EPISODE 219: “Making Cappuccino – And How Come It Is So Hard To Change?”
If you have tried to run from your life, then this episode is for you. And truth be told, most people in life are “runners” in that they try to run from jobs, circumstances, relationships and people.
In 1990 I was waiting tables, and I hated my job. I mention cappuccino in the headline and this episode because in this job, I had to make a lot of cappuccino. And one day, when making cappuccino, I said, “I hate this. I’m going to change my life. I’m going to move across the country.”
Being a mere 25 years old, what I didn’t realize is that no matter where I moved, I would take myself with me.
My point is I was running, and as you’re reading this, you may think, “No Jim, that does not apply to me because…..”
Truth be told it most likely does apply to you because…
If you’re wanting to leave a job because you hate it, you’re running from it. You are the one who created it and if you leave it you’ll just take yourself with you.
If you’re wanting to leave a relationship because it does not work for you anymore is it because you two are no longer compatible which could be real or is it because you’re tired of all the relationship challenges, which you had a hand in creating?
If you’re wanting to create more money in your life are you running from the changes you have to make in yourself to make it happen? If so, this is why you keep repeating your old patterns over and over again. You want change but you’re not willing to change enough to create the outcomes you want.
Whether we want to believe it or not, this applies to most of us. We have created what we have in life because of who we are in the moment but we try to change things without changing ourselves and if we do that,
metaphorically speaking, we’re going to be making cappuccino over and over again until you create changes in your life.
What’s vital and I talk about in in this episode is that we make the necessary changes and we actually follow through with me.
In this episode I talk about three ways your brain holds you back from change and what to do instead so you stop finding yourself like me, “making cappuccino,” and living your same life over and over.
Nothing changes until you change. How would you be? What would you do? How would you talk? What would you say? How would you feel if you were the person who had the outcomes you want in life?
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You are listening to the Transform your Life from the Inside Out podcast. This episode is titled Making Cappuccino. And how come it is so hard to get the changes that you want in life. If you have tried to make changes and you find it challenging. Then keep listening.
Hi, I am Jim Fortin, and you are about to start Transforming your Life from the Inside Out with this podcast. I am widely considered the leader in Subconscious Transformation. And I have coached super achievers all around the world for over 25 years. Here, you are going to find no rah-rah motivation, and no hype. Because this podcast is a combination of Brain Science, Transformational Psychology, and Ancient Wisdom, all rolled into one to take your life to levels, you have never thought possible. If you are wanting a lot more in life, to feel better, to heal, to have peace of mind, to feel powerful and alive, and to bring more abundance and prosperity into your life and this podcast is for you. Because you are going to start learning how to master your mind and evolve your consciousness. And when you do that, anything you want, then becomes possible for you. I am glad you are here.
Alrighty, Making Cappuccino and how come it is so hard to get the changes that you want. That is a really weird headline, right? I mean, making cappuccino. I know I have talked about it before on other episodes. And I want to talk about it again and share a story with you. Many years ago, many many years ago, back in the early nineties, I quit my corporate job. I was out of college a few years. And I started waiting tables. And I did not really enjoy waiting tables. I do not think a lot of people do some people do, but I did not. And one of the worst things, anyone who is waited tables knows. This is when you get busy, you got those customers who slow you down and ask you to do the slowest things.
And when I was waiting tables for, for me, that was making cappuccino. Because we had the cappuccino machine where you had to do it all by hand, et cetera. And people would always ask for cappuccino when I was busy. And one night I am sitting there, and I am making cappuccino and I'm like, crap. Here I am making cappuccino again. I hate making cappuccino. And in that moment, I decided, do you know what, I am done, making cappuccino I am done with this crap. I am done waiting tables. I am going to change my life. How many times have you said that you are going to change your life? So, what I did. Was that decided to pack up and move from Texas to Atlanta, Georgia, where my parents lived.
And I knew I could live there free, and I would have no rent to pay, and I could start my life over again. So, to speak. And I remember that I did not have a job. Did not have any money when I got there. And I started waiting tables again, because it was quick money. And I remember one night, about two weeks into the new job. Guess what I am doing. Yep. I am making cappuccino. And it dawned on me. Wait. I moved eight hundred miles away. Because I would start off with my life. And I was tired of making cappuccino. And I moved, I pack up and move eight hundred miles away and here I am, again, making cappuccino. So, it might not be cappuccino for you.
But the question is what is it for you? because I do not care where you are in life. I know there is something that you have been wanting to change that you keep repeating over and over and over and over again. And that is what I want to talk about. You know, even deeper in this episode. So, you know, as I said, I wanted this change so badly. And I had this illusion that if I moved across the country, I mean, come on eight hundred miles and I moved across the country. Then things would change. It just does not happen that way. cause see, I took myself with me. When I went to Atlanta. And many people say, I know you have heard it before. You have heard the phrase. If nothing changes then nothing changes. Right. Well, that is not accurate. Really the way we should be saying it is if I do not change then nothing changes. If I do not change then nothing changes.
And I know people listening because I have the whole gamut of people listening. And many people are saying, yes. Yes. Jim blahblahblahblahblah. And we ignore this because it is so easy because we have heard it before. And then what we do is we go right back in the world patterns again, and then tomorrow we are hating our jobs again. We are hating where we are in life, we are hating being too thin, we are hating being overweight. We are hating all the things that come with running a business. We are hating not having money. And we are hating our lives. And the reason is because we have let it become that and then we want to change it. But then we do not change the change, the things in our life. So, the point of this episode, Is. I do not care where you move. I do not care if you move across the world. I do not care if you go to the moon as best. Well, I think things might change there. But the point of this episode is wherever you go in life.
You take yourself with you.
I am going to say something that is so simple again, that people. They will miss it. But if you want a different life, Ponder this. If you want a different life. You must be a different, you.
So easy to say. So easy to hear. But we never really get our mind around that.
So, let us talk about for a moment. Where this plays out in your life. At your job. And you say, I hate my job. And then you quit your job and you go to another job. And for a lot of people now, it could be really bad management where you are working. But what I want to point out. Listen to what I said earlier. When I moved. I brought myself with me. When you want to create change and you want to change your circumstances. You take yourself with you unless you change, you. And very quickly you will find you right back in the same circumstances. So many times, people will leave a job. And they might find a better work environment.
But do you know what. They are going to be tired of the same things and the same people, the same kinds of people are going to bother them. And the same kinds of task are going to bother them. And the same kind of grievances they had are going to bother them at the new job. Why? because they took themselves to the new job. How about this one? This is going to apply to a lot of people. A lot. Relationships. And let us talk about, well, we can talk about two things here. One is that you are in a relationship. And you have been at it for a long time, and it gets better, and it gets worse. And it gets better, and it gets worse, and it gets better. And merry-go-round, and merry-go-round for years at a time. The reason that happens is because you do not change. And the other person does not change.
And what most of us are wanting is we are wanting the person we are in a relationship with. We are wanting them to change. You know, I cannot really emulate his voice that well, but in the TV show, The Office, which used to be a really a favorite show of mine. Stanley is a character in the office, and he talks really slow. And I am going to get this wrong. But he said something like this. He goes, I told my first wife, I was not going to change. I told my second wife; I was not going to change. And I will tell my next wife, I am not going to change. Well, a lot of us laugh at that. But I see so many people. That leave a relationship.
And they think that, oh, if I leave this relationship, things are going to be so much better and another relationship. And they may be because you might have an abusive, abusive partner. But again, you are the one who attracted them. You are the one who allowed them in your life based upon your low self-esteem and your low self-image. But here is the thing in United States. Fifty percent of marriages end in divorce or separation. As a matter of fact, I believe the exact number is 52% as of 2022. Sixty-three percent of second marriages end in divorce and 73% of third marriages end in divorce. Why? Why? Is because people. They are not working on themselves. There is the key for everything we are talking about in this episode, working on yourself.
But at an even deeper level than what you have been working on yourself, because you can listen to a podcast all day long as many people do, and they do nothing with it. Many people have gone. I have had like a hundred thousand people go through my BE DO HAVE series, and I will see a lot of people that will go through it two times and three times and four times I offer it twice a year. They are not applying. They are not applying what they are learning. They are not changing. Which is what we talk about in many episodes in this podcast. You must change. And many times, in a relationship, people will leave a relationship because it is not them. It is their partner. And they will leave. And then they take themselves to the very next relationship and find themselves, and the very same kinds of patterns that they just escaped.
You know, happiness in life. This is something, it took me a long time to learn. And it is so simple again, I say that a lot in this episode, because this is so simple. We hear it. But if it is so simple, then how come we are not doing it right. But happiness in life, happiness in life can be found anywhere. But the main place that happiness is found is not in a job. Not with the person, not with money, because those are all external things. It is found within you. So, the reality is this. Is, we all want to stop making, you know, metaphorically. We all want to stop making cappuccino in life. But I am going to tell you the truth. Are you ready? We are all ready to stop making cappuccino. I do not care where you are on the planet right now, listening, because this applies to you. Even if you think it does not. We all want to stop making cappuccino. But we do not want to change. Ponder that. We do not want to change. Because we love our comfort zones.
I remember a client of mine. One time he is a one-to-one or he was a one-to-one client. His name is Justin. He was a high producing real estate agent. And he said, do you know Jim? Because I was talking to him about what I am talking to you about right now. And he said, Jim, If I am hearing you, if I'm hearing you correctly. about What you are really talking. Is a lifestyle change. Now you are listening right now. Think about that. Yes. That is what I am talking about is a lifestyle change, and that has to happen from the core level. Outward. You know, it gives you an example of that. You look at people that go to the doctor. And the doctor says, do you know what, Susan, Bob. You have to stop smoking. And if you do not. It is going to be bad news for you. And most people do because they are told by their doctor, they have to make a lifestyle change.
You know, I have mentioned many times before. My brother-in-law is a Shaman. And many, many years ago. Uh, 25, 27, 28 years ago. Thereabouts. He was talking to my stepfather. And who was a heavy smoker. And he said, you have my, brother-in-law told my, my stepfather. You have to stop smoking. And if you do not, you are not going to live three more years. Now my brother-in-law has demonstrated to me. He can see in a person's body. And I have evidence of that over and over and over again, so that I do not even question it anymore. And my stepfather quit smoking the very next day. He met a lifestyle change. And he was smoking heavily, and he quit cold Turkey the very next morning.
Many years ago. I might have mentioned this before in the podcast. My roommate. This was back in the early nineties. He used to drink a lot. And his girlfriend said to him, she said, Brad, if you drink one more time. And you do not stop. I am going to leave you. Actually, she was his fiancée. And she said if, and I was there, she goes, if you do not stop, I am going to leave you. And I was really curious. I am like, what is he going to do? Because I know he is drinking every day. What is going to happen here. And I did not have the skills back then to help him like I have now, but I was just observing. He was a good guy. I liked him a whole lot. He was a really good roommate, a good friend.
And I just sat there wondering what is going to happen. And the very next day he was not drinking. And I said, Brad, what is going on? And he, you know, recounted the story from the night before, which I was already aware about. And he goes, I stopped. See, that is a lifestyle change. That is a lifestyle change. What I want to say here also in fairness to you. Is sometimes it might be a little more challenging? But in the end, it is really not. I have seen people quit food, quit smoking, quit many kinds of what we would call habits addictions. Uh, minus hard drugs like narcotics and heroin and stuff like that. I have seen people and I am not advocating anyone do anything with alcohol or anything else. Seek medical advice.
But I have seen people with my own eyes. Quit. What I would say or rather strong addictions. Immediately just by dropping the addiction. So, where I was going there, as many people can say, well, your body's going to have this. It is going to have that. Yes, possibly it could. And that is why they, medical supervision is important. And that is what I am advocating for you. However. I have seen cases of people stopping smoking three packs a day, cold Turkey. Boom, just like that. No cravings. I have seen Brad, for example, drinking, maybe ten beers a day. For years, stop. Boom, cold Turkey. I have seen people stop gambling. Boom. Cold Turkey. And why is it so hard? Many of us, you know, we think why is it so hard then if they can do that? How come I cannot.
Well, I have covered a couple of things before that. I want to share here. And the main thing in this episode is I want to get you to start thinking about lifestyle change. Shifting identity, shifting who you are at a core level. And not just changing what you do but changing who you are literally transforming your life from the inside out by changing who you are. A couple of things I have covered before. I do not do it again. Is there a couple of reasons that it is hard for us to change? Number one. And these are brain-based is identity verification. Meaning, we want to know who we are. And if something changes, then some part of us thinks, oh my gosh, I will not know who I am. And if I do not know who I am, then I am going to lose who I am. So, we are trying to hold on to our identity and verify and verify our, our identity by not changing our identity. So that is one reason.
Another is a pattern that I have talked about before. I have found this in some very obscure research from the university of Texas back, I believe in 1973. And its pure reviewed research, but basically, it is called. And I do not think you will find a lot about this online. Even if you looked its very obscure research. But it is called disintegration anxiety. And basically, what that means is when we start disintegrating a part of the personality or a thought about ourselves. That sends us into anxiety. And then when it sends us into anxiety, that is pain for us. And we are creatures that actually seek pleasure over pain. So therefore, when we go into anxiety that is pain. We stopped doing, which means. Changing we stopped doing what it is that created the pain in the first place to avoid the anxiety because we are seeking pleasure.
This is why I have said before. You will never leave your comfort zone. Until you leave your comfort zone. Here is the thing. And I know I have said it before, you know, on the podcast and in the BE DO HAVE series in different places. Is when it gets uncomfortable when you are creating change in your life. Listen very carefully. I am going to slow down. When you are wanting to create change in your life. And you start acting on the change. And when it gets uncomfortable and it will, for most people. Three days, five days, eight days, ten days, twenty days in for many people it will get uncomfortable. What you must do. That is when most people quit, what you must do is literally stay the course. The reason is because you are retraining the brain with new neuro pathways. Because plain and simple. When you go into identity verification. You go into disintegration anxiety. That is your brain, the older part of your brain, trying to prevent you from changing. And then that becomes uncomfortable and creates the anxiety. And that is why you have to push through it. Let me add one littler caveat here, so, and then I will move on. Is your brain also likes predictability? And there has been a lot of research on this with, you know, different animals and testing and different things. Your brain and it is a vestige of evolution. Your brain wants to know what is going to happen next.
And if we do not know what is going to happen next. Then we get very uneasy, and we get anxious. And then again, that is fear and anxiety, and that pushes us right back into the pattern, you know, cycle that I just told you about. So, you also have to know that when you are creating change in your life, when you're creating change. There is going to be some anxiety with it. There is going to be a lack of predictability with it. And that is when you have to push through. You know, the simple metaphor that I get people is like, when you are on an airplane. And you hit turbulence when you hit that turbulence, the pilot will say buckle up and generally the pilot will punch through the turbulence. And everything will smooth out.
It just popped my mind. Well, I am telling you this story. I do not know why. Off it is not even related, but one time I was flying out of LaGuardia. And oh my gosh, we hit some turbulence that was extreme. As a matter of fact, I'm not even Catholic. And I was saying Hail Mary's. Cause I thought that plane was going to go down. And once we got through the turbulence, the pilot came on. And he goes, I want to apologize. His exact words were, I want to apologize for that violent. Turbulence. I mean. To me. That was proved that if wings are not going to fall off an airplane, then wings are not going to fall off an airplane.
Anyway, back to the episode. So, what I want you to look at is this, because I am thinking of creating some more episodes on this. Is where you have to start as this. You have to start with. Who do I want to be? And how do I want to be. And if you are new to the podcast and you've, you have only been with me for the last six months or so. Twice a year. I do a what is called BE DO HAVE series. And that whole thing is about B2. Have who do you have to be so you can do what you, you know, need to do. So, you can have what you want in life, and I am not going to go into that right now. But I am sharing with you in this episode, two things. Number one, keep an eye out for that series coming up in the fall and you are going to want to be participating in that series. But for right now. What you want to start thinking about is how, how do I want to be. And who do I need to be? To create a change that I want, because see, most people start with their behavior. They think they are going to change something and because they start with their behavior, they start at the wrong part of the equation. Because we work like an onion from the inside, out, from identity to behavior and our environment.
And if you are trying to change your behavior and environment like I did, when I moved to Atlanta. Guess what you are going to repeat your old patterns over and over and over and over again. So, I am going to keep this really simple in this episode. All that I want you to think about for now. Whether or not. I do another episode on this as a podcast episode, or you join me in the BE DO HAVE series, which is a four-part series. Where I delve into this deeply, I mean, deeply. The question. Or questions that I want you to think about are this. What does a different ME look like? Ponder that. What does a different ME look like? What does that person do? What does that person say? How does that person act? How does that person talk? And then finally. How does that person think?
I just ask you some simple questions. And I suggest I request go back and listen to them again. Is. What does that person look like? What does that person do and say, and act, and talk and think? And one more. How do they feel because your feelings will drive everything else? And that is an indication right there. If you feel bad. About yourself or bad about your money or bad about your job? Or bad about your relationships, then, how do you think you are being and saying, and acting and talking and doing you are doing things in accordance with feeling bad because the feeling bad is how you see yourself and that is driving you. That is why. It is vital that we transform our lives from the inside out. So that is what I am going to leave you with in this episode. I am going to give you the questions again. A new you, that is not making cappuccino anymore. Again, that is my metaphor, but not making cappuccino. What does that person look like? Ponder that. What is that person do? Ponder that. What is that person say? Ponder that. How does that person act? Ponder that, how does that person talk? And how does that person. Feel. Final suggestion, pull out a piece of paper. Write those ways down and write your answers for the ways you want to be. To create the things that you want to create in life. And the questions I just ask you. I guarantee you. You take this and put it on a piece of paper, the person, the way they have to be and do and act and think and say and talk and feel it is not going to match how you're showing up in the world now. And that right there will be a roadmap for you. Thanks for listening. And I will catch you over on the next episode. Bye-bye.
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