EPISODE 158: “Do you need to trust yourself more?”
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This is huge for a lot of people, and truth be told, for many years I didn’t trust myself either. That is, until I recognized that I’m going to share with you in this episode.
As you’ll hear in this episode, “trusting yourself” is such a generic way to look at ourselves. It’s generally never about trusting ourselves it’s more about trusting our ability to create a desired outcome.
Often times we want XYZ in life, a desired outcome, but we don’t act because we don’t trust we’ll get the outcome. And, then, if you’re like me, you’d be frozen, not act and then be frustrated because you were not getting what you want in life. And, my old thought paradigm was, “I didn’t get XYZ because because I did not trust myself to take action and leap.” As you’ll hear, that’s an ineﬀective way to approach this.
When we stop to think about it, it’s not about trusting ourselves, it’s actually about trusting our ability, yet we experience it as a lack of trust in self – which is what I meant by looking at it generically.
In this episode I put a whole new understanding on the concept of trusting ourselves. One that will empower you to take action on things that you want in life without regard to how much you trust yourself.
What you’ll discover is that trusting ourselves is often sabotaged because we don’t expect that we’ll get an outcome, and in that moment it’s no longer about trust, it’s about expectation.
We talk about…
As I just said, it was hard to categorize this interview but I promise, you’ll find some valuable takeaways.
As well, her story and sharing will apply to both men and women and I think some women will find it especially powerful.
When you let go of an expectation and attachment to an outcome, self-trust becomes easy.
You're listening to the Transform your Life from the inside out podcast. This episode is titled, do you need to trust yourself more? Now on introspection and listening to that question, many of you probably think, yes, I don't trust myself and a lot of areas. Well, I have a new way, a different way, and a new perspective, for you to see this from, and a new way to start thinking about trusting yourself. Keep listening.
Hi, I'm Jim Fortin, and you're about to start Transforming Your Life from the Inside Out with this podcast. I'm widely considered the leader in subconscious transformation. And I've coached super achievers all around the world for over 25 years. Here, you're going to find no rah rah motivation, and no hype. Because this podcast is a combination of Brain Science, Transformational Psychology, and ancient wisdom all rolled into one to take your life to levels, you've never thought possible. If you're wanting a lot more in life, to feel better, to heal, to have peace of mind, to feel powerful and alive, and to bring more abundance and prosperity into your life. And this podcast is for you. Because you're going to start learning how to master your mind and evolve your consciousness. And when you do that, anything you want, then becomes possible for you. I'm glad you're here.
Self-Trust Is About Developing Internal Resources
Trusting yourself. That's a big one. And I came about this episode, because we're launching this week, our Transformational Coaching Program. We do it twice a year. And I'm watching people and I see this all the time. We've done this program for a few years now. And I see people wanting to register, and we do have quite a few register. And some people saying I want to, but you know what the investment I don't know, etc. And what I recognized is that there, they're at all the pre training and the initial training we have, because they trust me, they find huge value. And it's basically the same thing, as you're listening to the podcast, you find value here. But yet, it's not that they don't trust me, because I have a full guarantee as well. I mean, 100% money back. It's not that they don't trust me. It's that they don't trust themselves to you know, take the content, the transformational content, and help you know me shifting their context, which is the place they're thinking from their belief structure. And, you know, I've been watching this for years. And I'm like, you know, it's not me. It's not me that they don't trust because if they didn't trust me, they wouldn't be here, they wouldn't stay through the entire no charge series, and the kudos and the comments and all these kinds of things. And it dawned on me, no, it's not me. It's that people don't trust themselves.
And I started thinking about that, looking at my own life, and I want to share a couple of stories with you. And by the way, like I see on every, every episode, I don't know how long this episode is gonna be. I mean, it can be 12 minutes, it can be 30. I don't know, I never know, till I get started talking. And I've got a really busy week. So I had to get this episode out. So again, I'm going to try to cut it a little shorter. But for me also, it's not about how long or how short an episode is. The most important thing to me is that you get a major Aha, you know, a more soul of something that you know, food for thought in every episode, whether it's one minute, or 30 minutes. So anyway, that being said, I have no idea how long this episode will go. It could go 12 minutes, but I promise you it can go 30 I don't know. But I promise you, I'm going to start shifting the way you think about trusting yourself in this episode.
You know, I don't do it anymore. But for about a decade, I taught subconscious persuasion and influence. And basically I would teach selling professionals how to get into the mind and the brain of their prospect. And of course, ethically, that's a big deal to me, to you know, to ethically influence, but I would teach people how to literally, you know, influence people subconsciously. And I did that for a lot of years. And I've learned over the years that I'm no different than anyone else. We're all the same, even though we might have you know, different circumstances. We're human beings and we're all the same And I started thinking about this crazy, you know, example that I'm giving you I started thinking about because it takes me back to some stories about myself I want to share is, how much do I trust myself now, which is something I don't even think about. And I'll tell you why in a minute, how much that I trust myself in the past.
And I remember about, you know, I don't know, 10 years ago, going to a transformational weekend with a woman who became my coach for a couple of years. And then that weekend, she said something, and I trusted her. And meaning she was a really good coach, a really insightful coach. And speaking of trust, during that weekend, she said, Jim, you need to learn to trust yourself more. And then I explored, you know, this is how I come up with my episodes as I watch my own life. So I started exploring my own behavior. And I recognize that now, absolutely, I do trust myself. But for a large part of my life, I didn't trust myself. And in particular, I didn't trust myself in the area of money. And what I mean by that is not how do I say this? I didn't trust that if I invested a lot of money in something, that I'd make the money back, even if I believed in the person, and even if I analytically knew that, yes, I need to do this, you know, people rave about this vendor, or that vendor, or this person who runs Facebook ads, or this program or that program.
Boy, howdy, I sure need that program. But a lot of times, I wouldn't take action. And then I asked myself, was it the person that was offering this service that I didn't trust? And I'm like, No, it wasn't the person offering this service that I didn't trust. It was me. And my not trusting was, was thinking that if I invest the money in this, then will I or will I not get the results that I'm desperate for? To grow my business to change my life, whatever it might be. And I had an epiphany. As you as I'm leading to, and as I've kind of alluded to, it wasn't the offering or the person or, or whatever that I was looking at, it always came back to me is that I didn't trust myself.
And as ridiculous as that is, I mean, I know a lot of us think that way, is that we think, for some reason, we think, oh, that program worked for other people. But you know what, for some reason, I'm some the universe has singled me out. I'm the only one in this universe, you know, in the midst of multiverses, and I'm the only one in this galaxy, and the only one on this planet. This ain't gonna work for works for everybody else. But it's not going to work for me. And I thought about that, and I'm like, Jim, what are you? That's ridiculous. What do you know, if it's going to work for someone else, if you model their behavior, it's going to work for you.
Now, all this being said, and hopefully that's, you know, this is making sense, is when you look at trusting yourself, because I know you're already thinking through trusting yourself. And what I'm saying, I know can relate to a lot of you guys. There's a phrase that I live from, and I found that to be true. And I learned it ironically, didn't pop into my mind till now was a man that is one of my friends. We've been friends for 20 something years, personal friends. And for the better part of a decade, he was literally perhaps the most recognized internet guru in the world. And his name is Rich Schefren. And he said to me many years ago, he said, Jim, what's most personal is most general. So as I'm, you know, thinking about sharing personal things with you, I know that you can generalize it to yourself. And I know you're thinking about levels of trust. And then what you go into and what you're thinking about are things like, you know, what, should I change schools? Should I get married? Should I get a new job? Should I move across the country? Should I do whatever it is XYZ or the other. And I want you to notice that many times when we're talking about levels of trust, and we're talking about trust, without even recognizing it, we're also talking about external things, like jobs and all these kind of things. And here's something which I'm going to go much deeper than this in this episode for your transformational takeaway.
But we never recognize that many times. What we don't need is trust. We need more resources. And it's not that we need to be developing more trust in something, or even trust in ourself. It's that many times when we don't trust something, and we don't trust ourself, it's because we haven't developed the resources to be able to trust ourself. So many times, we're just, you know, generically saying, well, nope, I don't trust that I'll get the results. Well of other people get the results with whatever they do, then it works. They must be using different internal resources. So trusting yourself, partly what I want to share in this episode is not about trusting yourself. It's about developing more internal resources, so that you can trust yourself. So hopefully, that makes sense to you.
Because many times, you know, we could say, for example, I want to get a new job, and I want to go to XYZ company so I can make more money. And then we start talking to ourselves, telling ourselves why we can't do it. Well, if other people are doing it, why can we do it? And it's because we haven't developed the resources just popped. In my mind. I remember many years ago, an influential friend of mine, who is the one who got me into the personal development industry, I wouldn't be here today without my friend, Doug. He took a job for a company and I talked him into it. And we were waiting tables at that time. And I remember he came into work, he was still waiting tables and taking the job. And he came in, and like two or three days into the job, and he's like, and it was for a payroll services company and a lot of technology. And he goes, I don't know if I can do this. I'm like, Dougie, you can do this, you can do this. And I remember a year later, we were having a beer out somewhere. And he's like, God, my job's easy. And I'm like, do you remember when you said your job was hard a year ago? And he's like, yep. And we started laughing at that. It's that Doug developed more resources.
So when he was saying things like, I don't think I can do this. It wasn't that he was not trusting himself. It was that he was not trusting what he believed was his lack of ability. And when he developed more ability, the trust came automatically. And that's what I want to do in this short episode is, and I say short, because I'm going to wrap this up soon, I know where I want to go. And how I want to finish this is, I don't even think about trusting myself anymore. That when I was, you know, thinking of this episode, which popped in my head about an hour ago, and I'm like, whew, okay, thank God, I got an episode. I, you know, I've got to give this to my team today. And what am I going to talk about, and I got a bunch of notes, and I was thumbing through them. And I recognized that I no longer doesn't even cross my mind about trusting myself.
And I'm like, Jim, and I sat here for about an hour tonight. And I was like, Jim, what changed? What changed in you, that you went from a person that would constantly doubt yourself, to trusting yourself. And as you know, you probably listened to the podcast for a while. And I'm still learning my lessons. We're human, we're learning. You know, I've worked with a Shaman for 25 years. And I've had the opportunity to learn a lot of things. And just because I've had the opportunity doesn't mean that I've integrated them or I've actually learned them or really come to know them. Some I have some I haven't. Some I learned quicker. Some are like, Jim, what is your problem? Why are you dragging your heels I mean, it's taking you longer to master this.
And I've been at some very, you know, very intense with a Shaman, I mean, things that you would consider to be paranormal, and multi dimensional for real and, and, and things that would literally Time Warp your mind and warp your mind period. And I'm like, Yeah, but I'm still learning things in this lifetime. And I'm tying all this together. It might be kind of mishmash, but I promise, you're gonna get the end result, when I tell you what it is what I came to. And I recognize that at some point along the way, and I talk about this a lot on the podcast, is I talk about non attachment, meaning do not attach to outcomes.
Many years ago, my brother in law said to me, Don Xavier, the shaman, he said, Jimmy, he is one of your biggest limitations is your expectations. You've expectation to things. And when the world doesn't work, like your expectation, you're angry, and frustrated, and all these kinds of things. And you're all these ways, these negative ways because the world doesn't match your expectations and I recognized that attachment is along the same lines, at least Tom talking about it now. And it's easy to trust yourself, when you don't have expectations of the outcome of a behavior. My friend, Doug, that I'd mentioned earlier, when he was, you know, the first couple of days at this job, he had very strong ex you know, expectations by watching the environment around him saying, I don't think I can do this. And he wasn't trusting himself.
So instead of, you know, just trusting and developing the abilities, he wasn't trusting himself because of the expectations he has. And that caused the doubt. And the doubt is what causes us to say, No, I'm not going to move to that new job, I'm not going to ask for a raise, I'm not going to move across the country, I'm not going to do these things that I want to do. And it's because we're not trusting ourself. It's because we don't move across country, because we don't know what's going to happen, because we have expectations about what is supposed to start happening. And notice, when you do things anyway. And you drop the expectation, which is what you're vicariously doing, when you're doing it, and you're in the process of doing it. What happens is because we're very adaptable creatures, you start adapting, like my friend Doug did, you start adapting, and you start acquiring new abilities, new skills, and not even recognize, you know, not even recognizing it. But you were teaching yourself and training yourself to trust yourself, without even recognizing it's because you're not having the same expectations that you add, part, you know, prior to the beginning of the whole thing.
Couple of things here, some transformational takeaways is, you've heard me say in various forms before, is that until you leave your comfort zone, you're never going to leave your comfort zone. And the same thing about trusting yourself, if you don't start, if you don't start trusting yourself, at least in the context, we're talking about, at least trusting yourself. If you don't at least start doing that, then you will never do it. Why the conundrum is the catch 22 is that if you don't do it, you don't learn if you don't learn, you don't do it, and it becomes that vicious cycle. So if you're going to be stuck on trust, then start trusting yourself. And the way to do that is to start putting yourself out there and start saying, You know what, I am going to take that extra step, I am going to do this, I'm going to do that I'm going to put myself out there and start trusting yourself. Because until you do that, you won't start doing it.
And then secondly, where I went in this podcast is that, as I said, for most of us trust is about attachment. And I know if you've been around for any amount of time, you've heard me talk about where the Buddha said, and this is powerful. That attachment is your greatest cause of suffering. So think about that. And think about trust, and noticed where you're not trusting something. It's because plain and simple. You're attached to an outcome. I don't want to go too much further here. But I've learned over the years with a Shaman and through events in my life, but a very fortunate life. Even the things that have happened to me this this past year with heart failure and a hemorrhagic stroke, you ain't gonna leave this life alive. And it's finite. And you've heard me talk about death, today's a great day to die. You've heard me say before, maybe if you've listened for any amount of time, you know, what makes one day over another day, a better day to die, you're gonna die at some point. And it doesn't matter. Because you never die. You know, which I had on a recent episode. That's just a social word, a collective word, a mass word, you're never going to die. You just transition, you transform you change form.
So that being said, looping back around to the content is weak. What is there to be attached to? I mean, you try I see where I work from, is I do what I do, and whatever the outcomes are, or what the outcomes are. And I learned from the outcomes. But you know what, I'm never even going to get the outcomes to learn from or to adjust or tweak if I don't at least first do something. So your transformational takeaway this week, if you must hang on the trust and I got to trust myself. then guess what, as I said, you're never going to trust yourself until you actually step out. That puts you in a situation where you have to crushed yourself, to learn to trust yourself.
So to recap that you don't start trusting yourself until you start trusting yourself. And then finally, trust is about attachment. And we have to let go of the outcome and the qualifications that we have an outcome, and just do what we do. Let life take care of itself. Let the universe take care of us as we're in the universe, and surrender, do not doubt and trust. And, as I say, all the time, everything always has been is now and it's going to be fine. Okay, now, I probably butchered this episode, you're like, Dude, this guy's all over the place in this episode. I don't know if I did or I didn't. I probably butchered it. If I did, well, and if I didn't, then you got the points that I'm sharing with you. Then ponder those. It's so easy this day and age and people do it. I know. I watch.
It's so easy to listen to something. And people will say like, you know, my students will say, Oh, I forgot that. Well, forgetting is a choice. So it's so easy to listen to this episode and say, You know what, that is a great new way for me to start processing. And for me to start thinking, oops, you know, squeal, and you get distracted, and you forget it all. So take the rest of the day. And ponder how much attachment you have to all the expectations you have in the world that hinder your level and your ability to openly trust. final comment is we do want to trust reasonably and rationally in the world. I mean, you don't want to walk up to a stranger and give them a blank, check that sign that you know, here or fill it out. You know what I mean? And use your common sense. But in trusting yourself. Let go of expectation. Okay, hopefully you enjoyed this episode, and I will catch you on the next one. Take care. Bye, bye.
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