EPISODE 32: “How Do I Believe In Myself?”
If you’re like billions of people you could probably relate to the headline.
All the motivational speakers, gurus, and armchair motivators yell from the rooftops, “You have to believe in yourself to be successful.”
There’s a way to get out there and make things happen in life and it has nothing to do with believing in yourself.
In this episode I talk about:
And, finally, I talk about what’s more important than believing in yourself and how operating from this place eliminates the need to “believe in yourself.”
Stop asking how good you are and start asking what you can do to help people.
You're listening to episode number 32 of the Transform your Life from the Inside Out podcast. This episode is a Q and A episode and I'm going to answer Jason's question. Jason actually sent me an email and he said, how do I believe in myself? Now, you probably have been told by all the motivational speakers and gurus and all that, that you have to believe in yourself. Well, I'm going to share with you in this episode how to become successful or to create whatever you want, despite, maybe not believing in yourself even though you've been told that you have to stay tuned. Hi, I'm Jim Fortin and you're about to start Transforming your Life from the Inside Out with this podcast, I'm widely considered the leader in subconscious transformation and I've coached super achievers all around the world for over 25 years. Here you're going to find no rah rah motivation and no hype because this podcast is a combination of Brain Science, Transformational Psychology, and Ancient Wisdom all rolled into one to take your life to levels you've never thought possible. If you're wanting a lot more in life, to feel better, to heal, to have peace of mind, to feel powerful and alive, and to bring more abundance and prosperity into your life. And this podcast is for you because you're going to start learning how to master your mind and evolve your consciousness. And when you do that, anything you want then becomes possible for you. I'm glad you're here.
Stay Open And Aware Of The Urges That Motivate You
So believing in yourself. You know, if you've listened to any kind of personal development, and I'm sure you have because you're here, you've heard, you know the speakers say time and time again and they're generally all fired up and they'll say things like, you've like, they're preaching to you. You know, you have got to believe in yourself. Many years ago I had a client of mine and he said, Jim, what does that even mean? I mean, how do I do that? And what does it even mean? So I want to ask you that question because most people actually just adopt that whole Phrasiology and that whole mindset that they've got to believe in himself. But what does that even mean to you? You don't like Jason writing in, you know, he wants to know how do I believe in myself when I look at this, you know, I'm going to dig in really deep here. I don't know how long this podcast episodes going to be, but that is so much motivational mumbo jumbo, rah rah blah blah bs that you've got to believe in yourself because most people don't believe in themselves until they think that they're good at something. And I have seen many people not recognize how good they are at something and do something extremely well yet simultaneously not believe in themselves. You know, also the book I think it's called "Good to Great," I read a lot of years ago is that many people want to be great at things and I definitely, I don't know how we qualify that. You know, there are all these books out there about living your greatness and all that. And what I tell people and where I live from is let me just live from excellence, meaning the best that I can do in this moment. And for me that's the best that I can do.
But you know, many people actually, they want to be great at things and that's, that's obviously awesome. But before you can be great, you've got to be good before you can be good, you're probably going to be bad or mediocre. And before you can do that, you've got to do something. But most people actually, they won't even do something or put themselves out there because they don't believe that they can do it. Great. And therefore they never put yourself out there and they don't recognize that you know what you've got to do actually something before you can be bad, before you can be good, before you can be great. Go a couple of places with this in this particular episode. But I often wonder how many times people confuse having confidence they won't do something because they believe they're not good at it. And then many times people will say that they, you know, they're wanting more confidence. And the way that I look at this is that confidence is an illusion to a large degree. You know, I've coached many people from many different kinds of fields for many years and it's just, it's commonplace where people say, well, I wish I had more confidence. What people don't recognize is that confidence, most generally speaking comes from competence. So if you look at your own life, the things that you're really confident about are the things that you are competent about. Now here's the thing is most people won't act because they don't think they have the competence. Therefore they don't have the competence. But like I just said, you know, with good, the great, you've got to actually do something before you can be bad, before you can be good, before you can be great. And competence basically just comes from doing something over and over again.
And, and repetition. You know, you think back to the first time that you drove a car or you know, that's a general example. But for most of us, I mean, you look now that you might've been driving for a lot of years and you look at how easy it is. And I would say, you know, are you actually confident driving a car? And people will say, well, yes that I am. Well, you're competent, I'm sorry you have confidence because you have competence. So the competence is what breeds the confidence. So I really want you to understand that, that it's not about confidence in many people. People don't believe in themselves and they therefore therefore don't have confidence. It's because they don't have the competence, lot of c words. I'm messing up here. So if you want to actually further believe in yourself and have more confidence than have more competence. And as I said, I'm going to go a couple of places in this episode because I'm going to even talk to you in just a moment about why it's not even important for my interpretation. Why it's not even important to air quote, believe in yourself. Because there's a way around that. So we're, I want to start as this is that we often judge how good we are. I remember back in 2010 there was this woman that her company, she's actually shutting it down at this point. She's 80 years old and she's had a good run. Aversity she, she owned a Real Estate Company and actually several, very, very, very successful woman, she started back in real estate in the 1960s, her company recently. I mean it was a very, very large, multiple, multiple, multiple year, billions of dollars a year in sales. And she brought me in her company one day we were having lunch and she said to me, she goes, you know, Jim, I've been doing this for 50 years and I don't think you realize how good you are at what you do.
And to be honest, no, I didn't realize. And I'm gonna tell you in just a moment why I didn't realize how good I am according to her. I am what I do, why it wasn't important to me and why I would actually put myself out there and just go out and do things and make things happen. And I never really actually put a lot of thought in to, well, how much do I believe in myself? I'm going to get back to that in just a moment, but I want to go somewhere else for right now. Martha Graham, the dancer, I found the quote of hers online that I, I actually, I don't have a lot of quotes in my office, but I have this one a mainly so I can find that when I needed to share with people, but I think it's extraordinary. I want to read you the quote because again, when I read this many years ago, it literally just knocked me out. It's a rather long quote, but I want to read the entire quote and I want you to listen carefully as I go through this. It's just very powerful in my interpretation. So the quote is this,"There is a vitality, a life force, a quickening that is translated through you and to action and there is only one of you and all time,this expression is unique and if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and it will be lost. The world will not have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is, not how it compares with others expressions. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly and to keep the channel open. You do not even have to believe in yourself or your work. You have to keep open and aware directly to the urges that motivate you.
Keep the channel open. No artist is pleased. There is no dissatisfaction whatsoever at any time. There is on a queer divine, dissatisfaction, a blessed unrest that keeps us marching and makes us more alive than the other." Notice when she said in there, it is not your business to determine how good it is, not how it compares with others expression. You don't even have to believe and yourself. So I want you to hold onto that for a couple of minutes because I'm going to go here and share with you how I got out of the trap of having to believe in myself. Now, there was a movie I know maybe 20 years ago. I loved the movie. I haven't seen it in many years and the movie was called Billy Elliot. Maybe you've seen it. And what I loved about Billy when he went to ballet school and he auditioned. When they ask him how he felt when he was dancing at first he goes, well, I don't know, and he kind of blew the audition right there and then he came back in and he said, I feel like electricity and that wood, that's what Martha, Martha Graham was talking about is that you know what? There's just this energy and it comes through you and every one of you listening right now, I know that you know you're probably really, really good at what you do, especially when you get in the zone. But here's the pitfall. When you start comparing what you do to other people in that moment, we actually start saying, well, I can't do it as good as they can, or they did a better version of it than I did, or oh my gosh, they thought of something that I didn't think about. Therefore, mine is not as good as theirs.
Therefore I do not believe in myself, therefore I'm not going to put it out. When it comes to Facebook and Instagram and Social Media, I mean many years ago I was like everyone else using yar, most people using Facebook to connect and you know, blabber and chat and, and everything else. In this day and age, I really don't use it. I use it for my groups. I use it professionally, but I don't use Facebook personally and, but candidly, I generally find that a waste of a lot of time. But there are two quotes in my lifetime that I've gotten off from Facebook that and all the years I've used that I guess 12 or 13 years now that I'm like, wow, those are, those are show stopping. Those are barn burner quotes. Uh, one of them is completely ancillary. I'm going to share with you a has nothing to do with today's podcast, but the quote actually was, when you argue with an idiot, you prove there are two. Now again, that's nothing you relevant or relative to this episode, but I really enjoy that quote and it saved me a lot of wasted energy over the years. The second quote is this, this, I actually put on a sticky and huddled on my desk for I don't know, a good six, seven, eight years and the quote is this, stop asking how good you are and start asking what the world needs. And when I read that it hit me so profoundly, you know proverbially like a two by four right between the eyes. And that right there freed me from having the belief in myself or having to worry about how good I was or having to compare myself to other people. When I, when I stopped actually and I just said, you know what the heck with everything else, all that I'm going to do is I'm going to focus on how many people that I can help entire game changer for me.
And I was talking to a good friend of mine this morning and runs a very successful business and he and I were both agreeing because he coaches thousands of people per year. And as do I, and we were talking that, you know, no matter where you are in life, doesn't matter where you are and what you do, there is always going to be people. And I know you know this, there are always going to be people that are better at what you do and there are always going to be people that are not as good as you at what you do, which means as long as you're in this world, there are always people looking for you and always people you can help. The lady that I mentioned just a couple of minutes ago, this woman has, has had an extraordinary, the number one impact on my life in business. And as I said, she's advancing in years and 80 years old now and we don't have the same relationship, but for some time, um, she even considered to me her best friend and she's literally a Dallas Big business icon. She's a legend in and you know, national real estate. And I learned so much from her and her, her age and her wisdom. And one day we were talking in 2010 you know, when the economy was Sao, heard of the market came down and she said, you know, so many of my agents are complaining about how bad the economy is and how there's no listings and nothing to buy, nothing to sell. And this is what she said. She said, if they would just shut up and go out and try to help someone each and every day, every one of those agents would make over $100,000 per year. So I translate that to me. And the way that I work is I don't worry about how good that I am because there are people that can do what I, well, let me put it this way, there's no one on this planet who can do what I can do.
And I'm 100% certain about that. And the reason that I'm certain about that is because there is no other me, there was no other person on this planet that has the level of NLP training, neuro linguistic programming, the level of hypnosis training. I'm a master, had been tested and had been for a lot of years. The 25 years of Personal Development Training and coaching plus 25 years of apprenticing with a showman. When it comes to just straight NLP, are there people that are better? Absolutely. When it comes to just hypnosis are the people that are doing hypnotherapy that, you know, I don't do it anymore. Um, can maybe use it better. Absolutely. But when it comes to what I do and who I am, there is no one better on the planet than me because I am me and no one else's me. So what I focus on is this, and this is actually served me quite well. What I focus on is, and I want to be very careful here about, you know, not misleading you. I mean, I want you to work in your target market and I want you to to charge appropriately and fair value for what you do and good value for what you do. But the way that I work in the place that I worked from and the mentality that I hold is who can I help today? When I worked from that mentality, like I just said earlier, there are millions of people that I can help now. Not that they're in my target market and maybe even billions, but again, not that they're in my target market, but when I work from that place of who can I help today? And I have evidence, as a matter of fact, the fact that you're listening to this podcast proves that I can assist you.
I can help you. If you weren't getting value from this podcast, then you know, why would you even mean listening to it in the first place? And that should be an example to you in your own life, that wherever you are on your path, if you just focus on helping people, you no longer have to worry about how good you are. And you no longer have to think or believe that you have to believe in yourself. I think I've gotten a ball across the plate and explaining this to you is that you only have to believe in yourself when you compare yourself or when you're working from, I'm not good enough. Otherwise, when you work from, you know what, let me just see how many people I can help. Everything opens up for you. So your Transformational Takeaway this week is stop worrying about how good you are, which is tied to a belief in yourself and start focusing on how you can help people and how many people you can help. Okay. The next episode is a very special episode for me. I just recorded it this morning and on that episode for the first time ever here at the transform your life from the inside out podcast, I have a guest and I'm not really planning on having guests, but there's a reason that I wanted to have this particular guest. He's a really, really close friend of mine. I mean, we traveled together. He's, you know, been a guest in my home. We've gone on vacation together. He's someone that I coached one-to-one. He runs a $10 million a year business which will be much more than that and I mean he just is growing exponentially and the reason that I invited him on the next episode is because the next episode I talk about AYNI A-Y-N-I, the word AYNI is ancient inka for the reciprocity of life now he and I conversed and I really want, because I've watched him of all the people that I've ever met in business, when I mentioned the woman to you in this podcast, the real estate broker and this very, you know, this thriving business, there's only two people that I've seen that really, really live from irony, meaning service and reciprocity.
One is a lady that I mentioned and the other is the person that's going to be on the next podcast episode. And the reason also that I have him on the, on the next episode is AYNI want to give back to him and I want to expose my following for those that are in my following that don't know him to him because I would not be making the impact that I'm making today at the level that I am making it most likely, if not for him actually promoting me about 18 months ago to two years ago. So, and actually interestingly enough, we both met each other at a time in life where as something that I needed was more social media exposure and something that he needed was something that I could provide through coaching. And you'll even hear him say in the episode that his business went from 2 million to three in a matter of a quarter and then 3 million do I think 5 million and 5 million a 10 in a matter of two years as a result of me coaching sorry, him coaching with me. So what we did is we actually engaged in AYNI. Basically I helped him. He helped me.. AYNI is the reciprocity of life and it's vital that we live from AYNI because the more we live from reciprocity, the more that we create. I also want to point out that even though I interview him and we chat for about an hour and this episode, I'm also going to do an additional episode at some point on AYNI because I call AYNI the law of life.
Thank you for listening to this entire podcast. If you're the kind of person who likes to help others, then share this with your friends and family. You know, if you found value, they will too, so please share via your social media channels. Also, if you have questions, I'm here to assist. You can email me questions to email@example.com and I may even use your question for a future podcast episode. Also, if you want transformational content like this daily connect with me on Instagram. My Instagram name is @iamjimfortin finally, I do have a personal request. I believe that we're all here to help others and to grow and evolve ourselves together. You and I, let's help more people. If you would please leave a review on iTunes and a good one, by the way, I'd be grateful and through your assistance together we can transform more lives. Thanks for listening.
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Martha Graham Quote