, you show up every day, and not show up in the way that you want for you, but the way that he would want for you, and give it a test and see, because one person can change relationship literally, it only takes one people think it takes to no, many times you change, your partner will change. And guess what if you change in a more an extremely positive way and they don't change, then I'd reevaluate. Well really are they the person for me? So Rebecca, first and foremost, I would tell you to suit up and suit up like you have never showed up before and this relationship and then guess what? If it doesn't work, then and only then if we're me what I reevaluate, hmm, is this the right person for me? So let's make it simple because my tech guy is going to want something to post on my website. Transformational takeaway is this is no one person can be everything to you.
Okay, so let's talk about the next episode here you guys have heard me talk before about be do have and you guys have heard a lot about be do have in the earlier episodes and one of my transformational programs I watched a video that somebody shot tonight about money and she's like oh my gosh I finally got it for me to you know to to have wealth and attract wealth I must be wealthy in my consciousness and then my mind and when I was sitting down tonight I have a content calendar and the next episode is about up leveling the be do have model you've heard me talk about be to have we have to be before we can do before we can have but it's up leveling the be do have model with identity transformation. So that's your next episode. Alrighty guys, well thank you for sitting in with me through this entire episode. Hopefully I hit on a lot of areas that are valid to a lot of you. Rebecca I'm sorry, I couldn't give you the black or white yes or no answer, but only you know that. Okay guys, they will make it an awesome day to day and I'll catch you over on the next episode. Bye bye.
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