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You're listening to the Transform your Life from the Inside Out podcast. I have another amazing interview for you. And in this episode, I'm talking to one of my students. Her name is Nicole. Nicole is a Business Coach from Germany, and she helps female entrepreneurs build their personal brand. In this interview, she talks about overcoming her limiting beliefs. She talks about her victim mentality, and she talks about her self-worth issues that she had to overcome to grow her business, which by the way, she took from $100,000 per year to $500,000 per year using what I taught her in the Transformational Coaching Program. You know, when I say the word victim and I say victim mentality, most of us think. Oh, oh, Jim, no, no, no, that's not me. I'm not a victim. And oftentimes, when they dig deeper into the concept, which we'll talk about in this episode, they find that they are in victim mentality, but they don't even know it. That being said, I'm pretty confident that this interview will apply to many, many, many people listening, and they'll find great benefit. So, let's get started and enjoy the episode.

Hi, I'm Jim Fortin, and you're about to start Transforming your Life from the inside out with this podcast. I'm widely considered the leader in Subconscious Transformation, and I've coached super achievers all around the world for over 25 years. Here you're going to find no rah-rah motivation and no hype because this podcast is a combination of Brain Science, Transformational Psychology, and Ancient Wisdom all rolled into one to take your life to levels you've never thought possible. If you're wanting a lot more in life to feel better to heal to have peace of mind to feel powerful and alive, and to bring more abundance and prosperity into your life, then this podcast is for you because you're going to start learning how to master your mind and evolve your consciousness. When you do that, anything you want then becomes possible for you. I'm glad you're here.

Before we get started with this episode, remember the Be Do Have series is fast approaching. I'll tell you more about it in just a couple of minutes but know that a huge opportunity is coming your way, and this opportunity has taken over 250, 000 people beyond the podcast. I'll tell you more in a moment. For now, let's start this episode.

Jim Fortin: Okay. We're visiting with Nicole today and Nicole is going to share her story with all of you guys about how she took her business in a very short amount of time from $100 to $500, 000 per year, and probably even more using TCP principles. So, Nicole, thank you for being on the podcast.

Nicole Wehn: I'm so excited to be here, Jim, because I've been listening to the podcast for more than three years now. And that this was actually my starting point with you and getting to know you a bit better. So, I'm extremely grateful that I can be on the show with you and share my experience.

Jim Fortin: Oh, I'm glad to have you definitely glad and thank you for sharing. I know people are going to learn a lot and our time together. Let me ask you this. Let's start here. What problem were you trying to solve in life that brought you to TCP problem? Circumstance situations solve it. You were stuck. You wanted more whatever. What is it you were trying to solve?

Nicole Wehn: So when I came across you I had been an online business for one year building my business and I burned myself completely out and I was looking for some place, something that would help me get out of the burnout because I didn't, I didn't start my own business to create another hamster wheel like I had experienced in corporate life. So, this is where I was at when I first came across you, and actually some, someone else's you were live on Instagram with another online marketer and he was, I think, helping you or promoting TCP at the time. But I came across you and I just said one day until cart closed. And I knew in my, in my every being cell that I wanted to be there. But then my mind was just like telling me, no, you don't know this person. You can't just jump into a program. You don't know the person that well. And all of these things. And so, I ended up.

Jim Fortin: Hang on probably something else. And I hear this a lot. People will say they'll find me and then they're like, no, I'm not going to do another program. There's no way I've already wasted all this money. I didn't get the results. I said I wasn't going to do anything else. And then we've had people literally one minute before the cart closes, they register and as we're going to talk about, it can be quite dramatic in our time together. Before we go on, and I want to hear the rest of your answer, a lot of people think, oh, if I just listen to the podcast, that will do it for me. I don't need TCP if I really want results. Is that true?

Nicole Wehn: No. A free, a free offering is great to get to know the person, to get a feel for whether you like, you know, the voice. The way they teach, you know, if you feel comfortable listening to them for a certain amount of time, but having real transformation in my experience, and this is, I truly believe in that because that's what I've also experienced, not only with working with my clients, but also my own transformation. It needs an investment in order to already go onto the path of transformation. You need to have, you need to put some skin in the game, you know?

Jim Fortin: Yeah. But we do a lot of things in TCP like 90 percent that we don't even touch in the podcast and it's all experiential and you have to do the work. So, for people listening, I'm glad that you're listening. That ain't going to get you to where you want to go. It brings more knowledge to you and more insight and maybe some little shifts, but that ain't going to get you to where you want to go. Okay.

Nicole Wehn: Can I add something? It definitely helped me to prepare for the program. So that was great. Because as you teach repetition is the mother of all learning. And so, when you keep hearing some of the concepts, the general concepts more often, they sink in deeper. And so that's the experience I have for me. It was the perfect combination.

Jim Fortin: Thank you for that. We're going to come back to where I hopped in and let you pick up there. But let me ask you this, this question, a lot of people listening, here's the thing. And I think people learn. I don't think I know people learn this. and their time with me inside the live group and the coaching for me and the coaches. A lot of times when we think we hear something in life, we do hear it, but we still force it into our old context and we wonder why we can't execute on what we heard because we haven't changed at a contextual, deep level, subconscious level. Did you find that to be true also? Or

Nicole Wehn: I went through four rounds of TCP and every round everything sank in deeper. And deeper and deeper, like in the first round, I think I didn't even get half of content because of context at the time and wrapping my head around, or you always talk about how this is the longest distance from your head to your heart. And I was a perfect role example of that because that was a long distance for me. I was very much in my head. Not very much connected to my heart and I can totally say the day that this has changed 100, 100 degrees for 180 degrees for me. And it's the context is still changing to this day. Like I still, I still continue to listen to your teachings and I'm like, oh my God, did he really say that the first time around? I didn't hear that. No, that must be different. And it, and it isn't, and even. The Be Do Have series is for me, every time I go through it is another nugget that I pick up on another thing that sinks in deeper or alternatively I love to read. So, when I read books about transformation, about spirituality, for example, or about even business and habits and things, I'm just like, oh, that's what Jim was talking about. It just, it just happens, you know, it's like dominoes. And I think that keeps on giving really.

Jim Fortin: People. Yeah, I think people need to hear that because they don't recognize that change is not a one level change in life transformation. So, in TCP, I hear it all the time, and you probably don't remember, but the very first call your very first TCP. I said, the very first week. I said, you guys won't hear 50 percent of what I say, not because you're not paying attention, but because your brain is going to filter it out. And then what happens, we've had people that go back for the program again, by choice, they're not oversold. They're not cajoled. They're not, you know, any hard sales. It's just, hey guys, who wants to do it again? And I can't tell you the number of people that have said, did you change everything really? Did you do this? And I'm like, yeah, that's the very same thing you did last time. And they're like, no, I must have been asleep that whole month. I'm like, well, I told you, you weren't going to hear a lot of what I said, not because you didn't want to, but because your brain filters it out. It's not consistent with your context. Okay, let's go back. So, you were burned out big time. You were looking for something, and then I interrupted. Please pick it up from there. If you remember what you were saying.

Nicole Wehn: So, I had a mastermind colleague, and she said to me because I was always whining and complaining, I was in complete victim mode and telling everyone how much my business sucked and how everyone else was better than me. And I wasn't good enough. And I was doing all the things, but it wasn't working, and it was working for everyone else. But for me, I was like into, in, into this whole story around.

Jim Fortin: Stop there. That again, I hate that eruption. Did you know you were in victim mode?

Nicole Wehn: No.

Jim Fortin: I hear that so often people like it. I'm no victim. I read books. I do this. I listen to podcast, and they go through TCP with me and I'm like, oh, my God, I really am a victim, but I didn't know as a victim. So, you were complaining, whining all. Let me ask you this. Also, I'm going to segue what a lot of people that have been through TCP have said afterwards. Oh my gosh. I never realized there's so much victim mentality in the world. I look out on the world, and I see it everywhere and I don't want to be around it, but I never saw it prior to the time in TCP. So, you were the missing victim. And then

Nicole Wehn: I was a missing victim. And then, the funny thing was, I'm my mastermind. They were like, so, because I was always complaining about the revenue. You know, I wasn't making, I was. At the time, my goal was the first 100k year yearly revenue. That was like my big goal. And I was always complaining about how I wasn't there yet and how I wasn't being as successful as everyone else. And, and then they asked me, they said so where are you in terms of revenue? And this was in, in September of 2020. And I looked it up. I looked at the mastermind, it's actually quite funny. I looked it up and then I was like, oh my God, I am at a h100K. And I was so busy being not there yet that my mind played such a great trick on me. Like it wouldn't even let me see. And then one of my mastermind colleagues, she said, your mindset is. Excuse me. That's what she said. She's like, your mindset, you need to work on your mindset. And I was like, so, so what do I do? And another TCPR is in my mastermind, and she recommended the program and she said, check out Jim Fortin's podcast. And I said, okay, I will. And then I did. And then this was the same couple of days when you were closing the cart on TCP for that fall 2020 cohort.

Jim Fortin: Yeah.

Nicole Wehn: And yeah, and I didn't jump because of all the thoughts of not another program. I can't be doing this. I don't, I haven't been following you long enough, etc. And then I spent the next six months listening to your podcast and waiting for TCP to open again. And I think to this day, TCP is the only program where I actually waited this long and have been so enthusiastic for it to start. And yeah, it was well worth it. It was well worth the wait. And I think at the end of the day was divine timing. It was supposed to be like that for me, because at the same time when I joined TCP, I started a coaching certification as Transformational Embodiment Coach. So, I learned A lot of the things that I learned about myself and TCP, how to facilitate that with my clients. And that was for me, like, like such, it was like winning the lottery because I could not only be taught to use these tools because the coaching certification used NLP and embodiment techniques like breathwork and EFT. So, energy works, she'll work all of that. And it was like being taught and at the same time I was going through TCP and the way you explained it was different to my the one that I did this certification with. And so, it was magic for me because I, I got it. I was just like, oh my God, I get this now. This is how it works. And then I saw other people having the same problems I had, and then learning so much from the coaching calls. is to this day still I love going back to those and listening in again, because it's just to me, transformation to me is not a place to get to. It's a journey to enjoy. And that's what I really learned in TCP really, really learned and embodied it.

Jim Fortin: Yeah, it's all a process. And let's go back here. You use the word, and I did too. And I use it a lot and it's applied to me in my past earlier years of my life. Explain to people listening what this word means and your interpretation. And I'll share mine. What does it mean to be? Because no one, no one walks around and goes, Oh, I'm a victim. I'm a victim today. I'm a victim. Look at me. I'm going to, I'm a successful victim. No one does that. With what we teach, but in your mind, what is a victim and how do they act?

Nicole Wehn: To me it was not taking responsibility for my own life. Not even knowing that I had had responsibility. I always thought it was everybody else, you know, everybody else was the problem. I was never, I mean, I was pretty reflecting on myself already, but I was like. No, it must be the other people can't be me, you know, I'm doing everything already so that's a big part of its responsibility.

Jim Fortin: But hang on. If, if you looked at yourself, you wouldn't think of yourself as a victim right because you think you're doing everything you need to do, and you're doing it but you're not understanding what's working. But yeah, you're in victim mentality, which we alluded to earlier, but you didn't know. So therefore, it's not me. It's everything outside of me, but I don't even see that I'm the cause of everything outside of me. So, what, what does it look like? Even though you mentioned earlier, so people listening can like, Oh my God, that's me. What does it look like to be in the victim mentality?

Nicole Wehn: I have a great example for you to share.

Jim Fortin: Sure.

Nicole Wehn: I did a lunch. I did a couple launches in 2020 and this second or third launch that I did that year didn't go as, as I had expected. So, my expectation was very high, and the launch didn't perform as well as it did. And What did I do? I didn't ask myself, so what can we do differently next time? I was just looking for someone to blame and for me it was my ads person at the time. I basically called her up and I said, you didn't do a good job. It was, you know, it must have been the ads. Like it couldn't have been anything else. Because I was doing everything.

Jim Fortin: I'm perfect. Don't look at me, I'm I

Nicole Wehn: Exactly.,

Jim Fortin: Yeah, I'm perfect.

Nicole Wehn: Exactly. It's like, I'm, you know, I know what I'm doing and I'm so great. I didn't, I didn't think of myself to be so great at everything, but I was literally looking for someone to blame. And she was, she took the fall.

Jim Fortin: She fell on the dagger, right?

Nicole Wehn: She did.

Jim Fortin: Thank you. That's a very personal story that a lot of us don't want to admit. Hmm, I have been there. Also, we, no, it doesn't mean we, it does mean when we say we're looking for someone to blame. It's not that we're consciously looking for, oh, I have to go blame somebody, but we're looking for reason something didn't happen and we're like, it couldn't be me. It's gotta be my ads person. It's gotta be this person. It's gotta be that person. And even on my own team when things don't go well or as planned or right. I have 12 employees now. Here's the thing. It always comes back to me because I'm the one who didn't see something, observe something, pay attention to something, give enough training at the end of the day. Everything always comes right back to me period. No exceptions. You know, I know this is your, your interview, your podcast, but I want to share something. My floor, my house is very, very brand new and we're still building, trying the contractor to finish is a very high-end home. And the contractor didn't watch a lot of the job because he got greedy, and he took on too much and he couldn't really manage all the jobs. So, where the floor meets the wall, there's a lot of messiness and paint and jagged edges and all that. I told my contractor, and he goes, well, maybe we should do baseboards and I'll pay for half of them. Because, you know, he said, well, I'll pay for half. You're not going to be happy. My thinking is this house is your responsibility. I shouldn't pay for half on a house at this price point. You should, you're the one who didn't watch this. So, the painter, the painting company, I let the painter know in a very good way. I didn't complain because I wanted him to know what some of his employees did. And he's painted for me before he texted me this morning and goes, you know what? There are a lot of factors that cause that. But the buck, the buck stops here. I will pay for all of your baseboards if you want to do them. The contractor who built the house wouldn't do it. But the painter who did the painting said, I'll take care of all of it. That is a responsibility. Taking ownership. Okay, back to you. So, let's go here. What happens when you take ownership?

Nicole Wehn: Well, first of all, it was a very big pill for me to swallow. I must really say I was quite in resistance.

Jim Fortin: Me too. When I, when that happened to me, it was like, no, it's not me. Yep. I get it.

Nicole Wehn: I think it took me two rounds to accept responsibility, especially in relationships. I think relationship was for me like, oh my God, I'm a hundred percent responsible in a relationship. Really? I thought it, it's enough to show up. 50%.

Jim Fortin: Yeah.

Nicole Wehn: So, when I, when I took responsibility, all of a sudden there was no one else outside of me to look at and that to, to some extent is scary, you know, it's, it's also It's just also very empowering at the same time. So, I felt like, Ooh, so if it's a hundred percent me, that's creating all of this and a hundred percent, I'm a hundred percent responsible for everything that I do and all I come up with. So, all I have to do. Literally just changed me. Simple about easy,

Jim Fortin: Simple. Sounds good on paper, right??

Nicole Wehn: Yeah. Sounds so easy.

Jim Fortin: Lemme just flips a switch. Yeah. Sounds good. Yep. And Nicole, I have been there, done that, so I get it. That's, that's why I created this program. I've been there. I used to be I used to be victim, avant-garde. I mean, I used to be, I had victim, like a sign on my forehead. I would comply because here's the trap a lot of people fall into. I'm a pretty bright guy in terms of intelligence. So, I used to use that as a crutch thinking, no, it can't be me. They're the ones doing the stupid things, not me. I'm the cause of all of it when I look back at it. So Okay. So

Nicole Wehn: I'm very, I'm a very quick thinker. So, for me, it's like, and I'm also, I'm also, I also consider myself smart.

Jim Fortin: We're not so smart, are we?

Nicole Wehn: Yeah, we're not so smart.

Jim Fortin: So, the pill, the swallow. Okay. Keep on going.

Nicole Wehn: Was responsibility. Yeah. And then it was just like, Oh, okay, that's easy. And then, and then literally every week I was like, oh my God, like have I've had it. I've had epiphany after epiphany for the last two and a half years since I joined the first round of TCP for me. And it's still to this day, I get into the pattern every now and then, of course, because patterns are patterns and all you can do is just become more and more aware of your own patterns.

Jim Fortin: Right. And they are your patterns, not everyone else's.

Nicole Wehn: No, no, everyone else will just look at it and say, and it's, it's cost me a lot of energy. To be in this victim mentality. So that's one thing I think I could have noticed earlier to notice that I was basically burning myself out because I was leaking so much of my energy trying to blame everyone else, you know, so I think it cost me a lot of a lot to yeah, to be in victim mentality and now responsibility took me out of it. At least on paper, like you said,

Jim Fortin: Right? Because it looked like, hang on, what did that look like for you? Once you started learning about responsibility from me, you started doing the homework and a lot of the transformation and TCP is in the homework, which is very comprehensive. Took me years to create it. So, what was, what was going through your mind as you were, because I'm for people listening, I'm wanting them to maybe pull a takeaway here from this. What was going through your mind as you were going through that responsibility torture, you know, recognizing all this and, and I don't know what you'll come up with, but was there anything, some process going through your mind?

Nicole Wehn: Well, I kept having this resistance of that can't be true. No, this can't be me. Must be some, it must be something else. And then I. I was the mind it was playing tricks on me a lot of the times when I was going through the homework, especially because in the homework, there were so many questions. I was like, this doesn't apply to me. No, that's not me. And in round two and three, I was like, oh, geez, I thought this isn't me, but it is.

Jim Fortin: Yeah.

Nicole Wehn: So, at first, and this I think ties back to context, really. So, when the context changed, I was able to dive deeper into my own what's the word that I'm aware of myself, you know, and my thought patterns, really getting into my own thought patterns. That was quite a nut to crack for me. Because my, my mind kept playing tricks on me all the time. Like I was being this in the first round of TCP, I was being this good student. I was like, I'm going to finish everything first and I'm going to do this. The day comes and I'm going to do that and that and transformation. I'm on it.

Jim Fortin: Yep.

Nicole Wehn: And I learned so much about myself.

Jim Fortin: You know, I tell people what I want to do in life with my life. And I want to help people. I want to free people from themselves. It's what I want. And I love it. You're your comment because, you know, we offer a full refund after you go through the program. And we even have the integrity to say to you, by the way, we're done. You have 72 hours. If you want a refund, let us know. We've had less than 10 refunds in 6 years for the thousands of people that have gone through, and I don't really get involved with it because I just don't care. But the refunds every so often, I've looked at them and I had somebody say, well, I didn't get anything out of this program. And I'm like, are you blind? Are you that dense to think it doesn't apply to you when you're on the planet? And here's the point, here's where I want to go is we think in life, things don't apply to us. Everything in our life applies to us and our relationship with it. But we think that it doesn't. And then we don't see these things in ourselves. So, you had these epiphanies and you're like, God, this is like a shit show. This is not good with what I'm seeing, now what a lot of people do is they hate on me during a couple of those weeks. They blame it on me. And even another coach said, because I said one night at dinner, I'm like, I don't think people in TCP like me a lot. And the coach said, I think they like you.” They don't know them. And that's what we do. So, you started seeing all this crap. Let's go about cleaning it up. What happened?

Nicole Wehn: So, I didn't blame you for one. I must say, I was like taking, I

Jim Fortin: You learned your lesson, right?

Nicole Wehn: I learned my lesson like, it's not, it's actually, it's, but then, as I said, on the one side was a hot pill to swallow, but on the other side was very empowering because then I started learning about how to change some of the, like to recognize my patterns and then change some of my patterns in order to be empowered instead of always putting myself down, you know, and I learned very, very quickly in the values week, why I was, Why I was burning myself out. And the fear of not being good enough and the fear of from or the fear of being judged was so strong in me. And I mean, to this day, I'm still learning my lessons. I must say, because I, as I said, believe it's a journey. It's not necessarily it's a process like you said.

Jim Fortin: Yeah.

Nicole Wehn: And it does take time. But that for me was like, oh my God, you know, not being good enough was such a big driver in my life and always putting everyone else first, but me also. So, the awareness of all of these things really changed everything. The way I see myself, the way, the way I run my business. The way I work with my clients everything, because I was just so, what can I say? I always thought something's wrong with me and I learned nothing's wrong with me. I just had forgotten who I am and getting back to that place, going back to that, that core, who I really am, who my true personality, what my true personality is that was the cleanup as such.

Jim Fortin: Yeah.

Nicole Wehn: With all the tools I learned.

Jim Fortin: Yeah. You know, I, I look here for people listening, I think 80 percent of listeners are in the U S, but you know that in TCP, we generally have people from 20 different countries in the group. I love the community because it's literally a community of people that are on a journey as really more than anything, spiritual beings. And, you know, that's a powerful journey, but something I see even on the call I did yesterday, it's very prevalent that every culture brings a whole different person in the TCP, the Indians bring, I must be subservient to my parents. I must, you know, I must do all these things. The Germans bring, and we have a fair number of Indians and Germans, the Germans bring everything has got to be perfect. Everything is about process. Everything is about results. Everything is about skills. Everything is about education. And I can't tell you the number of women in TCP. It doesn't apply really as much to you. But the number of women that are more emotional and women aren't like emotional cases. That's not what I'm saying, but they're more heart centered many times being mothers. The fathers are the Germans making the money. And the relationships are not satisfactory relationships. She's not happy because she doesn't have a husband. She doesn't have a partner. She's got a mechanical husband in the relationship. I see so much of that with my German, you know, people in TCP are the whole culture is about process and production and looks and success. Yeah.

Nicole Wehn: Yes.

Jim Fortin: Absolutely. How much of that do you drop when you've come from your head to your heart?

Nicole Wehn: Can you repeat the question?

Jim Fortin: How much of that, and I don't know the answer to this, how much of that have you dropped or changed or shifted when you move from your head to your heart?

Nicole Wehn: For me, it's a daily practice now to really connect to myself and to really connect to my heart because, as you said, I mean, we're very process oriented here in Germany and give me the five steps and You know,

Jim Fortin: You people, people that aren't, aren't watching when she goes, we're very process oriented, oriented in Germany. Give me the steps and as she rolls her eyes talking about the culture, I see so much of that in so many cultures, but especially Germany. So please keep on going. So, we're,

Nicole Wehn: Yeah. And we are also, I mean, we're very we also love to be victims in our culture because we are just so used to somebody else taking the responsibility for us. You know, that's, about being a state with a lot of social security plus we always love to give our power to the government and because then you can blame the government for everything that's going on in the country.

Jim Fortin: And that's the same in the U. S. Keep on going. Same all over the world. People give all their power away.

Nicole Wehn: Well, you see, I lived in the U. S. because I, I was I went to University in Syracuse, actually, and I lived in New York City after in Manhattan, and I've had a similar experience, but also so different, because what I, what I love about the American culture is the fact that, You truly believe that everyone can achieve anything. And in Germany, it's not so much, you know, it's still, there's still a lot of hierarchy and I can't have everything because I'm XYZ all of these things. So, how much have I dropped of that? I think most of it really, because I'm so heart-centered now, I run my business heart-centered. I'm so much more intuitive than I used to be. I used to be so, you know, so programmed almost like I have a podcast with a hundred more than 170 podcast episodes on personal branding and yeah, how to create a successful personal brand from the inside out in Germany which is very successful. And I used to script. All my episodes because I just wanted to get it right.

Jim Fortin: You wanted to get it right. Yeah.

Nicole Wehn: I want it to be Perfect.

Jim Fortin: Yep.

Nicole Wehn: And that's why, that's why I'm authentic business coach nowadays, because I've learned that authenticity is one of my highest values and how I define authenticity and how I how I help other people also being their true self, their authentic self. That was just a big shift in my whole entire business case and in my life. I mean, my husband is German, and he loves process, and he loves to, he's very left brain and very analytical. So, for the both of us, it's a great journey that we're having together because we're just so honest to each other and it takes a lot of honest conversation, I believe. in transformation. So when you transform, when you start to transform, when you start to change things in your life, You need to communicate that to the person that you're living with that you're, you know, that you love in order to give them the opportunity to understand what's going on because otherwise, because that's a lot of the things I see is like women not sharing with their husband what's going on. And that creates, you know, a separation between them, and I

Jim Fortin: People will talk. People, husbands and wives or partners or whatever they I've seen, and you've seen in T. C. P. The amount of unhappiness in the world. People don't talk. Most of them just don't share. And you know what blows my mind is the amount of people that are afraid to be vulnerable with their partner. I'm like, are you kidding me? You've been together 21 years and you're afraid to be vulnerable with the person that's supposed to be the number one person in your life. Now, of course, there are some people you can't because they're abusive in life, but I mean, in a regular kind of relationship kind of way, we don't get anywhere unless we're vulnerable with who and what we are to our partners and people don't do it. Let's keep going there. I want to go to places. I want to talk more about your business, but this was a big one for me too. And I don't even like that. I'm saying it, but you know what, this responsibility in my own relationship can be a real bitch sometimes. So, I mean, because in our relationship, we're never like, no, it's not me. Come on. It's them. They left their dishes out. They did this. They did that. They never do this. They always do that. They never do this for me. They always say that about me. How come when I'm such a good partner? Okay. Do you get it from there?

Nicole Wehn: Oh, I take it from there. I just had to laugh the whole time you were talking about it. It was all him. It was like, I was doing all the right things and he was doing all the wrong things. And

Jim Fortin: I was doing all the right; he was doing all the wrong. Okay.

Nicole Wehn: And it's interesting how you get into these nitty gritty details, like fighting over, I mean, we don't fight around about dishes because we're both very tidy. But we've thought about like money was a big topic in our relationship. And it was emotionally so charged by the two of us that we never really were able to have a grownup conversation around it.

Jim Fortin: So, hang on because you were always blaming him. Now, let's go back in time. Unbeknownst to him, he was always blaming you. So, you have two people in a relationship playing a blame game. It's not me. You're the reason our relationship sucks. You're the reason we're not, we're not intimate. It's not me. You fix yourself first and then I'm going to be okay. Keep on going.

Nicole Wehn: Oh my God. I lived every single relationship in my whole life. It's like, it's not me. I'm. I mean, I'm great.

Jim Fortin: I'm smart. I'm great. I'm the one who bought the potato salad. I mean, come on. It is really good too. It's not me. Yeah.

Nicole Wehn: Yeah. Look at me.

Jim Fortin: I want to, I want to dig in here because people listening, I guarantee you 90 percent of people listening are living their same way at home, wondering why they're not happy or they're kind of okay. But the relationship is just kind of a status quo.

Nicole Wehn: I think what's missing in most relationships’ intimacy is actually. And I don't mean physical intimacy. I actually mean real connection and real like opening your heart. And especially, like you said, you know, our culture in Germany, for example, is very process oriented. So, it's, it's almost like I don't need to do any of the romantic stuff. I can just mow the lawn or, you know,

Jim Fortin: Well, that's sexy, I guess. Yeah,

Nicole Wehn: I can just go and do grocery shopping, you know, like, and I, I grew up differently and then he did. And so, learning about how the way we grow up also influences the way that we show up in a relationship that we're just simply reproducing the same emotion we experienced at home with our partner. For me, it was just like, Oh my God. That means that the way I felt as a child is exactly the way I feel in my relationship. And again, at first, I was like, no, that can't be. And then it's like, oh my God, it's so true. And then I was able. So, for me, I go, hallelujah that I find these things because that's the place where I can start creating change is when I become aware of what's going on and what's actually playing in the, in underneath it, like really digging deeper. And in relationships, when I talk about intimacy, it's like the real connection that's not about talking about the neighbors, talking about my parents or his parents, talking about the kids. It's like real connection on so much deeper level like what's going on for me, like how do I feel in certain situations, being vulnerable was for me the biggest. Oh, the biggest.

Jim Fortin: That's scary for a lot of people.

Nicole Wehn: Bloody scary. Oh my God. I was not vulnerable. And for me, this is funny, actually, in the first round of TCP in the Facebook group, I didn't show up. Cause I'm like, I'm on social media. I show up all the time. I don't have a problem with showing up in a group setting like that only to realize that I was showing up with my expertise, but I was never openly and vulnerably sharing anything on social media. I was just. Talking about my expertise and

Jim Fortin: Not who you are as a being at a heart level here. Let me tell you how to fix it. One, two, three, but don't see me because I don't want to be vulnerable. Don't see me. Yep. Keep on going.

Nicole Wehn: And then in the second round. I realized and then I started showing up vulnerable and that was so hard for me, and I did it there first because then I was able because I felt safe and that's interesting, right? I felt safe in the TCP environment.

Jim Fortin: Yeah,

Nicole Wehn: Not at home with the person that I was married for 15 years so

Jim Fortin: Interesting. Yeah, yeah, you know, we created that environment so I want it to be a safe space where you can be. Who you are whatever that is. So, you felt safe. So, what happened from there?

Nicole Wehn: So, from there, I was sharing openly and vulnerably. And that helped me.

Jim Fortin: And I'm interrupting again. But what did you learn about yourself as you're sharing openly and vulnerably?

Nicole Wehn: That it's really hard,

Jim Fortin: But it's also it's hard. It was hard for you, but what were you getting back from it?

Nicole Wehn: I was getting back from it that I felt well, first of all, what are, what emotions I went through after, like I was getting in all of this fear, like, what are people going to think? What are they going to say? Are they going to think I'm. You know, not good enough, not, not smart enough, etc. And, and then they just came back with like really, really lovely comments like I have this resonates with me. And then it made me realize is when I share openly and vulnerably. Other people are able to see something for themselves. So, when I'm not sharing openly and vulnerably, then I'm not giving the other person the opportunity to grow and learn. And I transported that into my business and into my relationship.

Let me segue from the interview for just one moment. When we started this episode, I told you that I would tell you more about the BE DO HAVE series of the millions of downloads this podcast has gotten. There's one thing that I hear all the time from people who come from the podcast into personal coaching with me, which is what I call the Transformational Coaching Program. And that one thing is this. They will say, Jim, you know, the podcast has helped me change so many things in my life, but there is no way that I would have my current level of thinking, current level of life, and what I've created and the transformation if I was not in coaching with you. Maybe you even heard people say that in the past several interviews here on the podcast. Why does this happen? Because see, you're listening to the podcast through your filters and your blind spots, and these filters and blind spots keep you from executing on a lot of the things that you're learning here, no matter how much you love it. And this applies to all of us because you probably have heard the phrase before, we don't know what we don't know, and that is our blind spots.

How to fix this? That's easy. Let me teach you more about the concept of content versus context. And I'll teach you more about that in the up and coming Be Do Have series. Content is what you think. Context is how you think, subconsciously. This is why you think you want more in life. This is why you listen to podcasts because you want to create more, but yet often you find yourself not doing the things you need to do to create it. That is your context working against you. The Be Do Have series is a training series. where I'll be talking about your subconscious mind and your brain-based habit and your ways of being. But I will also talk about your content versus context, and I will teach you about it. And when you know about it, you know that everything you're learning in your life, you process through your filters. So, to go to the next level, to go beyond the podcast, go to jimfortin.com/bedohave, jimfortin.com/bedohave. Okay, let's go back to the interview.

Jim Fortin: Hang on. Do you remember the phrase I always say in TCP? If you don't, that's fine. There's something I always say to get people to share. Do you remember what it is?

Nicole Wehn: No, I don't.

Jim Fortin: What's most personal?

Nicole Wehn: Oh, it's most general.

Jim Fortin: Meaning what you don't want to share everyone else is dealing with, but no one talks about what they're dealing with in their head or at home because it's personal, but you walk out in the crowd, and you could see in people's heads. They're all going through the same thing. Okay. So, you brought that into your business. What happened when you brought it into your personal life with your husband?

Nicole Wehn: I opened the room for a much deeper connection between him and me and the possibility for him to also share more openly. Because by me leading the way, he was just following, he was just doing the same thing. And I also was able to share when I'm, I didn't feel safe in the relationship. When something was said that hurt my feelings, like in the past, I would get into anger.

Jim Fortin: Wait, you have feelings? You're German.

Nicole Wehn: I have feelings.

Jim Fortin: I'm kidding, I'm kidding. You have them like programmed or something where they're on all…

Nicole Wehn: No,

Jim Fortin: I'm kidding.

Nicole Wehn: No, we do have feelings. And do you know our, our go to feeling is anger and stress.

Jim Fortin: Interesting. You would speak up when you hurt your feelings, but in the past, I guess you, you weren't doing that. In the past,

Nicole Wehn: I wouldn't. So, so here's the way that our relationship worked. We love to be sarcastic. I think that's also, I don't know if that's a German thing, but you know, in Germany, love to love other people, you know,

Jim Fortin: But there's a difference between being sarcastic in a spiteful way and being lovingly playful.

Nicole Wehn: Yeah. And there's a very thin line between the two.

Jim Fortin: Yes. Because a lot of times sarcasm is passive aggressive and it's a spike to hurt someone even if we don't know we're doing it. But you guys used to like to be sarcastic.

Nicole Wehn: Yeah. And it was a, it was something about boundaries, you know, I had never set clear boundaries when it came to sarcasm in the relationship because as you said it can be playful and fun, but if it's on. I hope I say this right on the account of the other person. So, if the other person is, doesn't feel like it's funny, it's not funny, you know, it's not,

Jim Fortin: No, it's not it's hurtful.

Nicole Wehn: Yeah, it's hurtful. And so, I think I grew up with a dad like that. That was very sarcastic and love to make fun of women. So, for me, I just continued that on into my relationship with my husband and I thought it was normal. And then when I was in TCP, I came to realize that it's not normal, that it's not okay. And, and it also had to do with, with self-love, you know, I was not really loving myself before and I was very good to myself. I was very everything, like even working out on a regular basis or eating healthy was always from a place of. As you know, trying to be perfect rather than I'm doing this for my body, I'm doing this for my health. I'm doing this because I'm loving and kind to myself. So, I had to become kind and loving to myself first before I was able to really truly see what was going on in the relationship and to feel my boundaries. Like, that to this day is still boundaries to me. There's an energetic element to it and there's a physical element almost. And the energetic part, I didn't get my, like, I was like, how do I do that? How do I set energetic boundaries? And it took me such a long time to really get it and to really embody it and to really stand in my ground, not from a pissed off way, but rather from a place of. This is who I am, and I don't want you to talk to me like that. And I don't want you to say these things to me because they hurt me. And yeah, that was, that was all part of the process.

Jim Fortin: And probably scary because a lot, but see, because behind that we're like, what if they don't like what I say? Are they going to leave? Is something going to happen? I've been there before. I get it, is we're afraid to be authentic because then if we think if we're authentic many times, we're either going to hurt them, which we don't want to do, which means we keep hurting the relationship even more, or we just don't do it because we feel like there's some kind of negative ramification going to come back on us. Now, yes, so that's being, so now your 100 percent responsible, which is where we started this thread, or you're, you're not, you're, you're getting, you're mindful of being 100 percent responsible. So, you'd mentioned kids, how does this change how you parent your kids?

Nicole Wehn: Again, so, first of all, I learned what's really important to teach my kids. And for one, for me, it is to love themselves, no matter what. and to really follow their heart. So instead of being good at school or, or being perfect at something like sports, really being in it with their heart, you know, and opening their hearts. So that, that has dramatically changed also in terms of habits, like the habits I teach my kids are the ones that I implemented for myself. In order to change my patterns of thinking. And so, I'm helping them become more confident and stronger beings because they're, they're just, my kids are so, so smart, and so of course they are. So, I to,

Jim Fortin: Of course, they are. You're perfect. And they're your perfect kids. . .

Nicole Wehn: No, but they call me out on all the things, you know, there's, that's what I mean, smart. They're like, So aware. And it's so what's really cool is all of the tools I learned in TCP. I teach my kids and they pick it up immediately. They don't have to go through this whole resistance and the whole, oh my God, I don't want to do this. And, oh my God, I have to take responsibility. They really literally just pick up on it and just run with it. So. Yep, the kids are 9 and 13. And I think it's amazing with a teenager at home to really be able to teach her to, to just stand in her own ground and, and, you know, just trusting herself and loving herself and. Not trying to be better, but really just being whole and teaching her that she is already whole, that there's nothing wrong with her. And that has significantly changed. And one, one big thing was I used to always completely freaking out when I was running late because I was such a, I was taught to be such a punctual person and punctuality was like a big thing for my mother.

Jim Fortin: Yeah.

Nicole Wehn: And so. When I wasn't aware of what I was doing, I was passing that on to my daughter, of course. And then one of the first things I did in TCP, I reprogrammed my subconscious mind to always having more than enough time, rather than always running late and being so afraid to my core of being late. And that was very quick for me to change. And once I did that, I realized that she was now picking up on it. And she was like, now when we were running late, she was completely freaking out. And I was able to tell her, listen, if I can reframe, if I can relearn, you can do this so much easier. And this was one conversation. And then I explained to her why she's so afraid. That she learned it from me and that now I've changed. She can learn that from me too. And she learned immediately. So, kids are so it's so easy for them to pick up on all of these things. You know,

Jim Fortin: We have so many people, yeah, from all over the world, as you know, in the community, everywhere from Australia to Japan, all the way to Russia. And I was laughing at this woman who had a, she goes, oh my God, my kid listens to the coaching calls when I'm doing them and everything. And just last week I was doing something, and my son said, Mom, enough, get out of your victim mentality. The kid was 12 and she's like, that kid got it before I did. She goes, my kid is coaching me out of my victim mentality. So., we have

Nicole Wehn: One of the, one of the greatest things that, that you've taught us and that I teach my children is, you know, money comes from the universe and it's so beautiful. Kids just really go, okay.

Jim Fortin: Well, that's hypnosis for their kids. Yeah.

Nicole Wehn: And the most amazing thing is, is, and then they find evidence everywhere. So, they find a penny on the ground. Like we were traveling the U S a year ago. And I kept talking about listening to you. I kept talking about how money comes from the universe. And then the first, my daughter was like, no, it doesn't. It comes from work. And I said, and then we parked, we pulled up to this parking lot outside of a Starbucks, we got out of the car and the kids found $10 each. Each side of the car. And I was like, see, my daughter never questioned it ever since. So now when she finds money, she just goes, yeah, I found another five euro or two euro on the ground. And it's just so easy for them to really just run with it. And I think it's beautiful to be able to teach them. Things that will make their lives a lot easier and be aware of, of some of the common limiting beliefs that are around, you know, like money comes from hard work, or like. I don't know.

Jim Fortin: Things we're trapped in as a society that we learned that are backwards. You know, there's someone else that I know very well. You might remember coach Padma and her son is 8 now. I love the kid to death, and he wanted a Nintendo or something like that. And what he wanted was like 600 bucks. And she goes, okay. You earn the money yourself, then you can buy it. Now, we live in Sedona. It's a really small town. So, she doesn't let her kids do a lot of techs, tech things. And she's very protective about the external world, really putting them on the wrong path. Or an unhealthy path. And so she goes, she goes, I, she goes, I told him, tell you what you make the money, or you weren't half and all at half, whatever, something like that. She goes, I never thought he would do it. And she goes a week later, he's got a job walking dogs. And here he comes in with like 10 days. He made the money to pay for his Nintendo. And she goes, these kids get it so much quicker than what we got it in our generation. So, your kids don't surprise me. That they're there. It wouldn't surprise me 10 years from now if they're doing extremely well financially because they've learned a completely different way to think. Let's talk about money, your money. Where's your business today?

Nicole Wehn: Today I'm, I'm on the road to the million to my first million in the business. And I am growing the business every single day. So, I don't actually know what my numbers are. I must say, I don't, I don't stress about them too much. I just know that everything is Exactly happening the way it's supposed to.

Jim Fortin: But here's the thing as a business owner, I don't stress over my numbers. We do pretty well, but I don't, I don't, I know my numbers because I know my metrics, but so you've gone from struggling to make the money a couple of years ago, not, not long back, you've gone from struggling to make the money to you're on the road to the first million. And I don't want to reveal your numbers because we're going to talk about what you do and how people can, how you can help people, but you're doing a pretty good job of getting there and you're going to be there very, very quickly. And what do you think? I don't know. Is there anything particular in you that changed that made that happen? Can you point out one thing that changed?

Nicole Wehn: One thing I have two. Can I do two?

Jim Fortin: Yeah, please.

Nicole Wehn: The one was.

Jim Fortin: I was hoping for one, because this is not scripted and I'm like at least hopefully she can find one. So, okay, you got two.

Nicole Wehn: The one was self-worth. That was a big thing for me because I was undercharged significantly.

Jim Fortin: And they're done that now.

Nicole Wehn: Many people do that. Like most people do it to be honest, like they're because when you come from, because I used to be in a corporate job, right? I used to be in a managerial position of a big U. S. Corporation responsible for the marketing in Europe and Middle East and Africa. And I didn't know how to charge. I didn't know what hourly rate to take. Like I didn't, hell, I didn't even know that I sell, sold packages and not hours and all those things, you know? So, I basically went out and I started at 25 Euro an hour. Oh, my God. $25 it's nothing to do with my expertise and experience and education and all of that. But I didn't know.

Jim Fortin: Can I hire you now, by the way, at 25? No, I'm kidding. Go ahead. Yeah, that's crazy. I've been there. I've been there. I've been there. where we might have extreme expertise and we're good. We don't value ourselves. We don't value our worth. And we're like, eh, I'll charge 75 bucks when we could be charging because we're worth it 500 or a thousand or whatever. So, number one was not knowing your worth. Keep on going and expand as you would like, please.

Nicole Wehn: And number two. So, what was the number? I was so like, I lost.

Jim Fortin: Hang on. Not knowing your worth. Yeah, not what number two will come back. Number one is not knowing your worth. What shifted?

Nicole Wehn: What shifted?

Jim Fortin: I want a perfect answer.

Nicole Wehn: I think number two shifted it because I just, I just remember number two was. There we go. Who was the fact that you kept repeating and it took me a long time to really hear it and understand it. You kept repeating to just go out and help people and that will make all the difference and I was so preoccupied with numbers and KPIs and you know, metrics and making everything measurable and performance and all of these things, all of this numbers game, like people used to promote a couple years back. I was so preoccupied with that that I was completely shutting out the fact that I was helping people trying to help people. And that for me did not play any role whatsoever it was all about the numbers, and when I shifted that away from money towards the 1, 000, 000 women that I want to empower to relate their own truth that changed everything for me together with my self-worth.

Jim Fortin: You know, there's no accidents. What's funny is I'm wearing a shirt that was given to me by one of my coaches about five years ago. And TCP, we talk about a lot of spiritual things, a lot of ancient wisdom, a lot of very practical things. That does initiate you Germans, you know, to make sure you Germans are like, okay, this is real. I'm kidding.

Nicole Wehn: But that's not even kidding. It's like, this is so true.

Jim Fortin: You know, we make it analytical, we make it professional for the Germans. But I talk, we talk a little bit sometimes about animal totems and the messages in nature, and I remember, as I mentioned before, really, maybe somewhere on the podcast talking about what's my lifetime animal totem. What is my mission? And you shuffle the cards, and you pull one and I pulled a turkey and I'm like, I don't want to pull a turkey. This suck. My lifetime totem can't be a turkey. I want to be a whale or a jaguar or a panther or an eagle and ironically, interestingly, interestingly, I have the shirt on that has the turkey and turkey is giving, learning to give with an open heart and value. My value has made or attracted tens of millions of dollars of income into my life because I used to be just like you, let me focus on the numbers. Let me focus on the metrics. Why isn't my business growing? Why am I struggling so much? I do everything right. I hired this person. I hired. No, drop it all. Focus on serving with an open heart. First part of the equation, second part of the equation, charge what you're worth and that service and know your worth. Fair.

Nicole Wehn: Absolutely. A hundred percent. And that's exactly what, what shifted it for me. So, it was a combination between the two.

Jim Fortin: Yeah. And finally, okay. What do you do? How can we find you? People listening. And who do you help?

Nicole Wehn: Who do I help? I help female online entrepreneurs to build a successful personal brand from the inside out.

Jim Fortin: Brand. A lot of people. I mean, we, we all know the word, but what is a brand from your perspective?

Nicole Wehn: The personal brand from my perspective is becoming so aware of who you are, like your true personality and your authentic self and then showing up Like that version of you on social media, for example, or in your business in general and growing the business, scaling the business, not only to a hundred thousand, but to 500, 000 or even the million, or even beyond the million for sure. And I believe that has a lot to do with your I don't know, I'm missing a word. It has a lot to do with how willing you are to dive into your own core, like who you are at your core and that work that mindset work to say it colloquially, I know that there's a lot more to it. But to be able to mix the mindset with the strategy to me is the most important thing in business. So, I help with exactly that and to embody who you want to be, who you want to be seen as and show up as. So when you, for example, value your value, when you find out what, what's my value, how do I show up boldly and how do I show up with confidence and how do I sell and how do I market myself because I believe that if you don't learn how to market and to sell, you're not going to have your business for a very long time because that's what needs and it's so loud out there too.

Jim Fortin: They're, they're both on a business and that's why we teach what we do in the business program. It's so loud. You have to know we do something differently than you, obviously. So, for female listeners, online entrepreneurs, they would be people that you can help find their authenticity, their, their brand positioning as to how to take themselves to the marketplace, present themselves on a marketplace in a way that the marketplace understands, hey, this is who they are. And then from there, they will appeal or not appeal to their own identity and bring them in or not bring them in as clients. But you're basically refining who somebody is before they take it to the marketplace.

Nicole Wehn: Well, it's a process. It's not, it's not something that we create from scratch on a white piece of paper. It's rather going out and then testing different things and seeing how it fits. But it has to do with a lot of awareness, to be honest. And like, who, how do I want to show up? How do I want to be perceived on the outside and who I am for who I am on the inside? So instead of let's say product marketing, you would do a lot of research. Like, what does the market want? What is supposed to smell like, taste like, how do I message it, et cetera. The way I work at is from the inside out. So, we dive deep first into the personality and to really finding out who you are in truth. And then presenting that out into the world but it doesn't have, it doesn't have to be like this and in terms of time, it can go like that, you know, horizontal, horizontal versus vertical. So, you don't have to wait until you find out who you are because it takes could take forever. We all know So you'd rather go out and then you refine your brand as you grow. And that's, for me, personal branding is the way that your true personality reflects on your offers and on the things you sell. And the more you step into the leadership of, of who you who you are, the sooner you do that, the more success you're going to have with your business. And as a coach, A trainer, some sort of service provider. It's so hard to really be visible online because there's so much noise, and you have to cut through the noise. And to me, the only people that are actually cutting through the noise are personal friends. And not people that share the same kind of wishy-washy content that you see everywhere, you know, the five steps to messaging or, or content that is.

Jim Fortin: So, okay. For people listening, ladies, women where are people in their business journey? Is it okay to be brand new? Do they have to be established? Where do they have Ito be to work with you?

Nicole Wehn: They have to be around for a little while they have to be able, or they have to know that they can make money. So, they've had their first clients, they've started a social media channel, but they don't see the traction yet. The growth yet, and they're kind of like not reaching a 100K yet. That's my preferred client for my group coaching program called Authentic Business Academy. And my preferred client for my one-on-one is entrepreneurs, female online entrepreneurs that are ready to scale. So, they've reached the 100 K and they know that they have a product that sells and then they want to just scale to the moon and beyond.

Jim Fortin: And create a lot better life for themselves, their family, and the people they serve. Okay, we find you. What's your domain?

Nicole Wehn: Nicolewehn.de So it's N I C O L E W E H N.D E.

Jim Fortin: Yeah, it still wasn't. Maybe it's my former Texas accent. I'm like, when? Like, no. Okay, we call the V with the V. Okay, I get it.

Nicole Wehn: It's a W Jim. So, but the W in English is different.

Jim Fortin: Been something I don't know.

Nicole Wehn: It's like vein, you know, vein would be fine.

Jim Fortin: Thank you for sharing. What a great time. What a great share. I appreciate you opening up. You know, you still have some work to do because it's like nine o'clock your time. If you were truly authentic, you wouldn't have makeup and everything else on. You'd be sitting at home in your nightgown or your sweats or something. We still have some work to do, but I'm proud of you. Good job. Good job where you are today. Thank you.

Nicole Wehn: Thank you. Thank you so much for having me on the show. I really, I really enjoyed this. conversation, this chat.

Jim Fortin: So, did I, and I will catch you in the grad, the TCP graduate group. Thank you again, Nicole. Stay well. Okay. Bye bye.

Remember, over 250, 000 people have been through the BE DO HAVE series in the last 5 years. If it wasn't eye opening and mind blowing, we could never have had that kind of participation. Okay, get registered. Go to jimfortin. com/bedohave jimfortin/bedohave I'll catch you on another episode, and I'll catch you in the eye opening and life changing BE DO HAVE series.